Reign S3:E16 Clans Recap

Reign

With Reign taking a break last week, we are finally back with three more episodes to wrap up season three. Mary is headed back to her homeland of Scotland, but there's been a terrible storm at sea and her ship is in trouble. Will she make it?

Oh hey! The OG Reign song is playing in the opening sequence finally. Mary wakes up on a beach, they're all shipwrecked. She grabs her knife as she sees scavenges killing everyone lying around. Narcisse grabs her and pulls her behind a boulder. Where's Bash she wants to know, and they see him being uncovered by the killers who grab a sword. Right as they're going to thrust it in his chest some druids ride up and take Bash. Mary insists they follow them, she won't leave Bash behind.

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Elizabeth has to pretend to let the Prince of Denmark court her for marriage. Lola is a little dense at first and asks her if she really wants to marry the dude. Hell no, she tells her. She just needs the oxen they have or they'll all starve to death. England lost a bunch of livestock from foot and mouth disease, see. By the way, I kind of mentioned that you might be interested in his companion that wants a bride too, my bad, she tells her. Never you mind that you're married, play along whether he's cute or ick nast. The men arrive and companion is man candy fo sho.

Claude storms in throwing down jewels and gowns yelling at her mother that she won't be bribed after what she did to her. Catherine rolls her eyes and tells her while it was terrible it was for the good of the house. Claude keeps on and Catherine reaches her boiling point and snaps that the two of them can hate her all they want in private, but shut their yaps in public else the Red Knights will see their fracture and use it against them. Charles asks how they'll stop them and she tells them she will watch them and determine the next move. She orders them to shut it and stay put as she walks out. This burns the kids up and Charles tells Claude he's going to take care of the Red Knights so that the council will recognize him as ruler regardless of his age and kick Catherine out as Regent.

Mary and Narcisse argue as they try to find Bash. He tells her that the only reason he's here is to get to Lola and he doesn't want to be in this god-forsaken place where "they kill foreigners, they don't reason with them." He tells her she doesn't even know the place or her people. She's wounded and tells him "I am not a foreigner, I am a Scot!" He mocks her that she was raised in France, that Scotland was only held in her mind. She tells him she knows he hates her, but she let him come along dammit, so do your thing and let's go get Bash. He's all, fine. You'll have to pretend to be someone else for safety, your chambermaid and I her brother. "Congratulations, we're siblings."

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Elizabeth and the Prince of Denmark walk around chatting and he's an annoying braggart. Our sun never sets. Our food is so good, your food sucks. Hire a Danish chef, no, you could never get it right. Oh, English air stinks. Our air is the best air ever.

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Lola's companion though is a little more charming, he asks about her and she spins a tale about being married before and having a son from it. the Prince starts to prattle again about Denmark being superior and Elizabeth interrupts him to show him the whispering hall, which her father had made to woo ladies back in his day. She then leads him outside where it's snowing, even though he just complained that when he arrived it was all brown and boring. She had it shipped in just for him. He's impressed and might just give her some oxen.

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Narcisse and Mary head into the druid camp where Bash is and a druid is putting snakes in his pants. Or something. They holler at him to stop that! But the man says it's his only hope - if he's going to live, he won't be bitten. Well, that makes sense then! They wait, and by golly, the man retrieves a druid's egg, which looks like a huge blobby eye and then Bash horks up a loogie and the man deems him as going to survive.

Charles tells some pals that his new boy-band, "The Phantom Brigade" I mean spy network, sorry sorry, will get info to figure out the Red Knights. They start to play tennis and a vase gets knocked over. Catherine runs in and says that it was a rare vase from Pope Paul II, but hey, no biggie boys, just have fun, yo! Charles thinks she's just sucking up, but I think she's just smart as a whip and knows EVERYTHING. No WAY young Charles will best his mamma. His buddy whispers a huge secret in his ear that excites him.

The Prince explains his favorite game to Elizabeth while pointing out the Danes used to rule England. She's all, yeah, 600 years ago, fool. Lola gently tells her that men like to win and he's proud, so tread carefully. They start the snowball fight - that's the game? - and he's brutal slamming snowball after snowball into Elizabeth while crowing, "Denmark is the best! Denmark is the best!" LOL

Claude tells Leith about the plan and that he'll be Charles's new right-hand man. He'll help them get Charles as sole ruler and then he'll get the title as Duke so that he can marry her. At first he balks at throwing Catherine out as regent, but she talks him right into it.

Narcisse and Mary introduce themselves as lowly people from France that just caught a ride with the mercenaries to get to Scotland, no biggie. It just struck me here when Mary chastises Narcisse as "Pierre" that a Scot and two French people all speak with English accents. Haha. Anyway, Mary picks his brain about politics and he says ain't nobody got time for that, but maybe...maybe if a unifier showed up...you know...someone to put our faith in...hmmmm...who could that be...hmmmm...Mary's all...don't know...Gurrrrl.

