You know I totally watched ahead to find out what happened after Mr. Robot pushed our Elliot onto those rocks, right?

And they’re not letting us know right away. Instead, we get to see Tyrell the SwedishPsycho work out and plan his pitch to solidify his interim position as Chief Technology Officer. Seriously, watch this and tell me he doesn’t remind you of Christian Bale’s pre-murder prep in American Psycho.

He doesn’t wanna come across as a Cold Robot butYeah. He keeps messing it up and I’m just waiting for the Annette Bening head smashing from American Beauty. And THERE’S the face slapping. He’s practicing his affirmations while waiting to see the Bigger Cheese, who blows him off because he has to go meet with…a really good CTO candidate. Ohhhhh Tighly Wound Tyrell isn’t gonna handle this very well, especially when this meeting gets pushed back a full two weeks and Bigger Cheese makes note of Tyrell’s Brioni tie in a condescending fashion. Bigger Cheese’s dishy assistant offers to send the meeting notification to Tyrell’s assistant, but no; Tyrell wants it sent to him personally, it’s THAT IMPORTANT.

Tyrell pulls up under a bridge where he pays a homeless man $300 to…? Off comes the Brioni tie and ah, nothing perverted or drug-related, just straight up violence. SP needs to relieve some tension and it’s interesting to note that he didn’t go the sexual route. Or let the guy pretend to defend himself, I mean.

Elliot is in the hospital, daydreaming about bugs and how debugging isn’t about fixing mistakes, it’s about finding out what the bug has tell you. It’s the high tech version of Everything Happens For A Reason and while I don’t necessarily agree with that sentiment, I dig that he’s into looking at abnormalities because they are more interesting. Just don’t date them. I may have wandered off-topic.

Elliot’s freaking out and inner-monologuing about legal drug dealers like Eli Lilly instead of dealing with the fact that both Shayla and Dr. Krista are in his massively roomy hospital room. Shayla asks if he is awake and he says he doesn’t know. IT’S SO META!!!! ARE WE AWAKE?? ARE WE??

Shayla’s there because she’s his emergency contact; Dr. Krista has to give the okay for him to leave because they suspect a suicide attempt; nobody saw Christian Slater comforting our Elliot right off the ledge. Dr. Krista is suspicious because Elliot refused a full panel drug tox on arrival, so he cops to the morphine. She insists on bi-monthly drug tests before allowing his release and

Whatevs, lady; you can’t handle the truth. Elliot has hacked the hospital and knows he can pass any old test he likes so he agrees. And immediately snorts morphine in the corner store while being informed that all credit card systems are down due to the Evil Corp hack. See? Nobody knows where the bug is. He thinks he is Evil Corp’s bug, the mistake that made taking them down possible and I want to follow…

Shayla asks Elliot if he had anything to do with Fernando being sent up the river on murder charges; he ers and ums until distracted by his damaged door. Guess who’s inside again? NO REALLY!!! GUESS!! Darlene is pretending Mr.Robot never pushed Elliot off a cliff and tries to flirt him back into the fold; he kicks her out. Wait. Why is Jessica Alba posing with an fsociety mask again?

Well this is odd; a purse snatcher runs by Angela, dropping a pink wallet, and she stops him to hand it back. That seemed so contrived, I mean honestly. Is that a reminder to not try to help if you don’t know what the hell is going on? And also not to assume that pink wallets typically belong to ladies and not scruffy-looking tweakers?

Back in Angela’s apartment, Ollie is fighting with the lusty busty Stella B, who is not at all concerned that he’s being asked to upload Vanilla Ice’s CD into the servers at AllSafe; she just wants to know who has her nekkid pics, brah!?! Angela comes in from her run and an extremely awks convo ensues while Stella B repeatedly calls him on his cell phone. Ollie, turn off vibrate when you’re spackling on shite like “You’re a good person. Almost to a fault sometimes. You’re just too good for this world.” If she doesn’t smell fishy cack bidness right there Imma have to call this done. Oh! It’s not Stella B calling, it’s Vanilla Ice, letting him know he has 100 hours to upload the CD, or everything will be released. I mean. Sure, he’s been cheating on Angela, and that will hurt her, but it’s not exactly a national security issue, izzit?

Gideon is leading a meeting in his office and he wants them all to come to dinner later while Elliot is inner monologuing about people using mistakes to bond and manipulate and it’s all one big messy circle of humanity. You’ve got to watch the show, if only for Sam Esmail’s trippy writing. ANYWAY, Gid cooks a mean steak and he seems really hurt when Elliot declines. He kicks everyone else out to ask what’s shaking and Elliot shuts him down, soooorttt of nicely, for Elliot anyway.

Mr. Robot is lurking back at Elliot’s cubicle and it is taking me FAR too long to get whether this is all in Elliot’s head or not. I do take umbrage at Mr. Robot taking a swipe at redheads, screw you, buddy! The whole nation of Ireland could care less about your dick, ahole! Pfft, and this RIGHT after Kiss A Ginger Day.

