Hi everyone! It’s super cold where I am, it’s quiet and what could be better than a cuppa tea and Sarah Lancashire? Nothing, wooooo! Let’s roll into the second episode of the first season of Happy Valley after the break!

We open with our intrepid hero Sargent Catherine Cawood (the sublime Sarah Lancashire) in the middle of Operation Greensleeves, which involves an ice cream truck and a lot of Catherine running in full gear.

The ice cream truck is full of drugs and dealers, Catherine (you have no idea how difficult it is to not call her Caroline) gets a baton on a window before it pulls off with her in hot pursuit on foot.

She calls in an excellent description of the dealers; a couple giggling nearby remind her of her mortality. Is she getting too old for this, love?

Over across town is accountant Kevin Weatherill (Steve Pemberton) whose been all nerves since he set a plan in motion to kidnap his boss’s daughter for university fees. It was his idea, but he is very much no longer in control as the criminal element he brought in has shockingly (totally not shockingly) taken over and disregarded his input. It must be said that Kevin didn’t know nearly enough about the difficulty of raising a cash ransom without setting off alarms.

The boss in question is Nevison Gallagher (George Costigan who was a delight on Twitter) and he’s even more frantic than Kevin, he’s got to find a million quid for Ashley Cowgill (Joe Armstrong) and his gang.

I don’t feel bad for either of those guys, but rather for Nev’s daughter Ann (Charlie Murphy) who’s the one kidnapped and in far too close proximity to accused rapist Tommy Lee Royce (James Norton).

Catherine saw Tommy Lee Royce on the street close to where they’re keeping Ann, her sister Clare Cartwright (the excellent Siobhan Finneran) is concerned that she’s getting obsessed with him again. Catherine’s daughter had a son Ryan (Rhys Connah) just before she died, Catherine is convinced it’s because the baby was a product of a rape by Tommy Lee Royce. That’s not what Tommy Lee went to jail for, just drug offenses, Catherine thinks he ought to be on the sex offender registry.

Clare’s concerned that Catherine will make herself ill again; she’s worried that Catherine isn’t going to “deal with it…rationally.” Well of course she’s not, Catherine’s amazed anyone would expect it of her! She’s going to deal with it EFFECTIVELY.

**Happy Valley always makes me laugh at the most inappropriate times.

Back at the station, the ice cream man is cometh! Everyone is off to get that ice cream van! Catherine gets one down in a flying tackle and gets a kick in the face for her trouble.

Back at the hidey-hole, Tommy Lee watches TV when Lewis (Adam Long) shows up to spell him off. Lewis is a lot more conscientious about Ann’s needs and wants Tommy Lee to leave, but he is reluctant.

Ann cries.

Kevin goes looking for Nev, who’s gone home to tell his very ill wife what’s happening. He didn’t want to tell Helen (Jill Baker) what was happening until it was all over but he’s panicking and can’t think straight. Helen begs him to call a friend in the CID.

Catherine returns to the station with a bloody black eye, staring hard at a picture of a fresh-faced Tommy Lee Royce.

Lewis finally checks on our terrified Ann, remembering his face mask at least. He even tries to be a tough guy, but his “Bitch” has a question mark at the end, which is almost as ironic as him assuring Ann that she won’t be hurt. He’s no good at this kidnapping and assaulting people; unfortunately Tommy Lee Royce is too good at it. She won’t answer him even with nods, he finds out why when he spies her underwear on the ground. He backs out of the room gingerly.

He can’t believe what he’s messed up in, this was supposed to be a quick job to make a few quid, wasn’t it?

Catherine is spreading the word about Tommy Lee in the neighbourhood, passing out her card while Lewis calls Ashley to find out what the feck, man. Are they allowed to rape her? Is that part of the plan? Because THATGUY did, was he supposed to? Ashley is horrified but plays it off as though he thinks Tommy Lee was exercising his initiative. Lewis is NOT raping this woman, he won’t do it! He won’t be “the weirdo noncy bastard being done for rape.” Ashley is the second in that gang to realise that he has no idea what’s he’s got on his hands.

