Ahoy! We’re back asea with our Below Deck Sailing Yacht gang where emotions are running high and one of our couples is about to break up before they even start going out. We’ve got people feeling underappreciated, others patting themselves on the back, it’s messy, messy chaos and that’s what we’re here for, right? Right. Rolling BDSY S1:E08 No Bra, No Shoes, Bad Service after the break!

Chief steward Jenna MacGillivray has been snuggling up to chef Adam Glick all season, but his reluctance to seal the deal at sea has her frustrated and in tears. Since they’ve known each other for only a matter of two or three weeks, Adam is understandably confused and alarmed by this display of overwrought emotion at not getting the D.

*I once knew a guy who mentioned moving in on the second date, two of three in that one week. This is absolutely all the red flags waving in the wind and so is freaking out because you can’t bone your co-worker mid-charter season.

He taps out when she gets mean, how can you think those things about someone and still be angry that they won’t sleep with you? I don’t understand. He heads back to the Parsifal III and she sits and cries alone for a bit on dock.

Jenna thinks this is Adam not letting her in, she just wants to be close to him. She doesn’t seem to realise that repeatedly propositioning someone over and over after they’d made it clear they aren’t ready for physical intimacy is a shitty thing to do. There are people who use sex as a way to feel better about themselves, maybe that’s at play here but since I don’t actually know any of these people, I’d hesitate to assume anything.

The rest of the crew is in Corfu drinking their arses off, except first mate Paget Berry and deckhand Ciara Duggan who are fighting about clearing off his bed. They’ve been together for a long time, in case you didn’t recognise that as a lame couple fight. Not that THEY are lame, but that’s the kind of stupid argument about nothing and everything that can creep in after awhile.

A totally new but equally lame couple argument continues inside, Jenna just wants to know that Adam gives two “sh*ts” about her. He thinks he’s made how he feels very clear, why does she need all this reassurance so early on?

She leads him up on deck for a talk, he’s full on bailing on whatever they have because of all these sober red flags. Chief engineer Byron Hissel interrupts, then heads downstairs to gossip.

The stereotype is that women have nothing better to do than sitting around shittalking rivals and other people, but Byron waaaaaay outgossips everyone on this boat.

Deckhand Parker McCown comes up looking to see if they’re in the hot tub and gets out of there as fast as he can, but Jenna and Adam notice him. Adam is immediately irritated and asks Jenna to lower her voice while Parker screams as she says she would punch Parker in the face right now.

Parker lets second steward Madison Stalker and third steward Georgia Grobler know there will be no hot tubbing tonight, Madison thinks it’s because of humping, so Parker’s “nooooo…” makes me laugh.

Madison’s mad that she doesn’t get to hot tub with her crush Parker, asking can’t Jenna “suck d*** on the bow?” instead?

Parker sneaks up with Georgia’s (??) guitar to see how the situation is progressing, just as Adam calls Jenna random and psychotic. Okay, he called her crying on the dock random and psychotic; same same. She bails, SORRY FOR THINKING THEY HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL.

Parker contemplates the turn the evening has taken.

Then starts playing guitar and singing to Madison, whom he dubs maybe his favourite person. Awww.

It’s very quiet the next morning in the galley, I can’t be the only one glad for the Interior crew maybe getting more help now.

Parker and Ciara have fun on deck. Thank the gods they’ve eased up on him a bit. He’s not a bad dude, just different. And chatty. And opinionated and doesn’t think he should have to make rank before expressing those opinions.

Awww, I’m sorry, I jinxed it. Georgia and Ciara were teasing Parker about his messing with the cushions (“typical man, trying to make it fit where it doesn’t belong”) and then he starts shouting about Paget swearing at the dinner table the night before. It segues into an actual fight, overheard by Captain Glenn Shephard.

Time for our Pre-Charter Preference Sheet meeting already! Adam, Jenna and Paget file in silently, we’ve got Primary Charter Guests Yana and Arthur Greenstein coming aboard shortly! Yana sounds like our difficult eater of the group. Her preference sheet is all about staying skinny. She’s…tiny. Her husband is planning a Pink Party for her birthday, that’s going to be an interesting challenge to make a calorie-free pink cake.

The itinerary sounds complicated, they’ve got to do that party and a beach barbecue on the same day.

I’m not mocking Jenna, but she literally sits alone in the crew mess picking at her food and crying because Adam won’t have sex with her.

Adam, I don’t like you, but I have to say you dodged a bullet there, son.

Provisions are heyah! We’ve got a tonne of booze and “more toilet paper. Just what we needed.” Oh YEAH you do, right now we’re in the middle of COVID-19 and everyone has bought ALL the toilet paper! All of it! I didn’t even know that was something I had to be aware of, and now I can’t find any! STOCKPILE THAT TP, CAPTAIN GLENN!

Byron gets the crying 411 from Paget and starts to stir the gossipy shitepot, as is his wont. He tells Madison and Georgia that our happy couple broke up, mining to see if they know anything else.

Captain Glenn overhears Parker and Ciara fighting again, since he’s very close to Paget and Ciara he calls them for a meeting. They bitch about Parker to Captain Glenn, wow, I didn’t realise Paget’s only a year older than Parker.

