Hi guys, I’m late! I’m very late for this recap of Below Deck, so let’s just get right to it, shall we? Rolling S4:E11 Bosun Blues after the break:

So last week Ben has his (pretty decent 35-year-old) arse oot before trashing the master, Kyle enlightened us on his specific preference for dating and also his relationship status (It’s Complicated) while Bemily overruled Kate and the guests complained. Plus: Kelley keeps fcuking up. Rolling!

A very drunk Ben crashed in the master bedroom last night, wank-blocking Kyle and earning all of Kate’s ire. She’d like him out so they can clean it, please. I’m guessing she hasn’t see the wall he broke yet.

It’s Emily’s birthday in two days, what is she 22? And Ben’s 35? Well. Anyway! Ben’s brother James quite liked Emily, which is good, because James has “seen a lot of them.” Cue DirtyBenLaugh

It’s worse than it looked last night, that panel Ben tore off the wall has the control panel for the $10,000 toilet.

10

THOUSAND

DOLLAR

TOILET!!!!!

And there is no toilet paper, fact check: even a ten thousand dollar toilet sucks if you can’t wipe your bum.

The captain has gotten wind of all this radio chatter and is surveying the damage: he asks Kate to gather the entire deck crew plus Ben for a Come to Jeebus meeting. The captain has HAD it and Kelley’s just frustrated because for once he went to bed early and wasn’t in control. The deck crew and Ben are confined to the crew areas only.

I’ve never seen a deck crew with as little respect for their jobs as this one: Kyle was the only half sensible one, but Lauren and Nico are repeat offenders. How old are you??

Young enough to have a curfew! Which is 10 pm, after 11

Does that mean Lauren’s good to party?

Nico blames Kate for everything, Ben doesn’t care anyway: just gotta be good today, then they can get loose tomorrow, hahahaha! The captain hears the hilarity, Ben, ooooh, time to kick it back a notch. Kelley passes the 10 pm curfew on to Nico, who STILL doesn’t understand what’s going on. Dude. You fcuked up. Shut up and stay below before the captain decides to fire you and save himself the aggravation of dealing with an early twenties MORON.

Kate asks Ben what he’s going to do now that he’s not allowed to leave the boat? Ben and I are confused

Ben being Ben, he decides to yell at Kate for tattling, which she didn’t do, and she’s HAD it. The captain breaks it up, just to confirm: confined to quarters means confined to quarters, so no time off the boat. Um. What? Can he do that? Is he for real grounding a 35 year old man and other adults? Ben brings up his brother being there to visit, er, sorry Ben! Captain Lee can’t apply things selectively! James can come and say goodbye and that’s it.

Now, I read the blog post Captain Lee did after he witnessed the full glory of Ben’s behaviour and I am very surprised that Ben decided to push this at all. If Skinny Kenny Rogers had any clue at that point, he would have walked Ben to the airport, I’m sure of that.

Kelley doesn’t want the crew standing around gossiping like a bunch of old men, so he breaks them up and that’s when Nico makes his move. He tells Kelley he needs to watch how he talks to him. Nooooo, no he doesn’t. Kelley, it is TOTALLY your fault for making friends out of these guys and not laying down the law about their behaviour sooner.

Also: since when does Kelley say “y’all” all the time? It’s every second phrase!

Pre-Charter Guest meeting with the captain, guess who’s coming back? NO, GUESS??!! Dean Slover! That creepy halfmanhalfelf what likes to give Kate a hard time about her RBF. I didn’t recap his FIRST visit to Below Deck, but I did capture the second on my old site: Below Deck S3:E3 Pretty Cheeks

I canea stand this dude, his snideness is only superseded by his weirdness and lust for fame. Plus he has in-between facial hair: PICK A TEAM, ELF!

Dean loved to give Ben a hard time, too. He likes things on time and Ben, well, Ben’s an artist.

Dean’s guests are all men, with the same food preferences as Dean. Easy peasy! The only names I could spy were Jake Resnicow and Jeroen Kerhof, dang. Kate is relieved “no surprises, just be perfect.”

Nico still doesn’t understand that the orders for confinement and bedtime came right from the top, perhaps Kelley could share that so Nico doesn’t swear about it quite so loudly on the side deck where maybe the captain could hear.

Kate explains to the crew that she didn’t rat them out, but Nico isn’t buying it.

Youth, honestly, I wouldn’t be young again for ANYTHING. Beating your own head against a wall and blaming the bruise on someone else is EXHAUSTING.

Ben has to tell his brother he’s “not allowed” off the boat. I wonder what that feels like at 35? I mean. I guess you’re not the most mature anyway if you’re walking around bareassed in dock.

Once again, we’ve got Ben assuming something incorrect; the captain expects everyone in bed by 10 and Ben thinks he’s got time for a drink or 8 with his brother. The captain just said James could come by and say goodbye, though, so he’s only giving it another 15 minutes.

