We have a whole hour of New Girl this week, with back to back episodes. This will be the new format until the season finale on May 10, so let's dive in and see what the gang's up to!
Winston is on a roll with his lady game, and Nick, Schmidt and Cece try and guess who he's texting this time. "The coffin maker?" Is it "The girl with the yogurt mouth?" (See Nick's reaction to that one) No, says Schmidt, "That's Simi-Valley Sue." He's actually texting Rhonda, who he gets along with so well, he's bringing her to the wedding. Cece and Schmidt are not liking the fact that he's only had two dates with her.
Jess walks in, and Nick asks her if she got her new car she wanted. No, the salesman played "Misogynistic Bingo" with her as soon as she walked in the place, calling her "doll-face," teaching her what four-wheel drive is, and telling her there's plenty of room in the trunk for shopping bags. Cece tells her to do the deal online with a guys name instead, and Jess thinks that's a great idea. In walks Rhonda screaming with a knife in her arm! Everyone freaks, but she pulls it out and laughs, showing it's just a fake. Winston walks over to her and she yells out, "You just got Rhonda'd!"
Jess writes up the internet deal as "Jeff Day" and reads what's she written to Sam and Nick. Nick asks her if she needs a "dude pass" before she signs off. Nick tells Sam, "A dude pass, not a pretty boy pass." Sam replies, "After I take my dude pass, why don't you take a short-pass?" They go back and forth until Jess tells them they need to get over their resentment of each other. They grumble at each other.
Cece and Schmidt meet Winston and Rhonda for lunch to try and get to know her better since she's going to be his plus-one at their wedding. Rhonda tells them about her awful, awful upbringing and they feel so bad for her, they about cry. Of course, Rhonda and Winston start laughing and say they got "Rhonda'd" again. Then she says she salted the wine and Schmidt thinks maybe that's the prank, she actually didn't salt the wine. He tastes it. And she did. They look disgusted as they laugh and laugh.
The salesman has agreed to Jess's terms for the car and Nick tells her he'll pose as Jeff Day since she has to go down in person to sign the papers. They arrive as a married couple and she tells him to remember that, “I’m a disgraced ice skating sensation. I got ex-communicated from the sport for protesting that nudie fabric and then I broke my butt.”
Schmidt asks Rhonda to make sure she tells them about all of her pranks before she leaves the table to re-fill the meter. She says all but leaving a watch battery in Winston's lunch. He laughs, but they are horrified. What if he choked? Schmidt tells him that he's revoking his plus-one to the wedding because there's no telling what Rhonda would do there. Winston gets mad, and then Rhonda walks up with a Schmidt mask on her face! HAHAHA
Jess and Nick are in the office to sign the papers and the sexist salesman starts buttering up Nick to try and get him to upgrade. He totally falls for it and Jess asks for a moment alone. She tells Nick to stick with her plan, he's obviously doing the old "bait and switch," "And your gobbling it up like an old king with a turkey leg."
Sam calls, done with his de-webbing surgery early, and tells Jess he's coming over to help with the situation. She tells him not to, but he's coming anyway.
Schmidt and Cece talk about how removing Winston's plus-one derails their seating chart and messes up minute details in general. Cece says maybe they are being too harsh and they should give her another shot. Schmidt agrees as Winston walks in. He tells them that they were right, they weren't committed enough to attend a wedding together. So, he tells them that "We got married!"
They can't believe they got married and they tell them they're sorry about anything they said to interfere. Winston says that's what they wanted to hear them say, so this was actually just a prank. BUT, they really did get married as the actual prank. "How is really getting married a great prank?" Because, Rhonda tells them, "A simple prank is a strong prank."
Schmidt is bewildered by this and asks Rhonda if this would count as a prank:
"Let's say that I told you that I invested all of my money into boogie boards."
"That's just a lie." -- Rhonda
And then I took you to my accountants office and sitting behind the desk was just a little crab in sunglasses."
Emmm, still sounds like a lie." -- Winston
"And then my real accountant came out and showed you the books and in fact I *had* invested all my money in boogie boards."
"That is definitely a prank." -- Rhonda "That would get me. That's crazy." -- Winston
Schmidt -- *Head about to explode*
But don't worry, they're getting it annulled tomorrow, tonight is the honeymoon though.
Meanwhile, Nick has taken a test drive in a great big RV and now Sam shows up as Jess's brother, Geoff Day. Jeff and Geoff immediately start to quibble about who can help Jess more and Jess has had it. She demands a test drive in her original car and takes all three men with her.
Jess negotiates with the salesman while she speeds and drives like a crazy person. He tells her he accepts her offer, but she says she wants upgrades. "I want to feel like I'm driving a spaceship!" She tells the guys that they are going to get along when she's in the room, "Other wise I'm going to turn the heat to 90, I'm going to turn the radio to Pink, and I'm going to find a cobblestone street." Nick grumbles that he will "teach my sons to hate his sons, and I expect the same from him."
Winston gets the ultimate RHONDA'D when he shows up at the courthouse for the annulment and she's left a video message for him that she's been deployed and they will have to stay married for awhile longer.
Best Lines of the Night:
Schmidt, seeing Jess's new car: "What a terrific hybrid vehicle. I'm glad that the previous owners scraped off all the co-exist stickers."
Nick, when the car salesman asks him about engine size: "You want the bird to sing in my underpants, I'm gonna need double digits."
Jess, when her phone rings at the car dealership: "I have to take this; it's Oksana Baiul."
Sam, about Nick posing as Jeff Day: "Of course he's screwing it up, he's a little human pork chop.":
Schmidt, on how the should maybe accept bad prankster Rhonda: "If Winston is happy with Lady Kutcher, we should support him."