This is it! The season finale of Peter Kay's Car Share; what's going to happen with Captain Hook and Little Orphan Annie?! Let's find out after the break
No way! We open with John Farnham "You're the Light" I love that song! I think John (Peter Kay) hurt himself singing, well, until he saw the hipster in the car next to him laughing at him. Aww Johnny, screw that long-haired-hippie in plaid: you do you!
He pulls up in front of Kayleigh (Sian Gibson)'s flat; which I can tell because it's the one for sale. I hear you, sister. She comes out with a large garbage bag for John to load; it's her costume for the Jam Week (Jam Week?) and she'd like to see him parading around in leggings when his Spanx is missing.
I would not like to see that.
She's not finished packing, everything is everywhere but there's a plan, anyway. I don't want to overshare, but I will also be in this stressful situation myself in the next few months, WITH three small children "helping", so cry me a river, Kayleigh.
It's not the packing and moving so much that's getting to her, it's just that she didn't think she'd be at this point in her life. I can honestly say I never thought I'd be anywhere at this point in life, so I just try to take it as it comes. She's never been anywhere but this house, she doesn't know what she'll do, moving in with her little sister and her family at this point.
John commiserates with her; it's traumatic, isn't it? Every memory there, every Christmas there...all right all right John, that's enough.
She found some interesting stuff packing though, Bobby Ball's braces and er. What? Ohhhh souvenirs after a show. I don't know how her hair was relevant to the conversation, but I dig a hairdo with moxie.
Cannon and Ball liked to rock on (Tommy) and aren't they a bit like them? She's the bubbly, funny one and he's...the other. "Cheeky b*tch!" They were at the very same show at the same time years ago, isn't that funny? She thinks it's fate, he thinks it's "bloody coincidence at best."
Can't they stop for brekkie; it's their last day traveling together! Awwww dangit. Guess where they stop? No, really
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA sorry, sorry, I'm 12
After all the complaining about how big the meal is, Kayleigh asks for and gets two extra pieces of toast and picks off John's plate because he can't finish, God love her.
She hasn't eaten all week; the upsetting move has put her off her feed, but stress has the opposite effect on John. I like to mix it up, if it's something really important that's gone wrong, I can't barely eat, but if it ranges from mildly disconcerting to deliberately annoying, I'm good for a three day nosh.
Just so you know, there are now three Fat Boy's worth of calories in one glass of wine, Kayleigh, and you'd be deed if you tried to drink a bottle and a half a night.
Kayleigh's gone to put on her face, Tony (Mick Miller) walks in to a warm welcome from John. He knew John's dad back in the day, you know: before breathalysers. He wanted to pick John's dad's brain about something. Like what??
Never mind, there are "rectal abscesses" to be discussed first (er), then Tony's 21 year old Thai honey (happy birthday), whose naked picture he shows John (er).
I've known men like this, who make sure their friends see (sometimes "accidentally") their partners naked and it all goes back to that feudal lord mentality: look what beautiful THING I OWN. Gross
Kayleigh comes out in full blackface; ohhhh, the jam costume! It took me a full minute
She's a black currant, John, it was your bloody idea! What colour should her face be? Still almost positive that is fully racist. As is his worrying about being carjacked when a group of young black men go by and he worries about being carjacked.
HAHAHAHAHA and the next song that comes on the radio is Ebony and Ivory!
SuperTed is washing some carts in a SUPER inefficient fashion while Joan Jett plays
Kayleigh sneaks into work, and we're out for the morning. At the end of the day, John's talking to Rachel (Gemma Facinelli) again, she's off to a Hindu Hen-do (okaaaaaay) but poor Kayleigh can't get that makeup off her face. She looks like a tomato gone off.
Kayleigh's furious in the car after, she can't believe Rachel has John's number for texting!
Made me laugh out loud for a full minute because again: I am 12. John and Kayleigh have it out once and for all about Rachel; he's very well aware she's trying to shag her way up the ladder (watch how you talk about me mate!) and he'd never fraternise anyway. So THERE. Finally we get a smile and finally I see the attractiveness of our John. I like smart.
I also distract easily, so when John and Kayleigh are trying to sort out who's on the Christmas team and whether John will end up like poor half-deaf Allen Campbell, I was trying to figure out what the song was in the background. It's "Baby Baby" by Amy Grant!!!!! I LOVED THAT SONG!
He doesn't mean to end up like Allen Campbell anyway, he ended up in retail by accident with only music college behind him. And now here he is, 22 years later. Ouch. She didn't know he was a musician, but that was the big dream. She's practically beaming through her purple face; tell us about it, stud!
He and a friend have a band called Compendium, they even have videos on YouTube, but no star screen-wipes. I like the star screen wipes 🙁
Kayleigh watches one for a bit before poor buffering takes us out, she'll have to come watch them play somewhere. He'll fraternize with staff just this once, seeing as it's her. She's going to miss this car sharing, and he'll miss it too but covers it with honking
Awww this song is perfect, Kayleigh goes into her video dream to Driving in the Rush Hour
That's it, last car share is done as they pull up out front of Kayleigh's house. More Than Words plays as he hands over her going-away present: a heart-shaped novelty lamp. He gave her his heart! And she gives him Now This Is Music 48, her favourite CD. Awww
More Than Words continues to play as they have the longest, most drawn-out goodbye ever, seriously, you can tell they don't want to part! And then in the car driving away, John finds a note in the CD
I didn't even know John could smile that much! Lookit our lad and his Pure and Simple!
And we're out. Cheers, EB, thanks for suggesting, that was a great show. I can't wait until the next series!