Adam carefully sharpens his knives over and over, lamenting the fact that he’s not getting his work done.

That is definitely an Adam Problem, not a Jenna Problem. She’s downstairs ignoring her team and not planning anything, that’s a Jenna Problem!

Captain Glenn calls Parker down for a meeting and does pretty well laying out the issues, but when Parker complains AGAIN about Paget swearing at the dinner table too much on.their.time.off, I have to think about tapping out. Captain Glenn reminds him that the heirarchy must be respected on and off the boat, he has to listen to Paget as he’s Parker’s superior.

Parker listens and vows to do all the tasks himself and never talk to those evil tattletalers again. *paraphrased*

Georgia’s finally got laundry sorted out, now she’d like to be above board just once in a while, peese!

Adam pulls Jenna aside in the galley for a chat, are they okay? No, but they hug it out and he contemplates opening up more to people. They kiss with the door closed while Georgia and Madison accidentally eavesdrop from the laundry room.

Madison is all arms, legs and awkward pickup lines aimed at Parker. A couple of gems:

How could he possibly not go for that?? Wait. What are the mints for? Being on the bow?

Madison reminds me of a good friend I knew in my twenties, I totally hope she doesn’t end up in two bad marriages and one good one (fingers crossed!) before she’s 35 too.

Jenna does a nitpicky cabin review after Madison finishes cleaning them, I wonder if she’s cracking down after Madison asked for a tiny bit of praise last week. Just one cup, Guvnor!

The guests are on their way, time for the crew to get into their dress…grey polos?

Are they…really complaining that the crew of the Parsifal III didn’t pave the Corfu dock for them?

I have my eye on the one with the bag already, I think her name is Lydia and she says “meow” more than a highway patrol super trooper.

Boat Tour! Woooo! It’s so purty. A relatively painless de-docking follows while Primary Yana poses for pictures. And then some more pictures. Then wants to drop the anchor then pose for more pictures. Pictures…of what? She hasn’t done anything on the boat! I’m not checking her Instagram feed.

Primary Yana tells Jenna, who tells Adam, that she and her girlfriends just smell the food, they don’t eat it. Adam has been working carefully on his Greek negative-calorie food all afternoon, they better eat SOMETHING.

Jenna compliments Georgia on the laundry then complains about Madison to Adam.

Lunch is served! It’s 94 degrees outside, nobody understands why Adam chose to make lentil soup in this heat. Nobody. Primary Arthur actually tries it, it’s delicious even as I wonder why anyone would willingly make lentil soup if they weren’t in a coronavirus lockdown and out of kidney beans.

Parker is out on the tender scouting for a place for the beach picnic, damn, that’s the first night too? Why everything at once??

Anyway, he’s talking too much, Paget and Ciara are just over it. He’s on the radio where lots of other people can hear him, why is he monologuing? Ciara asks him to repeat himself while Paget loses his shite. Byron finally has to intervene on the radio, asking Parker to make the decision and give details when he gets back. Fin.

Parker finds The Beach, but there are lots of boats nearby so they’re going to set up five hours early to stake their claim. Jenna decides this, but doesn’t tell Madison, who she’s sending to the beach, until it’s time to go.

Madison, Ciara and Parker head to the island, Madison tries to stop and get shoes but Parker and Ciara think they’re not necessary. They are totally required, the beach is all broken shells. Parker is not sympathetic, they need to toughen up!

This whole setting up bit was not communicated to Madison and Ciara – well, we know nothing was communicated to Madison – Parker told them they’re just there to hold the beach so they sit down to relax for a minute. Even Captain Glenn is working, cleaning up the crew mess while these two chitchat about past charters set in Fort Lauderdale because of course they were.

The guests have been jumping off the yacht into the water, Primary Yana will not be joining them, nuh uh.

Look where they are!

The water looks so beautiful there! Madison and Ciara sit and visit and sit and visit and visit some more. Out of nowhere, the guests decide they want to come lay out on the beach, absolutely nothing has been done. A radio miscommunication leads to even fewer things being ready in time for any guests, Parker condescendingly says “Ciara, you just gotta be ready for some curveballs” and I agree with Jenna for once. I would also punch Parker if he ever said that to me.

Literally nothing is done, no rocks raked, zero. The guests didn’t bring shoes because Parker didn’t say they needed them, honestly, this whole thing is a cluster. Paget’s mad.

The guest don’t want to stay on this crappy (but extremely beautiful) beach so Parker takes them wakeboarding and Jenna prepares to come over to the beach to see what needs to be finished off.

Like, everything.

So not only has very little been done, Madison and Ciara stop doing ANYTHING as soon as they hear that Adam and Jenna are on their way over.

Jenna spends the first fifteen minutes yelling at Madison about how bad it looks (totally looks terrible), ending by yelling that Madison needs to put on a bra. Random…who cares if she’s wearing a bra? I didn’t even notice, how did she notice?

We’re out to Jenna’s “No bra, no shoes, no service!” Until next time! Cheers