The Real Housewives of Potomac S1:E5 Error On the High Seas

RHOP

Welcome to Episode 5 of The Real Housewives of Potomac! I'm going to do my best with this recap, as I've not watched the show before.I'm filling in for the lovely, but missing in action JSierra, who always does such a bang up job, so I have big shoes to fill.

Karen wants to take her daughter Raven to a self defense class so she'll be ready when she goes off to college. Ya know, I've heard that those classes do more harm than good for that kind of thing. I could be wrong. Karen tells us in interview she was mugged in the parking lot at the mall. She had a diamond necklace stolen. That must be an awful feeling to have been violated like that. After the session with the trainer, she says she feels kick ass, and her daughter does too. Karen cries when she tells her how proud she is of her and she wants her to forget about being kind if anyone tries to hurt her. Just kick their butts, and she also bought her a pink stun gun if that doesn't work.

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Ashley is opening up an Australian restaurant, and she says it's because she wants to make her own money to be able to help her family with, and to not be beholden to her husband. Honey, just how would you be opening up said restaurant without said husband? She needs an assistant, (oy vey, she's an independent one alright) and her and Michael interview a bunch of people with the dumbest questions ever: Heels or flats? How many followers do you have on Social Media? Who's a famous Aussie? What's a didgeridoo? Katy Perry or Taylor Swift? These two hurt my head. They head to lunch and he tells her if she's lucky she can blow his didgeridoo.

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Robyn arrives at Charrisse's house, and she brings out a lovely tray of shrimp appetizers with the wine. It makes Robyn's head explode. She tells Charrisse not to come to her house, she'd get grilled hot dogs if she was lucky. They talk relationships and Charrisse asks if she loves her husband. She says she does, but I have to admit I'm a little fuzzy on what's going on with Robyn and her man. I find out later they're divorced but the kids don't know it, and now she's saying he might have to leave for a coaching job and she may follow him some day, but not for now. Charrisse tells Robyn that she's finally had enough of her man and she's texted him that she's given up and filed for divorce.

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Gizelle arrives at Karen's house and they gossip about Ashley's party. They still cannot get over the bar not being an open one, and Gizelle admits she stiffed her bill. If Ashley invites her to a party, she can pay. Karen has rented a yacht to show Ashley and everyone how a real party is done. No one need bring their wallets, just bring a man, or BYOM, as she puts it. Gizelle wants to know if she's inviting Katie and Andrew after her bizarre display at the party. She will, but they both think she MAY have been on something, like the D word. Every time they say it, it thunders and they think maybe they should zip it.

Ashley's mom and brother come to visit her. She tells her mom about her new friends and her mom is glad for her but where's the Patron, dear? Go, mom! The mix drinks and we find out that mom has recently filed for bankruptcy. Ashley wants to help, but mom says if she really needs help one day she'll come to her. This is why she wants her restaurant to succeed so badly,she interviews.

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Katie is "transitioning" from model to head of a foundation. She wants Karen's help because she's heard she has the best Rolodex ever, so they meet for lunch. Karen really doesn't want anything to do with Katie, even though she apologizes for getting drunk and acting stupid at the party. Karen is just too busy, hard pass, honey. Much disappoint.

Gizelle is out there dating now, and she's on her second date with Herman, who was on The House of Delegates and also ran for Congress. She says in third person she doesn't date just anyone. Scrubs? Um, no. She orders oysters and he thought they were fried, so his face looks terrified at the thought of eating one. Ha! He feeds her one instead. He tells her after that he'll go home smelling like clams, and she can't even. After the date he tries to make a move, but she ain't having it. Even though she says he needs to get some swag to him, Herman does score an invite to the yacht party. "Jesus help my man."

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Katie and Andrew meet Ashley and Michael at a golf course. Ashley has never played before and after one swing she's good to go. She's done. Katie tells her that Karen won't help her with her foundation and she didn't like her face sucking at the party. Ashley tells her that she's ageist against them? Okay. And Katie says it is so nice not hanging around the "old biddies".

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Karen calls Ray up to approve an outfit for the party. He comes up to the room and is all, that's a top right? No, it's a full dress,she tells him. In interview she says Ashley needs to be a good student like she was. But then again, she knew what she was after and she werked. Ray says that dress is full of holes, and Karen tells him "All my holes are for you." Alright, kids!

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On the yacht, the party begins. Ashley and Michael arrive with a pirate hat on, and Karen says she loves how loaded he is and how he loves to have fun. She's going to show her how it's done though. Yes, we've heard that a hundred times. Get to showing! Gizelle introduces Herman around, and Andrew, I think? says congratulations and she's all, um, why would you even say that? It's only date 2 1/2 you know. Later, Karen walks up and asks Herman if his name is Mr. Miami. BIG WHOOPS because evidently Gizelle occasionally dates this fella Mr. Miami. She says Karen is shady, nay "Full blown eclipse."

Gizelle talks to Katie about her showing herself at the party. Will these people never get over that? And Katie says she's sorry, she's moving on. Thanks be to bob, I hope they all will. Will Gizelle help her with her foundation? Yes, she will, but don't get drunk and show your ass again!

Ashley interviews that she loooooves Aussie people because they are so wild and crazy and they do fun things. Yes, Ashley. All Australians are like that. Sure. Of course then we cut to Michael announcing he wants to swim and taking his pants off. Karen freaks out, as does all the ladies. "We are black, Ashley. We don't do this," Gizelle tells her. Bahahahaha Karen ONE MORE TIME tells her she needs to learn from her. We get it! Crisis diverted, pants up, and Ashley invites the ladies to her beach house in Delaware. That's where we'll be next week!

RHYacht