Catherine gets home to chat with Clare about family (her son is somewhat estranged), the drugs bust and life in general, my god I love watching these women work. Two masters of their craft, Sarah Lancashire and Siobhan Finneran bantering back and forth as effortlessly as breathing, conveying so much more than what they’re talking about.

Catherine remembers something suddenly and calls her ex-husband Richard (Derek Riddell) to ask about Kevin Weatherill. See, Kevin got cold feet about the kidnapping he had suggested and so went to the police station to see if he could stop it before it happened but lost his nerve and rabbitted before he shared anything important. He did leave a fairly strong impression on Catherine, however and was kind enough to show off his license plate on driving away, so she tracked him to: three doors down from Richard. Does Richard know Kevin, she asks?

He knows all KINDS of things about Kevin! Including that Kevin’s wife has MS and who he works for.

Kevin himself gets home and speaks to said wife Jenny (Julia Ford) about the kidnapping, I wonder if he’ll tell her he did it. He tells her about Nev’s wife Helen dying of liver cancer, a segue which makes no sense unless you know what Kevin does. Jenny thinks Nev should go to the police, oh and hey, Ashley called!

Kevin sputters at Ashley, who just wants to know if Nev’s getting the money and if he’s been to the police. Kevin tells Ashley to take less; Ashley’s “you’re the boss” is macabre, as is his suggesting that what Tommy Lee did to Ann is “getting a leg over” after a long dry spell in prison. Because the last thing Kevin can claim is to have any control whatsoever and nobody would call Tommy Lee raping Ann “getting a leg over.”

Kevin confesses to his wife, who is much more concerned about Ann that she is her sniveling POS husband who can only see the negative fallout for himself if he goes to the police. He continues to lie to Jenny about Ann being safe-ish. She suggests that he blame everything on Ashley, he can’t take any of that money if he wants to stay out of prison, he can deny everything.

Back at the hideyhole, Tommy Lee Royce shows up to send Lewis home, but Lewis has some things he wants to say. He wants to move Ann to the bedroom but the fact that he hasn’t done so already proves what Tommy Lee says next: Lewis is not cut out for this. Lewis hasn’t even sussed what Tommy Lee knew instinctively: Ann is not very likely to make it out of this alive. This is why Tommy Lee isn’t afraid of any retribution, legal or otherwise, for what he’s done.

This is not at all what Lewis thought he was in for. He refuses to leave Tommy Lee alone with Ann, following him to the basement where Tommy Lee takes a photo of Ann for her dad. He goes to take a graphic shot; beating Lewis badly when he tries to intervene. He also removes Lewis’ face mask, completely emasculating him in front of Ann and making him legally vulnerable.

He spits on Ann and leaves, Lewis gasping out his own blood on the floor next to her.

I haven’t yet explained the series title: Happy Valley. It’s so named, ironically, for a poverty stricken area in the north of England known for its drug trafficking. Catherine tries to get her ex-husband to do a story on it in the first episode and in this one we see the frustration she has dealing with only the sharp end of what’s happening. Once her and her crew have picked up a dealer, the drugs squad takes it away and the locals don’t know anything more than they did before. It’s extremely frustrating.

We get a little more local colour now, with a stiff Catherine at a scene of an accident downtown. Marcus Gascoigne (Steven Hartley) drove into the back of another motorist at 8:15am and is refusing a breathalyser test because people ‘know who he is.’ Catherine explains that it’s procedure, but a sniff tells her his denial isn’t.

Ah he’s doubling down, he was out late last night and *not at home* so not a chance to shower or anything, but calling Catherine’s constable Kirsten McAskill (Sophie Rundle) a “something beginning with a C” probably wasn’t necessary, eh Marcus from the council?

Catherine’s had quite enough of this, can he blow into the tube, please? If he refuses again, she’ll arrest him. It gets very entertaining around then, with a packet of white powder being found in his vehicle and lots of shouting about how Catherine will regret this! And soon!

And this is an upstanding member of the council.

Catherine yells at Kirsten back at the station, she’s not her mother! She’s got to arrest people no matter how important they think they are! “Nobody bullies you. You’re a police officer.”

