And we’re back with Below Deck Mediterranean! Things heated up then cooled down last week, let’s see if we’ve put this InappropriatelyFriendlyDaniel bugbear to bed! Rolling after the break

We left Ben and Hannah about to throw down over her inability to remember his meal plans and his inability to USE A PRINTED MENU like all self-respecting yacht chefs; but it starts with something seemingly innocuous : semantics. What DO you call courses, Ben? That’s not really the problem, though, the real issue it twofold: 1) Hannah called the mains “first course” 2) Ben already checked with Hannah to see if she wanted him to cook the kebabs, she just has a very slow decision making process when it comes to anything that could appear to be her fault that might affect the tip adversely.

Ben thinks it’s her use of the word Entree, but no, it’s really that she said “here’s your FIRST COURSE” which gives rise to the idea that there are MOAR courses to follow, right?

I have to agree again with Hannah, though: printed menus would get rid of alllllllls this confusion. I bet they even have a printer and fancy cardstock aship! (I am so making that a word, you watch)

Ben’s pressing the issue, she agreed there would be two courses, yeah? The table’s set for two courses, too, right? Is she going to run out there with an extra forks for everyone now? She completely reverts to Street-Straylian, which is a rarely heard dialect on a posh yacht and traditionally referred to as “pissed off Australian.” Lots of “feck off mate” this and “get bleeped mate” that.

Meanwhile, the guests enjoy the lovely violin music and we shed one solitary tear for the prawns over curried lentils that nobody ate because they thought there would be A SECOND COURSE coming.

Alan Sr. and the gang loved the skewers (although if I were eating my Main at 10:30 pm I’d probably eat the napkins and think they were awesome) but the youngs in the group talk in hashtags and I can’t even.

Ben’s REALLY not letting it go, though, he’s off to see the Captain because Hannah has refused to take responsibility for her error. Now. Ben’s even dressed up in his whites for the meeting, while Julia tries to calm Hannah down in the galley, telling her no way would Ben go rushing off to tell the Captain over one small error.

The Captain and I are confused as to why Ben would bother to get done up in his epaulets to come tattle on Hannah; the only thing I can think is that he didn’t want Hannah to get there first? Or that it made him look like an amateur? The Giant Freckle is not impressed, he doesn’t want to have to babysit.

Hannah cries; she’s done and just wants to get off. Julia sends Hannah out for a break and takes over. I could not be more impressed with Julia, truly. I hope she has that talk with Bobby soon, that situation needs BOUNDARIES. Like all the sitches on this boat, and from what I remember, most of my twenties. Learn them! Live them! BEEEEEE the boundaries

We’re up early the next morning, Julia filling Jen in on the gossip from the previous evening. Ben’s pouting about not sleeping well. Stress isn’t good for anyone’s chakras, yo. Even those aggravating it unnecessarily. Tiffany snuggle on up to his back, awwww. She’s chosen Door No. 2! He prefers the tender mornings with Tiffany over the evenings with Hurricane Hannah, and who wouldn’t? I just wouldn’t get too attached to her bonerack wrapping around yourself, Ben.

Danny’s gossiping with Bryan, he lays it out nice and clearly, but Bryan’s been down this road before with Chief Stews and Chefs before: he knows better than to get involved.

Breakfast time! Alan Sr. eats with his hat on and that BUGS me for no good reason. Maybe he’s rocking a Kim Mitchell:

There’s your CanCon for the day! You’re welcome! Ben comes in to communicate with the guests, they all love it, got it. Jr. and Pamela kiss lots, I’m sure that’s totally legit too. They should show more of that.

TIP TIME, woo hoo!! My fave part of each episode, what do you guys think?? I’m guessing….21K Euros! What? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!! Okay, we’ll go with my guess.

Alan Sr. knows what’s up, saying the best part of the charter is the tip and it so IS!! Whatcha got in that envelope you’re waving around?? It doesn’t look all that thick?

Crew meeting for tip! It wasn’t good, either, not as high as the others, only $13.5K, $1125 each. Huh. They loved Tiffany’s shots, and Captain Mark is glad Danny managed to keep it in his pants for a whole charter. They’re getting a beach party to relax!

