Hello and welcome back to the Great British Bake Off, it’s Bread Week, wooooooo!! Are you excited? I’m so excited and it’s been so long I don’t even remember who won this series after I spoiled myself last time. Let’s roll into my recap of GBBO S14:E03 Bread Week after the break!
I just fibbed there, I do remember but I’m still here for the bakes woooooooo!
Not sure exactly how we got where we got, either…
I have to mention that, for the first time since I was a child, someone ELSE baked a loaf of bread in my kitchen, for me! Shout out to Charlie for not just being an audio engineer extraordinaire, but also for being an alright (okay fab) all around fella and excellent baker of no-knead bread.
We’re back in the tent with a number of apprehensive bakers, withering under the steely gaze of expert breadmaker Paul Hollywood. Other judge Prue Leith looks on kindly, she knows she’s just here for colour this week.
Hosts Noel Fielding and Alison Hammond punch it up a bit and we’re into our Signature Challenge: a Cottage Loaf! With ‘two stacked cobs”
**Looking up – ohhhh I see, it’s two loaves on top of each other. Got it.
Let’s see who’s making what!
Cristy is making hers with cranberry, rosemary and walnuts and what the Sam Hill is going on here? I thought it was just two loaves, now it’s got stuff stuck in there as well? Mr. Google, you have let me down.
Well, at least she’s familiar with this style of breadmaking, her family loves this loaf.
Saku is going completely sideways as well, with Sri Lankan cinnamon and orange and I suppose I’d better brace myself.
Tasha was our Star Baker last week and we’ve got a nutty, rosemary and garlicky loaf to look forward to from her. Garlic and pumpkin seeds, sure.
Apparently rosemary and garlic is a classic combination for this loaf, there are 4 bakers using that as their base, including Dan, who has thrown smoked bacon into the mix.
I think I like Dan’s method of kneading the best, the casual hand roll looks efficient and effective. And his dough isn’t super wet, which helps, *coughAbbicough*.
Abbi has smoked garlic and rosemary, I suppose that’s different from Dan’s wild garlic? Plus, how would you know what everyone else is making?
Nicky is using roasted garlic and I have to say: there is no bad way to add garlic to a loaf of bread, so this is my favourite challenge in ages!
There is a schism between those who knead by hand (The Righteous) and those who use the mixer; Dana is a mixer gal, which she undoubtedly regrets as soon as the glass bowl shatters under the strain of mucking about a loaf with chipotle chili paste, smoked cheddar and smoked paprika. That’s too much smoke for me, racing back to my roasted garlic loaf, thankyouverymuchDana.
The (only) fun part of Bread Week for the bakers is the sitting during proving process, which everyone but Rowan is enjoying. He’s got a heavy dough with sun-dried tomatoes and kalamata olives requiring a lot of kneading (by hand), I look forward to seeing how that comes out!
Josh is making a pizza loaf, and I’m listening…Gruyere melts better than anything ever.
I am confused at the volume of filling everyone is slapping into their dough, Matty seems relatively reasonable, although I question the use of chili flakes.
Nicky teaches Noel how to keep his hands warm.
There’s this awkward part where everyone has to join the small loaf on top with the larger loaf underneath by driving two fingers down the center of both, with Rowan getting stuck and Dan giving three brutally decisive taps.
The second prove means another cup of tea, almost time to bake! Most of the loaves have done well, but Abbi’s appears to have melted.
Oh! And they cut designs on the side, how lovely.
Abbi has a melted singe loaf but Rowan’s massive loopy loaf is going to save her.
Judging!
Saku’s loaves are up first, Paul thinks it looks alright and it smells good. She under-proved the bread, however, Paul calls it 10 minutes away from great.
Maybe it was Matty with the 3 decisive finger thrusts…his bread does look delicious, if not precise. The filling is heavy but appropriate, good job Matty!
Everyone looks like they just pooped a brick when they’re done being judged.
Dana’s bread went the way of Rowan’s, flopping over and not even the name ‘Bread-ley Cooper’ can save that aesthetically. It’s doughy but flavours are good.
It looks as though Rowan managed to save it a little with the rodding, how is the flavour? Besides the ‘monstrous” look, it’s got decent flavours and bake.
You know Abbi was watching that closely; given her pancake of a stacked loaf.
Nicky is next and I just find all the bread delightful to look at, although I keep thinking it’s sourdough, especially Nicky’s with the flour all over it. The Scottish seasalt is over-salty, unfortunately, and the loaf is dense.
It looks as though Cristy’s bread sunk a bit as well, but Paul’s okay with the looks, he just would like a bit more flavour. Huh. It’s crammed with all sorts of flavours, odd.
Poor Abbi and her lost definition. Will flavour pull her through? The problem is lack of salt, decrees Paul, that’s what made it a bland and unstructured loaf. Prue can’t get over the smoked garlic; it’s overwhelmed the flavour of everything else.
Josh’s pizza loaf popped right up, everyone loves it so we carefully watch Paul’s hands, which he as carefully tucks into his pockets. No Hollywood Handshake for Josh today!
There’s one burned spot on Dan’s wild garlic loaf, but I’d still eat all of it. Paul strikes an unexpected blow for the mixer clan; if Dan had mixed it just for a minute or two with the fillings, they would have been better distributed in a way his hand-kneading did not accomplish.
We’ve been waiting for Tasha’s garlic and rosemary dream, how does it stack up against all the other garlic and rosemary loaves? Well, Prue said she would be so proud of it, if she had done it! Paul calls it too dense, it’s delicious and about 90% of where it should be.
