This is it; the season finale of Below Deck, awwww! Like Kate, I will miss it but I won’t miss screaming on about whether Bemily or their chemistry exists, OR whether Kyle is a deliberate knocker-upper. Let’s roll the intriguing sounding 50 Shades of Ben after the break!

We ended with Kate venting to Ben about the stews not doing their jobs, Sierra Storm appearing behind her like a vengeful wraith

To say…nothing. The charter guests go off to The Baths while Kate motivates Emily properly: let’s work together to smash this shite out! Sierra has her creepy smile on again

Emily takes Sierra into the laundry room for a hug; they need to keep the energy up and not wallow in self-pity right now.

Kyle and Nico visit while the guests bathe (?) at The Baths, Ashley is on the island and Kyle is halfway there already. Give him his money, he’s outta there! Worst person there? Ben? Jk, of course it’s Sierra. Nico pushes back; didn’t he love Sierra like the MOST when he got there? But that was the “blonde hair and big t*ts” aspect, see, a man can’t be expected to find out personality when there is all that flying around.

Kelley and Lauren are going to be sad, last charter! And Lauren’s going back to England? I though she was Aussie? I’m sure I heard Kate say Lauren was from Melbourne?

Kyle is STILL holding forth about Sierra to Nico, honestly, dude: let it go. One bad date, I thought you were gonna be chill, right? What happened to?

The guests are done and heading back, now for the last kitchen fight of the season. Kate wants Ben to have food ready for the guests when they get back, Ben’s not a line cook, you know? He’s an artist and he wants to present his food in the best possible way, which doesn’t mean serving platters he doesn’t know they want as soon as the guests arrive aship.

I have the perfect compromise! Kate, do a ploughman’s plate, charcuterie and bevvies: done! Then you can ask them when they want to eat. Deal?

Ben very calmly explains his case; in his (VAST) experience, he’s found the guests usually like to come back, shower, THEN have a cocktail. Kate is doing her best to pick a fight, calling him weirdly aggressive and if she keeps it up, she knows she’ll get that fight that she is clearly dying for. I don’t understand why she’s going on the offense so soon, is it because she knows he’s going to push back immediately? Is he supposed to have 8 perfectly seared filet mignon dockside just in case the women are hungry? That makes no sense, Kate.

Hey, congrats on the book launch, Kate! Her book Lucky Charming is out on Amazon as of last night, no linkie.

Ben takes Emily aside and asks her the same question; she does not want to get involved. Good choice, Warburton-Adams.

Ben has used the rest of his time apart from Kate riling himself up, here it comes, Kate! He decides to go with the I’m The Chef approach, he’ll do whatever he wants, Kate! WHATEVER HE WANTS! Which does not involve veggie quesadillas handed over as the guests step on board.

Guess what? The guests want the quesadillas. And I want the black olive and truffle oil tapenade!

Kate tells Ben the guests have requested that he just keep the food coming, yay! Ben is annoyed that he has to deal with snappy Kate who just wants to feed her guests, where’s the Kate that he respected and made him laugh? Apparently making Ben laugh earns more respect than feeding the guests that is part of her job.

Skinny Kenny Rogers is not excited about having dinner with the guests

Kelley is all verklepmt talking with the deck crew about how much they’ve grown and awww. Keep it together, Johnson, everyone just wants off this fecking boat. What was it, 2 weeks ago the deck crew and Ben were still trashing the place?

Sierra finally gets up the nerve to ask Kate if she’s unhappy with their work, but interrupts halfway through Kate’s explanation. You know when you ask your kids who hid the chocolate under their pillow and turned into into a melty mess and the answer is always “not me”? It’s the same when you insist you did the bathrooms when the person who actually DID the bathrooms is in front of you and not buying your shite.

Sierra AGAIN talks over top of Kate very reasonably explaining what she was unhappy with her work; if you don’t want feedback, don’t ask for it, Storm. Kate isn’t “being mean”, she’s being professional.

For supper we have some yummy food and Grilled Captain; where you from? How many kids do you have? 5??? He has 5 kids??? That seems like a lot for someone who’s at sea a lot. So many questions!

Ben and Kate have made up, they’re getting along great, now that she’s figured out which Ben she’s dealing with! “50 Shades of Ben, baby!” he slams back and I am disappoint. I thought there would be whips and / or weird verbiage about “down there” or somefing.

