Things are getting more intense by the moment on Spotless; alls the spoilers behind the break.

Last week Martin (Denis Menochet) passed out after being stabbed by the French thugs chasing him, Victor (Liam Garrigan) made the bad love with expired sex worker Joanne and is now after Jean (Marc-Andre Grondin), who is barely hanging on by his expensive and fraught fingernails.

Jean and Julie (Miranda Raison) are dining with Nelson (Brendan Coyle) and Sonny Clay (Kate Magowan). Jean is brooding as usual and Julie’s trying! Jean is peering around at blood hanging off the chandeliers

And questioning Nelson on his lineage.

Turns out Nelson’s a MicMac, which doesn’t involve giving any dog a bone, but rather half Irish and half Scottish. That sounds like a bloody magic mix, if you ask me. He and Victor were also in care, like Martin and Jean, which I gather Jean hasn’t told Julie. Sigh. A toast!

We go back 36 hours:

Martin is upright once again and watching Jean smoke and pace outside work while worrying about Victor, the “friendly type of murdering necrophiliac.” Maureen (Naomi Radcliffe) shows up early and they have to skedaddle; nothing suspicious there at all! *squeeeeaaaaaallllll*

Romain (Maxime LaFrancois) and Nico (Damien Taranto) are now on the hunt for Nelson Clay; I’m super curious about what will happen when they find him. During the extended watch, we’re getting quite a bit more of Julie and family, including the morning send-off to school with Maddy (Jemma Donovan) and Oliver (Niall Hayes).

Martin and Jean arrive at a hugemongous country estate to meet tea aficionado Nelson waxing lyric about his rosehip tea

But hey! The problem is inside. It’s Frank (Ciaran Owens) and he’s inside all right, very much alive and bleeding all over the place from a gunshot to the knee.

Just for something different, Jean says he can’t do anything about this (*jerkoff motion*), but oh. He’s not there for that anyway. Nelson has clearly decided Frank’s druggy secret-selling time is up. Joey (Doug Allen) will be killing him, Jean will be cleaning and now Frank tells his story! He got caught with his hands in Veysel Keaton’s pants, essentially, and he warns Jean that his time will also be coming: try not to overthink it.

Oh wait! Jean thinks this isn’t part of the agreement! That’s different, let’s all be shocked that JEAN’S FORGOTTEN HE DOESN’T GET TO SET TERMS WITH THE GANGSTER. I mean. Jean sticks to his mops and buckets; he will not be cleaning this murder up. Now, he did ask to not be present whenever a crime is committed (EXCEPT HIS OWN, RIGHT??) and Frank is a friend of sorts, they just worked together on the Joanne crime scene clean-up, but it’s getting a bit repetitive with Jean pretending he can just pick and choose jobs for the criminal element.

Side note: the scoring was not…great in this scene. It sounded like early 80s soap opera and it made Frank’s big scene seem trite, if beautifully lit.

Nelson says he will leave the scene exactly as it is until they change their minds; Sonny is due back the following day.

Ohhhh, see, I’ve got the timeline sorted now: this happened before Jean and Julie’s dinner date with Nelson and Sonny, that’s why he’s on edge during and checking for blood. Other than you’d for sure be on edge while dining with the MicMac version of the debbil. I mean, honestly, I suppose once you know you have a great crime scene cleaner, you could just start shooting people any damn where, but I’m too superstitious (not really, but sort of, you know, in case) to think having a bunch of bad karma around would be okay in one’s house.

Jean and Martin chat and I get it, I mean, Nelson is using Jean’s list of Nevers as a checklist, but honestly. Martin says sure, ditch Clay, but we’d better find a new schoolyard friend for protection: remember French thugs? Martin has a much clearer view of what should be happening, I’m guessing due to his years of experience; he wants Jean to do the clean to buy them time. That’s all they can do at this point, hang on until they can see a way oot. Things change every day, and nobody is too big to fail, Mr. Clay.

I WANT TO GIF EVERY SINGLE SCENE WITH NELSON CLAY TALKING. Here he talks to Joey (Doug Allen) about Jean Bastiere’s need to feel in control, which is a false security at best. “He can always say no.”

That scene was left out of the original cut and it makes no sense: it’s the episode title! And Spotless isn’t one of those “artistic” starey shows where everything is conceptual, it’s spelled right out!

At Jean’s office, a detective DCI Diane Squire (Sarah Niles) has popped in for a quick word about Tom Kendrick (the cop Nelson killed that was harassing and being bribed by Jean); she knows about the backhanders (best word for bribe ever!) to Tom and also Tom’s involvement with the criminal underworld. She’s investigating his death and maybe that suicide cover didn’t work after all.

Martin is staking out Veysel (Phillip Arditti) the man that Frank was selling secrets to. That Martin, so clever, he’s gone looking for new friends already.

Nelson is meeting with the French thugs; they need their $100k worth of A grade heroin or the money; Nelson is not inclined to give these “tourists” anything. They are sent packing by snapping turtle Nelson and Romain is fully aware of his measure, if Nico is just intimidated.

Denny (Sam McKay) gets some lines: woot! He doesn’t know any Frenchmen, but he saw them on the telly.

Side note, because apparently it’s just that kind of day: Brendan Coyle, who plays Nelson Clay, is just a joy to watch. It’s rare, in this day and age, to see an actor really work dialogue and embody a character with his entire being: he is one such artist. Bravo!

BastiereDesign.com is up and running, WHY DID CANAL AND ESQUIRE CUT SO MUCH OF MIRANDA RAISON’S SCREENTIME? Julie’s sister Nina (Lucy Akhurst) is fending her third engagement; she’s thinking Pass. If you’re going to get married the third time, it had better be spectacular. I’d just like to finish out the first civilly, please and thank you.