All Kirsten ever wanted was to be a police officer, she’s wrecked to find she’s shite at it. Catherine dismisses her but watches after, concerned.

Not her mother, pfft.

Lewis sits with Ann in the basement, both listening to Tommy Lee’s footsteps above with trepidation. I don’t know who’s more scared. This time when Tommy Lee tells him to leave, Lewis does.

Ashley calls Nev to demand an installment payment, he wants Kevin to deliver it. Kevin can’t believe it, he and his wife JUST decided he’d better stay away from the money entirely.

Catherine tells Clare about the morning arrest of Marcus, who apparently Catherine had! But just the once hahahaha. That still counts. She just doesn’t understand the hypocrisy of someone who’s not on the bottom dabbling in this mess, which recovering addict Clare takes personally.

Off to supper with Catherine’s son Daniel (Karl Davies – whom I later met in Game of Thrones!) and his wife Lucy (Amelia Young), Catherine’s ex Richard will be there with his new, younger wife Ros (Kelly Harrison) too. Wheeeee

**Side note: why did I not notice before how hawt Karl Davies is?

Now this is odd: Lucy almost swallows her tongue when she sees Ryan. Why such a strong reaction to a little boy?

Dinner is terribly awkward, Ros and Richard politely fighting in front of everyone while they pretend to not feel the tension. I can’t believe she’s still pushing to buy a newer and bigger house when Richard has literally just been fired.

Daniel finally interrupts to share the reason they’re at dinner, Lucy is pregnant! Even though Catherine and Richard both suspected it, she cries. She’s so happy! Ros sticks her foot innit, saying “you’re going to be grandparents” but of course they already are, aren’t they?

We find out why during bedtime; Ryan wasn’t even sure Richard was his grandad. He asks if he can go play football with him sometime and is almost in tears.

How does he not know that Richard is his grandad? Richard was his mum’s dad, has he kept himself separate this whole time? Is it because of how Ryan’s mum Becky died?

Ashley calls Kevin as he’s on his way to the drop; he does realise he doesn’t have to go to the location he told Nev, yes?

That’s a perfect example of how over his head Kevin is, he has no idea what he’s doing.

Really he just wants to know if Ann’s okay,  but he takes half of the installment payment anyway, hiding it around his spare tire.

Catherine calls round to see Richard, explaining in tears that Ryan would like to play football with him sometime. Richard denies that he’s Ryan’s grandad and we’re all confused but Catherine.

But. It’s not like with men not being sure if they’re the dad or not, the baby came from his daughter, there’s no two ways about it. He’s Ryan’s grandad.

Ah but he thinks their daughter didn’t want Ryan, she killed herself because of him and he should have gone to care, Catherine decided on her own to raise Ryan and I bet that’s why they divorced. But. Ryan is all they have left of their daughter, why wouldn’t he want to hang on to that? It’s madness. Richard can’t even look at him.

Catherine drives away, but remember she’s a copper and Kevin is Richard and Ros’s neighbour. She approaches him to ask about finishing his story, but he brushes her off as she gets a call.

The curry house (I fought it was Chinese?) owner Mickey Yip (Paul Courtenay Hyu) that went to school with Catherine and Clare is on the line: not only did he see Tommy Lee again, he actually followed him to the house he’s at.

GO CATHERINE!

She knocks and rings the doorbell but Tommy manages to stay hidden as Ann rocks back and forth and makes as much noise as she can. She falls over with the effort, whimpering on the floor as Catherine gives up and leaves.

I’ve just now realised how bad this is for Ann, as Tommy Lee calls Ashley to complain about the police knocking on the door. Ashley tells Tommy to get Ann ready, they’re going to move her.

Quick note: Tommy Lee doesn’t have any respect for Ashley, either.

Ashley, who insisted that Kevin not call him on his cell phone, calls Kevin again on his cell phone to ask if Nev’s gone to the police. For one thing, Kevin doesn’t even know where Ann was being kept (but now does), how would Nev? Kevin’s now seeing the plan coming apart at the seams, what’s he going to do?

And we’re out.

Until next time, lords and lovelies. Cheers