Hi everyone! I am TalksTooMuch (you’ll see why), but you can call me TTM here or on The Twitter @gingesbecray and I will be recapping Orphan Black for you! This was suggested by @oldaintdead and seconded by CG, so let’s roll right into S1:E1 The Collapse of nature!

We’re on the LRT in a big city with a profane young woman fast asleep. I say profane because she upsets the mother with child next to her when she wakes with a “shit!” This is Sarah (Tatiana Maslany – Canuck represent!) and she’s dressed like a gothbarbiehookah with better makeup. Or a sexyhackah, can’t tell yet. She calls someone, she wants to speak to Kira, she’s back in town. A crying woman draws her attention and the other person hangs up.

Sarah approaches the crying woman,who is removing her clothing, starting with her extremely high heels. She turns and Sarah sees…herself

Before the other woman walks in front of the train and dies. WHAT?

Sarah isn’t allowed near the front of the train after the accident, but she sees the pile of clothing the woman left behind, including a purse and she snatches it as we head to credits.

She snags the cash and notes the name on the ID; who is Elizabeth Childs? And why does she have two phones?

She’s having a drink to calm down when Felix (Jordan Garvaris – another Canadian, woot!) sneaks up on her. He’s a regular, and specially highlighted bartender Bobby (Diana Salvatore) will probably figure soon, what with the closeup of her magnificent chestpiece.

So, “how’s Vic the dick?” starts Felix, but this time Sarah hit Vic first, soooo, yay? Down to business, she’s brought a kilo of coke for Felix to sell and she wants her daughter Kira back. Oh and something odd happened at the train station.

One of Elizabeth Child’s phones rings, it’s Art. Should she answer? Nah, but for sure she’s checking out Elizabeth’s sweet pad that she has keys for. Nobody’s home but she find men’s clothing in the closet along with Elizabeth’s conservative gear. There’s a travel itinerary on the fridge and woo hoo! Canadian milk in the fridge! This must be filmed in Canada, I have that same Half N Half!

Felix has been working that coke deal with his adorable keister (too young, it all feels wrong), his “friend” only offers half what Sarah wants, though, even with the hay roll. Vic (Michael Mando – ALSO Canadian, what’s going on?? I thought this was British, but it’s clearly Canadian, if slightly less sparkly. If you got that, you’re my Canadian friend and I love you, you hoser) bursts in then; where is Sarah?? And more importantly: his coke. Felix tries to play tough

Vic leaves with threats and an apple; he’s on the hook for that crappy blow and now Felix is until Sarah pops up with it. Sarah calls, she’s been searching Elizabeth’s apartment and found a bank statement for an account with $75,000, screw the crappy blow! She stops to listen to a news report about the death, she has a plan, Fe!

She’s studying Elizabeth Child’s pictures, videos and clothing, she plans to imitate the dead woman. She’s practicing Elizabeth’s (non-English) accent, dyeing her hair and dodging calls from Art.

Showtime! Sarah as Beth goes to the bank while Felix calls a tip in to the police. I wonder if she’s planning to have him identify Beth’s body as hers.

She fakes some small talk with bank manager Stephen (Jean-Michel Le Gal – Toronto, natch) then asks for the 75k in $50s and $100s, fanks. The problem with that is: banks don’t carry that much cash and it will take a few days notice. How can she expedite? Sponsor his next fun-run? Thing? Deal!

She’s messed with the debit card, so he’ll get another one for her and hey! Safety deposit box? Don’t mind if she does! It’s not more sweet, sweet cash, though, it’s birth certificates for her and another person Alison Hendrix out of Scarborough (SCARBOROUGH!). There are also documents for a Katja Obinger but nothing that makes sense of it.

She walks out of the bank to see a Lexus (Affinity? I’m awful with car makes) blinking it’s lights at her, but it’s scared off by the police car that pulls up and the policeman that drags her into it. “We’re late!!”

This is Art! Detective Art Bell (Kevin Hanchard) to be clear, is she ready?? She didn’t show up for the walk-through. Er, born ready, Art!

Felix has to identify Beth’s body as Sarah, he’s having just a little trouble breathing. And he usually really likes creepy! Lab tech Colin bucks him up: he can do this!

Beth and Art arrive at “it”, which appears to be the police station where she will be giving a statement. I sure hope she gets to READ that statement before swearing to it! She runs to the bathroom where she calls Felix: “ABORT ABORT I’m a cop!!”

Felix, meanwhile is checking out Beth’s face in the morgue, resting on helpful Colin’s shoulder. He doesn’t get that call.He DOES get asked out on a date by Colin, however, if he needs someone to talk to about his foster sister’s death. I laughed out loud when I realised where Colin was going with that, in a morgue no less.

