Which I think actually IS the last run, right? Season finale whut whut!

Let’s relive some of the Après Ski season’s highlights then!

Travis: the nekkid butler

Elise from Whoville (tmJSierra)

Eyebrows, the angry Smurf

This is Jim’s frist week as boss, let’s see how he do! We open at the Longhorn bar with FunBobs lighting shots on fire and wow. I think I’m wrong, my liver is telling me I don’t want this job anymore.

DrunkBobs slurs invective at Eyebrows about the ease of transition from Elise gawn and Jim as Operations Manager; she helpfully reminds him that Jim actually ASKED for the job, which is the key difference between him and Bobby. Bobby mooned around in the corner expecting to be plucked from obscurity into the spotlight based on his ability to butle in his ginch, perhaps? Now look, TANGENT, I’ve been FunBobs, the one with Personality looking up at the next level, which involved something called Responsibility? Maybe?  And hurt that people seemed to think that my partying all night would preclude that. Note to all: do not apply for that next level job the same day you showed up at work at 6 am to grab the house keys you’d left there the night before. Schwasted or not, it sends mixed messages. Didja get that, FunBobby??

Hey!! WE’RE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT!!

Is that cheesy enough?? I can try a duck lip but it ain’t pretty

Eyebrows is also drunk and monologuing about blah blah assistant title blah eagle soar blah. Bobby says a monkey could do her job and I don’t think that’s exactly the encouragement she’s looking for.

The next morning at the concierge house, Lynsey drops a whatever bomb when she says she doesn’t think this job is for her. Well. Even though she was rarely there, Imma have to go out on a limb and say yeahhhh.

Bobby opens the day with a Stella Artois (on a work day yet) and I still can’t THINK why he wasn’t just handed that promotion! The next day is his 30th birthday and remember when that seemed like a big deal? JSIERRA YOU JUST SHUSH! Anyway, he calls that 60 in gay years, which means he will soon be picking up tabs instead of phone numbers, I guess.

Meeting time! Slightly soused Bobby is really struggling with this Jim as boss transition,  but perks right up when Tamara comes in with a couple of bottles of booze to celebrate his birthday week (hey! We do WEEKS now for birthdays?? That means ITS MY BIRTHDAY WEEK!! Wait. Am I talking about myself too much? You guys would tell me, in between eye rolls, right??) and the end of Ski Season.

Jim wants to “download” about the upcoming clients, first we have David and Jonathan, strip club owners from Austin, Texas and I love Austin! They’re bringing girlfriends and 3 staff members and I was thinking “hey! That’s an awesome boss!” and then I remembered staff means strippers and I hope these girls are getting paid.

They want to do lots of stuff nekkid and one is eating freshly steamed lobster off a woman’s bum? Um. And party.  Lynsey is disgusted by all the partying and I kind of get it, she thought there would be more extreme sports junkies into heliskiiing and less handsy aholes groping the local girls, maybe, but that’s just not as telegenic.

Skype call! The client wants a nightclub / party experience,  over the top, on the mountain with champs and vodker and Reno isn’t coming unless you have some Crystal Light pink lemonade too, so make sure that shite is locked down.

Jim suggests the jet boat (??) and they’re gonna create a party at the Crystal Hut? I think for these guys, amount of people is going to be key, because nobody wants to go to an exclusive half-empty party.

Also coming this week are Maria and Mark from Bahstan. They’re spa owners and want to do the float plane.  Um. Do WHAT to the float plane? Blah blah picnic blah luxe blah big day Saturday. You know who else is having a big day Saturday? FunBobs, so he and Eyebrows are oot. All his friends are coming up from Vancouver for his birthday party. Kendra, Lynsey and Tamara are going to be handling that and I dunno…remember how I said that Kendra struggled in the beginning helping clients because she has never been a waitress or served at all? Lynsey is just SO MUCH less customer service friendly than that.

Arrangement making montage! Annnddddd Lynsey cheese shops at the local grocery store. Gibbons Life looks so BUDGET! Get the Bearfoot Bistro to make you a fancy cheese plate, for the love of BOB. I mean. 10 bucks says they throw it in plastic or Styrofoam containers anyway for the picnic. BUDGET.

Lynsey and Jim just happen across a picture of her on the side of a building, why she here again? Pretending to serve peepz?

Happy birthday Bobby!! He and Eyebrows are going up on the hill and he hasn’t skied for 6 years. In WHISTLER. How is that even possible?? I mean, I know it’s possible to take a Fun Bus to Jasper for a ski trip and never actually ski, but that’s a long weekend and not 6 years. Eyebrows asked him what he wants and says he DOESN’T want to be a 40 yo concierge and somewhere that hurt someone’s feelings. Heeeey Eyebrows looks lovely in interviews today!

Mark and Maria arrive! She’s lovely but he looks NOTHING like his picture and has this weird jarring voice, all guttural and he looks like a hipster Woody Allen but sounds like The Champ

Kendra wants to make sure they’re aware of their plans in full detail, which means she learned!! after the gondola fiasco! Woot!

