Hi guys! What happened on Collateral? Who killed the recent refugee pizza delivery man? Was he meant to be killed or was it someone against the deliciousness of pizza itself? Rolling S1:E03, the penultimate episode of Collateral after the break.

We open in a car with Queen. Not THE Queen but rather the band and I would like all of my shows to start this way from now on, please! I can’t wait to see where Fat Bottom Girls turns up! WHERE WERE WE? Ah yes, this is Killer Queen and we’re with a pretty woman with a shirty attitude.

She pulls up to a gate and we lose her and switch to our poor pizza shop manager Laurie (Hayley Squires) whose body DI Kip Glaspie (Carey Mulligan) and fellow detective Nathan Bilk (Nathaniel Martello-White) have just found. I thought she just got banged around in a bad van ride with some nasty fellows, it appears to have been much worse than that.

Pretty Shirty is meeting with the scary van guys and the Not Quite Travel Agent Peter Westbourne (Richard McCabe) who

Okay, hold on, quick recap of last two episodes. You can read them here and here, but in a nutshell: a recent Iraqi refugee was gunned down by an Army Captain after delivering a pizza, we’re still trying to figure out if it was targeted or not. Murderer Army Captain Sandrine Shaw (Jeany Spark) is suffering from PTSD AND was just raped by her commanding officer (it’s not consensual if he’s blackmailing her) and would also very much like to know if she got the right guy, so she called Not Quite Travel Agent Peter Westbourne who is now very annoyed that he’s in a meeting with Pretty Shirty and the Two Vaguely European Thugs Who’ve Been Watching Everything.

*deep breath*

The important part of all that is Peter might be associated with an English human-trafficking ring using boats and the aforementioned thugs and that might be why poor pizza deliveryman Abdullah Asif (Sam Otto) was killed because he saw some stuff relating to the English ownership of the boats.

Back to the story! Pretty Shirty is Berna (Maya Sansa) and she didn’t have to come beat up Laurie, which seems to have Peter’s nose out of joint. He believes in equal opportunity thuggery.

Skinny Gaunt Thug is Mehmet Akman (George Georgiu) and he was the one who bribed Laurie in the first place. Peter immediately uncovers another loose end in the form of Mikey (Brian Vernel) who is already running away from drug dealers.

Peter wants Berna to do something with the police, what are her plans again? Tomorrow she’s heading out to get boats and new captains Somewhere Unpronounceable Without Practice.

Peter comes from a military background and after he poops all over their planning, Berna presses back and asks about the shooter, how’s Sandrine doing?

Not well. Really not well and hey, British TV, do you, but last time we saw Captain Sandrine Shaw, she was being raped and now we’re seeing her unclothed in front of a window, showing off her milkshakes to the yard. In fact we’ve seen her twice now in the altogether and I call shenanigans on the so-typical plot device of a beautiful naked woman falling apart by way of showing her adorable bum everywhere.

Think back, how many shows have you seen about men cracking up that involved a nude shower scene, then a rape, then full nudity beautifully lit by the sun? None, perhaps directors and producers feel that might undermine the character if we were forever seeing their babymakers. As it does here.

She stares out the window (FOR WHAT PURPOSE??) and then dresses for the day, tucking away her secret phone (the connection to Peter that was stolen by her commanding officer) and laying down a treasured picture on its face. Is she about to use the rest of her military training?

Kip and Nathan are trying to figure out what the connection between the two murders, did anyone ever find out who owned the pizza shop of doom? Kip doesn’t understand because the methods are so different; Abdullah’s murder smacked of military precision and Laurie being smacked around and thrown from a van…doesn’t.

Now the media is onto the fact that Abdullah wasn’t a Syrian refugee but rather an Iraqi, how did Robert Walsh (dishy Mark Umbers from Home Fires! Every time I see him I wonder how he walks around with that face and isn’t mobbed) find out only 12 hours after the police themselves discovered that fact?

It must have been that MI5 dude. Nathan lurves him but Kip does not. It’s kiiiind of a big deal that a senior MI5 guys is in the pocket of this human trafficking ring, but I guess the Army is involved too.

