Woot, time for episode 2 of Mr. Robot; we left last time with Elliot being greeted by Tyrell (who is so very American Psycho):

And Elliot is as weirded out as we are by the Linux-running exec surrounded by an army of suited men. But not Suited Men, and that makes a difference; they don’t appear to be the ones chasing Elliot in the subway these days. ANYWAY. Tyrell leads with the quote “Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob the world”. I thought that quote involved fish so I’m already confused but I see where he’s going with it. Given that he’s the bank in that scenario, however: STILL confused. Tyrell thinks it’s about the will to take and might makes right and blah blah Shane Walking Dead season two blah.

Tyrell has been made interim CTO and wants Elliot to lead his cyber-security department and has 11 annoying (suited) lawyers there to facilitate. All he offers Elliot is money, however, and we all know Elliot don’t curr about being a multi-millionaire, so although he stalls for time a bit, we know Elliot isn’t leaving bestie Angela for this creeper.

Tyrell tries to sweeten the deal by telling Elliot that he won’t have a job in a year anyway; all cyber security at Evil Corp is transitioning to be handled in-house; again; remember what happens when someone threatens bestie Angela’s livelihood! Prepare thyself for the Blue Envelope of Doom, Tyrell! Elliot declines the job offer, but he and I are absolutely wondering if Tyrell had anything to do with the most important revolution EVAH that landed Terry Colby in jail and this guy in charge. Hmm. Tyrell does not take it well; he’s wound pretty tightly and I wouldn’t be surprised (as above) if he had an industrial-sized roll of clear tarp and chainsaw at home.

Head suited man Mr. X/Sutherland/Warburton takes Elliot back to his fist-pumping stomping grounds, where he was so rudely interrupted. Speaking of rude, Shayla the hippie drug dealer is being manhandled by her gang banger drug supplier; Elliot scares him off and as a side note, I saw Rami Malek at the Golden Globes (MR. ROBOT BEST DRAMA WOOOO!!!), he’s a tiny, tiny man and I find myself comparing him to landmarks. ANYWAY. He wants to re-up his meds but Shayla doesn’t have the withdrawal ones handy and she pinky-swear-PROMISED not to sell him one without the other. He gives her the peepers and…

Yeah, I’d cave too. Elliot retreats to his lair to research Tyrell (afters the morphine top up, good idea!!) and is disconcerted by how easily he is able to access everything Tyrell online. Morphine paranoia kicks in and he destroys all of his computer equipment. I find this part so soothing; I didn’t even THINK to microwave memory cards, that’s genius! More morphine can only make this better! Self-medicating is so much more accommodating than accepted medical practices.

You know, I may be under the influence of some serious Breaking Bad bingewatching this holiday season, but I can totally see some Jesse Pinkman in Elliot Alderson when Elliot takes his rescue puppy Flipper outside to drop a deuce. It reminds me of when Jesse took care of the meth-heads wee ginger kiddo while waiting to mete out some drug dealer punishment. Speaking of gingers, it’s #KissAGingerDay! GIMME KISSES!!

Back to the story…Elliot is back at work and watching Terry Colby’s perp walk like everyone else, he makes an interesting observation that we’re all so involved in what’s on our screens that it might as well be our brains. This is so true. Elliot is getting a raise, which he tries to decline and how would you like to be this guy? No money, please, makes me feel dirty!

Gideon is just softening him up anyway, what he really wants is to know why Elliot didn’t tell him about the DAT file prior to the meeting. We know that Elliot kept it close because he wasn’t sure what his move was until the last minute, but he tells Gideon he just didn’t know what he had. Gid does not buy and here’s a weird twist why: fsociety has been doing data dumps since the huge hack; and are threatening to do more if their leader, the hapless Terry Colby, isn’t released. They’ve released a video with a poorly disguised Mr. Robot in a mask (that totally doesn’t look like the Anonymous one, nuh-uh) saying they’re going to kill people and prisons of debt and

Do.not.understand. It’s too twisty for my mushy brain!

Meanwhile, outside AllSafe, a wannabe recording artist (this shizz is deep, lyrical AND poetic, yo!) is entreating foot traffic to listen to his free CD, just gotta social media it up! Tweet, yo! Instagraham that shite! Ollie is one of the few takers, but he will only tweet his 48-strong following (some real taste makers in there!) if he really likes it, Vanilla Ice. He has integrity *coughTransformers2cough*. He and Angela invite Elliot to supper (he has a Groupon because of course he does) and E confounds us all by accepting. It may be just a way to make Ollie stop making noises out of his face hole, but we’ll see.

Elliot is worried about how much more complicated fsociety’s plan seems to be than he was told; he just wanted to erase Ang’s student loan debt and free some peeps from financial jail. Data dumps are apparently much worse than that.

