Poor Liz is down on her luck, so miserable without Tristan she wants to kill herself. After witnessing the twisted beauty of an old devoted couple that couldn't live without one another kill themselves. she realizes she has nothing. Don’t do it, Iris warns! You’ll stay here at the Cortez unless you have all your business finished. She needs to right things with his boy he left all those years ago. Iris resolves to go with her when she's ready. Her boy doesn’t really love her, she’s ready too.
Miss Evers is inviting Liz’s now-grown boy for a week’s stay at the Cortez for her. She warns that things may not go as planned, that his boy lost his father and when he arrives he’ll be confronted with “the ghost of Theda Bara, I mean that’s quite a fright, indeed.” Ha. I love her. Their apparent bonding has come with a deal: Liz hands her a big bottle of Oxy laundry detergent. Miss Evers bubbles over with enthusiasm, “Who would have thought oxygen? In the soap? It’s like Christmas morning!”
We see Sad Cop kill a trio of church goers………."One more and you’ll be free,” Sally says.
He can be purty, doe...
Meanwhile in two rotating scenes, Natacha confronts The Countess “We don’t need you. You know nothing of my resourcefulness. Little mouse.” while Ex-Boy-Now-Back-On-About-To-Be-Off-Again confronts Rudolph. While Natacha and Rudolph both pull a blade on their enemies, The Countess and Ex are like “Okay, sure,” and shoot them in their perspective melons. “Who’s the little mouse now?” and “She’s gonna mourn over that pretty face.” So he shoots it some more! “Not so pretty now are you?”
March burns the hotel contractor alive for “practice”, so he tells Sad Cop. But Sad Cop doesn’t have time for this, he’s looking for Alex. Alex comes to him and they confront each other about their kids. Yes, we’re awful parents, they agree. Truff. Alex tells him about the undead kidlet mishap. The Countess has told
her to fix it or her and Holden are kaput.
Will he help her? Arriving at the house, they search, finding the kidlets, one of the girls dies. We can help, they say! Come with us, they tell them! Sad Cop and Alex enter the secret enclosure area with the kidlets, shoving them all in and slamming the door on them. Ramona enters and smile, “I smell appetizers.” “Clutch your pearls daddy.” Liz’s boy is coming! He arrives at the bar and they chat friendly-like. He seems a nice fella,
telling her about his family and his dreams. He has a good wife, she encourages him to move to Boulder and start his own business. Liz does as well. Liz never does tell him. Choking up, her son leaves.
Mrs. Drake reports her, ahem, new "missing" husband to the police. He walks in in the middle like he owns the place. “You murdered me, you bitch.” “Oh get over it, you pissed me off.” These two love birds. He tells her she wasn’t in his will. So what, she says, she’s his boy’s guardian and when he’s of age? “I don’t kill children. But I can make him a blood relative.” He angrily leaves, March walking up saying, “I advised you not to kill him in the building.” Ha.
Presenting...The Widow Drake
Alex and Sad Cop go for a romp, ‘cause, why not? Uh oh, Sally is pisssssed. “Did you come inside her or did you shoot on her tits like you do with me? With the whore it’s always on the tits.” They go back and forth, she tries to persuade him to hump her. He resists. She tries to kill him, he leaves and the sex monster appears for a moment at her head.
Miss Evers is beside herself, Liz and Iris have given her a deluxe washer/dryer. They prepare to end themselves, but Miss Evers says his son wants a moment with the bartender. He tells her he's moving to Boulder to open his own shop. Liz moves to tell him who she really is, but his son already knows. "There’s plenty of room for another woman in my life.”
The Countess tells Ex-Now-On-About-To-Be-Off how she let Ramona eat Drake. “Baby, you hate watched without me,” he pouts. She asks him to take Drake’s body and put Ramona back in the Iron Maiden. He
then calmly tells her to text her boyfriend, but wait, “he doesn’t text, and you can forget about Facetime.” She finds him with his pretty face destroyed, and she's devastated. Joke's on you, Countess.
Liz finds Iris finishing up a tribute to herself on her laptop to post to her three Instagram followers. It consists of a loop of a rainbow scene, two pictures of Iris and a picture of a cuddly zoo animal with the song "I Hope You Dance" playing. LOL. Liz gently tells her she's not going to off herself, that she might one day become "a grandmother, Iris.” Liz then starts to get mad and tells her they should own this joint, "The best is yet to come.”
Sad Cop and Alex go get Holden, take him by the hand and walk out the the Cortez to go back home while Sally shrieks about how she's going to kill Sad dead and she means it! Well, okay then. Scarlett might be happy to see you guys. Maybe.
The Countess walks in to Ex-Boy-Toy grooving to "Hotline Bling"(too funny!) to yell at him about blowing Rudolph's brain out. He says that he doe want her to kill her because it's the only way she'll love him. It seems like she's moved by this when... In walks the Lady’s of a certain age, GUNS BLAZING! We'll have to see next episode if The Countess is dead or not. See you soon!