Jillian asks for some coffee, and she gulps the small cups contents straight down. She spits it back out muttering the F word and saying she's done all kinds of crazy shots that wasn't as disgusting as it was. Is someone trying to kill her with this coffee, she asks as everyone laughs? Thus begins another crazy episode of Just Jillian...
At home, Jill sees Phoenix's face and there's a long scratch down the side of his eye. She asks WTF happened, and they tell him that a kid hit him at school. She tells him that if a kid hits him again he has permission to hit him back. Heidi does not agree. Jill says they are not allowed to start a fight, but they can finish it. Heidi says that the kids are 2 and 3 ,they're gonna hit each other, that's what they do. Jill says it's more like "Lord of the Flies" in there. She then tells how when she was young, a girl was bullying her, so she took karate and bitch never messed with her again. Except maybe leave out bitch, she tells the kids. Use "dude".
Jill gathers 'round with her gals to taste test her new line of ready-to-eat food called Slimsouls that is going to be available in grocery stores. They taste pasta dishes and everyone loves the ravioli with white beans except Jill. She says they need to get a taste test out to the public because they're nuts, she's always right, they're wrong. It's disgusting, who puts beans in pasta? I tend to agree there, Jill.
Next up is an awards presentation with PETA. It's the 35th Anniversary awards for animals. She's getting an award for her activism of animals used in the entertainment industry.
Jill and Heidi arrive on the red carpet where a reporter asks her what a good, easy vegan meal would be. She can't remember a couscous recipe and calls Heidi over, who's gone to hide. Heidi tells her it's actually in her own cookbook. She's embarrassed and still can't remember the name of the recipe. Heidi tells her. She still can't remember what's in it. Heidi tells her. Jill tells her that's why she needs her, even though she says she doesn't. See? Proof.
It's almost time for Jill to officiate Andy's wedding and she's having a hard time writing up the thing. Heidi hopes that after the wedding she'll change her mind about marriage. She still thinks it's bad news and that most end in divorce.
Roman the Terrible is the kid that keeps hitting Phoenix, so Jill takes him to a self-defense karate course. The instructor asks if they've talked to the school and the parents first. Heidi says Jill isn't allowed to speak to teachers or parents anymore. Why is that, hon? Well, she may have told everyone during a conference that she'd take care of shit herself if they wouldn't. The instructor shows Phoenix some moves and then has him bust a board apart. Jillian is so proud she can't stand it. Her kid is a "bad ass"! She tells him to bust Roman's face just like that if he hits him again. Heidi says violence isn't the answer, let's invite Roman for a Halloween play date and see what's up. Jill is bummed out at this reasonable line of thinking.
Off Jill and Giancarlo go to see how the public likes her Slimsouls food at Ralphs. Jill says the girls ganged up on her to vote for the bean pasta. She's smug when the first 3 people don't like it. When people start to say they love it, she tries to talk them out of it. She starts to say things like "bullshit" and "screw you" so the slimsouls grocery lady tells her she is not allowed to swear at the customers. I'd also like to swear at grocery customers sometimes, so I get it! She's all, "Why?" She tries to explain that's just the way it is, but it goes in one ear and out the other of course.
At the play date with Roman and Phoenix, they all go to a pumpkin patch/corn maze and Jill asks why they're the only ones dressed in costume. It's Halloween. Yeah, but they're the only ones. It's fun. Well, okay. Once in the maze, Giancarlo gets his nuts busted by a running kiddo and Jill is in competition mode, trying to beat Heidi to the end haystack. Jill with Roman and Giancarlo, spots a hole and they sneak out and she pays a random woman $20 to tell her where the haystack is. Those maze things are a real pain, I've been there! They reach the stack and Heidi and Phoenix are already there. They try to lie and say that Roman had to go out to pee. Heidi's not buying it, Jill even cheats at Candyland to win. Roman and Phoenix are getting along just fine, so Jill concedes that Heidi was right about that, but they always have the "hammer fist" to fall back on if need be.
Today is Andy's wedding and she arrives at Jill and Heidi's house. Jill teases her that she always has a chance to back out. Andy starts crying and Jill hugs her asking what's wrong. Andy says she's just stressed and nervous. Jill tells us that she loves Andy so much, but she's just like Heidi, a romantic. Jill asks Andy why she chose her to officiate, she's such a bad choice. Andy says she walked right into it.
The wedding is on the beach and Jill is freaking out because Andy doesn't have a wedding coordinator. She is way too anal and controlling and has to fix everything at the site. She has stuff moved and wants to fire someone but can't because no one is in charge.
The wedding begins, and Jill starts off making funnys that not many think is very funny. There are quite a lot of *crickets*. Heidi and Giancarlo tell us in interview that they wonder why Andy would ever have Jill officiate her wedding. She's the last person that should be doing it. Jill does finish with a sweet flair and she tells us she crushed it. She might start a wedding officiate business. Heidi tells her that her and G says that's not a good idea.
Heidi asks her if she'd now do it, she wants her kids to have 2 comitted parents. Jill just looks at her like, umm, no.
Later, Heidi is watching Jill on the Wendy Williams show, where Wendy reminds her that she had said when gay people can get married they will. So, why aren't they? Jill tells her she's scared because her parents are divorced and Wendy laughs and says she's got it. They continue to joke and laugh it off. Heidi is heartbroken and tells us she knows it's not going to happen as she cries.