Sandrine is back at work, struggling to not murder her rapist sexual harasser boss. She heads to see her psychiatrist instead, better choice but a kneecapping wouldn’t go astray. Xan (Adrian Lukis) can see she’s highly agitated, maybe it’s time for some leave? Go see her mum?

She’s struggling with her PTSD and also the difficulty of returning to society after being at war, he’s trying to follow but clearly worried.

It falls to DC Rakhee Stone (Vineeta Rishi) to notify Laurie Stone’s mum about her death.

Karen Mars (Billie Piper) struggles to get out of bed while her ex-husband David stumps for more immigration on live TV while his aide Monique (Jacqueline Boatswain) grimaces and makes throat-cutting gestures in the background. Syrian, Iraqi, what’s the difference? Maybe don’t say you’re “turning into a nasty little country” though, that never goes over as well as the rah rah stuff.

For whatever reason, Kip’s boss DSU Jack Haley (Ben Miles) seems to think it’s her fault Laurie was killed, how could looking for a suspect lead to their death? Kip and Nathan weren’t walking around shouting Have You Seen Laurie? I Fink She Knows Something.

Kip wants to focus on the military angle, but Nathan wants to focus on Karen Mars so we already know he’s wrongfooted. Karen is too tempting, with her close connection to politics and penchant for pizza covered in weed.

Jack wants them to go beat it out of Fatima Asif (Ahd) but I don’t see that actually working.

Kip is focusing on a woman in the military because of the evidence of Lihn (Kae Alexander) who has come in for questioning with her gay vicar girlfriend Jane Oliver (Nicola Walker). Nathan won’t let Jane stay but that’s okay because Lihn is feeling a bit smothered by Jane’s overprotectiveness.

Sandrine is not enjoying an excruciating lunch with her mum, a patrician type with large pearls for clutching and a penchant for clean uniforms. They discuss Sandrine’s father’s death, or is it brother? Either way, Sandrine is not welcome to come home to stay with her mum, who prefers to grieve alone. Sandrine is given the opportunity to say she wants to come with her mum definitively, but chooses not to take it.

British stiff upper lip looks a lot like WASP.

At Tory headquarters, David’s rant about our “nasty little country” isn’t playing over very well, but the women in the Detention Centre That Is For Sure Not A Prison like it somewhat.

Peter himself picks Sandrine up on the side of the road, how did he know where she was? Ahhhh, he’s friends with Sandrine’s mum as he was with her father.

Oh dang, I think he’s about to clean up some loose ends.

David is finally goaded into visiting his ex-wife Karen, the au pair Genevieve (Alais Lawson) rats her out for the weed immediately.

*so much divorce yelling*

Peter and Sandrine walk in the woods, she’s in the grip of Islamophobia and apparently wanted to kill an Iraqi terrorist so Peter pointed her at Abdullah. Peter offers to murder her boss, he’ll do anything to protect her and her mother. Well. That was unexpected. Sandrine heads back to base and packs a bag, including a gun, I’m worried. Time for one little kneecapping, Sandrine? No? FINE

Berna called someone in a panic, sure that Peter was onto her and she was right. Berna is friends with Sam Spence (John Heffernan), the MI5 guy. They just shittalk the detectives, as far as I can tell, he’s her police contact.

We’re with Jane and Lihn at the vicarage, it’s almost painful watching how much more Jane is into the relationship than Lihn, who is much younger. So much younger than she even makes disparaging remarks about how corrupt England is, presumably compared to her home country of Vietnam.

Whoops, sorry, had to clear my throat a few times while I tried to swallow that.

If disinterest was a picture, it would be Lihn sulkily sitting there with her phone in her hand complaining about Jane hanging out with old boyfriend David. Although it would appear David only does flings, one he married and a bunch of others he just feels bad about after.

Lihn wants to go home, she doesn’t like being illegal and under Jane’s protective wing. Jane would like her to stay. Perhaps Lihn doesn’t like being a dirty little secret, as she races Jane to the door to admit the Bishop, also totally gay but not the least out.