Elliot agrees to go to the bar next door anyway, just to get rid of the yerkoff WHO JUST PUSHED HIM OFF A CLIFF and I STILL can’t tell if Mr. Robot exists or not!! They drink $12 appletinis, Mr. Robot brings up Elliot’s dad AGAIN and leaves, just so Elliot will follow. He swears that without Elliot the whole revolution is over and they’re all done. I’m starting to feel kind of eye-rolly so…

Elliot, however feels reborn! He’s gonna try again to be normal and go to the gym, ask Shayla to be his girlfriend, watch Avengers movies, and even go to Gideon’s supper tonight. There’s a Starbucks vanilla latte in there somewhere and this playing:

Len: Steal My Sunshine

Trippy, yo.And Ollie uploads the CD and gets questioned by Angela. So he tells Stella B about the CD, but not Angela…Hmm.

Tyrell is researching Bigger Cheese’s dishy assistant, he finds a picture of Dishy at a bar called The Kiss and Fly Club; he tells his pregnant wife he’s going there for work. She seems skeptical but I’m distracted by their ENORMOUS closet! Squee!!

Elliot asks Shayla to go to Gideon’s dinner party with him as his girlfriend and I’m starting to strongly dislike how little he listens to people. On one hand, I’d much rather listen to him tell us what he found in her email, but it’s just so RUDE to zone out like that and I get why Angela calls him on it. See? I’d be a terrible anarchist: too polite. And let’s face it, too Canadian. We’d SO get eaten first, and not in a fun way. I guess she was talking about how he doesn’t know her because finally she shows him a real piece of herself. Her art and when they kiss, I can actually feel it. I like them together.

Tyrell has artfully arranged himself hanging around outside the club just in view of Anwan, Bigger Cheese’s dishy assistant. When an incredulous Anwan braces him, he lays it all out there with “you’re beautiful and I want to take you home”. When asked if isn’t he married, he plants an AWESOME kiss on Anwan and yeah. This guy is motivated. Next CTO fo sho!

Dinner party time! Gideon’s boyfriend is playing Obsession by Animotion really really loud and I love this song! I think Ollie was doing some passive aggressive condescending shite with everyone but I wasn’t listening because this song is MAGIC!! Aww Gideon’s boyfriend is adorable, he looks like a non-evil version of Elijah from Girls.

Uh oh, Gideon’s been checking around the server and Elliot is worried; Gid might be able to figure out just enough to get himself in some trouble. They talk it out and there’s a hilarious moment when Elliot sees Gideon moving towards him and he says “Shit. I’m going to have to let him hug me, aren’t I?” and we can all feel the full body cringe.

Angela and Elliot are also so nice together and I forgot they also have that connection and I worry for Shayla. Elliot’s phone buzzes; they turn on the TV to see that Terry Colby has been implicated in several more indictments; including a toxic waste scandal that caused 26 employees to die of Leukemia and all of a sudden we’re all holding our breath. Mr. Robot has found Elliot’s bug.

I didn’t realise Angela had also lost her mother the same way that Elliot lost his dad, she takes off after him as we see a flashback of Elliot with his mother, who is a terrible, terrible person and I just want to wake my children up so I can hug them.

Transition to full-on gay sex. Tyrell really wants that job, yo! He finishes, checks his heart rate, and sends dishy Anwan to the showers so he can rifle through his phone and install a tracer app. That seems like a lot of work just to get at someone’s phone, but then again, I’m not good with apps.

Angela arrives home to an extremely hypocritical question sesh with Ollie, who manages to rustle up the nerve to complain about her and Elliot’s closeness. He pushes, but it’s not really that he wants to talk about. He comes clean about Vanilla Ice and his side chick; she scrolls through the pictures of Stella B, and he thinks that’s it: Ollie Ollie oxen free! She’s more concerned about all of her and her dad’s banking information being available to the hacker and sweet baby jeebus, it’s Ollie that is resisting infecting AllSafe after all and she wants to make the bad choice. She cries and says she doesn’t want to break up and I hope to all that is holy she is just buying time until she can find Elliot.

Now that Gideon knows about Elliot’s history with Evil Corp, he just can’t resist poking that bear, he calls about that sever C30 again…

Sweet merciful Zeus, Tyrell told his wife to not wait up, but there she is. 6 months pregnant in full bondage gear with classical music playing loudly in the background.

Oh just wait! It gets worse! They talk about his progress on securing the job and while he carefully and professionally ties down all her limbs and then, at her insistence… adds a ball gag. What the hell weird Danish-speaking Swedish couple??? I appreciate that she supports his career, but this has gone past even IceQueen Claire from House of Cards level of commitment.

Elliot walks back into the abandoned arcade where fsociety has helpfully set him with a terminal and I tried, I swear I did, but I couldn’t hear what he said at the end. It was either “What’s the play?” or “Where’s the plane?” so pick whichever makes the most sense to you.

We oot!