Dear readers, yes, I am SO tardy for the party this week and I apologize. The universe set fit to send all sorts of work nasties in my direction so I had to deal, I am grovelling for forgiveness, ok no I'm not, I have a glorious gin and tonic in one hand and no fucks left in the other 🙂
It's the pointy end of the season and it feels as though they've been teasing us with the potential confrontation between Stassi and Waity Katie since bloody Hallowe'en, right?? We might actually get more than just the tip tonight, kids, I am excited for full penetration! Bwahahahaaa!
First up we head to Special Unique Restaurant where Waity Katie and Princess Scheana are picking up their pay cheques, is this still a thing? Don't you just get your money electronically these days or is LVP too Luddite for that? Katie is remorseful because she went FULL PSYCHO on his arse after he admitted he invited Stassi to their engagement party, personally, I think she let him off lightly but things definitely went hardcore cray as you can see from this screenshot:
LVP turns up and doles out the cash to her minions and they chat about the upcoming Palm Springs trip which Katie is now going to so she can ambush Stassi. Ahhh I'm not sure how that is going to work but Katie seems to have this shot show in check, for now...till she plays into Stassi's web.
No Hair Peter is awaiting the arrival of his GF's hyped up child Liam but has company in Jax the Nose and Schwartz. They decide that doing shots is the best way to prepare to babysit a 4-year-old because this is Vanderpump Rules, booze must be present at every turn. Sarah rocks up with her son and a full page of 'rules'...
No rough housing? I guess sleeping under a bridge in a cardboard box is out of the question then? Candy is brought out, gluten consumed, zombie swords fights are had but all Liam wants to know is 'who is going to be the princess'? Schwartz obliges...
The ladies arrive in Palm Springs which I always thought was more retired golf community that a party town but I guess these girls are going to change that. Stassi is sad that Katie and Scheana are not coming but mostly because, once upon a time, SHE was the Queen Bee who decided who would come or not. Oh, Stassi, your future is brighter than you think!
Bwahahaaaa DJ TFB is bussing tables at S.U.R! How the mighty have fallen...Lalalaaa is quizzing him about his date Lauren, she's totes mocking him and it's beautiful to watch him with his tail between his legs. Lalalaaa thinks he should take Kristen to dinner so they can talk about their feelings which will go down as well as a razor blade Martini.
Behind the bar, Jax and Sandoval are chatting about how 'distant' Sandoval has been but really, he's just been busy with his band, man and his legit music video, m'kay? Sandoval is calling Jax on his crap and it's fantastic, you can see his ego/penis retreating as he speaks. But, of course, it descends into madness fairly quickly as Jax tells Sandoval that everything is always all about him, or something. Then he lays the low blow that Ariana-Daria is negative and this is rubbing off on Sandoval, "He was definitely more fun when he was dating Kristen," EEK!
Stassi is devastated that she can't even send an emoji to Katie, but what's that I can hear? The doorbell?? YASSSSS! Waity Katie and Princess Scheana are at the door to get this party started!
Katie swans in with all of the cards in hand and says "It's great you invited us here and all but the reason I am here is to talk to this one," she waves a haughty arm in Stassi's direction and Stassi promptly loses whatever shit she had.
Waity Katie is cold as ICE, Stassi tries to bring up Scheana's involvement in the 'sex tape' scandal but Katie just says "a lot of the time, it's not about you," which is something I am sure Stassi has never heard before. The zingers keep on coming as they hash it out "I was a fucking amazing friend to you"....."too little too late." Stassi is grovelling but Katie appears to be having none of it, "I have amazing people in my life right now and I just don't have time to go through that again," Katie says. "I'd be a damn fool." Don't go back, Katie.....don't do it!
It's quite interesting to watch a raving narcissist grovel like this! Waity Katie is all grace and actually thanks Stassi for apologising and it's been a long time coming, for sure. Katie tells her it's ok for her to come to her engagement party and now they are hugging and, ugh, NO KATIE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh, too late, these two will be besties again in a week.
Back in the kitchen, Princess Scheana is getting all pissy at the New Besties and making a big show about having been there for 'moral support', oh dear, having Scheana for moral support would be like having Stevie Wonder as your hairdresser. Kristen is happy that all her besties are besties again so, let's have a cocktail, WHEEEE! "We can go topless in the pool for old times sake!"
Palm Springs looks boring as, I have no idea why they would go there, it's all manicured lawns and automated sprinklers. Over breakfast cocktails, the girls are discussing Ariana-Daria and this upsets Princess Scheana no end as they used to be besties too, you guys! Now Princess Scheana has no besties!! Shame....
Back at S.U.R, Ariana-Daria and LVP are talking about her friendship with Scheana. LVP tells her that good friends shouldn't be tossed aside but A.D rightly points out that friends don't act like total biatches like Scheana did. Team Ariana-Daria on this one.
Stassi and Katie are having their second chat and it's more like a job interview than anything else, "Thank you for giving me this opportunity!" simpers Stassi, this is just weird now, stop it, all of you! Just like that Palm Springs is over but not until we cut to drunk Kristen being drunk and wanting to stop for cocktails on the drive back. I feel a story line coming up!
DJ Trust Fund Baby is having lunch with his Mama Bear, this should be fun seeing as he admits straight up to her that he turned up drunk for a shift at S.U.R and is now back bussing tables. TFB is blaming Kristen for his drunken antics yet again and Mama Bear thinks that KKK is a drunk. "You're one to talk!" says DJ TFB which will get his block knocked into next year. Mama Bear takes it badly and starts crying then TFB says some wrong shit about boys dating their mothers and I am like "LALALAAA I can't hear youuuuuu!" gross.
Our young lovers, Katie and Schwartz, are reunited she apologises for being the "Shakespeare of Hate Texting" and he apologises for discounting her feelings. All is well with the world.....for now.....see you next week readers, yes, this caravan of crazy is STILL going! xoxox BM