Leith and Charles find bunches and bunches of gun powder and get all excited. Charles wants to use it to explode the place and the Red Knights will come to get their stuff, but they'll be ready with the King's Guard and Charles will win the day, hooray!

Lola's companion is leaving and realizes she doesn't want to marry. He's bold and asks her if she is interested in a little hanky panky later that night. She's all, mayyyybe. The Prince is still at it. He grants Liz her oxen, but she has to write a public statement thanking Denmark for saving England from certain ruin. Liz is about to choke from anger. When he tells her she would leave England to move to Denmark she's had it and leaves to rant to Lola in the hall that he must have lost his damn mind thinking Denmark is more important than England. She says she should invade Denmark for their obnoxiousness.

Right about this moment the Prince walks up and overhears her say that. He's stunned, nay, shocked at such words and tells her that he was coming out to apologize for being a braggart. He was just over-compensating for England always thinking they were so awesome than everyone else. The deal is OFF and they are leaving. Liz asks him to please stay, she was just angry. Lola steps in and says Liz didn't even say it, she did. The Prince says there will be the most disastrous repercussions in the world, and we all wait with baited breath...I actually laughed really hard when he says:  Lola is banned from ever setting foot in Denmark forever!

Mary finds Narcisse packing up and she's pissed that he didn't plan on telling her. He tells her that she doesn't need her anymore, so whatever. She admits that he was right, she does need him, she knows nothing about Scotland. She begs him to accompany her Edinburgh, she will get Lola's release then, she promises. He tells her that she always lands on top and she'll do it there too. He really can't stand her and also doesn't have any time for that either, so bai.

Elizabeth asks Lola why she stood up for her and why she always has. Lola tells her she's not sure. Liz isn't stupid and she guesses rightly that she wants her to slip and give her info to share with Mary. Lola tells her that they are both good people and she's not doing that! Nope! She lies and tells Liz that she can't see her going to Scotland right now. She wants Liz to see her as a real friend. Liz seems placated. Oh Lola, Lola, Lola.

The druid sees Mary off and calls her by her real name. He knew the whole time who she was. He had looked in her eyes and seen her father King James. He encourages her by saying that she's already got everything she needs, "The spirit of Scotland is in every beating of your heart." and she tears up as she thanks him. As he prays over her and Bash, an arrow slices through the air and they are attacked by the Wolvers. He tells them to hide because Bash is still too weak to fight. Everyone is killed and we see Bash and Mary roped up as captured.

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A Wolver man asks them who they are as he unties them, they thank the man for saving them. They have pretended to be hostages of the druids. He says they can travel with them and they say no thanks, but he insists. They are all, uh oh, that kind of means he wants us as hostages. Crap.

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Elizabeth startles Lola by walking in late and tells her that, another uh oh, survivors have arrived from a ship that sank on Scotland's shores. She is so cool and calm she's scary - she says that the ship was full of mercenaries and weapons. Also, how convenient was it that my fleet was out of commission during that time, Liz wants to know. Liz tells Lola that Mary is probably dead and she doesn't blame Lola for what she did. Lola is so confused she doesn't know WTF to say or do. She manages to ask Liz why she isn't angry with her and Liz says because she stayed loyal to her queen. Liz could super use a loyal friend like her, will she stay with her in England permanently as a subject, not hostage? She leaves and Lola breaks down, sobbing.

Charles and his men take place and he shoots the first flaming arrow into the building. They wait for the gunpowder to go off, but nothing. They realize something has gone wrong and one boy runs in. Leith goes to get him and they see that everything is gone except grain. Duh. A toddler could have seen this coming. Silly Charles. One buddy takes him back to the castle, but not really. He's part of The Red Knights...they show up and take him. He's double crossed him.

Bash comes across the dying druid and he tells him that he has magic in him. Mary sees the Clan Mcphee emblem on one of Wolver men and knows that they are against her reign. Not only that, but they tried to kill her and assassinated Francis instead. As they travel on horseback with people all around them they openly talk about HOW HORRIBLE IT WOULD BE IF ANYONE TRAVELING WITH THEM HEARD THAT MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS IS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE THEY WANT TO MURDER HER DEAD. She tells Bash no worries, no pictures of her are around this area, she'll get to Edinburgh, then she'll rip the leader, Munro's heart out just like he did hers. And she says it so convincingly, Bash is all O-O

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  • Best.air.ever made me actually LOL, hahaha great recap!

    • Renoblondee

      Thanks! Hahaha