Let’s just take one minute and say deuces to Elise:

Oh. And we open back at the same dinner with Elise crying and Lynsey trying to hug her and I must pontificate! IKNORITE?? Why the everloving FCUK Lynsey decided that Elise needed a hug, while she’s clearly angry, makes no sense at all. Upset, sad, sure! Angry, NO!! It’s like hugging a cactus that is trying to punch you, and as Elise says, it’s disingenuous. Well, she said fake shit but I think she meant disingenuous.

Tamara lays down the hammer: the team will not continue as it is. I’m still trynna figure out if they will fire Elise or Jim. He’s a troublemaker, and you could call that toxic, but Elise is clearly the problem. All I know is that Bobby should never be in charge. Yes, he can do magic with clients, but he’s lazy and relies just on charm.

Elise stomps out. Everyone else goes out for shots. Lynsey has to go pack for a GoPro shoot, hey, I hear Castlegar is quite the destination these days (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA it’s like BC is trolling all y’all and you DON’T EVEN KNOW IT!!) and Kendra bounces on Bobby’s lap. See: charming!

Jim has followed Lynsey back to the house where she is packing and there is supposed to be flirting but I’m still just getting all bro. I could actually see Lynsey being gay, not that it’s my business, yo.

Awww Kendra’s maternal grandmother has died! And Jim is cooking! WHAT IS GOING ON?? HE KNOWS HE’S CANADIAN AND MALE, RIGHT??

Sorry, sorry, was so distracted. Kendra is devastated. Her grandmother was the one that got her interested in fashion and I think she said shoes. Sorry Kendra.

Morning meeting! And what in the Sam Hill is wrong with everyone’s hair??

That top floofy bit is hair!

It’s like a pompadour made out of sweat

Eyebrows, the Angry Smurf

Tamara will be interviewing everyone separately and Kendra lets everyone know she will be gone after Friday due to the death in her family. Tamara and Jim hug her and Elise sneers. Sigh. I so want to support Elise, but Kendra is right that Elise just can’t separate personal from professional. It’s always her against the world, and that mentality can push you into some really negative perceptions of behaviour, and justify whatever means necessary you deem fit to respond. You can lose some of your humanity, and really, isn’t that all we have?

Dayum!! Gotta pull myself out of my philosophical funk, yo!

The clients this week are Sonja, a blogger (wait! am I supposed to look like THAT?)

Well, maybe she doesn’t do it for free while her children sleep. Also her two friends Suzanne and Diana who look just as dewy fresh and natural as she does.

Ehhhh there’s all types, you do you, SiliconeBotox Mature Barbies! The ladies want to ski with an Olympian, and if they do decent on the hill, I will stop making fun of all the aftermarket parts. Respect! Oooooh, Tamara has dug up Ashleigh McIvor from the Whistler Olympics! I remember watching her in ski cross! She was amazing.

Tamara assigns that to Jim and it’s like Elise isn’t even there. That makes so much more sense, though, I mean, Elise would just ask the team who wanted to do what instead of parcelling the work out based on people’s strengths. You know, ”managing”.

Speaking of Elise, apparently Sonja is ”legitimately single” which means…? What exactly? What’s illegitimately single? When the other person doesn’t know you broke up? When you’re separated, but that really just means he’s at home and you’re at the pub? So! Many! Questions! But what Sonja wants is a matchmaking experience and she assigns Elise to that. Huh. That is a little odd. Elise is supposed to be managing, no? And helping out where necessary?

Client Skype call! Man, Sonja has some wicket Detox cheekbones

And I don’t know who keeps telling grown women that a chipmunk with body dysmorphia is a good look. I’m a little concerned that the two friends don’t know how to ski…one wants to ski with an Olympian and the other two will be cruising the Bunny Hill for ski bums? Jim also doesn’t get it and compares it to Mario Andretti teaching a pre-teen how to drive.

Speaking of driving, Elise asks Sonja her top 5 men requirements, and here they are:

1) can’t be someone who has never been married: retreads only!

2) can’t be someone who has no kids: breeders only!

3) physically attractive, soooo, botox and silicone are cool, right? Like this?

4) a polo player? Whut? She knows she’s coming to Canada, right? Did she mean Curler? I have just the guy! Top Canadian Curler years running

5) 40 to 55 age range

6) must have finances in the 5 to 10 million range. And not be able to count to five either, although that would contradict

Elise calls it Operation Unicorn and I think unicorns might be slightly easier to find than a divorced multi-millionaire dad in his 50s. Wait. They’re matchmaking or getting this coug laid? Let’s bring back Travis of the nekkid butlering from epi one! Or a married guy, like Bobby says! Okay, maybe not that last one.

Tamara starts the interviews with Jim, dun dun dunnnnnnn!!! Then Kendra, who brings up Elise’s unprofessional behaviour and beating people over the head with her mood swings. Eyebrows has her head in the game and brings up Jim as a problem too, leaving the Bobby door open, but Bobby himself just focusses on Elise as the problem. Golden opportunity squandered, FunBobs.