Sarah comes up with an alternate plan: drinking the lavatory hand soap. Sure!

She’s due to give a statement on the death of a Margaret Chen, in her own words, please. Any time, Detective! She hurls

Art takes her to the doctor; she’s got to forgive herself. Shootings happen. Er

Showtime for Felix! Vic’s back at his flat and he’s got to sell Sarah as being dead. The death certificate doesn’t work, so Felix brings him down to see Beth’s body.

Sarah’s working through Det. Beth’s statement, verrrrryyy poorly. She’s “glitched”
maybe she needs some leave? The psychiatrist reminds her she’s on suspension, right, right. We’re getting little pieces; Beth saw a cellphone and thought it was a gun, that’s why she shot Margaret Chen. Can she make another appointment?

See, Sarah, you don’t just get the 75k that comes with someone else’s life; you get the messy bits too!

Felix and Sarah are reviewing back at the apartment; let’s cut right to it: could this have been her sister? Every foster kid dreams of another life! I would argue that every CHILD dreams of another life, but that’s neither here nor there.

Felix’s looking over the birth documents; all three of them are for women born within a month of her, that’s odd, isn’t it?

She’s leaving, though, and not taking Felix OR Kira right now, which is totally shitty. She left her daughter for one night ten months ago and it’s not as though she has a penis or anything (I assume), what’s she thinking? He doesn’t buy her fixing, “tell it to the angels, Sarah. You’re already dead.”

She’s packing in tiny but adorable ginch when Paul (Dylan Bruce – Vancouver!) arrives home. He’s generically handsome but confused by her choice of clothing: The Clash? She drops back into her English accent for a second

And only we know she means London, Ontario! He wants to know how the hearing went and keeps trying to touch her, but she keeps backing up. He knows something is up, though, so she jumps on him and entices him into what SHOULD be some awesome-looking sex. It looks painful for her and confusing for him, I’m guessing grooming differences. We getta see her fantastic butt a LOT, though.

Vic is so sad, he’s mourning Sarah and has nowhere else to go but Felix’s place. He needs closure! He keeps seeing Sarah’s beautiful face. So, er, does Felix. Felix will pay for the cremation if Vic covers the wake!

Sarah’s snatching what she can out of Paul’s wallet, sliding his money down her pants just as he starts jamming his hands in there too: it’s a party in Sarah’s pants! Now we see fully nekkid Paul. Hey, turnabout IS fair play on this show, but I can’t imagine how hard it is for both of them to act without clothes on. I always wonder about that. How do you say lines when you’re holding your breath?

We sort out why he looked confused: it seems Beth had been “hiding that action” (counter humping?) not grooming differences.

He asks if she blew off the hearing because of meds, but no, she’s not back on them, so. I think I’ve had NIGHTMARES like this.

She’s got a car, yay! And a fancy one at that, it looks like a Jaguar but Art across the street is more concerned with the fact that she looks like she’s rabbiting. She gets the money from the bank, she looks so happy! Now RUN

She drives carefully away, just past this:

Which I hope exists and everything. She runs up to Felix’s place as Art breaks into Beth’s car and finds the cash. She finds the pamphlets Felix made and awww, she’s not impressed. I would be, they look professional grade!

She watches her funeral (that would truly be awesome) and rides Felix for holding it in the first place, but it’s about to get worse. Mrs. S is there with Kira (Skyler Wexler) and that will NOT be good for Sarah’s plan to run off with Felix and Kira. Her daughter is scootched back in the car and maybe that day is saved.

Sarah walks back to her posh car to find… herself? With short red hair and an accent? Is this Katja? It IS! And she was the one flashing her lights when Art came screaming up, what’s going on? Katja is coughing up blood, she needs to see Beth’s scientist friend.

Katja’s figured out that something is wrong with Beth’s lack of response, so she lays this on her “Just one. I’m a few. No family too. Who am I?” and then she’s shot through the head. More shots, then Sarah gets the car rolling and out of there. Katja’s phone rings and rings, we’re out with Sarah picking up.

Whew! That got exciting near the end. I like the pace of the show. Tatiana Maslany’s various characters never stop moving and I like how we don’t get hung up on too much introspection. Sarah is a woman of action. I love the scoring and it’s beautifully shot; I just can’t get over how very Canadian this show is. No offense to people who love Canadian shows, it’s just that… you can usually tell. From the budget to the production values, it’s so obvious. But this was a great show; slick and well cast. Until next time, keep your birth certs, half and half and hair dye handy!