We’re back to Hell’s Kitchen and the I’m ‘CITED! This one has Steve Vai, woo hoo! My teenage self is tearing the sleeves off a denim vest right NOW! Let’s see what’s shaking!
Last week Chef Andi got mawwied! Yes, mawwied! To a total genera-dude named Brice and in the process we lost former front-runner Hassan.
We pick up right after the elimination ceremony; Ariel and Kristin think Dannie needs to have more humility and bishes please. Nobody goes into a competition thinking “I am the third best chef here, go me!” she’s just honest about it.
Well. Manda is waxing nostalgic about her good old days on the pole, and I love that she’s all whatever, I was out on my own since 15, I danced. I love her showing off her moves slightly less, because in this society, it’s gonna mark her as someone desperate for attention. We all lead with our baginas sometimes, even you dudes, but I think there’s a time to NOT to do, and that’s at work. There are all kinds of shows where people or any gender can trade on their sexuality, Manda, let’s pretend to cook on this one! As long as she owns it and keeps delivering, ehh, who cares? But she hasn’t been, and she doesn’t speak up for herself and I don’t think this is gonna help.
The next morning, Joe and me are SO EXCITED to see Steve Vai there with his guitar, as random as THAT is, because Whitesnake!! Because Meatloaf!! Because STEVE VAI!! He looks fantastic for his age, must not have gotten into the drugs scene quite as firmly as everyone else.
So…he plays a 30 second guitar riff and then him and his entire band pack up and THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Chef Ramsay says the band is like the ingredients in a dish and he was able to stand alone and blah blah blah I zoned out wondering if Steve was there promoting something and I sure hope so. In the meanwhile, the chefs teams have to make 5 dishes, one with 7 ingredients, one with 6 and so on and so forth, down to 3 ingredients. Yay! That is at least ACTUALLY about cooking!
Kristin and Ariel are fighting over 3 ingredients, Jackie swooped in and grabbed it while they were at it and Ariel ends up with 7. That’s a LOT of ingredients for one dish
Jackie has no clue on how to plate, but at least she knows enough to ask someone. Kristin takes a minute to explain, very nice!
Manda’s 5 ingredients; sea bass and sweet potato puree
Kristin’s 5I dish also has sea bass, not as pretty but also yummy. Manda wins
For the 7 ingredient challenge, I am confused, because Frank says he only has 6? And some of them are super duper tiny
Ariel points out that she has SEVEN ingredients and her plate looks MUCH fuller. She gets the point
Joe has the three ingredients, he calls it lobster salad but it looks like cat vomit to me and he ate the best part: the tail, so we get to hear about hongray Joe all day.
Jackie’s three ingredients all look weird but for the lobster, which is cooked beautifully
Ah it seems I’ve gotten the wrong end of the stick entirely, the battle is of the protein, and the ingredient numbers will change. Tuna battle! Ashley’s and Chad’s:
Ashley does really well, but Chad’s has far too much black garlic on his tuna; Chef Ramsay has to pause and take a drink of water and calls is ‘douse-ED” and I didn’t even know that word had two syllables! Ashley wins it for the Red Team and the real point was matching the protein to the amount of ingredients needed; as in hangar steak needs 7 and Lobster does not. Kind of cool, that was actually cooking and talent-related! My favourite part of the season, hands down, is the palate test, ALSO cooking and talent related. It’s coming!!
The Red Team will be doing something adventuresome, the Blue Team will be hustling ice across the kitchen and stocking the bar.
Ah and the adventuresome part is playing paintball with the maitre de and I’ll be back humping bags of ice across the kitchen. I’m such a drag, okay okay, I’ll take some pictures of Jackie’s fun names for her team, that’s what she’s there for, right? And to “shoot…all these fcuking bitches in the FACE!”