Hannah finally relaxes, she’s spent the whole night and the whole morning thinking she’s getting fired, which absolutely sucks, but also shows that she knew very well she made that mistake. She just needed to own up to it. Now she needs to drink a bunch and shout at people, be right as rain tomorrow!

Bobby’s wandering out of the shower naked, looks like no pubes there either. WHY did everyone decide pubic hair was a bad thing?? He dresses and jumps on top of Julia. He has high hopes for this upcoming bevvie sesh on the beach, but he’s not gonna lock anything in.

The crew finally gets to play with all those cool water toys! Hannah’s oiling Bobby again, but we get an entire scene shot from the aspect of a woman’s arse, soooo….fair play?

Julia and Bobby are visiting for the whole afternoon, staring at clouds and it’s all so kewt, until he goes all in: he has a crush on her and wishes she was single. She croonwhines back, she can’t have this conversation, Bobbay!! She walks away and calls her boyfriend, which is the approved method of dealing with someone crushing on you while you have a significant other.

This whole while Hannah’s been staring and eavesdropping, at least it’s taken her mind off the whole Ben War. Bryan wants to talk about past wars, though, taunting Ben about the American defeat of England as Most Awesome World SuperPower What Colonizes For Shite.

It veers into Pearl Harbour territory, nobody wants that on the beach, Bryan. Dial it back a notch, bro. Ben’s impressed with his Bugatti-like ability to go from zero to drunk in two seconds, though. I personally admire Ben’s ability to rock both teal AND lemon colours at the same.time. Extry points for the headband and push

Hannah’s pretending last night never happened, but Ben’s ready to talk. It’s tricky to apologize sincerely when you ran to the captain, though. If I were Hannah, I’d tell him to take a flying leap. They pretend they’re both apologizing, but it devolves very quickly into the exact same argument, this time with swim gear. She calls him on tattling to the Captain, he WAS covering his ass doing that. They hug it out, all done.

Time to pack it up and take it home! Tiffany falls on her dronk arse, atta girl.

Bobby’s harassing Julia in her bunk, everyone else is crowded in there too, and nobody’s really digging 6’4″ of Can’t Take A Hint. Bobby’s upping the stakes by pulling out his mangina, which can only ever be done by disguy

Julia’s frustrated, she’s going to bed. She’s had enough of fending Bobby off for one day she complains to Hannah, and resolves to have a talk with him. She has no interest in messing up her relationship with Matt(ie).

Bryan’s getting all rammy again after his several beers, yelling at his crew. Julia pulls Bobby aside, Talk Time! Right after he puts on a shirt, for the love of GAWD. She just lays it out: she loves her boyfriend, don’t take her sweetness as weakness in the knees, FunBobs. She Doesn’t Like You In That Way and mostly, she doesn’t want Matt(ie) being made a fool out of, shown as a cuckold on international TV. He apologizes for putting her in that position, yay! Glad for that. When did Bobby get grey hair on the side?? Did his Grecian formula wear off??

Bryan (loaded) and Danny are talking, this is a GREAT time for constructive criticism. He warns Danny against taking Ben’s back and starts baiting Danny, who, to his credit, tries to end the conversation. Jen interviews in the background; Bryan is a terrible boss. Immature, misogynistic, condescending, just basically the WORST.

Everyone can hear Bryan sluryelling at Daniel, but he’s got experience with aggressive alcoholics, so he’s fine, he’s not worried about Bryan coming for him. Hannah tries to intercede

And Danny manages to get as far as the inside, where Bobby immediately assumes it’s all Danny’s fault. Ben assumes just as quickly that it’s NOT, look at how our teams are shaping up!