He’s deeply unsettled and just as he decides to disconnect completely from the group, he walks in to find TrailerDarlene scrubbing it up in his shower. Have I mentioned how much I dislike her on sight? He opens the shower door to find out who the nekkid chick is availing herself of his loofah and her shrieking “Duuuude! Jesus Christ I’m NAKED Ahole, don’t fcuking STARE at me” makes me feel allls the stabbiness again, just like that.

She’s doing everything she can to get him off balance – dropping hints about an important meeting he missed, dressing in front of him in clothes she says she’s stealing because hers were covered in cumstains. Can I say cumstains? Twice? She said it first! Anyway, she says she’s just messing with him and that phrase goes through me like a knife. Guaranteed: anyone who says it is an ahole, it’s the female version of negging.

Flipper’s been pooping all over Elliot’s apartment, so before he leaves with Darlene, he drops the pooch with a pouty jealous Shayla while Darlene joneses for FroYo. I’m going to transcribe as much of this as I can, but Darlene…pulls some triggers. Blah blah some douche I was dating blah had the nerve to PROPOSE blah blah I’m so edgy I don’t ever wanna get married!! Blah love is bullshit blah BLAH blah blah I’m a pretentious hipster negging ahole blah and aren’t I just so fecking cool? Blah edgy blah. ANYWAY! She’s homeless, whatevs, I bet that comes up in the form of banging Elliot at some point.

They jump on a train at the last minute while more suited black men thump on the door angrily and Darlene monologues about a turtle? Just stahp, lady. We get it. You cool. Love is for aholes. Elliot and I are just tuning you out and wondering if the thumpy black-suited men are his delusions or if she saw them too.

Darlene and Elliot arrive at the arcade to applause, and simulated gunfire from Mr. Robot. Lots of kudos and muttering about a mysterious Steel Mountain project with unclean lines and Darlene just wants everyone to stop going down on each other (soooo edgy) and start the mysterioso project already! Mr. Robot doesn’t waste a whole lot of time getting to that with Elliot; they’re gonna blow up a natural gas plant near Albany. Why blow up a perfectly good inexpensive heating source for your home and business you say? It’s right next to the data storage facility for alls the massive corporations, including Evil Corp.

Elliot isn’t so sure everyone is buying that Terry Colby has been universally accepted as the hacker; he knows Tyrell is at least aware, if not complicit. Mr. Robot brushes off his concerns and well…it’s either a mistake or deliberate, because mark my words: Tyrell is dangerous, and only time will tell which it is. In the meantime, Mr. Robot figures the data dumps will distract Evil Corp and the public with all it’s racism, sexism, fascism; they’re gonna ism so much all over them, they won’t be able to see straight. The bit about freeing Terry Colby was for misdirection and suggested by an East Asian coder, who Mr. Robot says has some “Allah Akbar” in her and I don’t know if it’s okay to laugh? But I totes did. I just don’t know if they’re blowing smoke up Elliot’s ballerina-hole just yet and neither does he.

This big natural gas pipeline blowup plan, known only to Mr. Robot and Elliot, isn’t sitting well with our E so far due to it’s splodey nature and probability of collateral damage in the form of human casualties. Mr. Robot don’t curr; he’s making a righteous omelet and those people are nothing but eggs in his war on Evil Corp. The explosion will kick Darlene’s worm into high gear, there is a Dark Army in China covering the backup servers and sometimes I don’t even like to use the actual words, you know? Although anything that shows up on a show like this has to be like CSI:Cyber, so out of date a PTA mom from GolpherMuscle, Canada can understand and follow it. WHUT?? ANYWAY, Elliot is the most idealistic idealist I’ve ever seen, so no way is any of this gonna be okay with him. He didn’t even want a raise; dirty filthy money, get it OFF! So  killing innocent bystanders and using the services of a band or mercenaries who will hack for anyone for money…he’s becoming more disillusioned by the minute. He just wanted to wipe out Angela’s student loan debt! He’s oot!

Mr. Robot asks Elliot if he is a 1 or a 0; will he do something or will he not? If he leaves, he’s done and won’t be allowed back in. I feel as though I must point out two things here: 1) this is essentially exactly the kind of tyranny they’re supposedly fighting against: follow me blindly! Don’t think for yourself! and 2) I’ve heard this speech!! It’s “Coming from a place of yes” and Bethenny Frankel gave it to Kelly Bensimmon in Real Housewives of New York season 1!

Ooooh and Mr. Robot invokes Elliot’s dad’d death, calling him a zero and I don’t really think that will give you the response you want. And oot he walks while Darlene hurls invective about his hoodie not protecting him and I dunno: this looks like a very protective hoodie.

