Hi everyone, welcome back for another episode of Orphan Black: I’m about to find out something important! Also: I think I just met my favourite Tatiana Maslany: Cosima. Let’s make sure after the break!

We’re in Alison Hendrix (Tatiana Maslany)’s house with Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) and Cosima (Tatiana Maslany), Alison doesn’t trust Sarah and wants to know what happened with Beth (also Tatiana Maslany). If a cop with tools couldn’t make it, who of them can??

She’s very angry for a soccermom, that reminds me of Fates and Furies by Lauren Gross, who said that her fantastic book was written after she observed how much rage lurks under the surface with parents. (SO TRUE)

Cosima tries to keep things level, but Alison is practically foaming at the mouth. She wants the briefcase but Sarah isn’t giving NADA without answers. Finally Alison shouts that they’re clones, someone’s science experiment and “they’re” killing them off. “IS THAT HELPFUL?” I think Alison needs a tall glass of calm the f*ck down, but her daughter waking up snaps her out of it. Oh shite, I forgot they all look exactly the same, Gemma (Millie Davis) is going to be confused…

Cosima apologizes for that, she was hoping to “float that whole clone thing a lot softer.”

Felix (Jordan Gavaris) is getting hassled by the Neighbourhood Watch (in tight onesie pajamas no less) and gives up to come peer in windows. Alison meets him in the yard with a gun and DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A HANDGUN IN CANADA?

Sarah slaps Alison (FINALLY) and takes the gun away, she’s out. Cosima chides her for breaking the first rule of Clone Cub and hands over her shite, but she won’t give her the answers until Sarah hands over the briefcase.

Felix is going through all the IDs in the briefcase, she’s GOT to find out what’s going on! Sarah isn’t interested, she wants to hit the road with Kira and Felix, and put all of this craziness behind her. She needs the money first

She’s looking for Art (Kevin Hanchard) but Detective DeAngelis (Inga Cadranel) wants to know what she’s doing back already?? Isn’t she still off? Art won’t budge on handing over the cash until she’s reinstated but that’s good news / bad news. She’s reinstated, yay! Lieutenant Hardcastle (Ron Lea) wants her on a case right NOW! They have a 10.45

Just one thing first, she has no idea how to put on a holster or hang anything and I was laughing until I realised I am also clueless. It’s near impossible to get handguns in Canada! I’ve never actually seen one that isn’t on TV, let alone tried to hang one fetchingly in a holster next to my bewbs.

Neither of us know how to talk on a police radio, either, except to say “Roger” a lot. Art has his eyes on her. Oh shite, the 10.45 her and Art are on is Katja, apparently “some idiot didn’t realise they were burying a body next to an active quarry.” At least the body was chewed up by a digger, so the resemblance won’t be close enough to tell. The fingerprints, though. She calls Cosima.

I really like Cosima.

The police would have to run them through Interpol to find Katja and that’s not likely, unless say one of the clones had a criminal record, the prints are close enough that they could flag. Which means that Sarah would show up, except that she’s already dead and she looks a lot like Beth. Wouldn’t Beth’s fingerprints ALSO be in the system as a cop? Wouldn’t that have flagged when Sarah was picked up?

Art can’t believe she rode with him without a clip in her gun, even if they DID leave in a hurry, never mind the full 60 seconds it takes her to fish it out. He’s not giving back her money any time soon and I’d find a way to take it, Sarah, this is balls.

Sarah meets Cosima in a bar, they look so much alike! It keeps freaking me and Sarah out (although I should know better, there’s just the one actress), even the bartender has them pegged as the Smart One and the Wild one, but Sarah wants some answers. Why was Katja sick? Are they all going to get sick? Who shot Katja?

Katja contacted phD student Cosima about someone hunting her “genetic identicals”, and she won’t know about the sickness until she has the briefcase Sarah is holding onto. She doesn’t know who the original is; do they all die if the original dies? Beth used facial recognition software to find Cosima and Alison and they need Sarah to keep pretending to be a cop so she can help them. Help US, really.

Back at the station, hardass Art is planning a trip to the gun range with Sarah as Beth, sure! A call comes in and thank you so much for slowing that down for me: a voice says “one of a few, unfit for family. Horse glue” and then says Katja expired. Thank you voice-changer app!

Sarah sweettalks the office IT guy Raj (Raymond Ablack) with dreamy eyes; she gets her password reset and access to the computer identifying her fingerprints as the dead body found in the quarry.

