Hi guys! E tells me this is an episode of Car Share where we're all gonna want to do what we see, so I hope everyone is ready! I've been trying to lick my elbow just to get into the mood. Rolling Car Share S1:E3 after the break!
We open with John (Peter Kay) listening to the news: a lorry full of bottled beer has tipped. Get there John, it sounds like utopia after a good wash!
Instead he's playing eyesies with a young woman in a Volkswagen beetle next to him; moving up, *creepy smile*, moving back, ohhh. He loses her on a turn when nobody will let him in, probably married or a psycho, who knows. *pout*
Do they have Missed Connections in England? Or Craigslist at all? Coz that would be a prime example of when you would use it
He's at Kayleigh (Sian Gibson)'s house now, honking to the disapproval of the clucking neighbour watching from the window across the way. Oh something terrible has happened to Kayleigh's hair
Then she falls down when she tries to get in the car, she forgot to put her feet in. Er. Oh! She's drunk! That explains the hair too! She got gravel in her hand when she fell, WHY does he have baby wipes in the car to help her? He doesn't have a baby or wear makeup, or DOES HE. I bet Diane in accounting has an opinion.
Wait: he shouldn't be taking her to work in this condition, right? Turn the car around, hold her hair for a bit and make sure she's tucked in, John, there's a good pal.
Kayleigh hosted a pre-travel party for her best mate last night, all night
She's loaddddded. And too old for this shite! She used to be able to do this all the time, party all night! Party with Kayleigh then an 8 hour shift, yessir! But now it's going to take her half the week to get over it!
Okay. I will just say that I had an exciting twenties and there was more than a few times I showed up for work far past loaded on no sleep. I found sleeping in the bathroom helped! I couldn't do it now either.
I just want to gif everything she says, but I'm trying to keep it down. This couldn't be passed up: I dedicate it to Violet.
She nails that drunken certainty / gravity: so awesome. We've got a Weight Stoppers commercial and farting from Kayleigh, she is so lathered! She's come up with a game, though, everyone say Lady Diana as small as possible! Come on!
and then we all laugh like hell. That's Kayleigh's game! And she has a date at lunch, ohh no. It's safer at lunch, right, she can just scoot. If she does like him, she'll be late back
Her date is Japanese actually, you know how much she likes sushi! One has nothing to do with the other, Oh Drunk One. She knows Japanese now! Cuz-ee-di-bowl! Which means "fat shit"? I fink? John's gonna use that one!
Whitney Houston on the radio, woo hoo! How Will I Know?! But shite, there's Ray (Reece Shearsmith), don't look! He's at the bus stop and he'll want a ride but he reeks of fish. They think they make it past but a knock at the window
Damnit! Not a bother, in comes Ray. Kayleigh throws a "cuz-ee-di-bowl" at him, who's she calling a fat shit then? Woo hoo I got it right! He speaks The Japanese then? Then he speaks a bunch more, he worked at a fish mongers and acquired his knife Miyagi skills there. I have a Japanese knife! It's boss and scary at the same time.
Woo!! Here Comes the Hotstepper by Ini Kamoze is on the radio! I loved this song and so did he, but he doesn't know any of the words, not even the easy ones. You try!
Has John talked to Dave about getting him coverage on the counter? Kayleigh breaks in: John is very busy, he's got to worry about Christmas! "F*CK CHRISTMAS!" shouts Ray and Kayleigh cannot believe her ears
What follows is a hilarious diatribe re: fish mongering. It's an art! A dying art, once he's gone, it's "30% fish, 70% charisma" because "if they can smell it before they see it, we've got a big problem!" John thinks they have a big problem.
Can Ray get a ride home? DAMNIT, this Moby Dickhead is giving ME a haddock too! Ted 2 has lost his high-vis vest, shame...time for Ray to start the day!
Somehow Kayleigh has gotten herself sorted by the end of the day and Rays helping her carry something very heavy from the shop. Kayleigh says goodbye to Alexa, which prompts, out of nowhere from Ray "I would not want to be a woman. They're only good for two things: cooking and." Her package is too heavy to move, so he leaves to take his bus and OH! Guess what's in the package?
That's brilliant! Ray comes back around the corner; he knows what they were up to. They drive off, feeling bad for leaving Ray out, but he gives them the two fingers up from the bus stop, then runs beside the vehicle just in case they missed it. "Psycho!"
John listens while Kayleigh gets a status report from her flat, sounds like the fun's still rolling! How did the date go??? First we're talking about Kelly who's traveling to Australia. Kayleigh's hoping she gets homesick right away - fingers crossed!
John wants to know about the date too! Simon was not only NOT Simon, he wasn't even Japanese! His name was Sy, she figured that was a shortening of his username JapSi. This makes John laugh and laugh like the dogging, but Kayleigh and I have no idea what the joke is. She went to the Ladies and climbed out the window.
John's worried about Kayleigh swanning about online, it's not just a blip! What about PussyLover who wasn't just on about cats, then? She's got to keep trying, she's not going to meet someone sitting on her arse *shot of them sitting there on their arses next to each other*, is she? Everybody needs someone. He doesn't; women just come around long enough to mess you about.
Now we get the story of Charlotte; Kayleigh didn't know he and Charlotte were engaged, but they lived together too! One night his dad rang and asked John why he and Charlotte hadn't set a date yet. John explained; he loved Charlotte, but he wasn't IN love with her, and he felt as though he was playing a part in someone else's life. And it keep going along and going along and then you buy a house and then you're engaged and you don't know when to pull the cord because it NEVER seems like the right time and anyway: the answering machine recorded the lot of it and Charlotte heard it when she got home.
Kayleigh is not sympathetic.
She can't believe how he treated Charlotte, who must have been devastated! I give John kudos, if not exactly for bravery, then for getting out of it (even if by accident) before making an even worse mistake of doubling down with a wedding and / or children. Much better to stop it and hurt then in a small way rather than in an impossibly life-changing way later.
Kayleigh passes out mid-sulk so John gets to sing along with The Smiths on the radio a bit. "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" is a classic and I immediately had to search it out and play it as well. Oh!! I was wondering when the missus in the Beetle would appear! Oh but it's a dude, whoops! And we're oot. Until next time!