Back at Hell’s Kitchen, Manda is “organizing” while the menz are “working” and I get why Frank is pissed off. I mean, organizing is important, WERD, but in a physical punishment challenge like this, as the lone woman, I’m surprised she’s playing into stereotype and not going into beastmode. That’s exactly what women have done in the past; show those guys how it’s DONE, but maybe she’s evolved and don’t curr what they say. All I’ll say is: if one of my teammates stood in the back of the truck while I ran back and forth while carrying heavy things? I’d be pissed. But I would always choose the running anyway, they don’t get enough exercise on this show!
She does lift one box of wine and hurts her back. She looks at herself in the mirror, worried, but not, you know, going next door to Urgent Care, who is sitting around playing solitaire just WAITING to help people.
I’m worried that I have a bias against Manda because I watched her drag her hooha across a very uncomfortable-looking Dannie and felt as though she was trading on her jubblies. Nah, it’s just the lazy bit.
Chef Ramsay is asking for an oath from all the chefs: “I Will Not Suck!” and I hope it works! I like all the donkey-calling as much as the next, but I am so ready for a successful service!
Jared is not doing well on scallops, Chef Ramsay is PISSED he has to explain how to cook them AGAIN (flip them ON heat, otherwise more sticking like poop to a blanket), Jared gets sent for some fresh air to get his head right.
Over in the Red Kitchen, Dannie isn’t comfortable with the pizza station, so she’s leaning on Kristin, who keeps telling her not to be scurred. Ariel doesn’t think that’s indicative of a head chef but I think Dannie changing her cook times mid-stream is more of a problem.
Manda is losing her shite in the Blue Kitchen, she has 8 entrees to get out and let’s just say…it’s not going well. She says she can’t move fast because of her back, but she’s not delegating either. Someone get in there and help her! She’s terrible at asking, though.
Ariel is trying to get assistance from Dannie, who is just..not helping. I don’t understand what’s going on with Dannie right now. I hope she can recover. Ariel doesn’t think so
The Blue Kitchen STILL can’t get it together, Chef Ramsay seats them together at the Chef’s Table to sort out why they aren’t communicating while directly next to each other. It’s so cute and cuddly.
Jackie says HER communication is superb, but there’s almost TOO much yakkin’ and everyone has to wait on her garnish. It has worked in the Blue Kitchen, Chad and Jared are working well together but Manda’s dragging chicken has driven Chef Ramsay over the edge.
He pulls her into the closet to suggest she take her apron off, nicely, so not exactly his usual
He’s given her 10 minutes to turn things around, sah generous. Go Manda! Speak up! She seems to be…
Red is fighting back as well, nobody wants to lose another team member. Ariel is nailing it and I hope she carries it across the finish line. Yay! Final orders out! “Famous” peeps!
Red Team wins and Blue Team has to choose two people to put up. Of course Manda, but will they choose Chad or Jared? It’s adorable how Frank says he’s just gonna tell people they’re going up; nothing personal, just business. After thoroughly trash-talking Manda on a super personal level the entire time she’s been in a blue jacket.
Chad and Jared are fighting over not being put up, but Jared in particular is all over it. He attacks Manda and she cries about her back and honestly. It’s not about her back or not moving fast because of her back, it was her lack of leadership and inability to delegate. They’re all uncomfortable with the tears, though, poor Manda, awwww. I mean. People cry, it happens. Not giving her a hard time for it, but that shouldn’t be a reason to not send a sub-standard chef home.
At Elimination, Manda is up first and Jared is the second choice. Stepping forward, Manda cooks with her heart and soul, and I was with her until she invokes her kiddos. To use the feminist test, men never do this. Ever. Jeremy on Top Chef said he wanted to use the money to send his kiddo to a fancy school, but he didn’t invoke his parenthood as a sacred right of winning. Jared blah blah best communicator *eyebrow raise* blah.
Chef Ramsay’s choice is: Chad. “Take off your jacket. And get over onto the Red Team.” Dannie is going to the Blue Team and he sends Manda and Jared back in line. We were short a chef because of Kevin being sent home mid-epi, so we were due for a no-elimination Elimination.
So. What did you think? It looks like Ariel is taking over as the front runner, still nobody from Blue, but I’m wondering if that’s why Dannie was sent there. All female finale? Fingers crossed!
