Après Ski Recap S1:E5 Sliding Downhill

Last week everyone loved Jim, everyone hated Elise, the concierging sucked and all was as we know it in the world of Après Ski.

Lynsey is leaving again, not for a photo shoot in Revelstoke (snicker) this time, but actually to get home to her mom, who was badly injured in a collision with another skier. I told you!! Skiing is dangerous!!

While everyone gets ready and mutters about Elise, the spitfire herself is off talking to Tamara about the unruly Jim. Tamara advises Elise to dig deep to handle the sitch or dun dun DUNNNN!! Team separation.

Jim is a little unsure about what’s gonna happen, screaming at your boss is always a little uneasy making, no? He could always run and tattle like Bobby, but I guess Elise already did that.  I wonder if she’s fully accepted that she’s the boss.

Morning meeting and more booty shorts for Elise; she’s smiley and it’s confusing for the team. She’s so mercurial, it’s impossible to know what her mood will be like and the team lives and dies by her moods. You know when you’re a parent and you deal with the first ten times your preschooler does something bad with smiles and redirection and the 11th time you SNAP and LOSE IT?  She thinks she’s being nice by not saying anything about Jim’s behaviour but I can feel the wire tightening as we speak.

The clients are three blonde women, they ask for ATVing and a Shotski, which is four shots glued to a ski and you all four slam it together?  And bear selfies. They want to take selfies with (a) bear(s) in the background and I hate this group already. They call themselves not high maintenance and

Elise pretends to have turned over a new leaf and really, she’s just trying to do her best to manage this group. She’s been autocratic and mean, now she’s letting them decide how to best parcel out the work for these clients. She really needs to watch Jim, who isn’t buying it, and FunBobby, who will steal her job leaving nothing but a Cool Water scented snail trail.

Crystal and Chris from Vancouver are entrepreneurs and blah blah she’s a Glitterati girl? They Google: débutants? Wealthy? Charlotte calls her a whore and well. I’m not saying she’s wrong, but she’s still paying you with her whore money, so YOU BE NICE.

Elise suggests doing a bobsledding team building and Jim is hopeful. Ish. They’re gonna be sliding down the longest bobsled track in Canada in 42 seconds and HAYULL NO. They also find a Shotski in a bar and of course Bobby and Chatlotte try it out. They just drink on the job all the time, hey? That would be awesome if they weren’t also SO BAD AT THEIR JOBS.

Kendra and Jim meet Chrystal and Chris at The Westin and…Crystal is nude under her parka? That sounds hella uncomfortable. Chris and Jim Bro it out and hug and they have Ceasars! Chris is just that little bit too all over Jim and we know how well he goes with male attention.

Bobby has a client meeting, so he’s in a plaid shirt with a baseball cap, easy Tiger! Don’t wanna blind these totally not high maintenance ladies with your satorial prowess. He looks so fcuking budget. The women are all gorgeous and of a certain age and do not look impressed with Charlotte and BudgetBobby’s plan to snowmobile and Barefoot Bistro it up at a cabin. Where da bears at? Bobby knows a hairy dude in chaps and I just bet he does.

Elise shows up at the team house for the bobsledding team building, already fighting with Jim. They go to the hill with the clients and it’s very cool. BUT HAYULL NO. Elise is all up in that and Bobby is pissed. My good lord, this is going to be a problem. So over Bobby bitching. Jim thinks he’s going to talk to Joey about it. So. Not Tamara, but the very head of Gibbons Life.

Charlotte makes some more creepy gay comments while Bobby tattles about Jim’s Joey plan. He wants Elise’s job so badly he can taste it, I think he’s planning to see who is left standing after everything implodes.

The absolutely not high maintenance ladies have been texting Bobby and Charlotte all evening with incredibly specific drink requests. This has to be captured because it makes me feel better about my large non-fat half-sweet no whip mocha.

They ask for, among other things: a soy latte, 1 brown sugar with lots of cinnamon not from Starbucks. If you think your complicated drink is too much for Starbucks even to handle…I prefer Second Cup anyway but I think I would have to ask them to punch me if I ordered like that.

Jim is being licked by a horse and he calls them romantic…well. Crystal and Chris are dressed matchy matchy and ready to rock out their Day Two of her birthday celebration. It really is gorgeous there, I get the romance now. They have a beautiful lunch and they cuddle and I dig.

Bobby and Charlotte 4×4 up a snow hill in the middle of the a hugely snowy hill and it looks scurry. The clients have to ride a very bumpy bus but they entertain themselves by sending more butler-type demands to Bobby. They need tampons, advil, diet Pepsi (not Coke) and then they call Bobby to really drive that home. There are two problems here that I see: 1) this ridiculous plan to bring them to the top of a mountain when they clearly give not one shit about nature and 2) they’ve specifically asked for spa treatments and Bobby is on his sanitary napkin right now so I don’t see HIM rubbing anyone down. I do love that he is now the Butler, as he screwed Kendra over two episodes ago the very same way.

Jim has actually made the Big Move! He’s called Joey for a meeting and he immediately throws Elise under the bus. He then compounds that betrayal with tossing Tamara right under there with Elise (she’s never there!) and asks for Elise’s job. Joey is pretty clear in that you’ve got to get toxic people off the team, but surprisingly unclear as to who the toxic ahole is. I will say that if I were Jim, I’d be worried, but I don’t know that the team would be improved by his absence either. I do know it would be detrimental to the client’s experiences if he left.

The ladies bitch all the way up the mountain,  they have inappropriate footwear and complain some more,  but they’re great on snowmobiles! They love the hand feeding the WhiskeyJack birds and that is very cool! They have lunch and do the Shotski and Bobby has saved the day!

Joey comes to Tamara’s office to discuss the problem of Elise. Tamara is FLOORED by the news that Jim went right past her to Joey but she’s Canadian so you can’t tell by looking.

Lynsey is back so Jim grabs her for some skiing, I know we’re supposed to be thinking they’re romantically involved but I get a bro vibe from them. They talk about Elise OF COURSE and Jim leading comes up again.

BAI Cougars! We barely knew ye arseholes! Chris and Crystal get sent off with extry hugs between Jim and Chris, soooo odd. The group gets ready for Sunday Dinner and for once the team is dressed the same, all black, awww they look like a real team!

Tamara brings up the previous dinner and opens up the floor to discuss issues. Bobby brings up the bobsledding and in a remarkably obtuse way, Elise blames it on Kendra. THAT WAS HER SOLE ALLY! It’s like she doesn’t know she’s the boss!

Elise and Jim have this horrific back and forth wherein Elise yells “we’re never going to agree about anything!” in front of their boss. It’s so childish and immature and I just. I wish the best for Elise but I have to wonder if she’s quite ready for this. Tamara has never seen this before and everyone is just ovvvvverrr itttt. Lynsey tries to make Elise feel better by hugging her and it’s AWFUL.

Elise thinks she’s trying to bond with everyone and I just don’t think it comes across that way. See how that wire snapped? 10 times she redirected! 10 times! It’s just that the preschooler doesn’t know he’s dancing up and down on that jangly last nerve, which is why they’re always so surprised.

It looks like they’re actually going to do something about the bad team dynamic next week, fingers crossed!  We oot