We’re back with 9 chefs on Hell’s Kitchen, yay! Let’s see what shenanigans come up tonight in the no-longer gender separated kitchens!
Everyone was surprised that Joe got sent home instead of Jackie or any of the people from the losing team, you know, that were asked to nominate people and all. Kristin is going HARD at Jackie and Jackie brings it into the here and now. “Put your hands on me” but not in a sexy way. In the way that “you touch me and you go home”, which is the sole rule of reality TV: whoever throws the first punch is sent home immediately. Exception that proves the rule: Jerry Springer.
Jackie decides to up the ante by dumping the Ashtray of Doom on Kristin and now it’s on; Jackie can go home at any time. Kristin is oot, because she doesn’t want to be oot, and we all get some rest.
Next morning it’s challenge time! Everyone but Jackie eats brekkie together, Chad asks Kristin about Jackie: gonna be able to roll or nah? Jackie’s out having her morning smoke and Kristin say’s she’s cool, she’s got work to do.
Gordo’s hair is looking a little excited as he explains about their challenge: breakfast! I love cooking breakfast! They have to do four dishes: vegetarian, meat, seafood and sweet. They have to decide in advance and the Red Team has an extry, so someone has to sit out.
Ashley is gonna do (cuz she’s sweet *eye blink nose wrinkle* *herk*) 30 minutes starts now! Everyone but Jackie has already decided what they’re making and I have screen-grabs so I must use them!
Frank is making beef again (of course, says comedian Jared, beefcake making beef AGAIN), Manda is making sweets, a Stuffed French Toast, but can’t taste it, as she is gluten-free. Alllllls the eye rolls. Jackie goes through three meals plans (they only have 30 minutes)
With 3 minutes to go, Jared messes up his eggs and will he have time to fix?
The Red Team has to decide which dish to leave out, they leave Ariel’s messy dish out and choose Jackie’s pretty plate instead. That’s kind of amazing, given that Kristin agrees AND compliments Jackie, but Ariel’s plate is a complete mess.
Plates time! The guest judges today are Chef David Lefevre and Chef Suzanne Tracht and each judge will award each dish up to 3 stars each. Team with the most points wins.
Sweet challenge is first, Manda’s stuffed french toast up against Ashley’s french toast bread pudding.
Ashley does VERY well, getting 9 stars and a lot of praise, making Manda nervous.
She hasn’t tasted hers yet. It is raw inside and scores only 3 points.
Dannie and Chad are doing seafood, Dannie’s crab cake with slightly overcooked poached egg gets 5:
Chad made ceviche tacos and say WHUT? Ceviche for BREAKFAST? Only gets 3 points
Kristin and Frank are doing Meat, Kristin used sweet sausage and gets an impressive 8. That smirk must be just her concentrating face, hey?
Frank already looks defeated and WHAT is up with that hairline? Anyway, he gets an 8 too, yay!
The last challenge is Jackie and Jared in the Vegetable Breakfast Battle. Jackie’s pretty vegetarian eggs benny looked pretty, but since SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S DOING, it tastes like hammered shite and scores only 3 points.
Jared’s looks like dog vomit, but if it tastes good, he just needs 8 points to take it for the Blue Team and give Ariel all the I TOLD YOU SO rights for the night.
Chef David calls it “loose” but he gets the 9 points, taking it for the Blues. I’m sure there will be absolutely no crowing whatsoever.
The Blue Team will be flying to Palm Springs in a private jet to go ATV-ing in the sand and that sounds fun! Red Team will be cleaning the kitchen and making hand-pressed oj for mimosas.
The Red Team is all bummed, but it’s their own fault, as Ariel said: when’s the last time she put up something that didn’t taste good? They were distracted by the prettiness of Jackie’s food, forgetting that it’s JACKIE’S FOOD.
The Blues are on the plane and I have been on several private planes in my time (not a baller, Oil & Gas, yo) so really, it’s just kinda cramped but you don’t have to go through TSA.
They’re in the desert now, ATVing and I am allll with my girl Dannie who is very slowly bringing up the rear. Safety first!
The Red Team is complaining about the deep cleaning but hey, I love a good kitchen cleaning day! What I don’t understand is the pressing the oranges in advance; fresh squeezed orange juice is SHITE if not used immediately.