Elliot goes to pick up Flipper at Shayla’s and finds the obstreperous drug supplying gang banger smoking up in his ginch and fondling himself while Shayla presumably sleeps it off in the tub. Elliot has hacked this Fernando, who does all his drug dealing and enforcing through social media, so mebbe I was wrong to side-eye Shayla over her chiding Elliot for his lack of Facebook page. I guess this is how the youngs do it now. Elliot hasn’t turned him in because Fernando is Shayla’s only drug source, so he’s not completely unmotivated by earthly needs. Creepy Fernando implies he had sex with Shayla; we all infer rape.

It goes sideways just then when Fernando talks about his suicidal and fraught past; I’m pretty sure I don’t want to feel any empathy for this piece of shite, but I guess this just shows how unhappiness, loneliness, self-hate and being unsure of yourself can either lead to taking power in the form of hurting / killing other people, or can lead to refusing to blow up a bunch of people to jumpstart a cyber revolution. This show is deep, yo.

Ergh, Fernando only met Shayla because of Elliot needing this specialized withdrawal drugs and he leaves with a “this is a smart time to be scared, bro” and this whole scene was so important that I may watch it again. It seems like some typical posturing over a woman mixed in with some druggie insight, but I feel like the extra layers have to be sorted: the comparison between what Mr. Robot, Tyrell and Evil Corp and Fernando are telling Elliot cannot be denied. Might makes right in this world and his reluctance to fully engage in any one defined route of action will be the line he walks this entire show. Will he be persuaded into someone else’s course of action?

Fernando finally leaves and Elliot breaks into the bathroom to get Shayla, who doesn’t remember getting in the tub. Or sex. Or what happened after Nando brought over Elliot’s drugs and they smoked up. Ergh. Elliot tries to hustle her away to safety and she refuses. She makes good money and doesn’t feel like she has a choice anyway. All those choices made by money are making Elliot’s mind move again…but it comes down to Fernando living or Elliot quitting cold turkey and those are no choices at all. See? Elliot is perfectly capable of making those huge life and death judgement calls, but he will only do it to directly protect those he loves, like ALL TV and movie heros of the screen. Fernando is picked up in a raid and there’s that.

Krista is gently probing Elliot’s brain while he vaguebooks about the illusion of choice. And SHE brings up his father and we learn a little bit about why Elliot thinks Evil Corp killed his dad. His father didn’t manage his illness and concentrated on work and okay, I guess. She tells Elliot he doesn’t have to be like his dad: he has options, which is just more pressure for choice. He yells at her and she knows. He’s not sleeping and he’s doubling down on his drugs and there are more black suited men following him…

Fernando is deleted and his information stored on a disc in the Hacker’s Graveyard in Elliot’s drawer. Speaking of CDs! Ollie can’t get the one from the wanna-be rapper working, can’t listen to it or rip it or ANYTHING. Cue The Den! Angela is worried about Elliot, but Ollie is busy trying to hook up with Stella B and at this point, I gotta ask: what does the busty lusty Stella B see in the yerkoff that is Ollie? Do not get. He leaves and Angela calls Elliot, while Vanilla Ice 2k watches from Ollie’s laptop. Good thing it has this great view of the bathroom! Who is VI2K working for anyway?? Sitting in a library sending Chinese characters to someone online saying “We’re in”. In what?? An Angela’s bathroom? Cause that’s all I see. Plus! Who leaves their laptop open like that? NOBODY.

Awww Elliot has had a change of heart and is meeting Mr. Robot perched high above the rocks at the water’s edge to discuss the choosing of the choices. Elliot has found a way to do take out the backups without blowing up a bunch of innocent people but Mr. Robot doesn’t wanna hear it, brah! You walked away, Elliot! You can’t sit with us!! There is a debt to be paid for his betrayal and that is Elliot opening up about his dad’s death. Elliot doesn’t wanna deal with this David Koresh shite but it’s the only way!

So we hear about how Elliot promised his dad he wouldn’t ever tell anyone his dad was dying of Leukemia, especially his mom. Now, we met Elliot’s mom in episode one and she looked like a piece of work, but what kind of jerk spills the cancer beans to an eight year old and swears him to secrecy? That’s a special kind of bullshit right there. Anyway, Elliot got scurred and told his mom, his dad accidentally pushed Elliot out the window and broke his arm; they never talked again and then his dad was dead. Fin. Mr. Robot pats Elliot’s shoulder to comfort him in his moment of grief

and then pushes him off the motherhumping ledge onto the rocks while saying that Elliot had broken his dad’s sacred pact of trust.

WHUT????