I’m going to chance calling this episode of Below Deck Mediterranean the last episode again, woooo! We have some rather serious interpersonal disputes going on, ten bucks says everything is fine after the season wraps. It’s just so intense living and working with the same people in the same small space for a short period of time! Rolling S3:E14 Stew Coup after the break!
The guests are super chill on this charter, Primaries Daniel Pendley and partner Melinda Messick are a couple of motivational speakers and after a long day spouting such wisdom as “God is love and Love is God”, they call it a night as 11:30 pm. Some of our guests in the past haven’t even started supper by then!
Second stew Brooke Laughton is letting chief stew Hannah Ferrier have it in the galley: she really thinks there is a work imbalance on the ship. She’s doing much more than Hannah, but Hannah refuses to admit that’s true. Good thing there are cameras!
Also editing, so.
Hannah thanks Brooke for her opinion and heads straight down to shittalk her in the crew mess. Chef Adam Glick doesn’t want to get involved and neither does Hannah’s cuddlebuddy (currently on the outs) bosun Conrad Empson.
Hannah blames it on her hating Brooke’s cuddlebuddy lead deckhand João Franco, but this isn’t Adam’s first rodeo with second stews being pissed at Hannah for not doing enough. Last season Christine “Bugsy” Drake did the same speech around the same point in the charter season, Adam wonders aloud if Hannah’s checked out already.
Hannah carries on looking for someone to trash Brooke while the lady herself continues to do all the clean up work. It’s almost as though Hannah just wants to be around the guests after all the work has been done.
Conrad finds Brooke crying while cleaning and gives her a big hug and agrees to talk. When he wouldn’t talk to Hannah about it.
Hannah is totally middle school mean girl: you’re on her team or you’re on the other side. Blind obedience is a must, but Conrad is showing a disturbing trend of thinking for himself.
Brooke asks Conrad if he regrets starting a relationship with Hannah, his pause says everything.
The weather is perfect the next morning, Captain Sandy Yawn gives orders to prepare the super yacht for departure and Hannah makes the mistake of bitching about Brooke to third stew Kasey Cohen. Kasey lays it out straight, pissing Hannah off, she knows what she does, OKAY? SHE DOES STUFF!
It’s 11 am and not one guest has shown their noses out their rooms but the crew is hard at work. Daniel and Melinda make it upstairs and ask to take a tender ride to the caves before breakfast.
Hannah calls the stews into the main salon for a meeting, does anyone have anything they want to share? Brooke starts out carefully, to be interrupted immediately by Hannah who is gunning for a war. She’s ready this time! The guests are happy, WHO SAYS SHE DOESN’T DO STUFF??
*cut to all the mistakes Hannah’s made this season
Hannah is doing what all children do when called out for bad behaviour: immediately start working above and beyond what they’re supposed to do in a move I like to call “SEE???? SEE???? I DO STUFF!!” Sometimes followed by the ceremonial returning of all presents, a ritual named “I DON’T NEED YOU!! I DON’T NEED YOUR STUFF!!! I AM INDEPENDENT!!”
Kasey is more than happy to have Hannah do the laundry.
Two more of the guests come out, they’ve been waiting for the Primaries to call them but Daniel and Melinda are halfway to the caves, they ain’t coming back.
Deckhand Jamie Jason reminisces in the crew mess with João and deckhand Colin Macy-O’Toole, she just needs a “dickmedown and a cuppa tea.”
Girl: same
Captain Sandy is delighted with her deck crew, she even has something nice to say about Conrad. He’s stepping up!
Adam’s got brunch ready for the crowd when the Primaries make it back aship, they eat while Colin talks about heading back home. He’s an only child (legit gasped when he said that – only children can be the WORST) and has never been away from his parents this long before. He’s loved traveling all over the world, his appetite for the industry has been whetted!
Captain Sandy watches as Hannah is overly solicitous to the guests, it’s all going well!
Yeah, for one whole charter, oh and the one where Captain Sandy wanted to fire Hannah, we got some great chief stewing then too!