Jackie pulls Chef Christina aside and my heart leaps with joy for a second when she says she thinks she’s out of her depth, she’s only been doing this three months…maybe she’ll recuse herself!! But no. She wants some tips from Chef Christina, because that’s exactly what will help her, a couple of kitchen tips will absolutely replace several years of cooking experience. Dafcukouttahere. Chef Christina advises her to ask for help (but then they think I’m weak! YOU ARE WEAK) and stop shit-talking all the time. We’ll see.
Service time! There will be a fancy brunch for local chefs and their families and Chef’s Table again! Flo Rida is in Red, Jeff Dunham is in Blue.
Flo Rida shows up first, hitting the flo in dose apple bottom jeans. With the fur
Ashley pees herself and Jackie forgets how to call back times, just saying “I got you, I got you” which is not “3 minutes on the chicken” IS IT?? She fcuks it up, of course, overcooking the chicken and can we call her done, now? Are we done with the charade that this stunt-casted piece of Jersey Juice is actually competing? Jeff Dunham shows up on the other side and oh. He’s a ventriloquist.
The menu has fried chicken and waffles, and steak and eggs and sure. The Blue Team is communicating really well, let’s see if their food is good? NOPE. Raw chicken. He takes them into the closet to tell them to untuck their heads out of their collective arses and that’s my fave part of Chef Tables, Ramsay dragging all the chefs into a small space to pretend the VIPs can’t totally hear them anyway.
Flo Rida finally gets his grub from “Heaven’s Kitchen”, it’s delish! Now everyone pushes out the dining room, Chad helping Ariel but getting yelled at for her mistake: she still doesn’t say anything. She did that to Meese earlier in the season and that is BS. HOWEVER, she’s super young and Chef Ramsay causes everyone to go into deer eyes in the headlights, so Imma give her a pass again. Once more and it’s a character flaw, Ariel! Ya heard?
Blue is trying to recover, but it’s not going to happen for Jared this morning; he gets sent packing back to the dorms early. The rest of the team finally feeds Jeff Dunham and his creepy doll a delicious meal.
Chad is screwing up the French Toast and Ariel WARNED him about that, he’s sent back to the dorms as well where he and Jared play It Was Totally Not My Fault and smoke.
I feel as though Jared is still in this, but I fear Chad is done. Dunzo, donnnneeee, stick a big fork in him, he’s ready for service.
Manda messes up French Toast and Chef Ramsay sends HER out to fight with Jared in the dorms. It gets pretty heated but I think that’s at least partially due to Manda’s exaggeration and not taking responsibility for her mistakes. Jared gets a little wall-punchy and suddenly understands why Frank is having trouble with Manda (other than the fact that Frank can’t work with women).
Blue only has 2 chefs left, so Ramsay calls Kristin and Jackie to come help and they get their service done. I think Chad needs to send a great big thank you to the dysfunctional Blue Team for saving his bottom this week. Chef Ramsay says he doesn’t want any nominations for the elimination ceremony, he wants EXPLANATIONS.
I cannot listen to Jackie talk any more. Seriously, she just called herself not the weakest chef and I can’t even.
Blue is struggling with Frank and I must have missed how Jared sending up raw chicken is Frank’s fault, but I am 100% behind him on the French Toast fiasco. You ask someone to watch a station, they say yes and then it’s messed up? It’s on the person who said okay. I’m pretty sure that’s why Manda got sent out of the kitchen, not that she messed up ONE French Toast, but that she didn’t take responsibility for her taking responsibility for that dish.
At Elimination, Kristin speaks for Red and says that everything started with Jackie messing up times, then went to Chad not executing properly, then Ariel finished it off by not helping.
For Blue, Manda blames the chicken for taking the entire kitchen down and then Ramsay polls everyone as to who should go home: everyone says Frank except Frank, who says Manda.
Red is polled, it’s a little more of a scatter pattern, with Chad the main choice with a sprinkling of Ariel (whut?) and Jackie (yassss please).
The person leaving is Chad; Ramsay is done giving him chances and I called it, I just was really hoping…GOD COME ON ANOTHER BLOODY WEEK WITH JACKIE???
We’re a very pouty oot. See you next week. *toe kicking*
