Below Deck Mediterranean S1:E2 Game Time Recap

BDM cover

We're on episode two of Below Deck Med, a continuation of the first episode, NOW we find out about the tip? NOW??

The clients were a bunch of rich Steelers fans, the entire tip is hanging on Hannah being able to find the game to show them, it's non-negotiable and also: not looking good.

She's searching, searching but no luck so far. I cannot get over how tiny Christine Bullock's bikinis are!! I'm pretty sure I just saw fallopian tubes and she's just walking around having lunch like that while her companions are clothed. I don't get it? Who wants to eat in a public restaurant with all their bits out and touching everything? Anyway, Bob's mad, he can't believe he can't get an American football game played at 3 am in one of the most beautiful parts of the world. I'll just leave that there.

The Captain is doing whatever he can to stream it, but again: they are in the ocean. With no satellite or anything handy like that attached. IN.THE.OCEAN.

Boobies

The boys switch internet connections and lo and behold, they have it! Maybe! Also, Danny taught couch-surfing Tiffany about dots and waves and apparently those are ways to fold towels? Danny keeps earning my respect; he's a hard worker! Unlike Tiff, who thinks this Interior business is just a stepping stone to Captain and there maaaay be more to it. Good on ya for thinking big, though!

Ben's working away supper, which is a really gross-looking fish called Red Scorpion Fish, which is similar to lobster. He's trying to make up for the poorly-described Moussaka of the previous eve. Bobby and totally-not-single Julia flirt in the galley. Have I mentioned Ben's enourmous kitchen? It's FAB!

Hannah tells the Captain the bad news, who tells her the GOOD news! Yay! Tiffany gets to take care of them from 4 am on, but she's a Steelers fan and is all in.

Bryan's looking for Jen, who is on the Poop Deck, not the actual deck where he wants her. She didn't want to say she was in the bathroom over the radio, but 10 bucks says the dudes would, no problem. I can't make up my mind about her, she says she's the most experienced and gets passed over because she's a woman, which I am MORE than willing to buy, given Bryan's professed ridic attitudes about working with a woman for the first time, but she hasn't exactly SHOWN any of that experience just yet, playing coy now and showing up late on deck.

Bob's all pouty about no game, he can't stop complaining and completely ignoring this amazing view and I just want to SHAKE HIM. Hannah let's him know he WILL have the game, so stahp!

Bobby will be staying up all night with the guests, Tiffany will be joining them for the end of the game to work. Meanwhile, Ben is plating and HE CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS, PEOPLE!! Get out of the kitchen, artist at work! The guests love the food!

Tiffany is so RANDOM; she's polling other crew members for their pillow preferences, Bryan agrees to switch with her and she smells it, sighing "It smells like you" while we ALL make this face

Really??
Really??

Julia and Bobby are visiting in Not The Kitchen, Julia interviews that she thought Bobby was gonna be a complete meathead, always talking about himself, etc, but he's a lot of fun and she actually says he "lights up the room" so hmmm..She laughs as he talks about his ability to "maintain", which means ability to stay at full mast in the UK, not steady-drinking like in the US.

Hannah stays up the whole night to make things perfect for the game, which is having trouble buffering...Bob is furious and the captain is there all the time...Tiffany takes over, keeping the drinks rolling and showing her Steelers pride under her work shirt. Just when she comes in the last time, the Steelers get a touchdown so she has to stay!

Tip Day!! Woot! Danny's entertaining the guest, but Bryan doesn't think that's in the service contract. And Danny, well I think Danny might be in the wrong business, this is what he thinks chatting up the guests will result in:

Danny

Breakfast time! Ben's making his usual while Hannah FLIPS on Tiffany for watching the game instead of working on the worklist Hannah gave her, prompting Ben to step in. He'll protect her. *allls the side-eye*

Primary Christine is waveboarding (the one where you stand up on a surf board? She's HELLA fit) in another bikini and then the crew eats breakfast. Everyone is stoked to be in Greece, except Jen, who hates Greece. WHO HATES GREECE? She hates how old everything is, the food, EVERYTHING, she misses Starbucks and home and I'm pretty sure nobody is making you stay, yo. What an ahole.

An urgent call comes in, a cardboard box is on deck, get it off, get it off! Bryan sends Jen, and Danny comes along to help, cuz that's what he does.

Hannah is WAY overreacting with Tiffany, who isn't getting too upset, but Ben is. It's early in the game to be this angry at Tiffany, however useless she may appear to be. It's a really basic fact; however you slice it, this is a hospitality role. If you don't know from customer service and think your degree in a completely unrelated field is going to help, you are soooorrreelly mistaken. Just ask Kendra from Apres Ski!