Jean is approached by Maureen; she’s noticed the massive amounts of used currency flowing into the safe and she wants to help. Her father is in a nursing home (it’s getting to be about that time, isn’t it? Claire’s mom, this woman’s dad, our generation has a lot to not look forward to happening shortly), and she offers to help cook his books with dead people from there. She’s going to be the Danny, thank you Breaking Bad! She loves her job and she doesn’t want to lose it.

Jean gets called out for brooding (yes, he ALWAYS is a tragic guy) by Maddy, who says not only is he sad all the time, but also a shite liar. My goodness she looks grown up with her hair down. She gets shooed away when Martin shows up bearing his olive branch of Veysel Keaton, to be brushed away rudely by Jean. Bingewatching is making Jean’s behaviour untenable.

Hmm, we get to relive the assault from the beginning and I managed to watch the whole thing! Yay me! Baby steps. Two things: now I can’t tell if it’s an assault or not, there’s a possibility it was consensual, and two: the man with the terrible mustache was a police officer.

Jean has run to Claire (Tanya Fear), and that’s how she can afford that gorgeous apartment: she has a (very unimpressed) roommate. He spills the details of Frank’s murder and the nature of his real business; Jean thinks that if he cleans up this scene, he will be completely owned and I just don’t know how he doesn’t know he’s already owned. I mean, that’s what Nelson DOES. Claire comforts him and he spends the night. Um.

Julie gets a call that a pipe has burst at her studio so off she runs, leaving Martin in charge of Maddy, who is searching her parent’s bathroom and looks miserable. Her new school induction is this morning AND she’s started her period and Martin…has no clue. This is sweet and awesome, though: “do you have….everything you need?” “I’ll leave you a hot water bottle!” “Are you gonna be moody from now on?”

Best.uncle.ever

After Jean’s sleepover at Claire’s, he wakes up late and she tells him he’s not allowed in her space anymore. And don’t take calls from your wife in front of your mistress, that’s just poor form, Jean.

Martin comes back with every feminine product known to man, and hot chocolate, because in his experience, “women love chocolate” and that scene is making me tear up a bit. I mean, he called her a woman! He’s such a good uncle and her dad would have been shit at that anyway, he can’t stop only thinking of himself. He also offers her a cigarette, because she’s a Real Woman now. The scootching the cup of hot chocolate on a tray across the floor was everything.

Whew, I wasn’t sure if that burst pipe was real or a Victor-induced problem, but it looks like there really is a mess for Julie; her sister shows up and gives a profane reading of This Old Life or some such nonsense, such a laugh, that one. CopHandies for hitchhiking home is what got her interested in the law.

Martin and Maddy bond some more; she explains what comes next is that her “womb will shed for four to five days, and then I wait a month until the next time, and in about 40 years” she dries up again”. Niiiiice

Julie is scrounging cleaning supplies from Jean’s office; she asks how his last night was and rolls her eyes when he says “Fine. Dull.” No way this woman doesn’t know about Claire. In the background lurks Denny, more Clay talking! Woo hoo!! I got names!!!!! Nico (Damien Taranto) and Romain (Maxime Lafrancois) are the French Thugs, motherhumpers!! WOO HOO!

Anyway, Nelson threatens to send Nico and Romain after Jean and his family if he continues to refuse to clean Frank’s scene. Point, set and match. Get your things, Jean.

Martin drops Maddy off at school and heads to his meeting with Veysel (Phillip Arditti); he’s offering Jean’s services on the open market and he wants protection in return. I don’t know this Veysel’s network, but it seems unlikely he is on the same level of Nelson Clay. Veysel would prefer Martin showed, not told.

Julie is calling the insurance company and ohhhhhh another thing I missed. That gorgeous apartment of Claire’s, which turned out to not be Claire’s anyway, and not a hotel room, but a Slam Pad owned by Jean and Julie’s just found the mortgage documents. She knows what that means. She’s not getting very far with inquiries, but maybe I misunderstood: the mortgage is almost a million dollars against her house.

Jean is cleaning Nelson’s house, finally, this time with Denny’s help and a little music to clean by. It’s vinyl, but here’s a YouTube version:

Charles Bradley: The World Is Going Up In Flames

Julie is home, finally, and is just now realising that her little girl is a woman now *herk*. Ollie needs money for “supplies” and I wanna know what for!

Back to present time; Sonny and Julie are chatting and toast to “too many secrets” and you’ve got that right. Nelson and Jean discuss Julie and her career (furniture design, NOT pottery, my bad) and hand about large packets of cash. Nelson has taken quite the interest in Julie, don’t think Jean hasn’t noticed.

On the way home, Jean and Julie discuss his time in care and I wish I’d seen this part the first time. What I thought was assault the first time and after was consensual for SURE, Jean talks about his mother taking a lover.

Oh my goodness, Martin is taking Veysel and his crew on a tour through Jean’s office and this guy is a MORON. He asks if they want a demo, sure! They brought their own test subject. They beat one of their crew to death (he beats his wife) and ask Martin to clean it up. Sigh. We’re oot.

No Victor this episode, more morose Jean and entrepreneurial Martin. We even got some more information about the initial murder by the brothers, and have fully entangled Julie in everything. I can’t recommend the Netflix extended version more; it adds so may more pieces to the puzzle. Until next time, Real Women and Men.

If you like the pics, these ones were mine but anyvelez, miss-ute and handy-for-the-bus on Tumblr are FANTASTIC sources of all things Brendan Coyle related. Cheers!