Hi everyone and welcome back to Girls where everything is meta and I can smell the reunion a-brewing. Can you? Rolling Full Disclosure after the break

We open with Hannah (Lena Dunham) and Marnie (Allison Williams) having an important supper (just…maybe don’t dress the salad, Hannah. Fanks) so Hannah can spill her baby news, but Marnie wants to get first blood: Ray broke up with her. Can Hannah believe it? I seriously snort-laughed and tried to swallow my tongue

Marnie just thought he’d be grateful she was talking to him, though, which shows a completely unexpected level of self-awareness.

Then the REAL news

Which Marnie doesn’t believe and I just had to capture Hannah’s face there coz it’s so cute how she thinks this will be another “experience”, like propositioning her handsy boss, roleplaying with Adam and moving in with a hunky doctor (I LOVE YOU PATRICK WILSON) for 48 hours. So.cute.

Marnie’s into it! So not only is Hannah completely unprepared for a male child (I was similarly blown away by the idea that I could produce boy offspring. Three times) but also she’s not planning to tell Paul-Louis (Riz Ahmed) at all. Like, at ALL.She also doesn’t think children talk until they’re 7, which would be AWESOME, but makes me and Marnie wonder about her level of preparedness in general.

But. How can you have a baby and not tell the father of that baby that they’re a father? That’s not okay. I understand there are circumstances where violence and coercion or straight-up rape are factors that would lead someone to come to that conclusion, but for Hannah to be all… it’s how I’ll keep him out of the baby’s life is WRONG.

Yeah I said it. WRONG

I can’t believe Marnie and I agree on something. Hannah stomps away.

Desi (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) is struggling a bit with Marnie’s gig schedule for him post-rehab; she really doesn’t care about him at ALL. Why did she marry him again? Was it the salad-tossing, all 5 seconds of it? He doesn’t wanna play her mom’s friend’s birthday party out in Jersey at La Vue, hard pass.

Elijah (Andrew Rannells) feels bad for BEING A COMPLETE DICK TO HANNAH about her pregnancy, let’s roll that back, shall we?

He and his banana-hanger underpants (seriously, his wobblies were in and out of frame the whole scene, like a cotton-covered metronome) would like to apologize for that. He wants to be involved in the child’s life; he’s just worried he won’t be a good influence, that’s why he lashed out. Hannah reassures him; pfft, she’s gonna be an awful influence too.

But not pay for anything; that’s clear, right? Clear, Captain Underpants

Adam (Adam Driver) calls as she’s leaving, he will not leave her alone! She walks outside and there he is again, stalking her which is “very three years ago.” He needs her to watch the film; he needs her to tell him if he got it right (probably not the part about “I’ll spank you and call you a wh*re if you let me be sweet to you after”); if he made it real. I think his film is a lovesong to their relationship and that’s why he needs her to watch. She doesn’t wanna. He says it will give her closure!

She blurts out that she’s pregnant; it literally stops him in his tracks. He also doesn’t think it’s okay to not tell the dad and side note: Adam Driver is looking FOINE AF right here, when did that happen again?

Marnie’s waiting for Desi while her embarrassing cougar-mom Evie (Rita Wilson!!) and friend Sharva (Azura Skye!!!!!! From 28 Days and every single episode of CSI Miami; David Caruso was always dropping his glasses around her) hit on the soundcheck guy. Desi shows but I’m pretty sure he’s schwasted. He’s does a quiet, slow speech about how he’s been acting his whole life, and now he’s done. He’s done with acting like a musician and Marnie just thinks he’s tired. Evie comes out and spots it right away; Desi is high AF. Marnie takes a moment to blame all of her life choices on her mother, who raised her to think the only standard worth measuring herself against was male approval.

All Evie got out of that is that Hannah’s pregnant; that’s a mistake. Ya think?

Hannah’s workshopping the Not-Telling-The-Father scenario with her dad Tad (PETER SCOLARI!!!!!) and his partner Keith (Ethan Phillips) and really? That’s who Tad chose as his first partner out of the closet? All right, well, maybe Keith has a sparkling personality. What he does have for sure is an opinion as a past sperm-donor and he also thinks Hannah’s idea of exclusion is wrong. Tad’s always #TeamHannah; he thinks it’s her body and her decision.

But. The baby’s not going to live in Hannah’s body after the 9 months, Tad. And it doesn’t relate to you spending 50 years in the closet either. Personal freedom is a specious argument at best. I still love you, Tad.

Sharva’s sharing old groupie stories with Evie and Marnie; Evie hasn’t told her friend that the show is off tonight, so guess who’s going up on stage with Marnie tonight? No, GUESS???!! Evie!

Elijah’s running lines with a coworker Paget (Jasmine Cephas Jones – she must be related to Ron Cephas Jones) for her audition in the morning; Elijah’s really good! Of course he’s gotta dick it up at the end by giving her acting advice, but yeah: convincing at acting like an actor who’s never acted before.

Oh great, Adam told Jessa (Jemima Kirke) about Hannah being pregnant; here she is at Hannah’s doorstep. She’s hurt. Why did she have to find out about the pregnancy through Adam? Because you aren’t friends any more, Jessa. Hannah doesn’t care about everything they went through, she’s all done with Jessa. Jessa’s right, though, you can’t just erase people, you can’t just pretend they didn’t exist. Or can you? That’s what Hannah wants to do, but over Adam? Decades gone over Adam? Jessa calls Hannah a psychopath (she’s a sociopath but Hannah’s WORSE!) and leaves with “rest in peace.”

The Michaels Sisters (hahahaha) have a disastrous gig. A lucid Desi wanders out of the backroom to watch as they floooppppppp. He’s so cute when his eyes are all the way open. He tries to leave but is too uncoordinated to start his motorcycle, so he knocks it over and wanders into the night.

Evie’s scatting was fun, though, right?

Elijah’s blah blah blahing about auditioning for the role while Hannah listens; he’s so adorable when he’s insecure and hiding it poorly. Hannah’s not listening after all, she stomps into her bedroom and calls the resort where she met Paul-Louis without any success. So finally she sits and watches the movie Adam and Jessa made. We all cried after the porn, didn’t we? Because I was right, it was a love letter to Hannah and we never did get Adam’s side of things, did we?

Back in season one we got a little taste, but we can see it now so clearly, we can see the longing on his face and so can Hannah. I thought we were out but we’re not; we see a little more of the film Full Dis:Closure. A little scene about how they first met, ending with Adam writing his number on Mira’s (Daisy Eagan) hand, which hurts a little. That’s good, because if it hurts, you’ll always remember and then we cried a bunch more, right? Because if you can’t erase people, you can’t erase that either. Life is complicated. Until next time