Art and Det. DeAngelis are investigating Katja’s murder while Sarah’s benched. She’s watching from across the way with Mrs. S (Maria Doyle Kennedy) who is very skeptical about Sarah’s plan to take Kira on the run with her. Siobhan isn’t going to allow Sarah custody of Kira until Sarah can prove she can be still.

Art and DeAngelis have figured out where the shooter came from, they even find the missing Barbie head from the hotel room. Creepy

Sarah wants to meet with Alison to practice shooting, who can’t get a sitter, is still angry AF and has a dick for a husband who can’t watch the kids. Sorry! Hey, guess who could do it and looks absolutely gorgeous here?

So. Wait, Two things. There’s a chalkboard that keeps moving around, but that’s to be expected with kids, and Alison’s husband is white. Her kids are maybe just half white, so I think my maths must be wrong. One of them is into cross-dressing, woo hoo Felix! It’s just dress-up at this age, release thy pearls.

Raj is proving invaluable, yay! And still has dreamy eyes. Beth taught Alison to shoot and Alison is teaching Sarah and misses Beth and wasn’t a jerk for like 17 seconds. Annnnnd we’re back.

Alison has a really noticeable tell, she fiddles with her right ear and pulls her ponytail towards her when she’s nervous and not shouting at people. She mostly doesn’t want her kids to feel like their mom is weird and I think that ship has sailed, Anger Management.

The Clone Club has made a decision to trust Sarah, and hey, Alison’s part was that she gave Beth $75,000 to buy information she couldn’t get legally. Oh. Says Sarah and I. Cosima and Alison hope Sarah knows she can’t run from this. Sarah and I feel bad.

Alison gets home to find her kids cross-dressed, they look great! It’s just dress-up, Alison, c’mon! It’s better than reinforcing heteronormative sterotypes! “Adios dragsters!” and Felix is oot.

Back at the apartment, Sarah is still planning to take Kira and run, though, so maybe just one of us needed to feel bad up there. Oh damn, Paul (Dylan Bruce) is back to get a change of clothes. Sarah tries to fake through some dialogue about what a cop would say (I’m a cop first! Ish) and then ends up thrown against a wall with Paul’s hands down her pants while Felix watches from the bedroom. I THINK she starts to get into it, and that’s when he leaves.

I’m sure he’s hella attractive to SOME peeps.

Sarah does a great job with her lady-grip Walther! Art makes fun of her and she throws it right back

He shows her the Barbie head just as she gets a call on the tire treads from the crime scene, they have a lead in Parkdale. They go to the location to find nobody home but a bible verse written on the wall and Katja’s ID in the bible (which Sarah snags). Sarah sees a gun in the window and throws Art down just in time. He’s hit but not too badly hurt, so go get the perp, Sarah as Beth!

I should not have laughed at watching a terrified Sarah try to get her gun out while scared, but. She gets a bead on the shooter, wait, is that a woman?? Is that a bad clone?? Are there bad clones? I can’t actually tell if it’s a woman, so I’ll shut up.

Oh wait, it IS a woman and it IS a bad clone and why does this bleached blonde want to kill Beth?? Sarah stops her by shouting “I’m not Beth!!” which prompts a “dirty little copy cop”; Bleached Blonde demands to know who she is if not Beth?

Sarah stabs Bleached Blonde with a piece of rebar, but it’s not enough to kill her. She makes a move on Sarah but stops herself, crooning “not yet, Not Beth” and she’s gone.

Art runs up just after, whew! The rest of the force shows up and Art finally relents. He thanks Sarah for covering his back and apologizes for not having hers and then, more importantly: hands over Alison’s cash. It WAS in the trunk of his car, the big liar!

Time for Operation Liberation! Sarah goes to see Kira, who is conveniently reading bedtime stories with her foster mum right next to the window, and finally accepts that she can’t be a good mum and snatch Kira.

Bleached Blonde with an Accent is having a rotten farking day, we’re watching her pull the rebar out of her belly while we see dozens of flaying marks on her back. It looks like self-flagellation of the religious variety, perhaps? We’re oot.

Huh. So, like last time, I have more questions after the show than answers: as above. How many clones? From where did they sprang? If the bad guy(s) do find the original, can they just kill her and then the others die? Is Cosima just as fabulous as she seems? Bleached Blonde with an Accent is clearly deranged, is it because she wants to be the only clone? Does she think she’s OG? Thanks once again to OAD and CG for the recommend! Cheers