Charter Day! Ben’s not happy with the fish he’s received, Hannah tells him to put them back in the water, all while rubbing her face on his shoulder. Ben is not down. He interviews that he really likes Hannah, she’s “rock ‘n’ roll AF” but thinks sleeping with the Chief Stew would be a mistake. Awwww, our Ben has grown!! *cough Kate cough*

The Giant Freckle is excited about the improved communication between these two, yaaayyyy. Golf claps all around

Pre-Charter Meeting in the wheelhouse!! Oh noooo, these guys are fratbrohos of the worst variety, bachelors looking for “target rich environments” and anyone who refers to women as targets…you’re on my list, Jerry Thibeau and your likeminded friends. We’ve got Randy Giddens, Terry Lietz, Jimmy KIng and Steve Davis. Allow me to correct myself; these men are all faaarrrr to old to be considered fartboyhos, they’re straight up SugarDaddy material. Bryan can relate

Hannah recognises their destination, it’s Mykonos, which she calls The Gay Capital of Europe, yay! After that harrowing night at Pulse in Orlando, where 49 people were gunned down at a gay club, during Pride month no less, we need alllll the gay we can get. This will not excite our SugarDaddies, I bet, and that’s just a little bonus for me.

Jen and Danny are bitching about Bryan, who’s dragging his arse up onto the deck to fight again. And with no further ado, we wade back into the thick of it. Bryan REALLY wants a Yes Man; Danny thinks Bryan is bullying him. He also thinks he knows what’s arp: if he’s the mouse, Bryan is the bunny and

Bryan can’t believe this junior deckhand is talking back at him like this; Jen points out that Danny doesn’t know from standing up for yourself and pontificating like a crazypants abouttobefired motherhumper.

Bobby is very quiet the next day since promising to not flirt with Julia while he was schwasted, he’s worried their relationship will be wrecked. He feels sad, he feels like an arsehole in interview, but he still manages to be a jerk with Bryan, blustering and carrying on a bit.

Guest arrival time! Imma do my best to not hate these dudes right off the hop, maybe they were misquoted! Maybe they don’t know that they aren’t supposed to refer to women as objects what have to be stabbed phallically so someone can win! Maybe!

Jeebus, I thought for sure I saw Peter Scolari, one looks just like him! Tiffany has done the math and decided the SugarBaby lifestyle isn’t for her, but she digs that these guys won’t stay up as late as college-aged fratboys would: lesser of two evils.

Boat tour!! I love the boat tour! And I can actually stand at least one of these guys, Jimmy King. He’s trying to lure another guy into his bunk, time to go Greek! He has no idea the fun he’s in for! Of course, he’s the oldest. I’m so transparent.

Hannah’s got a migraine, so Julia sends her away, she and Tiffany will manage these guys. The guests wander on deck to find the crew all changed. Bryan is forced to talk to the guests, he doesn’t do all that well. The guests threaten their tip if the crew doesn’t drink with them, I see now what the problem is with Danny. He comes across as desperate, offering them girls if they distract the captain so they can drink. They call bullshit, pointing at Bobby: datguy is gonna find the girls.

They’ve got to pull out of the berth quickly, Captain Mark is coming out hot!

Bobby is patting himself on the back for pulling back on the FlirtPress with Julia, leading Danny to compare himself to Julia. He just likes to have a good time and have fun, people are always taking it the wrong way. Watching these two, or anyone talk with Danny, really, is like watching my four-year-old and six-year-old fight: wherever / however it starts, it’s going to go south. Everyone is going to take everything in the absolutely worst way, and short of physically separating them for their entire childhoods: all you can do is watch and take action periodically because it.is.constant.

They’re arrived at Mykonos, yay! Bring on the gays! First we have some lunch on deck, tuna tartare with baby greens and miso-lime dressing. Yum! Except for the fish and the dressing.

Captain Mark comes out to say hi; Jerry braces him right away about letting Daniel, Bobby and Bryan come ashore with them this afternoon. Why not the ladies? Would that wreck their target sighting? Arseholes.

Captain calls Mark up to the wheelhouse, he doesn’t think he can let all three go, which excites Bryan, he can already taste the brewskis with Bobby! But no, the Walking Freckle has decided it makes more plot sense for Bryan to stay aship, since he can do all the others jobs. Exactly, good call, oh Freckled One!

Time to hit the party! Danny is party steward, rolling his game alllll over these vacationing ladies! Everyone’s drinking champagne courtesy of the charter guests, but Bobby’s in the back sucking on some sour grapes, man: free booze ain’t GAME, Danny!! And neither is just taking off your shirt, BOBBAY. And we’re oot on the beach with a lot of young women who don’t look even a little bit like gay dudes.

Until next week, keep your shirt on, for the love of GAWD!