Just Jillian S1:E5 Meet the Parents Recap

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We open this episode of Just Jillian with her f*cking with Giancarlo by putting a pair of lacy underwear on Chloe's knee, so that when you take a picture it looks like a butt. She posts it on Instagram and she immediately gets a phone call from G. They die laughing while he rants and raves to take it down.

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At Jill's podcast she says she has a D.C. event and then Grandma Joyce's birthday in Orlando. Joyce is Heidi's mom. Her parents live in a place that is called an "active adult communities". She reads off a description of the goings on and it sound "Like Geriatric Sex in the City" to Andi. The parents are sweet, nice people. She loves fucking with them for that reason.

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At home with the chickens, Jill asks Heidi what they're getting mama for her birthday. She tells her she wants a golf cart. So Jill wants to get her the best golf cart ever to impress her. So, fix it with money? Duh. They start looking a them up on the computer and all kinds of fancy ones come up.

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In DC, Jill has brought her whole family so that they can go straight to Florida after the alliance with Chelsea Clinton. The family takes a trolley tour around the city and Heidi tells Jill to stop texting on her phone. Why can't she ever enjoy the moment, she wants to know? Jill tells her the word enjoy is creepy and she's way too young to be using it all the time like she does. BUT, Joyce's party is gonna be enjoyable!

G tells Jill he has to take her to a 30 minute voice-over the next morning and she balks. He guilts her by saying how blessed she is with her opportunities and she has responsibilities other than having fun with her kids. Jill tells him not every aspect about parenting is awesome. In confession, she goes on this hilarious rant about "Shawn the Sheep," a movie that sucked so bad she describes it thus so: "Let's go see a movie about a clay sheep that's mute, and his amnesiac owner; and watch them roam the streets of London for two fucking hours and no one speaks. Heaven." "I think it was 90 minutes," Heidi corrects her, "Did you see it?" Jill cracks up. That. Was. Awesome. G continues to tell her she just can't have it all. Figure it out.

At the Clinton Alliance, she talks to Chelsea about parenthood. She asks her when kiddo number two is coming and tells her sibling rivalry is the absolute BEST. Heidi tells her not to scare Chelsea. But she's just preparing her! "One kid is like laughing in the face of parenthood. Two is like a Japanese horror movie."

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Jill has caved and is doing G's bidding. She says she always does, because he knows her too well. Heidi tells the kids Jill can't go with them that morning and Phoenix has a melt down. At first Jill thinks he's fake crying and blows him off. She's then mortified when she realizes he's not. She says that the good thing is is that kids don't remember things that happen to them before they're 5, so when he's a messed up adult, he won't know she's the one that fucked him up. Also, she's got a couple years to clean up her act.

Before the show, she tells Chloe she should work out too. She knows the routine and she can stand behind her on stage with the others. Chloe says she can't because she just ate a ginormous lunch and makes all kinds of excuses, but she finally talks her into it. During the show, Jill tells her an 8 year old is crushing her. She's extremely sluggish. Afterward she throws up. She hadda huge lunch! "I swear to God it's like the Forensic Files of Chloe's lunch," Jill says. She pukes again and says she should get a raise for this crap. Why does she throw up every time?" someone asks. She's back in the bathroom (I guess she's super sick and needs to throw up a THIRD time?) and G has to put his finger down her throat because, "Chloe has no gag reflex. I've got my finger jammed down her throat and it's not even making her gag. There's no way this girl should be single.There's just certain things other people can't do." Ahem. I admit though, the way he delivered that was funny as hell.

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Jill and Heidi have a date night all alone before they leave for the birthday party. Jill tells us that Heidi's parents are very conservative people that go to church and wouldn't even let Heidi say fart growing up. She had to say "pot". I've heard of poot, but pot? Huh. She tells Heidi that she knows they disapprove of her, and Heidi tells her that she does swear a lot and she taught the kids to say dickhead. Jill says she did not. She simply said "A dickhead hit mommy's car." Hey, kids are gonna hear the words, so ya know, she says. They start talking about the party and Jill wants to hire strippers for her mom and Heidi's like, WHUT? They are kinda conservative, you just said so yourself. It won't be a party without strippers. Just real quick and then the zillion dollar golf cart. Heidi is all, well only if there's no actual stripping. Okay then.

In Florida, Heidi has rented a mini-van and Jill says she won't even comment on that. "I see what you did there." "I'm fine with it." Like, don't even. They take the kids to a restaurant to meet the parents for lunch and Jill says she's going to get them to like her. When they arrive, they try to order water and tea, but Jill orders them gin and tequila. Heidi says it's not working, and Jill tells her they just need to drink more and they'll loosened up. "They don't drink." YET, says Jill.

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Pickleball with the 'rents. What in the world is that? About to find out! Heidi says to remember she's there to win them over. Heidi calls them Septuagenarians and tells her to let them win. Jill can't believe she just used that word and says losing would be a "brand-crusher". Anyway, it looks like ping pong mixed with tennis. They start playing and every move makes Jill nuts with competition. She eventually wins and Heidi cannot believe she wouldn't throw it for the septuagenarians.

The golf cart has arrived 3 hours before the party and Jill sees that for $13,000 it is peeling paint it's rusted and a slew of other problems. She is beyond pissed. This was her chance for redemption, "I might be a dick and you might hate me, but look what I bought you!" She can't believe Heidi isn't pissed too and it pisses her off she's not pissed. Heidi IS pissed, this is her, pissed. She should know this, it's been 7 years. Heidi says all this perfectly calm and zen. Jill says to get the sellers on the phone, stat. The sellers show up and Jill lists off the flaws to them, saying she didn't pay $13,000 grand for this piece of crap. The seller is a real jerk and argues with her that she is just using the F word loosely and that she didn't even buy the cart. Well I sure did pay for the thing thankyouverymuch, she tells him. He's sweating down his face and he looks like a fool. Get this thing fixed right now! And we have a To Be Continued! Next week looks good; more cart tomfoolery, grandma Joyce gets the strippers, Heidi thinks Jill doesn't need her and Jill scares the crap out of some people! Till next time!

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