Welcome back to DirectTVs Kingdom S2; things are heating up and cooling off on the show this week, and let’s just say: Nate isn’t having the best time. Rolling Be First after the break!

Alvey is shadowing Sean Chapas as he’s talking to people at one of his senior living facilities; the elderly woman Ruth he’s talking to is glad to hear that: she has a complaint. Don Donohue gave her chlamydia. Me and Alvey snort-laugh, but she’s not happy: people think she’s loose, Sean!

“Senior living” Sean croons “it’s a fcking gold mine” and Alvey bolts. He’s almost 50!

Ah this is an “investor opportunity” for Alvey; Sean wants him to buy in. He knows about Alvey’s new truck and all the new guns he was shooting off before Ryan’s fight, he knows Alvey’s got some cash around somewhere. Passive income!

Lisa’s looking at her bebeh in an ultrasound; everything looks good! Well of course, what’s she gonna say? And has Lisa started thinking about birthing plans? Lisa sounds like me up until 5 days before Biggest came: GIMME ALL THE DRUGS (until a rogue breastfeeding class teacher set me on the natural childbirth path aka the I Think I Can Control Every Factor of Childbirth With Breathing Noises. It did not go as planned) and “in a perfect world, I wouldn’t know it was out until you showed it to me.”

Oh and yay, Alvey’s having another boy! Lisa looks like I did and I swear, I won’t keep doing that (I will).

Lisa gets back to the gym, she didn’t tell Alvey about the appointment, hmm. And he WANTS to be involved, hmmm. She won’t even tell him that she found out they’re having a boy, but he guesses, he’s a “maker of men!” She lies and tells him she didn’t ask and this is very odd behavior for most couples having their first child together but kinda normal for a pair that were on the verge of splitting up the second before the rabbit died.

Ryan and Keith are grocery shopping; well, Ryan’s looking for food and Keith’s looking for his next sex partner in the melon bin. He has a history of Loving Fruit. Focus, Keith, they have stuff to do! Keith starts to freak out; the manager is looking at him and he’s not allowed to be there. Legally. This is one of four places he made the bad love to avocados (I mean, I love guacamole, but I don’t like LOVE guacamole) and he needs to roll.

Nate’s watching his last fight on his phone when Kacey comes back in, he acts like he’s gonna throw down and then bails for a doctor appointment.

Ryan is piiissssssed at how much his dad’s prescription is, that’s Big Pharma!

Jay gets home to find his mom sitting quietly at the table getting ready for work; she needs a different job. She’s acting weird about Laura, but says she likes Jay’s girlfriend anyway. She wants Laura’s number to get that discount on art supplies Laura offered. She’s bored and NEEDS A CREATIVE OUTLET to feel something!! I may know someone who feels like that! She should start a website; they’re very rewarding in a non-financial way.

Lisa’s come hat in hand to Alvey’s office; she’s sorry she didn’t tell him about the appointment. She didn’t want him to come, so she didn’t tell him and then she was really mad when he didn’t come. I’ve been pregnant, I completely understand. Alvey has no clue what he’s doing! His other kids:“one’s a mute and the other one’s a fucking lunatic” HAHAHAHAHA. They need to work on their communication! Then she makes fun of him thinking about investing with Chapas, they’re good together in a Not Couple way. Like pals!

Ryan and Alicia are training in the ring together; this is not exactly the Ground and Pound I am used to. Lots of sweaty crotch mushing and grabbing each other in weird places; it’s like Greco Roman wrestling with less homo-erotica.

Nate’s being tested at the doctor post-concussion; he’s not doing that well and his doctor isn’t buying his bullshit. Nate’s had two significant head traumas back to back and he is not clearing Nate for fighting.

Ryan and Alicia are bonding in the sauna (Ryan’s nekkid); I find myself staring at Ryan’s ears all the time. Is the cauliflowering a prosthetic or what? She strips in front of him before the shower, sure. People do that.

Alvey’s burning off some steam in the gym when Nate comes in and LIES TO HIM about the doctor clearing him; Alvey isn’t stupid enough to buy that. Nate pushes, Alvey buried Ryan’s popping for cocaine, why not bury this? Alvey reminds Nate: the next fight matters. It matters a LOT.

Kacey is amusing herself taking sexy selfies for Nate in his bed; ohhh noooo Nate left his phone at home. AND it’s unlocked. Kacey’s about to get a big shock, especially if she knows what Grindr is. She starts scrolling and finds a bunch of pictures of hot guys.

Jay comes in and warns Shelby; tell Alvey not to go on the internet, and if he should go on the internet, whatever Alvey does, he shouldn’t go on www.splitlip.net . She immediately goes into Alvey’s office and tells him that, word for word.

Some yerk has written blog post saying that Navy Street AND Alvey will never be relevant; Mario Goldsmith, what is up??

Ryan is in to see Lisa; he needs some money fast and some of his sponsors bailed after his last fight. No he doesn’t, he has tonnes of cash that he’s been flashing everywhere, right? And why come to her, not Alvey? She’s the Navy St. business manager, but Alvey’s his manager, that seems hinky. She suggests he switch to meth from cocaine, it’s cheaper.

