Powerball Dreams


The jackpot for tonight's Powerball is currently showing to be $900 million. In just my state, tickets are selling at roughly 180,000 per hour. I purchased my 5 chances of fantasizing. This grants me the power to wander off into filthy rich Charlieland for a bit; even though the odds of winning are 1 in 292.2 million

So... if you won, what would you do?

Take money

If you opt for the lump sum pay out, after taxes you would only take home roughly $348 million. Let's let that roll off our tongues again. $348 mothereffin' million! The thought of what I could do with that makes my head spin like Linda Blair's in "The Exorcist" Sidenote: I was going to include a pic of Linda, but didn't want to buzzkill the greed woody.

So what would you do if you won? Tell you what I would first do... NOT TELL A SOUL! Ain't nobody hearing about this until I have time to line up an iron clad defensive wall of lawyer, estate planner, and heavy hitting financial adviser. I want the '85 Chicago Bears of money. With $348 million, I am guessing I could afford the elites.

So then, what would I do next? Initially, do some traveling. Become an international wanderer. Stay as long as I liked, and boogie the minute some place got dull. A lot of culinary vacationing. Sampling a variety of cuisines around the world. Street vendors in Vietnam. Tapas joints in Spain. Charcuterie in Italy.

Then I would build a house somewhere where people didn't know me. Decent sized, but not ostentatious. Gots to stay under the radar, yo. My one concession would be to have one hella awesome kitchen. Lots of cupboard space, multiple pantries, sinks. Varied prep areas with granite and butcher block counters. (If you think my Japanese knives are going anywhere near granite; you are nuts!) And finally, one of these...



A mere $16,300 delivered to your doorstep. A guy has got to dream.

Edit: Nobody won Saturday, so the estimated jackpot bumped up to $1.3 billion. That buys a lot of kitchen appliances.

  • Ahhhh when I first moved to London, I stayed with the VERY wealthy best friend of my father and they had an Aga….I never used it but I often looked at it in wonder….

    • No cocaine and hookers tho?? LOL

  • I didn’t win. There goes the private jet.

    • I also did not win. I will stop packing but Imma leave some hand sanitizer out just in case