Welcome back to love on the high seas: It’s RO TIME!! Woot! Rolling Below Deck S4:E7 Decent Proposal after the break!
Last time, we met Kate’s Ro, which Ben LOVED
Yelled at Kelley’s dirty windows and watched Kyle successfully hit on Sierra (she’s craaaaaaaaayyyy). Let’s see who our new guests are!
We’re still at Scrub Island watching Ro and Kate makeout pre-bathroom boffing (listen to it over headphones more than once: it’s like a puzzle!), Kelley is still all OVER Emily. It’s kind of yuck, dude.
Ben’s jealousy is taking him by surprise, he’s gotta go do something! Aww, he’s caught in the grips of a “Woman’s Biggest Existentialist Crisis” as dubbed by Paranoid S1:E2. He can hear the clock ticking and wants to start keeping an eye towards something serious.
Ro’s laugh…
Lauren and Nico are playing around in the pool, she’s so solidly friendzoned that she can’t even laugh about it. Emily REALLY does not want to date Kelley and while I get where she’s coming from, I’m like: one weekend, Emily. As long as he doesn’t talk. I’d do one weekend. No longer, though, after that shite he pulled on Jennice in S2.
Kyle backs Kelley up, for SURE Emily likes him! (She does not like him) Kelley flounders; his understanding is that English girls are easy (UM WHUT). Kyle breaks it down for him: Emily’s from the south, she’s a Londoner and also, northwest London which means even more not-easy, apparently
Ben decides he’ll take Kate’s relationship with a woman as a compliment and hey, you COULD do that, if it helps you sleep at night, or you could just accept that people are complicated and sexuality is a spectrum AND KATE’S RELATIONSHIPS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU now.
I think Emily is much more likely to go for sexy Ben and his dadbod and posh accent over Kelley and his abs and protein shakes.
Nico is just NOT being subtle about his watching Ro and Kate, who aren’t being very subtle about how much they want to bang. Back off, Nico! Go get PayPerView like everyone else.
Captain Lee calls Kelley up to the bridge to encourage him to be proactive, don’t just sit around jawing with the crew waiting for direction, sailor! Get up in there! Kelley is super handsome, hey? But not very mature.
Time for Ro to Go! Ben is just happy if Kate’s happy, but I heard the little dig Ro threw at him, so whatever, Hot Bigfoot Nikki Sixx with the obnoxious laugh. Ro and Kate kiss some MORE and honestly, they’re about to get some Josh/Amanda BiP lip-chappedness up in here any minute. Oh but now the privacy
Slide’s here! So heavy and such a pain the arse and so FUN!!!! Doesn’t it look fun? Kelley is mentally preparing himself
Kyle comes out and asks Sierra out on a date, it’s soooo awkward. Mostly she just stares and smiles vacantly while he practically performs tricks in front of her. Good on him, I guess he’s really into Nordic faces with not much behind them. There’s someone for everyone!
Kate thinks that someone for Ben could be Emily like I do!
Kyle’s got to go send money to his baby-momma, does Sierra want to come? Sure! She didn’t even know he had a daughter, who was conceived in Soho Square in a bin shed after Kyle got the woman drunk. I mean. Sierra and I are backing away slowly, trying not to make eye contact. This explains the no-Wellies plan and I get that men have that craving for a family too. Just. You know, GIVE THE PERSON GESTATING A CHOICE TOO, okay?
Two more things about Kyle’s situation: Florence is not quite two, so that’s super recent, and also: he fully supports Florence’s mother, even though it doesn’t sound as though they were ever in an actual relationship. Where I can see that’s awesome for the baby momma, any other woman coming in is going to leave skid marks in the driveway. That’s… unusual
Pre-Charter Meeting with the Captain! Steve Haug and Rachel Bemont are the primaries, awww, they let the little lady be listed as a primary too! Have you noticed how throwback these cruises are? The menz pay and the women are decorative. Kate thinks it looks like a DWTS photo and I’d have to ask my expert Renoblondee on that: what sayeth you?
Also on the charter are Frank Nemeth, Stacey Hammer and Gail Page and her daughter Madison. Madison and Stacey are GORGEOUS. Steve’s planning to propose to Rachel on the trip; the crew are worried what will happen if she says no. Proposing is essentially a rhetorical question: nobody really expects an answer. People don’t ask unless they know they’ll get a yes, unless they’re in damage control mode and that’s a whole other tangent. Where were we?
Hahahahhaha when Kate asks Captain Lee how he proposed to his wife, we get “AHHHH NOT SFW” flash across his face and then he mumbles something about asking as Ben and Kate laugh.
I think it’s someone’s birthday? Maybe Emily? There’s a hat? Anyway, the crew has sushi and Kate stares at Ben and Emily with a smile and Ben waxes poetic about what he’d do if he were a woman: this is problematic, yes?