Alvey’s complaining to Jay about the blog post; what’s blogging? That’s not a real job! (It is not) and anyway, this is not the time for a Jay / Ryan fight. He lays out some bullshit plan for Jay, but the lunatic isn’t buying. He says he can get the fight anyway, but Alvey comes back at him hard: he will never let Ryan fight Jay and the cards are on the table. He has another bullshit plan, though! Let’s do 145 weight class! Jay isn’t interested.

Laura and Christina are shopping for art supplies; Laura is putting EVERYTHING into Christina’s cart and it’s freaking her out. She explains a little about her past of heroin addiction and giving up the boys; Jay came and got her and Laura needs to be aware: Jay is sensitive and doesn’t always process his feeling in the most productive way. Can I get an AMEN?

Sean’s parked in Alvey’s spot at the gym; you know, the one that says “Alvey Kulina: Violators Will Be Skull Fcuked” and when Alvey gets inside, Sean’s hitting on Shelby. Alvey barks at him a little but then they get down to brass tacks: Alvey’s ready to invest to the tune of $15,000. Oh, that’s only half a share, blah blah Sean is smooth, I’ll give him that. Which means Alvey really shouldn’t invest with him, in my books. I’m what banks and boyfriends call “Risk Averse”

Ryan invites Alicia over for drinks later, he’s so confident! Kacey stalks in just then; furiously shouting “you fcuked me last night, you fcuking pervert!” He guides her into the back, but it’s all over. It’s not a joke, she saw all the texts and the pictures and all the random hookups. She calls him a disgusting “f*cking homo” and this is why people stay in the closet and I just think: it would have been so much better if he had just not ever used her as a beard. Not everyone thinks love is love like you and I. He begs her to keep it quiet, but she’s too pissed about the messing around to listen; she’s gonna have to get tested. I hope she isn’t saying what I THINK she’s saying, that he could have extry gribbly wobbly bits because he was screwing men and maybe she’s just worried about the lying and cheating part. That is probably not the case; Kacey doesn’t sound super enlightened.

Jay can’t reach Laura nohow, did that talk with Christina scare her off? He calls Christina then, did she say something? Did something happen?

Alvey finally capitulates; he calls Chapas to tell him to come to the gym. He must have found that other $15,000.

Jay’s gone to Laura’s place since she’s still not picking up and finds her getting ready for a charity function at the Getty. He asks a total of three questions and gets shut down for “interrogating” her, so Imma call that a hellzyeah. She leaves after busting his balls: they’ve only known each other for five minutes! Jay stops talking and she doesn’t even kiss him on the lips. He’s been relegated to the cheek, dayum.

Alicia, Ryan and Keith are drinking and yakkin’; it’s going great until Michael comes up. Alicia rolls with it remarkably well, even through the “I stabbed him to death during breakfast…I butchered him…I was in a frenzy” and hey! He didn’t bring up beating his mother’s head in with a hammer, so Ryan and I are putting that in the “W” column.

Alvey wants to know: is Chapas rich? Yes, but he wants to be wealthy. And Alvey’s not gonna be able to buy in halfway, it’s 30k or nothing. So 30k it is and Chapas has ALL of Alvey’s money. They do a toast that has to be recorded separately because while everyone was smiling, I’m pretty sure nobody was joking.

Alvey: “You fuck me on this, I’ll gonna kill you”

Chapas: “You’re gonna have to find me first, motherfucker”

Not a blink. Men are weird. It must be such a burden to be walking around with all that testosteroni flowing through your blood all the time.

Jay bursts into Christina room; WHAT DID YOU SAY TO LAURA?? He KNOWS something is up but he can’t say what, Laura is acting like she doesn’t know him but Christina isn’t talking.

Ryan and Alicia are toasting to “big cheques and great sex,” sure. He wants to know what she did that was so bad that her ex-boyfriend winged a knife at her face; why is that her fault, Alicia and I want to know? WE DON’T MAKE PEOPLE’S CHOICES, RYAN!! She doesn’t want to tell him, so I’m guessing she cheated. Oh and that’s what it was; she didn’t want to have sex with him anymore so she went elsewhere, to his cousin and yeah. He was a piece of shit, though.

Chapas and Alvey are still drinking, Chapas playing with Alvey’s guns. He asks Alvey if he comes here a lot? At night? And yeah, Chapas used to do that too. He never was house broke. He quotes Hunter S. Thompson “he who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.” I assume Mickey Rourke has that tattooed on his body somewhere.

He asks Chapas if he’s ever heard of Mario Goldsmith from splitlip.net; he hurt Alvey’s feelings. Let’s write him back! (Don’t do that. Never do that)

Ryan’s railing Alicia on the deck when Keith wanders out, sneezing, back to bed Keith! Alicia doesn’t care, keep going! Now, we’ve seen Ryan throw down a few times on this show, he always looks like he’s screwing someone in prison while working out a math problem in his head. Confused but angry and very, very fast. I WANT to find it sexy, I just find myself bracing my innards.

Jay finally gets a call late at night; it’s not Laura, damnit. It’s Lisa and she wants to know how the meeting went. He agrees to do the cut for Alvey but then he wants to be a priority, Lisa! He snorts a line and I hear that’s very calming – great for late at night when you’re all stressed out about your new girlfriend not calling you back! We’re oot!