Hi everyone, welcome back to Divorce (that sounds weird) for round three in this slugfest of dissolution of a marriage. Rolling S1:E3 Counseling after the break!
We finally find out what it is Frances (Sarah Jessica Parker) does for a living when she's not looking for space for a gallery! She's a
headhunter Executive Recruiter but not a particularly good one right now, not for Ted (Paul Woodburn), who just wants to know what's out there! Why not stay where he is? Appreciate what he has! Or
Robert (Thomas Hayden Church) isn't doing any better at his job; he's walking around the realtor Open House shouting about making an offer due to his great "Corinthian granite" remodel. Realtor Victoria (Susan Kelechi Watson) starts at "shhhh" before moving to STFU, ROBERT to "are you okay?"
Time for couples therapy, I am bracing myself: you guys? A woman with a black eye sits across from them with her partner, I think Frances is supposed to be grateful for what she has.
Robert is concerned about trust with Frances (I almost called her Carrie, this scene is SO SATC when Aidan found out she had been sleeping with Mr. Big "you have to forgive me! You HAVE to forgive me!" sorry, sorry, where were we?), how can she earn it back? He wants to know every single detail about her affair with this "French douchebag" (Julian is clearly from New Zealand: ask him to order some fush und chups for you) so that he won't be caught unawares in the future.
Don't do that
Don't do it!!
It will be all he can ever think about whenever you guys are frolicking in the marital bed! Plus he'll use it against you, you know he will. "Can you take out the garbage? No, you don't want to? YOU DIDN'T MIND SITTING ON HIS FRENCH PENIS DID YOU?? So you can forever TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE!!"
Sorry, sorry, I'm back, I'm back. Robert wants to know the number of times they slept together, let's see, carry the one, drop the seven..32. 32 times and I TOLD you not to tell him!
He had a much smaller number in his head. Like twice but with booze, and HAHAHAHAHA totally called it: he had two. Sorry, that's not actually funny, my bad.
Frances has the WORST poker face; did you ever say that you loved him? No, no... what, no? Robert wants a clinical assessment. Is that not a shitload of fcking?
I don't see how this is helpful
After the session, he won't allow her into the elevator
Dallas (Talia Balsam) is over Robert; Frances needs to destroy him before he destroys her. They're in Frances's new gallery space, yay, she went ahead with it! That's hope talking and it's been in short supply on this show. We get a little backstory: we know Frances hates Robert but we don't really know WHY, save French New Zealander peni attraction.
Robert was trying to build his construction business, so he moved them all out to the suburbs and Frances had to take that Executive Recruiter job she hates so much to support the family. Great friends are the best, reminding you of shite like this when you're feeling like literally the.worst.
Robert's making friends with the people that work for him; one can get him a gun if he likes? No, no, muchas gracias
It's like a hotel at home with these two now, polite but silent passes in the hall with Robert eating in his room and leaving the plates in the hallway, AS YOU DO. Guess who gets to clean those up?? NO, GUESS??!! And then we have a late night Yes offensive: Owner of a Lonely Heart anyone? Robert doesn't mind if he does!
Lila (Sterling Jerins) is washing the giant Hannah in the bathtub; maybe if she can keep the dog's fur clean Daddy and Mommy will start sleeping together again and she can have her bed back? I actually hate Robert when he takes Lila off to research dander on the internet and leaves Frances to clean up after giant Hannah and her wet fur.
Counseling session number two! The couple from last time are all snuggly, black eye be danged I guess! It looks to be healing well, anyway.
Frances didn't set out to cheat, it just happened! The situation arose and she made the wrong decision (for two years)! Robert had LOTS of opportunities to make that wrong decision but he didn't! But who? With whom did he have the opportunity to make the wrong decision, Frances wants to know? Now it's Robert who doesn't see how this is germane to the conversation, but the counselor isn't helping NOBODY.
There was a woman he became close with, it could have gone physical, she was down, but he held the line and honoured his marriage vows. Frances calls him out for his "emotional affair" and I'll be honest: I don't know where I stand on those. She does, though! He had a confidant that he was emotionally invested in: intimacy is intimacy whether physical or emotional. The therapist confirms.
Ah, we're into it now. He ended his relationship with his longtime friend Cathy DeSantis who he took on a group fishing trip when she was waiting to see him in her hotel room. Even the counselor knows what's up.
Frances is more concerned that he lied about where he was on 9/11; not giving water to the first responders but rather making sure Cathy DeSantis was okay in her hotel room.
I think we made a little progress?
The family has had enough of Robert's late night vinyl excursions, Frances kills the power to his room and he finds all of his hallway dishes placed carefully in his bed.
Robert's explaining everything to Nick (Tracy Letts) who comes out of his coma long enough to tell him to shut up. That's some Grade A whining, Robert! Resurrecting!
Diane (Molly Shannon) bursts in: she asks Nick with her eyes if he forgives her and then that's it! He does! And they're hugging and they love each other again! Awww.
Boo hiss says Robert from the peanut gallery.
I do feel quite badly for Robert, he doesn't seem to have any actual friends to talk about things with.
More counseling, fantastic! In the waiting room, Frances tells Robert about her new space on Main Street but he doesn't see how that's a good time right now. Er, I said that too, but it pushes her right over the edge. Maybe she's tired of waiting for him to think it's time. She doesn't think they should do counseling any more, they're done.
They're gonna move ahead with the divorce and even though we all knew it was coming to this, it's so sad when he says he has to find somewhere to sleep. After he poops. And we're out.