Captain Lee can’t believe he has to look at their food in the morning. Calm down, Skinny Kenny Rogers! There’s a garbage bag right there! We get some scripted dialogue where Kate asks Emily about Valentine’s Day and can you believe nobody has ever bought this waif some flowers? ME EITHER! Guess who Kate’s gonna drop that tidbit at? NO, GUESS??!!
Ben says sure, add some flowers to the order from me! I am not getting a lot of chemistry between them, but maybe they just need a metric tonne of alcohol and a bin shed in Soho Square. Bring your own Wellies, Emily!!
The flowers arrive and they’re GROSS. Dyed blue roses don’t sound at all like the yellow and light pink flowers Kate was talking about.
Guest arrival time!! Let’s see who we’re dealing with! F*CK ME. Steve Haug has a voice down near the equator, bright eyes and is pure musclehead. Wow. Sorry, I gotta go back and see who else is here. Rachel is very pretty and as are all the women; boat tour!
I wish I could somehow listen to Steve Haug’s voice without being able to comprehend any of the content, because “our boat is bigger than their boat” and “we’re crushing it” are causing a severe dampening effect on my ladyboner.
Emily finds her stupid blue roses in her bunk, she’s so happy! She has that feeling when you can’t take the smile off your face and awwww.
Primary Steve needs to have a private talk; he wants to propose this evening in front of his friends, and I just now remembered that he’s a financial planner, not a professional gym monkey, so dang. He has the engagement ring hidden in his BACKPACK in a SOCK and WHAT KIND OF A FINANCIAL PLANNER IS THIS GUY? A sock
Emily ecstatically hugs Ben, it’s completely changed how she views him! Thank goodness she happened to tell Kate that on camera JUST before Kate placed her flower order! Thank you jeebus!
This ring is HOOGE! Gotta be more than a couple of carats. Wow.
Sierra can’t believe Ben gave Emily flowers!
Overreact much? It’s weird that she says Kyle’s name first as someone who possibly gave Emily flowers, isn’t it?
The guests eat lunch and it looooks sooooo good! It’s Lauren who asks the guests what they want to do, not Kelley as requested by Captain Lee, and while Kelley’s busy putting out all the water toys, she knows they want to snorkel. Coulda asked, Kelley!
The Critter Free pool is in the way of the tender to take guests snorkeling; good thing the Captain and the guests are watching closely! Kelley calls Captain Lee a micro-manager, but at least he can get the boat in! Lots of blah blah blah but really, I just stare at the pretty blue wetsuits. They’re gorgeous! The guests inside aren’t impressed either, joking about the return policy. I bet there isn’t one!
They finally load all of the guests, I mean MOST of the guests! They forget one and have to go back. Sooo unprofessional-looking.
So now Kelley’s off supervising the guests snorkeling while Nico and everyone else have to put this massive pool away that nobody asked for. Captain Lee, I don’t think you’re aware of EVERYTHING that comes out of your mouth
Kelley kiiiinda asks Emily out, which she pretends to not understand. Ben’s feeling all the pressure: he’s never cooked a proposal dinner before! Really? Like never? Oh and Steve Haug is in a suit jacket…awww, he’s so nervous that he practiced on his best friend Frank (I keep typing Franky! Wentworth fans know what’s up) and it’s really sweet.
Supper time! The food looks great! Steve looks like he’s gonna throw up. Awwww he chokes up and he’s crying then she’s crying and she doesn’t even wait to hear the question and we’re ALL crying and it’s so awesome. That was beautiful. I hate weddings but a good proposal is magical.
Sierra’s trying to convince everyone to come on this date with her and Kyle, c’mon, it’ll be fun! It’ll take the pressure off is what she means, but all of a sudden it looks like ALL the crew is going, which pisses off Nico and Kyle: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DATE, not herd mating. Sierra doesn’t understand why Kyle thought it was a date, when he asked her out on a date and she accepted said date.
Kate’s faaaarr too invested in Ben asking out Emily; y’all know I love Ben, but once he’s gotten past the slenderness and youth of his ladyfriends, he moves on. He’s been strictly hit it and quit it and while I think that is a LOT of fun, if I were in Kate’s position I would let Emily in on those facts. Plus I hate it when an ex tries to set up their former partner on dates, it’s weird and boundary-crossing and typically a passive aggressive nightmare. See: Date My Ex with Jo and Slate from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Kate follows Ben around, getting him ready for asking Emily out and I have a very hard time believing he’s never asked out a young woman before. Usually he just waits until a crew member gets drunk enough to make a move and then pretends it never happened.
He asks, she says yes, it’s just… Kate thinks it’s so keeewtttt and Ben’s never been like this around a giiiiirrrl and I don’t know. I just don’t buy it. Let me know what you think! We’re out, see you next week!
