Welcome back to another Jess-epi of New Girl!! Spoilers after the break
After quitting her job when Becky Cavatappi's put Jess through the ringer, she's found the perfect new school to work at: Banyon Canyon. It's so progressive, "It's basically heaven, if heaven were populated by kids who look like tiny members of Arcade Fire."
Schmidt snatches a water bottle out of Nick's hands telling him not to drink out of it because he always gets sick from Jess's things when she starts a new job from the kids' germs. Schmidt has an important presentation and Winston has a date, so they definitely don't want to get sick. Nick says he's fine, after all his body is 65% beer. He starts eating raisins from the bottom of her purse.
At Banyon Canyon, they have chickens, "Who are we to tell children what to learn and when?" the principal, Genevieve, tells Jess. Huh. Two little boys tell the Genevieve they've been fighting. She asks them if it would be alright for them to take it to the "Feelings Farm" where they apologize to the "Honesty Chair" for various crimes, such as one is sorry for saying the other has a mom and dad. LOL
Nick is sneezing and Schmidt has that important presentation so he can't get sick. His boss will not tolerate it, so he quarantines Nick. As he's plastic wrapping him in, Cece also sneezes. In she goes as well.
Genevieve introduces her boyfriend to Jess, and it's her ex, Sam, the doctor she was with who throat punched Nick when Jess and Nick got together. She asks if they've met before and Jess stammers on and on, "Sometimes in the day, sometimes in the night...time..." Hahaha
Schmidt asks Winston if he's going to go on his date dressed like he is. He says he doesn't want to over-think it for a coffee date. Schmidt says, “so you’re going to just dress like you did today, which apparently happened during a solar eclipse in a land of no mirrors.” He just can't get over Aly, actually. Winston sneezes to pretend like he's sick because he can't deal with it all.
Jess asks the roomies through the plastic what she should do about Sam and her job. They all tell her to just leave it alone, but we know Jess, and she can't do that. She brings a tray of brownies over to his house to try and get him to put in the good word to her boss and oops, she's there too, they just had the sex. Did she bring Sam chocolate? Nooooo, it's just Kansas corn bread!
Winston gets tired of watching the stupid puppet show, and admits he's not really sick. Cece asks him why he'd want to be in the same room with the germs, and he admits he's not over Aly. She tells him no one will ever be Aly, so he needs to get out there and meet new people. He deserves it. Off he goes. Winston manages to sneak past Schmidt, but not before he sneezes on his tablet while grabbing the cool sunglasses Schmidt had told him to wear on his date.
Jess tries to persuade Genevieve to hire her on permanently, and its not going well even though she admits Jess is a great teacher, and fits in very well with the school. They start talking to the "Honest Chair," and Sam admits he's still upset about Nick kissing Jess while they were together.
At the loft, Jess asks if Nick will come out and apologize to Sam so that she can get that job. Sam apologizes for punching him in the throat, and Nick gives him a non-apology about kissing Jess while they were still together. Nick then starts making fun of Sam's huge beard which provokes Sam to start calling Nick Bro until he neck-punches him AGAIN.
Winston has a great date with his cool sunglasses. He charms his lady with humor, and they have a great time.
The Honesty Chair is out at the loft now, and Nick says he is NOT sorry for kissing Jess. "It was fun, felt great." "Lotta good memories; lotta passion. Lotta good sex." "We fell in love with each other, like crazy love." He rambles on and on, well he does have a fever. Sam finally cracks, and says that he turned into a mess when he lost Jess. He thought they were great together. He wants to go back to the way he used to be, he's tired of being vegan and wearing recycled shoes! Genevieve is ecstatic to hear all this, and introduces herself to him. She then tells him she's dumping him. She tells Jess goodbye and she'll see her Monday; she's hired.
"I can't believe it just took a high fever to appreciate this show," says Winston as they all sit around with the cold watching the kiddie puppet show. How'd the presentation go, Schmidt? Well, he held back his sneeze gloriously at first, his boss asking "God, where did it even go?" But then a fit of them started coming out. "Son of a bitch!" the boss says. Hahahaha
Jess brings Sam another tray of brownies, and tells him she also thought they were great together. He starts picking up the brownies with his hands and smooshes them, saying, "Get. Out. Of. My. Life." He slams the door on her. She says, "Hmm. Nick will eat them."
Best lines of the night:
Winston, about his date: “To be clear, the date’s hot, not the coffee. I’m thinking about going iced.”
Schmidt, on the working title for his chair presentation: “I hope you’re sitting down for this”
Nick to Cece, on their sickbed show: “It’s either a puppet show for kids or North Korean propaganda.”