Welcome back to New Girl, Part Two, A Chill Day In. Jess only gets high once every ten years, so let's enjoy it while we can!
Jess and Cece tell the guys goodbye as they leave for their road trip. Jess says she lied, they are not going to have a chill day in for her Bachelorette party. She's got nail polish, comfy socks and Canadian Broadcast Television's masterpiece "Anne of Green Gables." But most of all, she's got a bong, and they gonna smoke some cannabis, which is what the Native American's call it. Errr, "That's Latin," corrects Cece. Also, she reminds Jess, maybe we shouldn't because every time you've smoked it, you've almost died - Cut to Jess in an out of control grocery cart headed directly towards a huge stack of watermelons.
Sitting watching "Anne" through a huge mass of smoke, Jess asks Cece if she remembers Coach. "Oh yeah." "Where is he?" Hahaha They're wearing their socks on their hands and Cece says “The very fact that socks exist is proof that shoes don’t work." Werd, Cece. Jess is then amazed how well she can hear without her glasses on, "It's like my hearing is what a dog hears. I can hear the TV. I can hear the TV. I can hear the TV!"
There's a knock at the door and it's a package from the post office. Cece thinks Jess hired a stripper, but it really is a hot post office worker. She tells him, "Your calves look like a snake swallowed a bag of ropes." They harass him a little and then they open the package. It's a bread maker from Schmidt's mother and she's left a note. It's easy enough for even *Cece* to use. Ewww, burn! Jess loses it and shouts, "This simple bitch wants you to be some kind of June Cleaver, Betty Draper, Carol Brady WIFEY?" They get so mad (and of course they are as high AF) that they take a big stick and beat the hell out of the bread maker. Cece's phone rings and it's Schmidt saying he got a notification that their first package has arrived, and would she kindly go out in the hall and get the bread maker inside where it will be safe?
The girls are at the mall and they tell the sales clerk that they need an exchange because the maker arrived that way in the mail. She's not fooled and says they obviously damaged it themselves. The thing is twelve hundred dollars when they ask to buy it. Oops.
Aly walks up and they ask what she'd doing there. Uh, they just had this same convo outside the mall, Aly says. She tells them that it's her fifth anniversary of being a cop and Tripp is supposed to make her dinner, but he's too busy agent-ing pets on his cell. Jess begs Cece to let her tell Aly about Winston's crush. No! They then try to buy the floor model, but the clerk won't let them do that either. They go to do it anyway on the sly, and when they move in front of it it trips a motion sensor, and it keeps playing Feel Like Baking Love every time they try to switch makers. Hahah.
Tripp tells Aly he has to agent and can't be with her tonight. She tells him she hopes his owl chokes on a rat. He flounces off saying, "That is so mean!" The girls see the fight and Jess assumes they just broke up and texts that tidbit to Winston. Aly joins them and asks if she can tag along because she's all depressed now. The clerk comes up and figures out they've taken the floor model and calls mall security. He takes them to his office where he's got a bunch of baby shoes??? in bins all over. And babies don't even need shoes, Jess says. "Why not put that money towards something worthwhile like a cute hat or a rain coat? A baby in a raincoat, it's like, just like, a little baby meteorologist," she giggles. He locks them in and leaves. "A baby in a raincoat."
Aly is freaking out, she could get in so much trouble! Jess says they could dress in the stuff in his office and cry and then he'd think there are just babies in there...or something. Aly says you are so so high. "No." Uh, she knew from the first time she saw her. HAHA Cece is upset that she did what she did, how can she take care of Schmidt? Jess says that she is a Mama Bear! She's taken care of her her whole life - Cut to Jess flying towards the watermelons and Cece diverts her into a big stack of toilet paper for sale - The security guard walks in and says something smart, Cece goes all Mama Bear and says he will only get to Jess through her. They start throwing baby shoes, and in slo-mo, escape from the distraction. Jess tells Aly Winston has a crush on her as they run outside!
Aly says she can't date her partner, as she uncuffs them all at the apartment. Plus, she's got a boyfriend! Jess says uh oh, she thought they broke up. Nope, just a fight. The guys show up and Winston tells Aly he wants to date her while the groomsmen serenade her with "Alison". Aly tells him she's so sorry, but she's still with Tripp and also, Aly is not short for Alison. Winston starts to leave and says he understands. Before he goes he tells her "Happy Copiversary". He's proud of her for being a cop for 5 years. She says to wait, and he says he new he should've went with "Police Navidad". LOVE IT. Aly says no, that's not it, she grabs him in a big mouth kiss, he remembered! Finally!!!
Some men in black come and grab them all up and cover their heads with bags, they end up in the back of a moving truck with Cece's former roommate Nadia and lots of booze, disco lights, and male strippers! It's a big party!!! Winston says he's never been so happy in his whole life. Aly reminds him she's still got a boyfriend and he says that's alright, he's still married. WHAT? It's okay, it was just a prank. WHAT? Nadia asks who wants the first tattoo. Nick wants a shamrock on his knuckle. IN A MOVING VEHICLE!
Cece watching "Anne of Green Gables" high: “I love Schmidt. You know I love Schmidt, but I would throw it all away for Gilbert. I would just ruin my life for that boy.”
Jess, also high: “My hearing is so good without my glasses on. I’m a Super-hearo, just eating up sounds with my ear mouth.”