It’s time to go to Thailand with our awesome group of yachties on Below Deck, is everyone excited?? Chief Stew Kate Chastain and Captain Lee Rosbach do their best to wrangle the young, beautiful and frequently intoxicated crew for our entertainment, thanks guys! Rolling into Below Deck S7:E05 Magic Ashton after the break!
Speaking of intoxicated crew…deckhand Abbi Murphy had a little (like 14 shots too many) too much to drink the night before and hasn’t shown up for work yet. Bosun Ashton Pienaar is pisssed. He only had one rule! Show up on deck at 9 am whatever mess you were the night before. Who does Abbi think she is?
Inside, chief stew Kate Chastain is gently interrogating (can you do that gently? Maybe it’s the smiling and tone of voice) stewardess Courtney Skippon about her interest in lead deckhand (is that a thing?) Brian de Saint Pern. Kate’s confused when Courtney says she’s not into the extremely conventionally attractive Brian, they spent the whole night kind of partnered off. That might be also confusing for Brian, Court.
She says she likes to get to know someone well before the kissing, fair enough, but it’s not really on to say she didn’t think Brian had a personality because he’s cute. Rumour has it that women are sometimes judged similarly. I hear.
Brian’s distracted anyway, he broke the davit the day before (winchy-thingy hanging off the boat) and the repairmen are here to assess the damage.
Abbi finally drags her hungover arse out of bed and is taken aside for a chat by Ashton immediately. It’s so odd to me how much makeup she wears, considering that she’s working outside on the water and sometimes in the water.
Ashton calls Brian and deckhand Tanner Sterback over to listen to the Come to Jeebus speech he’s about to give Abbi about managing her drinking.
Have we addressed that Abbi is around 5’2 and weighs approximately 80 pounds doing a very physical job with dudes who have at least a hundred pounds on her? I can’t figure out if that’s a You Go Girl or wtf.
It’s 23 hours to our next charter (FINALLY), time for my second favourite thing: the pre-charter Preference Sheet Meeting!
Chef Kevin Dobson meets Captain Lee Rosbach, Ashton and Kate in the crew mess to go over our next group of richie rich people.
Our Primary Charter Guest is a woman this time! Her name is McCall Sink. Wait. What? That’s a NAME? Like on your birth certificate it says McCall Sink? Oh wait, she’s a doctor too! And Sink might be her first name, not last. Like on her birth certificate it says Sink McCall?
Anyway, she’s a chiropractor and single and cute, wooooo! Get on that, boys! WITH CONSENT. It’s an all-girls drinking party, woooo! Kate’s relieved and thinks it will be easy, which means she’s already blocked out Brandy from the last charter.
Joining Dr. McCall will be Jessica Lambert and some other unnamed women who Kate thinks will pass out like at an adult slumber party. That tells me she’s also forgotten slumber parties, which involve everything BUT passing out. I shall light a small candle in a high window for you, Kate.
Kevin stays behind to make friends with Captain Lee who didn’t actually get fed the other night with the guests, but the captain is still smarting from what he considers to be the lack of respect Kevin showed for his rank. Kevin *gasp* left the bridge without being dismissed by the Captain! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER.
Kevin knows he’s done something wrong other than not feed Captain Lee, but he doesn’t know what it is so he’s floundering around.
Normally, I’d bring up how Captain Sandy Yawn handles things on Below Deck Mediterranean but we’re here now, in Thailand, and it wouldn’t be fair to either captain to do so. (Especially one). Everyone has a different management style that works for them.
Tanner’s got a crush on Kate. I wonder if he will go all out and actually ask her out on a date soon. Not on the market is Abbi, who’s been in a casual relationship with the captain on her last job. By casual, I mean she called him her f***buddy, hit on Ashton and now is texting back and forth about how much they love each other.
Love is complicated.
And remember our free-wheeling Abbi of lo those many weeks ago?
Well.