Tamara and anyone with a functioning nervous system can see that Elise is the problem, but she values Elise’s work ethic and talent, so wants to hear her side of the story. I’m a little worried because I know Aunt Mary is bringing CJ for a visit and well, maybe they can help carry stuff back home when Elise gets canned!

Tamara is pissed that Jim went behind her back so she’s not jazzed about bringing him up the chain yo Elise’s role; he says he can’t work under these conditions! But much calmer and with floor staring. We shall see.

This team is so budget. When it comes to finding divorced, millionaire dads of a certain age, they don’t check with their millionaire boss Joey Gibbons, or Millionaire Matchmaker or any of those online apps that end in a ”r”, they go out in the village to ”see what’s popping”. Jeebus wept.

Elise stands on the sidewalk with massive RBF and barks at older men, who all keep walking while she shouts ”Your loss!!” at their departing arses. I mean. BUDGET

Eyebrows suggest an escort and I know JUST THE GUY!!!

Gigolos is the show that just keeps giving

They then follow up their street barking with grilling the waitress at lunch. SO.BUDGET. Back at the house everyone discusses the Tamara interviews and I got distracted by Bobby who was completely flummoxed by Jim being asked about leading the team. He calls Jim a ”strict top. Able to do like the mountain thing and that’s it.” Bobby thinks he’s more versatile and his ability to manipedi is on point. He also opines that he’s the better concierge and I agree, but FunBobby is no manager. Remember when he wouldn’t assign a junior role to their junior team member because she’s his hag? Yeahhh. Speaking of Eyebrows, she calls Jim out for being another squeaky wheel, and he agrees ”squeaky wheels either get the grease or fall the fcuk off”

Elise’s kiddo is here and we’re so excited!! But lookit what she’s wearing!!

Pink booty shorts, UGGS and a short fur jacket. In WHISTLER. In WINTER. Guuuurl, you cannot rock that Vegas off-strip hookah look in Rusticville! Anyway! Her kiddo is adorable and squeee! I just could watch him all day. Aunt Mary asks about work and CJ gets sent to do some homework.

Ski Montage! Client Meeting at the Firerock Lounge! But no Sonja, apparently her flight is delayed, so her friends of 25 years let them know this is their very first Girl’s Trip, yay! Jim tells them they will be skiing with an Olympian and they skip right past that to confirm that the concierges all know Sonja is looking for a husband, right? Ashley McIvor, you deserve better, yo. Gold medal winners as the new hairless pigs of rich people experiences makes me wanna hurl.

Elise and her kiddo go snowboarding with a different instructor than last time (no Jim, shocker) and it looks fun! Elise makes me cry when she talks about her kiddo, everyone needs someone to love them unconditionally. I just wish she could get out of her own damn way.

Eyebrows and Bobby go for supper, which means shots of Jameson and how can I put this nicely…STOP TALKING, EYEBROWS!!! I HATE YOUR VOICE!!! I just want you all to know that I took ”stupid” out because my kids shame me for that one. Bobby finally tells Char straight out that he wants that job, which I think she already knew, given her carefully couched comments to Tamara, but part of it is that he is almost 30, which is 60 in gay years and soon he will be the payer and not payee. That’s gay dating! You pretty or you pay.

Speaking of dating, they still have no clue of where to find the Unicorn, Elise asks Bobby to check cigar shops…seriously. Clueless.

Olympic skiing trip!! Ashley is waiting and cannot believe 2/3 of this stupid (sorry kiddos! totes stupid!) group have never even put on skis before, and they think it’s cute! Awww. You know what isn’t cute? Wasting an Olympic athlete’s time. Yeah, you’re paying for it, but have some respect. You may think it’s adorable that you don’t even know what these widdle skis are for (giggle giggle) but you look like a straight-up ahole right now.

Kendra is doing well, but the other two newbs are…not. Suzanne keeps wandering into traffic and falling down and calls it a day, yay! Off to the real hills! They have a lot of fun and Kendra wipes the eff oot. I love her starfish fall, that was spectacular and I respect a chick who embraces completely committing to a fall: all props, no shade.

Bobby is still searching for dudes and sure, go have a beer and ask the bartender! That’s working, right? The tarbender volunteers, but I don’t think he’s gonna meet the 5-10 million finances range, however much he charges Bravo for Bobby’s lager. Bobby is desperate, though, and takes his number. COME ON! If she wanted to go pick up some random guy in a bar (I suggest piano players), she could, she wanted a date expertly vetted by your crack team of concierges! Who, it should be noted, are not matchmakers. But still! Don’t say you’re gonna do it and then do it half-assed. But I forgot who I was talking about. This is what they do on Après Ski. Half-assing for the win!

Dun dun DUNNN!! Elise is meeting with Tamara AND Joey, no way this can be good for her continued employment. She also has laryngitis and hey! Maybe she won’t shout! Joey leads right off with saying Jim has approached him about taking her job and she blah blah blahs about loving his passion blah and Joey isn’t having it. She sounds great, but that is not the feedback he is getting from everyone else.