That leaves us between two very young front-runners going into the Technical Challenge; Josh and Tasha.
What is the Technical? 8 consistent Devonshire splits! Rowan and I are confused but one of us has The Google!
Oh. They are light buns with cream and jam.
Boy, they sure use jam a lot more in the UK than they do here in North America.
I quite like Abbi’s kneading method too, she and Josh are looking lovely. Proving is so stressful, nobody knows how long to do it for, for either first or second. But eventually you have to back and then there’s still the cooling and cream to whip and not have melt on scorching hot buns.
I have probably piped ten thousand bits of icing and whipped cream over the years, most likely more, and never would I do this to tighten my bag.
Okay, Dan’s doing it too, it’s because I’m not a man.
Oh shoot, Dan’s buns are too small and that’s because he forgot the sugar in his enriched dough. I’m shocked that everyone’s buns look so great! Except for Dan’s…
No, actually, only 3 contenders in the bunch. Abbi sits in tears as the judges talk about her under-proved golf ball sized buns.
From worst to best, we have:
- 10th: Dan
- 9th: Rowan
- 8th: Abbi
- 7th: Matty
- 6th: Cristy
- 5th: Nicky
- 4th: Josh
- 3rd: Dana
- 2nd: Tasha
- and Saku! wins the Technical with their lovely Devonshire split buns that totally exist and everything!
It’s interesting that we’ve got two youngest in the bottom AND top, Tasha and Josh doing well and Rowan and Abbi sinking like dense Devonshire split buns.
We’re still in this, you guys! One more trip round the tent, this time for the Showstopper challenge with a ‘visually stunning plaited bread centerpiece” with at leas 2 types of flour and here is where I would shine. I think making white bread is cheating, everyone likes white bread but it has no flavour. It’s the chicken breast of the baking world and while I recently had some very lovely homemade white bread, I’d use four flours if they let me. Layers! Flavour! Depth!
…why is there a stuffed tiger on Josh’s bench? I keep saying he’s young, but I’m pretty sure he’s reached the age of majority?
The fun part is that three of the bakers have plaits in their hair right now as we speak.
I’m not entirely sure I understand why Abbi thinks her lobster looks like a tree.
Abbi has a 9-strand plait planned, Paul’s not even done 9 strands before.
I mean, at least Rowan’s tree is tree-like, I just don’t get what is making everyone think of trees. Did someone peek at someone’s homework?
Everyone is starting to look kind of tired of kneading, I love that Nicky is doing a cow that maybe looks a little bit like her.
Saku is doing a peacock, which is also sort of an animal!
All kinds of fillings, I am down with the savory AND sweet, woooo!
Oh Dan. Oh Dan Dan Dan, he’s rolling each strand individually and there is no way he has time for that! Ain’t nobody have time for that on a sort of competitive baking show!!
Um Dana, you’re making a literal breadbasket and you’re going to fill it with bagels and not something creative like flowers? Bagels?
I love Cristy’s design, but it’s ambitious – 8 strands to Dana’s 3.
Go Tasha! I love Greek mythology and we could certainly use some Medusa right now, couldn’t we?
Matty is making a square and calling it a shield. Whatever.
Ohhhhh, the wee tiger is for a sports team Josh follows and is basing his design on it.
The thing to remember: all of these bakers are amazing. They are all creating complicated masterpieces in someone else’s kitchen with no control over the clock or climate. Bravo!
Dan has run out of dough without the entire PIZZA to be spelled. He’s created ‘dead dough’ and is triaging as much as he can.
1 minute to go and people are dropping bread and plaits are flying and where’s the P???
We’re on to judging, Josh is first! I bet he gets a handshake…and I’m wrong, he does not. But Paul calls his bread genius and what else could a bread baker ever want?
I think Nicky’s highland cow is amazing, how does Angus taste?? He tastes alright if you get a bit with proper filling; otherwise his insides are poorly distributed. Coasting through under the radar!
Matty’s stupid shield looks like a square. Tastes awful as well, except for parts around the edges.
I love how they always find something positive to say, even if it’s Prue going on about liquor.
Saku’s massive peacock is slightly under-proved and dry, it’s more style than substance.
Speaking of style, lookit Rowan’s upright bread monstrosity! It’s so full of curry, it can’t rise and it’s also raw.
Dana redeems herself with her delicious breadbowl, gorgeous.
Prue and I will be fighting over Cristy’s amazing loaves.
I have my fingers crossed for Abbi’s tree! This is the moment of truth – will it be her or Rowan going home tonight? Did the 9-strand work? Is this the equivalent of watching a figure skater land a quad to stay in the game? Paul calls the design ‘rudimentary’ and makes nasty comments about the density. But overall: better than Rowan’s review and there’s still Dan…
Dan’s short and dead dough isn’t even baked dough. He just ran out of time. Ah Dan.
Last, but not least: Tasha’s Medusa. Paul is stunned to silence at one point, staring at the miraculous loaf in his hands. He’s never had anything like that. He says she understands bread. Do you suppose that’s how Salieri felt?
Dan musters up a: well done, Tash, I feel badly for him. He’s an excellent baker, he just had a rotten week.
I have to say my choices: Tasha for Star Baker and Rowan to go home. It could be Dan, but that’s where I’m landing.
The judges say:
Star Baker: Tasha
Going home as one of Britain’s top 10 bakers ever: Abbi
What?? I mean, come on! How is she going home when Rowan is right there?? She’s so awesome.
Until next time, everyone! Cheers!