Tiffany is crying in the corner, being encouraged by Julia, she's been there before with a Chief Stew before. Was her name Kate? Was it?? Bobby and Bryan are gossiping about the football game, everyone can feel the tip dwindling by the minute...

The Captain advises everyone; they have a different docking plan for their return and everyone has to be careful. I am seriously worried that Jen's inattention to detail will be a problem. Meanwhile, the guests bitch and bitch about the audio-only game. They make it in safely and Ben's impressed!

Ben

Guest depart time! Bob thinks this was the best trip they've ever had, game notwithstanding, and Christine's just 'cited because she got to use almost ALL of her bikinis!  Who cares about all of that, WHAT'S THE TIP??

Tiffany figures her and Jen get along the best so far, they both like the outside better than the inside and yeah, they're bros. That is not what bros look like.

Hannah is schmoozing the guests off the boat; I guess she must think baring her teeth while saying something completely opposite is customer service? And get those bloody awful sunglasses off your head!!

Hannah

Tip time! It's probably the worst meeting I've seen, and holy shite Christine is a melty-mess in broad daylight. I always feel so bad for women who mutilate their faces to approximate youth, you aren't fooling anyone, sweetheart, and why would you want to? Young people are so ANNOYING! They have one final request: Bobby needs to drop and give them 20 pushups, which he gladly does for that envelope. Maybe Danny's in the right business after all!

Crew in the kitchen time! Let's find out! $15,000 Euros for three days, holy shite. That's $1388 each and everyone is so relieved! Ben gives Captain Mark props for his boat handling, who in turn gives them the night off. They just have to watch the drinking on the boat, but he is faaarrrrr tooooo vague for our yachties.

We get to learn about Julia's boyfriend Matthew, he's in banking and looks like a furry Jared Leto, so yeah, cute. She just talks about the superficial with him, though, but two years with her Stable Mable bf means a lot to her.

Bryan asks Jen to get some soda, she is SO.OVER being treated like she's unimportant and I am SO.OVER her whining about it. Danny's helpful attitude and doing what he's told makes him a much more valuable member of the team at this point. At least he WANTS to be in the team.

Bryan Skypes with his parents and yeah, his move to First Mate was a promotion! They're all very proud of him and sure.

Party time, excellent! The crew is sharing some brewskis except for Tiffany, who's drinking out of a wine bottle. She looks like she weighs about 95 pounds, this will not end well. Bryan says she's a paper bag away from being a hobo.

Dress up time! The crew strolls ashore, a drunken Tiffany has already picked Ben as her future paramour, so she can marry him and be Mrs. Robinson! Well, the wine sounds about right...Bryan calls her the "booze dragon" as he and Hannah cuddle. Huh. Hannah is embarrassed to be seen with Tiffany, still drinking out of a wine bottle (which she calls "skulling"?) while walking down the street, calling her a twat and her oh, hey! It's a little early for that, isn't it? Within earshot of the booze dragon.

At dinner, Julia sits next to Bobby, since she's a small person and he's a big person and honestly: none of that makes any difference when you're SITTING, but yeah, we get it. Tiffany has reached full slur mode and now the youngs start to get to know each other. Julia has a bf, Ben's single but wants a family within 6 years (totally doable) and is being sized up by Hannah. Hannah DOESN'T like how Bryan is getting along with no-frills Tiffany, however, and likes Tiffany's "Mom" toast even less.

Mom

Hannah's not letting it go, either, she keeps calling Tiffany Trashbag, so Danny steps up to her and asks her to not do that. I have to say, he keeps impressing me! Julia too. She's very levelheaded and good at her job as well. Hannah's attacking Tiffany again, while Tiff can barely keep her eyes open.

Bryan interjects at this point, Hannah's bringing down the mood and there is no way in hell Tiffany is going to remember ANYTHING being shouted at her currently. Hannah's just venting and that is hella unprofessional on a work trip.

Danny is working a couple of ladies at the bar, he just wants to have a good time! He's so cute! Ben comforts Tiffany, he likes her. She's weird, but she's smart!

smaht

Just like him! I agree with him that Hannah heard Tiffany would rather be on deck and immediately made up her mind about the future Mrs. Robinson, hopefully she lets things go soon. No way this will escalate in the pressure cooker of yachting life!

Hannah is being approached by Bryan; does she really think this is the best time to do constructive criticism? Julia jumps in to back Hannah up, and then everyone finally gets to go back on the yacht. We oot! Until next time, yachties and yachtettes, keep your skulling out of the streets!