Mazel tov, Abbi! It sounds totes casual, so in line with their usual relationship. Courtney is not impressed, saying she’s figuratively rolling her eyes, then demonstrating: cut to her smiling happily at Abbi.
Kate thinks it’s keeeewtttt.
Kevin calls his sister to talk through his Captain Lee problem, he’s at the point where this mysterious disapproval is making him doubt himself and the fear of failure is making him want to leave in a show of defiance. She counsels him to ignore the garbage and carry on.
It’s charter day! Kevin did some thinking during the night and has decided to come out swinging with a ten course tasting menu, wooo! I can’t WAIT!
It’s Tanner’s turn to be sick below deck, Bravo was kind enough to have us listen to Kevin’s explosive diarrhea and now we get Tanner puking in full effect.
Ashton and the rest of his crew are on deck, Abbi figures this is a good time to share her news. I laughed out loud because Ashton stared at her for a full minute before commenting.
Kevin makes gnocchi from scratch, Kate is excited! Time for whites and guest arrival, yay! The crew hears the guests woooooo-hooooing from down the dock. They can still get away if they hurry! Hahaha
Hai Dr. Sink McCall and friends! Sorry, there were zero clear shots of the gang, booo. I had a gif too, but my wifi is limited and it’s not picking up, dangit.
Guest check in involves many, many requests for drinks and then we’re on the boat tour! The deck crew and captain work hard to de-dock, guess who doesn’t have her radio on? NO, GUESS!?! To quote Ashton “Jeez, Abbi.”
The guests hoot and holler at the male crew members; I hear Ashton used to be an exotic dancer so the hairs are probably standing up on the back of his neck right now. I bet he knows exactly that that sound means!
Kevin is working hard on his gnocchi, which seems…awfully dark. Hm. He’s used to impressing a naked lady with such foodstuffs, now he’s working under the gun and worried. The guests love it, almost as much as they like Ashton asking them what toys they’ll be needing.
Ashton calls Abbi to get the swim platform set up, but she’ll having girltime with the guests, staring at a huge, phallic moss-covered rock. The guests are super excited to hear she’s from Boston, Ashton is the opposite of that when he realises she STILL isn’t setting up the swim platform.
Brian thinks this is jealousy over her engagement, since she and Ashton once cuddled all night on deck right at the beginning of the season. Ashton says he’s being hard on her because she’s distracted since her engagement and honestly: it’s been five minutes. It’s not like she’s locked herself in the head with Brides magazine.
This fraternizing with the guests is expected, except when someone got engaged and someone else lost his backup plan for drunksex.
Aww second stew Simone Mashile is stuck in laundry AGAIN. Now, she’s great at it, nobody irons better, but she really wanted to get above deck and work on serving guests more. She has a math degree!
Kate rescues her, she sings Hallelujah in a really cute gif that will also not load.
Ashton and some of the guests jump off the bow, they’re only disappointed that he didn’t take his shirt off first. *sad panda*
Kevin would appreciate it if everyone would be quiet while he explains his ten course tasting menu to Kate, THANKS! Her face is worth the price of admission, if only you could see it. IF ONLY.
Kevin’s suuuper stressed. Abbi is suuuper tired, she hasn’t had one break today and it’s dark out! Tanner tries to be sympathetic but he’s trying not to throw up on her or himself and he’s fighting dizziness.
Captain Lee asks chef Kevin for a rundown of tonight’s meal, he has zero faith that his chef can pull off a ten course tasting menu. Awww. You have to empower your people, not run them by fear! Like Captain Sa nevermind nevermind!
Time for supper!! I will try to catch as many courses as I can, here’s number one, a cucumber salad with Bloody Mary dressing:
Followed by a carrot ginger deconstructed soup:
Course three is a homemade brioche with foie gras
Then lamb loin with pomegranate molasses and eggplant puree for the fourth course
The guest love everything! Even Captain Lee cracks a smile.
For number five we have a tempura shrimp taco
Followed by a lemon sorbet palate cleanse
We interrupt these gastronomical delights to switch to Abbi talking to her brand-new Greek fiancé about their “why not?” upcoming nuptials. I don’t know if most of these first discussions are mostly about when they’re going to divorce, but sure?
