Below Deck S4:E3 Hair Models and Filthy Martinis Recap

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Welcome back Below Deck for another episode of Senior Deckhand Trevor pissing everyone off! And hopefully either some really cool guests or some "exciting" ones that don't know how doors work. Rolling Hair Models and Filthy Martinis after the break!

It's the morning after, 6 hours until charter and Nico is Skyping with Melissa, his "friend." It's cute how he thinks it's a big deal that he's known her since he was 16 but that was approximately yesterday, so. Nico got to spend the night in a guest room, though, that's awesome!

Meanwhile, Kelley's working out in his teeny tiny room, how does he even get a barbell that big in there? Not a euphemism. Damn, Kelley, no T no shade, that was impressive. He resolves to find a way to motivate Trevor better, he doesn't want to lose someone on his first charter as bossman. All I gotta say is that bad employees are usually badly managed *cough Bryan Below Deck Med cough* and I hope Kelley figures it out.

Ems and Ben are making brekkie while Nico and Sierra gossip about the night before. Trevor interviews that he made ONE tiny "harmless" comment the night before and now there's dramz and

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I don't think I even need to say anything, do I? We'll just let that speak for itself. He wander down to crew mess where everyone just stares at him and he tries to not throw up.

Kate tells Emily that's why one of the beds was messed up, blah blah, Trevor drank too much, etc etc. Emily had picked up on Trevor's jumpiness and compares him to "a cat on a hot tin roof" which was an AWESOME play! MENDACITY!

Nico and Lauren are gossiping about Trevor while scrubbing the deck, guess who's listening intently? NO, GUESS??!! I am slightly worried that Lauren is flirting with Nico and he's being polite back, but maybe I'm reading too much into her behaviour.

Sierra burnt a sheet, but all I got out of that was THEY HAVE A ROLLER IRON????? I want a roller iron!! And Ben's walk-in fridge, please! Email me for delivery address.

Pre-Charter Guest Review Meeting!! The guests this week are yachties, and the party consists of three couples and a poodle named Scupper. Scupper is partial to red meat and lamb, but Primaries David and Jody Mailer are not. Robert Gehlmeyer and Douglas Wolfe are Scupper's daddehs and we don't know where they stand on red meat and / or lamb.

I hate lamb

Ben and Kate are bitching about Scupper already, it's about to get worse for the Chef. Since the guests want a clambake, it will have to be early early, say 4:30 to 6:30 pm and I'm pretty sure Ben thinks that's breakfast time. Really, that means that the guests will want to eat again at 10 pm, so he's got double duty and that does not make Ben happy.

Ohhhh Kelley isn't wasting any time, he goes straight to Trevor to let him know he's been busted down to deckhand, Senior no more, and one more problem: he's gone. I admire Kelley's straightforwardness, but you probably shouldn't swear while you're demoting someone. Unprofessional!

Emily probes Sierra a bit about her personal life, the most important part being that Sierra's dad died when she was 16 and it left her a bit lost.

Kelley is tattling to Captain Lee about the Trouble With Trevor, he gets all the kudos for his tough approach and handling it BEFORE asking Skinny Kenny Rogers for a word-for-word solution. Captain Lee digs it the most.

One of the special features of this trip is a Critter Free pool, so the guests can swim in the ocean without anything touching them. I literally could not approve more, they get all my high fives for the next six months.

Guest arrival time! Everyone looks nice, SO FAR, boat tour! Scupper has a tuxedo he needs steamed because of course he does. Kate thinks this puppy gets treated better than 90% of American children and I can only assume she's never been to Red Hook.

The guests all come outside to watch the docking at the marina, NO PRESH, Captain Lee! They know what's up, giving us all kinds tips as to what to watch for. They get in a-okay.

Scupper throws up and not one of his friends held his hair, pfft. Emily cleans it up and she talks sooooo slowly! Then Scupper licks his owner's mouth and I throw up.

Kate's serving drinks on the beach: there's DIET TONIC??? I need some! Ben's throwing the food together and Trevor's sulking. He's no match for the master, though, Ben's about to go off now that the guests have confirmed that they would like dinner later as well. Somehow this is Kate's fault, but we all know Ben just doesn't like to be rushed. He will do tapas AND THAT'S IT, KATE! He calls for a tender so he can flounce properly.

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Ben's had his temper tantrum too close to the guests, one fella keeps asking him if he's all right and come on, Ben! You're a professional! Flounce and hair flip out of line of sight!

Ben bitches to Kelley on the tender; he's not afraid of Kate! He's setting a precedent for the rest of the season and why doncha just go complain to the Captain in your dress whites and have it done with?

He has a plan, though

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Ben. Listen to me. You are in the wrong, you are there to feed the guests and you even KNEW this might be an issue due to the early dinner time, so suck it up and MAKE SOME FCKUING TAPAS ALREADY! The Primaries already figured out what you were arguing about and that's just poor form.