The guests make it upstairs for supper, our crew is working non-stop in the meantime. Adam is outdoing himself in the galley but what he’s NOT doing is feeding the crew. Again. That’s bullshiiiiiiiit.
We’ve got the lovely Lucy Park above deck, she is dairy (and everything else fun) free, so Adam is careful to point out which dish is hers as Hannah and Brooke load up.
Both Hannah and Brooke forget immediately which is the dairy-free dinner.
Hannah asks Lucy if this she has a dairy allergy, because she’s only 90% sure that her dish is the right one. It’s a preference, whew!
The crew finally gets some supper (grilled cheese and tomato soup) at 11:30 pm, whut?
They only get a couple of minutes to eat before the guests ask everyone to join them in the Broken Arrow Ceremony.
I’m guessing Daniel Pendley’s stage act is half magician-half motivational speaker. This act is about changing your physical state, sort of an updated Walk Across Burning Coals?
Who’s up first? Colin! Then all the other boys, I just don’t get it…
Hannah goes to the galley to tell Adam directly that the crew are tired of late supper, poor Jamie goes to bed at 7 pm and never eats at all. Colin and Conrad come in and they hash it out like adults. Awwww!
Conrad notices that Hannah’s being a bit odd, she makes a point of a couple of significant looks/glances to make sure he knows he messed up and they head outside for a smoke.
Hannah jumps all over him for supporting Brooke instead of her, he’d like her to stop attacking everything he does.
It goes back to Conrad acting normally with João the night João suggested she was materialistic, how could he not be rude to the guy who works for him?
Conrad keeps speaking his mind, getting mad and walking away. He needs to stop doing that. His inexperience is what’s making him run away, he needs to stand his ground. Hannah will just mess with him otherwise.
Captain Sandy gets a hilarious call the next morning, Colin’s parents just happen to be in Naples! Can they see their baby boy?
*only child parents*
A bird lands on deck, Captain Sandy musing over its dietary life choices was hilarious.
A pantsless Daniel surprises João in the salon
Adam cooks.
Colin is up on bridge taking the yacht out, he’s psyched! He drives a little ferry to Fire Island (sorry I made assumptions based on that and your hair and shoe collection, Colin! And showtunes!), this is a leetle different.
I love how Captain Sandy does her best to teach and empower all of her crew, she’s even forgiven Hannah for her shitty work ethic earlier in the season.
Captain Sandy docks the boat while the guests pack up and the crew lines up in their whites.
SHOW ME YOUR TIP!!!
We don’t want gratitude and attitude, we wanna see the moola! Awww, first Captain Sandy and Hannah make up, she wants Hannah to get whatever she needs!
Tip Meeting Time! I will guess $15,000K based on nothing
Oh. $14,000k, I was close! Maybe if there was Grey Goose on the tender, HANNAH…
Colin’s parents are here!!
I’m not crying, you’re crying!! Well, me and Colin.
Colin takes them on a boat tour, Brooke and I cry some more when she hears that they flew out here just to see him.
CUT IT OUT
Everyone gets ready for a night out, Adam: “where did I put my pants…?”
Conrad carefully arranges the table seating with Colin and Adam, no Hannah will be allowed close.
Which is just as well, given her mood. She sits in the other end of the dingy to shore, bragging to the girls about how famous her former lovers were and how much of a boy Conrad is.
Honestly.
Hannah defeats Conrad’s seating plan immediately, they share stilted conversation until she pulls him aside for yet another talk.
Meanwhile, Kasey and João haven’t stopped flirting across the table for a second, Brooke and I are over it.
Conrad asks why Hannah is so different now than she was when they first started necking, she says this is just her.
Ten bucks says Hannah was bored and messed with Conrad because he was cute and now THAT’S boring, so.
João is over Brooke not trusting his flirty arse, I’m over him pretending he’s not blatantly winding Brooke up.
Conrad and Hannah fight some more, HONESTLY, stahp. STAHP. You’re not working out, you have six days left in the charter season, walk away! GO
And jaysus wept, this isn’t the last episode of the season either! We’ve got another charter! Until then.