Bobby and Charlotte (Imma use her name since she looked all beautiful and didn’t say anything gross just yet about Bobby’s genitalia) split up, she goes to work and he hits the lager. She meets up with Jim to welcome the Texas Badboys and really, we’re just waiting to see the dancers. Char gets all the love for calling it a clown car full of strippers.  Slow clap, Brows.

These Texans talk really fast, that’s weird. WHERE’S THE DRAWL?? They’re not excited at ALL about jet boating, but are reassured when told they’ll just be drinking, not driving. The redhead dancer says “you bring the booze and I’ll bring the t*tties” and I am suddenly reminded of the promos for this epi. T*tties there will be all over Jim! And that is not a good look. Char calls her Big Red and I’m guessing we’re gonna see a LOT of Big Red. Side note: I HATE the word t*tties, so everyone stop saying it, okay? Like,  everywhere? Thanks!

Birthday Bobby! Big party at the concierge house and Lynsey shouts that she knows one of the guests by his dick pic. Cake, dick pics and balloon animal humping later; Bobs is trashed, like even more than usual, won’t eat and is picking fights with Charlotte already. At 3 pm. This is gonna be uuuuggggglllyyyy. He toddlers out and Charlotte mothers him and the meeting with Joey is TOMOZZA??

Float plane with Mark and Maria time! Maria is terrified but stepping out of her comfort zone, as is Kendra while Jim and Lynsey do the sexy picnic. Kendra is sad to be leaving Whistler and it’s all very meaningful but I am distract by the fcuking concierges putting that fcuking grocery store cheese on fcuking plastic plates.  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! You guys are HOPELESS

Bobby meets Joey hung to the absolute nuts and brings up his hangover immediately. Good plan, FunBobs! He braces Joey about not being considered for Elise’s job and Joey reiterates that jobs are really the kind of thing you have to apply for.  I’d suggest not drunk and / or hungover, but you do you, Bobby.

Jet boat time!  The Texas DBags aren’t allowed to bring booze on the boat and the dancers are NOT happy.  This actually looks like a lot of fun! Sans screamy whiny strippers. They’ve come prepared with selfie sticks and bewbs out and I feel so stupid because I just now realised that’s how all those pictures are so inclusive.

VIP party time! I am already squicked out. Can I just say? I think fake boobs, in the super-inflated way, look awful. I have friends with implants, most of them you can’t tell, but a few…prono bewbs look good on nobody,  y’all. Even pronstars. I understand I am not the demographic,  however, so I’ll just leave it there.

They ride a VIP Tractor (for REALS!) to the top of the mountain while Big Red humps Jim’s legs and pees on his feet. Figuratively, but almost literally. Gotta watch those redheads!

Shots and sledding on trays and a DJ it’s just so lame! Big Red has her nips out after sledding and Jim is walking that line between not pissing off a client and getting some clingy ahole offa his junk. You know,  pretty much what every bar server everywhere has to deal with, but he’s not handling well. NO he doesn’t want to motorboat you, Big Red! That’s just for special occasions and really big boobs.

And

They eat lobster off Big Red’s butt. I need a moment. I’m all for bum play,  I mean, fill your boots, whatever.  But with food involved? In a well lit room surrounded by friends and strangers?

Big Red wants to be banged over the table,  Jimbo!! Just BANGED OVER THE TABLE,  JIMBO!! She doesn’t want to know from your life!! She gets up on said table to dance topless while Jim hides while Charlotte bitches him oot for not leading the team. One one hand, I get where it’s uncomfortable with the “rinsed hosebeast” groping him, but that isn’t a reason to not do your job. Deal with it! Put her in her place, avert, do SOMETHING!  Ladies: how often do you have to walk that line? Daily?  DEAL WITH IT! Bobby figures he shoulda motorboated and be done with it

Last day! David and Jonathan are leaving,  bro hugs while Big Red apologizes to Jim and they oot! Sunday dinner time! 100%! But it’s a big dinner! Joey is there,  random staffers and everyone says goodbye! I better get Captions of Truth!

Charlotte and Bobby discuss Bobby’s future and pfft. Charlotte also figures she’s due to move up to a full concierge position and yes, I’m sure she can fully suck as much as everyone else here. Her VOICE.

Lynsey and Kendra review their time as odd peeps oot, Kendra is super happy with her growth and we all know Lynsey isn’t sticking around. She’s going back on the mountain. Jim takes her by the lake for a chat and awwwww they tear up a bit. She ‘splains it was all aboot the bangin, no relashies, and they pretend none of that even happened.

At the sitdown dinner, Joey thanks everyone and says…there will be another season! I don’t get it! They can’t really be making any money??

Yay!!!! Captions of truth!

Kendra: is now working for a fashion website in Shanghai. She cannot wait to get back to Whistler and finally ski a real black diamond.

Charlotte: is back in Vancouver, working in interior design but she still sees Bobby almost every day as they plan how to take over Gibbons Life next year.

Bobby: continues to swipe right on various dating apps. He’s optimistic about adding “manager” to his dating profiles.

Lynsey: is still following her one true love: skiing.

Elise is back in Pittsburgh,  raising her son, CJ. She is working in the culinary industry and my bad, I thought it was Philly

Jim: is currently living and working in Vancouver…and counting the days until he can get back on the mountain.

We oot! I’m sad it’s all done!  What should we do now??