Side note: Admit The Bishop sounds like one of those games you play with another consenting adults.

Bishop Rufus Chambers (Jonathan Coy) might want to rethink the purple shirts if he wants to stay in the closet, but he takes a moment to speak warmly and insincerely to Lihn about hoping to see her again before telling Jane Ho Gotta Go.

It’s not just that Lihn is 23 and a woman and illegally in the country, she was sitting on the pavement! Tell me that wasn’t given equal weight in the parsing of her sins and I’ll thumb wrestle for it.

Jane argues, can he honestly say the parish would be better off without her?

That’s not the point! But…that is the point, innit?

Bishop Rufus can’t remember the exact verse, but he’s sure there’s something in the bible about doing what you like and keeping it all quiet, live by that. He lives with a man, his….”companion.” It gets gross fast.

Jane fights back, it’s exactly this hypocrisy that is driving people away from institutions but you can’t really argue that she might not be setting the BEST example with her illegal drug-using girlfriend.

Kip’s gone to see Fatima alone this time, she builds rapport by showing Fatima the famous video of her crushing her own dreams while attempting an Olympic polevault. Um. Don’t laugh Fatima, that’s RUDE! But the ice is broken and Fatima is talking about her life in Iraq, which had maybe included university until “obviously the Americans came in.”

Kip’s there for the names: Fatima wants to know what she’s offering. Kip hasn’t got much, no power but she has David in one of her larger pockets and Fatima has to trust her. Fatima does.

Speaking of David, he’s off looking for Karen again instead of rescuing his kiddo. He finds her at a casino, he wants to know where the stake came from. He already had to pay off Russian gangsters for her! They both get kicked out for fighting and he seriously needs to get his head straight about his so-called “ex.” If you’re that invested years after your relationship ended…

If you look up “Co-Dependent” in your closest Oxford dictionary, you shall see David and Karen Mars.

Kip and Nathan and a S.W.A.T. are taking down the hotel where Fatima worked, the hotel manager is super unhelpful at first but grudgingly opens Fatima’s locker under threat of prosecution.

Surprisingly, Nathan does not appreciate the boon that is Fatima’s phone, he knows Kip went to see her by herself and he MAD. He tells her to eff herself a bunch of times and storms away.

Kip watches the phone videos alone back at the office after calling her (awesomely understanding) husband, you can clearly see Berna and Mehmet collecting money from their human cargo.

A woman is thrown over at one point and someone shot in another but I can’t make out what any of it means really.

Sandrine has made it to her destination, the home of her nemesis. She watches in the bushes as he drinks wine with his wife and kisses his kids goodnight. Is he about to become nobody’s problem? And we’re out.

Well. Things are certainly coming to a sharpish end on Collateral. Sandrine is like a Rubic’s Cube, twisted this way and that way for sympathy and abhorrence. She’s a murderer. She’s a soldier suffering from PTSD. She’s a victim of sexual harassment and violence. She’s an Islamaphobe. She’s being manipulated by her dead father’s oldest friend. There aren’t any ways to look at Sandrine without seeing all those sides.

I like Kip (and Carey Mulligan especially) but I don’t understand her relationship with her second in command. Nathan is surprisingly aggressive and unhelpful to Kip, who outranks him.

Many interesting ideas to think about, like the Iraqis bombed so thoroughly and dealing with the fallout. I mentioned trains running on time in a Black Mirror recap and it’s much the same here. No, I’m not extolling the virtues of Mussolini (plus he totally didn’t say that anyway), it’s about how war is the hardest on the people waiting for trains. And universities to be open. And food. I know so little about it that I can’t speak knowledgeably about it, but I can suggest that the vast majority of people would rather never ever have a war in their backyards, it’s the ones higher up and out of the fray that see it as chess moves.

Talking about refugees and immigration could hardly be more timely, I still wonder if Brexit won because it was so much the better name. I know my Prime Minister Justin Trudeau acted all welcoming on Twitter, but from what I could tell: we still have some pretty strict immigration policies in Canada.

Until next time, which is the last time with Collateral! Cheers.