Tamara brings up Elise’s lack of respect and it’s aboot to get ugly up in here. That has lit the Elise Mood Candle and she says she’s always been ”respective” which is not what she means and swings in for an attack. In front of the big boss. Now, as someone who has done this, DON’T DO THAT. It makes you look unstable. She does have a point in how Tamara undermined her with Jim and the kids on the mountain, but this is not that meaning, unforch. It’s the Elise is Getting Fired Meeting, and she’s just cutting into her severance at this point. Tamara warns her that she’s crossing lines, but Elise will not be calmed. Joey says there is no room in his company for this type of energy and he STILL doesn’t pull the trigger. HONESTLY! Canadian bosses and their procedural collaborative leadership styles. Pfft

Lynsey has been gone for a whole 48 hours and wants to Skype with the team *coughproducerbullshitcough*. She’s won Best Athlete Photo in Castlegar? (snicker) and wants the skinnay. What was the point of that? To pretend her and Jim are boning? Pfft. And shhhhhhhh Eyebrows. No talky

Oh man. CJ is still there. Elise is getting fired with her kiddo there. Well…they can all go back together? Elise complains that Kendra hasn’t been there for her and had her back and y’all need to cover your ears for a minute while I shout at Elise:

1) Her grandmother just DIED, MAYBE SHE’S GOT BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN WHETHER YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TELL YOU YOU’RE RIGHT AND EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG. Especially when THEY AREN’T WRONG

2) You JUST threw her under the bus at the bobsledding outing!! WHAT are you talking about??

3) Weren’t YOU the one that insisted that you weren’t there to make friends but do a job?? Weren’t you?? Roll tape on Friends with Benefits!!

Sorry about that, where were we? Ah. Elise asks Kendra to meet for drinks and eeerrrggg I’m nervous for Kendra. She doesn’t need this. Elise asks her why she looks so down? WHY SHE’S DOWN?? WHY?? HER GRANDMOTHER JUST DIED, ELISE!! She’s flying home right after this to see her family! Come ON! Elise starts right in with asking her why Kendra didn’t stand up for her and me and Kendra stare at her for a full minute before Kendra brings up the lack of condolences and says how much it hurts her feelings. Elise can’t see it, can’t feel it, and thinks it’s an equal situation. Kendra walks out. And honestly.

Elise is helping her little guy doing his homework, and whew! She did hers! She’s worked the social media and dating websites angle, let’s just hope one has a horn in his forehead.

Sonja and friends show up for Date Night in both high and low non-dick-covering dresses, observes Bobby, and let’s see who Elise has found! There are 3, Andy, who catfished Elise on Tindr and she mad!, Steven, and Brad. Imma go out on a limb and say that if you’re a multi-millionaire, you’re probably a) not on Tindr (unless to be shamed by a comic for jacking up the price of AIDS drugs) and b) not available at a moment’s notice for a date with RestyFace there. I could be wrong! Javier the bartender shows up and Elise LIKES. I guess he does clean up well, I dig his newsboy cap.

Sonja shows up; Elise lines the men up so they can make their pitches. Sweet baby jeebus, I can’t with that FACE. What does she blog about?? Andy is a photographer, divorced with kiddos. Steven is French Canadian, nuff said. Brad is adorable, does something with billboards but Javier from Spain really is the draw here. You’re in town for the night, sugar mama it up for a minute, Sonja! And if you don’t, Elise is all up in that.

Sonja picks Steven for a date, yay! It’s so awkward and please stop filming. Thank you!

Lynsey is back and Jim’s hurr just keeps getting bigger and bigger!

It has wings!

Jim’s pretty intimidated by Lynsey but the producers prod him and he pretends he hasn’t noticed that they’re trying to set them up as a couple. Lynsey wonders if the reason Elise and he fight so much is that she likes him, and again, I don’t see it. Am I anti-love? AM I??

Bobby, Elise and Eyebrows take the non-single clients partying and MAN I want this job! Although my liver is in the corner making slashing motions across it’s neck, they drink a LOT. Sonja and Steven show up and make out in front of everyone while Elise loosens up with a few and there’s the answer! Just keep her tipsy and the office environment will improve immensely!

Elise’s little man and Aunt Mary are leaving and it’s hard. Why does Elise wear glasses indoors and that stupid hat all the time? Anyway, awwww, it’s sad. That beautiful young man needs to be around someone other than his very aged great aunt, who looks awesome but in need of a rest. Elise gets the Text of Doom: Tamara: Come into the office. We need to discuss some things. Dun dun DUNNNN!!

Jim meets the clients for a goodbye at the Firerock Inn (that’s three times, now, WHERE’S MAH CHEQUE??) and they all had a great time! Not having a great time is Elise, getting ready for her meeting in an ill-fitting aqua dress.

Elise opens the meeting with an apology for her behaviour at the meeting with Joey, well, she says she’s sorry for what happened. How do people think that counts as an apology? I have no idea what happened, but sorry! And we owt.

DAMMIT, Bravo! You gonna drag this out for another dang week??!! I already used my ‘Cube! Okay whatevs, see yous guys next week for more fun on the hill(s). Peace!