The guests finally retire at 1 am, Kate ends up in Kyle’s room: is that her room too? Weird. Anyway, they soon get into shit-talking Sierra (course) and Kyle spills that Nico and Lauren keep shit-talking Kate. I don’t know if it was necessary to tell Kate that, Kyle. I feel sad for Kate, nobody needs to hear what people like that think about them. I don’t know if you need to reference how many stripes they have in front of someone who is ALSO a one-stripe, Kate.

Last day on the boat; 2:26 minutes until tip time, wash down and DONE! Ben can’t wait, he doesn’t hate his job exactly.

Anchors away! Ben is like a f*cking matador, (?)Kate same. She goes outside and riles up the deck crew, she hates being the bad guy, but sometimes shite needs to be said. And done.

The guests are packing, time to go! Which means it’s almost TIP TIME!!

A little speech and then: HOW MUCH?! I’m guessing 15k: lessee. Close, $16,000, that’s not bad!

Kate calls Nico and Lauren down: it’s Bitchface Code Black time. Kate addresses the tattlling about the master bedroom; Nico walks out but Lauren at least apologizes for assuming the worst and gossiping about Kate. I don’t know. Does it help?

Ashley’s ready to go! Kyle isn’t, he’s in the middle of a speedboat lesson. He says he and Ashley are from Manchester, which means that she greets him with “Hi Assface” I guess? She thought he would be ready, but she helps everyone else get ready!

Party time, excellent! Ben and Kate make up, Emily looks askance, but adorable.

Ben is shadowing Kate closely during supper, which confuses me and Emily. Sierra tells Emily to give Ben a chance, see how it goes. Ben is ALL over Kate, like almost in her lap, so Emily has to say something. She’s happy to see them getting along so well, but er. Ben’s drunk, so I’m sure his response will be measured and drama-free. Just kidding, course, it’s BEN! Does she want him to be mean to Kate, is that what she wants? IS IT, EMILY??

She’s had enough of his aged arse acting more immaturely than her, she’s oot.

Kyle is waxing some kind of poetic (Manchesterian?) at Ashley; until she grabs his beer. “It doesn’t matter how much you suck my dick, that’s my f*cking beer.” Then he buys a ring from Kate for $1,000 and proposes to Ashley.

She says yes, of course, ALL THE PRESSURE, aww, so lovely. Second time was the charm for Kyle and Ashley!

We getta see another shade of Ben again; chugging champagne and dropping bombs on Kate

None of this makes sense to Kate, who’s had Ben stuck right tight to her arse all night. Where did this come from?

Time to go back to the boat, Ashley gets to stay over! Her and Kyle read the bible and go to sleep in a guest bedroom.

Ben’s realised he was being a dick to Kate for no reason, he brings her a rose in the morning but she’s not having it. Same old same old. She plays nice, but she doesn’t think their friendship is salvageable.

Lauren and Nico say goodbye, she thinks he’s her friend soulmate! And maybe in the future… totally just friends, Lauren, let it go.

Awkward goodbye between Kate and Sierra, she thinks Sierra lacks the thick skin required for working on a boat. Sierra agrees with part of that. Everyone hugs it out and it’s time to go home! Nico wants to cut the grass and I don’t know if that is in code… his only regret: he would have loved to make out with at least ONE of the stews. At least ONE?

Kyle leaves with lots of hurrahs; Manchester wedding and Kate will be there! Kelley tells Kate he tried to emulate how she managed her crew, Kate thinks he did an amazing job. Captain Lee didn’t exactly think Kelley redeemed himself…but no need to be a dick, Skinny Kenny Rogers. He gives him props for his growth over the last two years, at least there’s that.

Ben’s Apology Tour continues with a stop in Emily’s room; they kiss it out but she’s still wary.

Emily and Kate say goodbye and FINALLY, finally those flowers are off the damn boat! Kate grabs some for Ro, who can’t wait to see her!

Ben gives himself a solid 7 for his work this season, Captain Lee saves his praise for his chief stew. He will miss her! And she still looks like a guest, not the chief stew. Kate really does! And that’s it, we’re oot.

Cheers, you lot, thanks for reading along this season. I think I’ll go into mourning for no Apres Ski this season, I loved that show and it would be a perfect antidote to the post-Below-Deck blues, if only Andy would LISTEN. Until next time!