I kind of admire Ben’s strategy of asking for forgiveness and not permission, but I don’t think his timing is the best. Skinny Kenny Rogers is MAD.

James has brought another Englishman with him, but we don’t get to meet him. Emily comes in for a hello and to be called a munchkin, what does everyone think of her? In front of her?

Soooo, we’re heading past 11 now, and Daddy is shutting this party DOWN

It’s much calmer the next morning on Charter Day, Nico’s standing down and ready to work and Kate’s warning her stews about what to expect. Just be perfect! Captain Lee tells Kelley he can expect some changes.

Guest arrival time, let the Sausage Fest commence! Lauren is loving the eye candy, she’s just bummed because they’re gay. I think hawt gay guests are the best of both worlds! You can’t mess with them anyway, so there’s no problem with them not being into you and you can just enjoy the scenery. It has nothing to do with my rumoured affection for gay pron. They’re so pretty!

Boat tour! Then straight to lunch and Ben is NERVOUS. Dean has previously suggested that Ben should be fired and there’s a lot of pressure. Ben gets the first amuse out, they like it okay, and I’ve never seen Ben be so punctual before! The guest are eating when they’re hungry! What?

The guests eat and the crew works on the toys, then Dean wants to speak to Ben. THIS is how to start a charter? By insulting the chef?

But he loved the lunch and he’d like to apologize for thinking poorly of Ben to start. Whew!

Nico’s amazed at the bodies on the guests, they are CUT. Bemily is too busy flirting to serve the guests, though, why would Kate go for a break right in the middle like that? I mean, she’s the one in charge, but all Emily is doing is giggling with Ben and not answering the captain’s radio call(s) for service.

Kate doesn’t say anything to Emily, but has a go at Ben for distracting her. That’s not necessarily the best plan, Kate, but she sticks to Emily like glue later, so maybe she knows what’s up.

You know what else is not the best plan? HITTING a super yacht with the tender full of flowers for Emily that you’re sneaking back with from town. Kelley. Boats are what you do, yes? Captain Lee is ready to make some changes.

Emily’s sorted out that she’s in trouble and good on her, goes straight to Kate to ask. Kate explains and now Emily knows not to do that again.

Dinner time! Look, Ben’s on time AGAIN! And Dean likes his food and all his male friends look almost as good as the food. Ben’s soup doesn’t go over well, it doesn’t have enough flavour. Kate warns him not to spin out, but he runs up and asks Dean what he can make instead. Dean lets him off the hook, that’s fine, fine, they’re good.

Ben figures it out later, he added ice cubes to the broth to cool it down and it diluted it. Hey, I do that with soup for my kiddos! Ben’s almost sick about it but has to press on for dessert. I hate that feeling when I mess up when it’s important and I can’t take it back, I can almost taste the bile!

The crew’s all worried about the upcoming changes, but Captain Lee isn’t filling anyone in until the next morning.

Ben’s all excited about his flowers for Emily but Kate doesn’t want to play The Dating Game with him any longer. She thinks he messed up the soup (which looked amazing) because he was distracted by Emily and the flowers and she doesn’t want to be involved.

Emily is impressed with Sierra’s decorating and her massive gaudy flowers, but she doesn’t know exactly where to put them…poor planning, Ben.

It’s time to find out about the changes Captain Lee wants to make! Nothing. Not one change. He’s giving Kelley another chance and hey, it’s his boat, right? Maybe he likes the sound of his old-timey-isms! Go swinging dicks!

Captain Lee rounds up the morning by having Emily move her flowers, it’s like everyone forgets that they’re working on a floating hotel!

Kelley and Nico are taking the guests to the Basque? Bass? Which involves a boat ride then an hour-long taxi ride each way. Dean doesn’t want to do that. He wants Kelley to go get the tender so he can pick them all up and bring them back to the boat that way. Um, The guests are just going to swim out there past the buoys in their clothes and shoes and wallets full of stuff? Really? And nobody’s said “Homey don’t play that” for YEARS, Dean.

Kyle takes a moment to call Ashley, who’s having a hard time with her transitioning. Hormones are the WORST, Ashley: totally sympathize. Kyle invites her out, that will be fun!

Kelley and Nico make up, awww, Nico is one of five boys? What? I have three and let’s just call it: busy. That’s what parents call it when they don’t want to swear. I can’t imagine 5.

Oh. Oh no Kelley. You’re on your last chance and you made a big mistake. Nico has the keys and Kelley has his radio. He has no choice but to call Captain Lee for help.

Dean treads water and waits and waits and waits. This is very bad. Why with this guest, you guys? Why not check, Kelley? I mean.

We’re out! See you next week where I’m sure we’re looking at a very low tip from a very unimpressed halfelf-halfgolem guest. Cheers!