Back to food! We’re at course seven with this, unexplained past “chorizo and oyster mushrooms” and instead we getta hear Courtney complain that ten courses (that she’s not eating) are just too much.
Kevin’s just about forgotten his name by course eight, I think a scallop with date puree and walnuts? It was pretty, anyway!
Ashton and Brian wander through, the guests tell Kate they wouldn’t be opposed to a striptease tonight, yeah? By that I mean they’re already metaphorically clutching handfuls of soiled one dollar bills. Make it rain, ladies!
Kate asks Ashton, who says he’s hung up his g-string already, but his swiveling hips are making a liar out of him. I am super grossed out, sorry! I know that’s not the intended result. He used to be a dancer, as I mentioned above, I have a hard time believing this is not a producer setup. Would you go on a fancy plane ride overseas and ask your flight attendants to strip? Maybe rich people would, I dunno.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t get a pic of the mango parfait for the ninth course, picture a square of yellow tofu with a purple afro.
Captain Lee grudgingly admits that Kevin did a decent job tonight, but he’ll be watching him tomorrow during supper, damnit! DON’T GET COMFORTABLE, COOKIE!
That is just the most outdated management style ever, the never-encourage, keep-people-on-their-toes with fear and. Never mind.
Course ten, woooo! It’s a chocolate truffle covered with nuts, maybe?
Ashton is brought in for the eleventh course and I am all acringe. Guest Rachel is given a crash course in the fundamentals of how to give a lapdance, there’s self-touching and stripping and simulated oral sex. You can take the boy out of the stripclup dance-group…
Now he has to go back to asking them if they want jetskis and wouldn’t that just be WEIRD?? He knows all about hustling for tips, though, yay.
The guests go to bed early and everyone works on cleanup. Brian’s indoors helping Courtney clean up the galley instead of mopping the outside deck, Ashton is not happy. He talks to Brian about it, but kind of in a pissy way, maybe Brian was right about Ashton being upset about Abbi’s engagement. They scrap, Ashton is definitely emotional about something.
Brian works late into the night getting everything done.
The guests are up and rolling at 8:00 am, cracking necks on deck and everything! Breakfast comes out piecemeal, Kevin is doing a great job. It’s literally the only thing that stops the guests cackling.
Ashton apologizes to Brian for his rant the previous evening, Brian is totally chill and they’re fine. Tanner continues to want to puke as soon as he’s upright. He explains that he, a grown man, would rather be watching cartoons. I can’t think *why* Kate hasn’t already dated this guy.
Since it’s not a big fancy meal, Simone will be on service for supper with Kate instead of Courtney, she’s excited!
Ashton and Abbi stand together in the same room and say not one word. Tanner breaks the ice while he eats and Ashton takes the opportunity to direct everyone (read: Abbi) to re-focus. Abbi’s now decided she doesn’t like it here any more, too many negative vibes.
Emotions are complicated.
Kate sums it up thusly: “You’re not depressed. You’re just a brat.”
Kevin prepares for supper with many, many raw and deceased fishes. Most of the the toys are tucked away and one thousand drinks are prepared for our fun ladies.
Simone doesn’t know how to reduce foaming when pouring beer? Pour down the side, love!
Abbi complains about her ginger skin, I have no idea what she’s talking about. Okay, I totally do (you can find me hiding under slides all summer) but we see her put on a metric fucktonne of bronzer and powder on all of her exposed skin every morning, how is she having issues?
Brian and Abbi are doing something with the slide, he also accuses her of being distracted so she bails to get her sneakers and instead complains to Simone that Brian is being mean to her. She cries in her bunk, she just doesn’t like it here any more! She’s so sick of this!
Literally no issues 24 hours before, pre-engagement. Did we mention that Tanner is *actually* sick? Did we? We’re out! See you next week when we find out if Abbi leaves and if Tanner gets a break! Cheers.