Sierra asks Trevor to radio Kelley for more garbage bags for breakdown, Kelley would like him to say "please." I think Trevor's head 'sploded.

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Rant time! I didn't really listen, I think it was all blah blah get over yourself! blah marine blah whatever

Ben's taking it upon himself to talk to the guests about having an "exciting tapas options" instead of a formal sitdown dinner, I am TOTALLY on Kate's side here. She's thinking of the guests, Ben is only thinking of not cooking twice in one day. Maybe she agreed too quickly to the second meal, but she'd already warned Ben that it might happen. Don't be a c-word that doesn't moo, Ben. #TeamKate

Oh and now I have to pull that back, because she's screaming like a fishwife loud enough for the guests and crew to hear, PULL IT TOGETHER, YOU LOT! This is poor service! Kelley saves the day by closing the door to the galley.

Scupper gets a really yummy meal loaded with supplements in the galley while Ben pretends he doesn't want to set everything afire.

Trevor STILL isn't getting it, he's directing crew again and Kelley takes him aside to swear at him a bunch more again while everyone else does all the work. Kelley has HAD it

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I'm not exactly sure what exactly Kelley's motivational strategy is here, except maybe to motivate Trevor to quit?

HAHAHHAHHAHHA a guest orders a gin and diet tonic from Sierra, she asks if he wants alcohol?

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It's a good thing she's pretty?

Kate serves the first set of tapas, which is crabcakes with turkey bacon and truffle oil and the guests love it! She won't tell Ben that, though, she'll let him know. Next up: seared tuna with a truffle balsamic glaze. Dessert is a deconstructed blueberry pie served over Kate throwing Ben under the bus re: the second dinner. These guests seem to dig the gossip at least.

Ben is DRAINED, he's mentally and physically exhausted and mad at Kate.

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It's the second day of the charter at Virgin Gorda, it looks pretty there! They have to de-dock (word?) and then they're off! Breakfast is at 9 and it's Eggs Florentine with turkey bacon, which is Jody's favourite thing ever, which is why we've seen it twice already.

Trevor's figured out the whole problem with the deck crew, it's Kelley. I'll just leave that there.

Ben's had enough, he calls for a truce with Kate, who says she's C U Next Tuesday, Ben! He retorts that SHE'S a Tuesday and awww, they're pals again. That explains everything on Kate's Twitter last night, she says she's a Tuesday every day of the week!

The guests LOVE the Critter-Free pool and once again: all the high fives. The crew HATES it, but Kelley likes that the guests look like they're in a baby pool with their pool noodles.

Dinner time! Sierra's gotta iron Scupper's tuxedo first, Kate says it best "don't burn the baby's clothes, Sierra. Don't burn the baby's clothes."

Ooooh shellfish risotto is up first, it looks amazeballs!! Kelley takes advantage of downtime and calls his sister Amy of the Big Texas Smile from seasons one, two and three. She's dating a captain now, yay! I'm happy she found someone, she was kinda bummed oot before. She can't understand why there were three dudes in a hot tub arguing about a tattoo and that breaks Kelley out of his funk. It IS pretty funny when you think about it.

The guests are heading to the hot tub and the crew is heading to bed. Kate's texting with her girlfriend Ro (not Relle as I thought I heard ep.1), I love it when they put texts on the screen!

Emily's serving shots to the guests in the hot tub, Trevor comes by and offers to do one with them. Um. Whut? You don't ask the guests to do shots with them! What is wrong with you?? What are they gonna say? They don't want to be rude, so they share shots.

Last day of the charter! The guests are leaving super early, and even packing their own bags, whuut?? That's what Sierra's for! After she burns it on the roller iron, of course. (I want a roller iron)

Hold on, we're gonna find out a tip all in one episode????? YAY!! Fat envelope, let's find out! Imma guess $15,000 for no reason

Time to clean the boat, well, everyone but Trevor. Crew meeting! Captain calls it an okay charter, "kind of like kissing your sister" but we all know, thanks to Mr. Robot, that how kissing your sister feels depends on whether you remember you're related or not. Captain Lee stresses communication, which Ben takes it as a slam.The money: just under $12,000, which comes to $1085 each so I was off again. 0/2

The crew is going out that night, but first we get Sierra and Emily doing yoga on the deck while the crew watches. Sure.

Dinner starts well; until Trevor starts slamming martinis (not even his own!) and offering slurred hair advice to the women. He was a hair model for Paul Mitchell for a year or two, doncha know?

Trevor is schwasted immediately while Kelley flirts with Emily and Ben tries to ignore the inebriated tosser gabbing in his ear. Trevor tries to get Ben going by calling Kate a bitch, BEN'S the only one allowed to do that!

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And then he takes steps to make it so while Emily plays Jenga uncomfortably in the foreground.

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We're oot. Until next time, yachties, when we have a bunch more dbag clients, keep alcohol in your gin and your yoga in front of the cameras!