Hi y’all! Just finishing my catching up with the second episode of Girls in as many days, next is Broadchurch, woo hoo! Sorry, sorry, let’s stay mindful and in the present and find out what’s shaking with our fecund female du jour. Rolling Girls S6:E7 The Bounce after the break.

We don’t start with Hannah With A Banana in Her Oven, we open in the glove department with Paget (Jasmine Cephas Jones) and Elijah (Andrew Rannells) shit-talking El’s ex Dill (Corey Stoll!!) who got busted for trying to adopt a white-only baby on the black market. Elijah’s prepping for an open audition for the Broadway musical version of “White Men Can’t Jump” (oh sure, the ONE musical I would have been able to get my ex to go to!), extending his fleeting fame from youth. Paget thinks Elijah has it in the bag; he’s the whitest guy she knows.

Elijah takes that as a compliment because of course he does.

He tries out some lines on Hannah (Lena Dunham) later, but she’s too distracted waiting for Paul-Louis (Riz Ahmed) to call to hold focus. Hey, did you know Paul-Louis was in Rogue One? He looked much more stressed out, he needs to go do some surfing in the Hamptons.

A loud banging interrupts, it’s Dill!!!!! Hiding from the paparazzi and Elijah soooo wants to let him in but Dill was a dick to him! So he does, but leaves to go audition for White Men Can’t Jump

Hannah’s got an eye on Dill in the meanwhile

Marnie (Allison Williams) gets back to her apartment after a run to find out that she’s being evicted. She FaceTimes her mom but I couldn’t hear anything for the first couple of minutes because I was staring at her arms.

I will not make assumptions about a person’s body. I will not make assumptions or comments about a person’s body. I will not disguise it as concern when really: I’m WORRIED. Have her arms always looked like that? Is that her physiology?

ANYWAY, her mom is not taking Marnie’s life crisis with the right amount of seriousness; she’s not giving Marnie any more of her Fun Money. Evie (Rita Wilson) has  a trip to Montego Bay planned! Marnie’s welcome to sleep on her couch, but the Fun Money train has been routed elsewhere. Choo choo! Marnie shows how mature and grown she is by threatening to sell her Sweet 16 necklace.

Hands up everyone with a Sweet 16 necklace worth selling for rent! Now look in the mirror. Honestly.

Elijah makes it to the audition and gets calls right away. Like, seconds later. He baiiillllssss but gets stopped on the stairs by a woman rocking one of the songs from the musical. She’s Athena (Latisha Di Venuto) and she wants to know why Elijah’s pointed away from the audition? He sells some shite about Dill being in his head but we all know what Elijah’s deal is. I’ve never seen anyone so afraid to succeed and so happy with being Supreme King of the Snappy Comeback dwelling in sweet mediocrity.

Marnie’s doing it! She’s selling her Sweet 16 locket instead of getting a job! Her arms again

Guess who’s locket from the 1870’s ISN’T solid gold over platinum? NO, GUESS??!! Okay, I’ll give you a hint, it’s also the person who’s diamond earrings from her dad are actually glass? She MIGHT be wearing a shirt festooned with glittery pineapples. Give up????

Marnie screams and wails about the injustice in life as me and the jeweler roll our eyes, the difference being that she saw him. She’s not leaving until he tells her why he did that, right to her face! He sees right through her.

I legit gasped and teared up when he did that; that was harsh, dude. True and yeah, it’s Marnie, but still: way harsh.

Time for Elijah’s audition! And he’s wrong, the producers don’t just sit there, they expect Elijah to interact and talk like a person and everything! He’s so nervous. Breathe, Elijah! You got this!

He sings his heart out, right out of the blue and he gets a “okay. *shrug* You can stay for the monologue.”

Dill and Hannah have a super gross heart to heart; Dill can tell that she’s pregnant and of COURSE she needs to tell the father! The father is the most important part of a child’s life; Dill’s dad leaving when he was three messed up old white-baby-buying Dill right from the beginning. It’s why he can’t enjoy true man love! Or something.

Elijah and Athena wait for the dance portion but Elijah can’t get Dill out of his head!

True story.

The producers call a bunch of names….not Elijah or Athena. Wah wahhhhh, but wait! That was just the producers fcuking with everyone! They flipped it! Elijah loves this “bitchy business!” Dance time! (Dance 10, looks 3)

Back to Hannah and Dill: I was all excited when I realised that Dill could adopt Hannah’s baby but then I remembered that Dill is a soul-sucking superficial creep who only wants a (white) baby because he thinks it will heal his tortured psyche. It will not do that, Dill.

Paul-Louis calls!

Oh and it’s bad. Maybe because Marnie and Keith and all of us had piled on her so hard for not telling him he was about to be a father and then she does tell him and he just doesn’t care. Like at all.

He’s a nice guy, but a perpetually stoned one who only remembers her because she has anachronistic pubic hair. Dill sees her face and makes it about him and Elijah, I don’t know exactly what happened there but it ended in a puddle

Elijah’s not doing too bad with the dance moves, good job! Then come the basketballs

New buddy Athena asks if he wants to hang out but he’s older, see, and it got weird just then and he’s just gonna go. But maybe he’ll see her at rehearsal! He finally believes in his own talent enough to shout about it and not try and sneak out before singing a song from Newsies. But naw, he doesn’t want to hang out. She leaves with “it’s never too late” which he correctly takes as a diss on his age; he’s not that old! “Too old to go on open calls.”

*Googling burn centres in your area*

Elijah gets home to find Dill and Hannah eating pizza and watching something with a talking baby; she shouldn’t be high while gestating, right? Dill wants to make it right with Elijah! He’s on his knees, just a boy, asking a boy to…Elijah is NOT having it! He uses “sports terms” to explain: he’s his own teammate now! He’s not taking Dill’s confessions of love, he’s unfuckable! (Unfuckable-with; there, fixed that for you)

He stomps into the bedroom, leaving a dejected Dill to slump down onto the sofa for 3 seconds until Elijah commands him to bring a pizza into the bedroom. Yay!!!!

Now we see Marnie packing with those arms; calling Desi to apologize for telling him she needed anything. She’ll be moving in with her mom and she truly wishes him well.

Elijah and Dill are woken by a phone call the next morning (FCUK YOU MOM seems a little strong, El) but it’s not Mom, it’s Tony (Seth Barrish – I knew a Seth once. I wonder how he’s doing) and Patty (Melissa Janet Winokur) from casting and he’s made it to the next round, baby! Woo hoo! He may not bring a basketball to the studio. No balls. He’s so happy!!

Hannah looks ecstatic at the obstetrician’s office too! Right until she realises she’s the only one there alone and not visibly pregnant. There are lots of ways to have babies, Hannah, you’ll be okay. Keep it together. And we’re out.

Wow, I can’t believe this show is almost over. That makes me so sad, and so did this episode. I swear to all that is holy: I am not body-shaming or concern-trolling Allison Williams. I am legit concerned that she looks like Amy Winehouse with shiny, shiny hair. Her character has turned into a compulsive over-exerciser; do you think disordered eating will come up at some point? Or SOMETHING. Please tell me if I’m just imagining that she’s significantly different looking; maybe I just missed it all before.

Good job, Elijah, trying new things is hard. So is keeping trying new things, it’s so much easier to sink in to that couch of despair and make fun instead. Or stay in that Good Dick Prison, which honestly: is it that bad? Until next time, y’all.