Hi guys! Welcome back to the first season of Orphan Black, I can’t believe how much I’m enjoying it! I mean, it’s very well thought-of and highly recommended, but it’s everything people said and more. Rolling S1:E5 Conditions of Existence after the break.

We saw Helena (Tatiana Maslany) collapsing in the alley and being carried into a van by a man with a signet ring. He seems to be caring for her, although I think he called her “Jo.”

Alison (Tatiana Maslany) and Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) are Skyping, Alison is moisturizing her elbows slightly less angrily than usual. Did her visit with Kira (Skyler Wexler) soften her views on Sarah? Sarah thanks her for doing the meet with Kira at Mrs. S.’s place, now Sarah gets an extra visit in.

Alison goes to bed where she ignores the spouse she hates and goes to sleep.

Sarah showers while someone creeps into the house. Oh, it’s just Paul (Dylan Bruce) and she heard him soon enough to pop out behind him with a nail file. And the drags him into the shower so he can show her how sorry he is. I gotta say: he doesn’t LOOK sorry

I find their interaction unusual, especially when she made herself sleep with him five minutes after meeting to protect her identity. It’s as though they had to develop chemistry after that so it wasn’t quite as squicky.

Sarah sleeps poorly, dreaming of being on a medical bed with wires coming out of her mouth and tubes everywhere and men in ET suits hovering. She wakes up and brushes her teeth, pulling the end of a wire out of her mouth. Whut?

Can she makes stuff appear? Did she just vomit that up from her belly? She checks the rest of her body while Paul makes his case for them to run away to Rio de Janeiro. Apparently Beth would talk about it, but Sarah’s gotta go, she needs to check in with the Clone Club about this electrode she just pulled out of her teef.

Cosima (Tatiana Maslany) recognises it right away (I love her), that electrode is from an EEG helmet (seems…very specific) so that means whatever Sarah was remembering wasn’t a dream. AND that Paul’s most likely in on it. So THAT’S why he’s been hot and cold with her, it wasn’t an arrogance thing,

Cosima doesn’t think they can have done anything too…invasive without Sarah knowing, but at least one blood sample was taken and with the EEG, she’s thinking it was diagnostic.

Felix (Jordan Gavaris) is wondering about the shagging, which means Sarah has to own up to sleeping with Beth (Tatiana Maslany)’s boyfriend. Alison is aghast, I think Cosima is high AF

And then Alison wonders if shes sleeping with her spy too, which would explain why she hates him so much. She moves to leave, but Sarah would like that defense fund back, please! Sarah gets 20 grand and a warning from Cosima about Paul: if his subject suddenly became self-aware, there is always the chance he will terminate.

Sarah gets a call from work, Raj (Raymond Ablack) of the dreamy eyes would like the surveillance equipment he lent Beth back, fanks. Surveillance equipment?

Alison gets home to find her husband Donnie (Kristian Bruun) searching their house frantically while talking on the phone to someone about her, she HAS been sleeping with her spy! “If it gets any worse, what are our options?” is a terrible point to come in at. He fudges but she’s aware, run, Alison! Take those kiddos and goooooo!

What was he searching for in her vanity?

Felix searches Beth’s flat for the surveillance equipment while she looks on the computer, I’m ashamed to say I was worried about Felix for a hot minute there as far as spying goes. But nobody knows you like a sib, true story. Which leaves: Mrs. S.

Felix finds a fun box in the closet; not the usual, but a gun and a bunch of military stuff. Sarah won’t let him read the letters, but nothing is standing out there as far as spy gear. Sarah thinks for a minute: the car!

It’s in the trunk, time to check out where Paul works! Paul doesn’t work anywhere and that’s where her not being actually Beth made it easier for Paul. She didn’t know what to check out, because she knew SHE was wrong, it never occurred to her that HE was also wrong.

A woman stops her as she’s about to leave; they downsized, remember? Paul’s office is over here, but oop, he’s in a meeting. Do you think Madison (Miriam McDonald) is in on it too? Sarah talks her way into Paul’s office to wait while Alison takes apart her husband’s closet trying to find out what he’s hiding. It looks like a standard issue pornography stash, who doesn’t love “Big Boob Blowies”?

Sarah plants the surveillance equipment in Paul’s office, they don’t want to blow it because he’s really their first solid lead into finding out who’s after them. He comes in as she’s in the middle but she mostly finesses him until he’s got her turned around again and this time is aware enough to notice she’s missing the scar Beth has on her neck.

Sarah makes it out and Felix hears Paul watch a video of Beth and understand that he’s been sleeping with the wrong clone.

Donnie finds Alison in the garage trying to hacksaw her way into a locked box, he won’t open it for her, he needs a little privacy! More big boob blowies, says $5.

Cosima is running samples at the lab, I particularly like when she cuts off part of her own dreadlock for testing while directing the labnerd in love with her to run species differentiation tests. Delphine (Evelyne Brochu) fighting in French on the phone with someone draws Delphine’s attention next, but it seems to be just about school grades?

Sarah’s read Beth’s letters to Paul, she really loved him. He didn’t love her back, though, and he wouldn’t leave, either. That sounds about right for a super spy mission, right? Felix thinks Paul is falling for Sarah now, but he didn’t get a visual of Paul checking out Beth’s obvious scar that Sarah doesn’t have, so he’s slightly behind.

Look at ME saying FELIX is slightly behind??

Speaking of Felix’s behind (adorable), Colin (Nicholas Rose) from the morgue has come over for a drink!

Sarah and Kira have a fabulous walk home from school, Kira knows her mom, no matter how fancy her clothes are. That was very sweet and now Sarah’s coming in to visit with Mrs. S, aka Siobhan (Maria Doyle Kennedy).

Cosima finds the weeping frenchwoman in the hallway (I prefer to weep on benches, but I may be just lazy and / or have courtesy for people trying to walk down the hallway without knocking over weeping women), it’s a bad breakup to blame for that. They bond a little over a shared love of science, that’s very nice. Unless Delphine is a spy.

Siobhan is skeptical about Sarah’s newly found peaceful nature, but all Sarah really wants is information about her past. She was about Kira’s age when she came to Mrs. S’s foster home and I just don’t see someone raising a child while spying on them. Canea see it. I am totally naive, however.

Vic (Michael Mando) is in a lot of trouble with Pouchy (Tony Cianchino) for that kilo of coke Sarah stole from him; he just needs another week! Something happens with a desktop paper guillotine and his fingers, but I couldn’t say what, exactly, I don’t like the spurty parts.

Alison goes spy gear shopping herself while her kiddos hit the candy store; she picks out a small wireless nanny-cam device while her children fight in line behind Vic at the pharmacy counter. I’m inwardly tsking at their behaviour when I remember that Alison looks exactly like Sarah and this could get ugly in a hurr-ay.

 

Oh shite, Vic sees Alison right away and starts chasing her through the parking lot. She maces AND tazes him and just like that: I finally like Alison. Don’t mess with a mama bear.

Alison calls Sarah right away, she was just assaulted by someone “urban.” Sarah and I don’t know what that means: ohhhhh, it’s suburb-speak for non-white. Wait, I keep forgetting to ask: who IS Kira’s father if it’s not Vic?

There’s a well-dressed man in Paul’s office, he’s Olivier (David Richmond-Peck) and they need to talk about Beth. How was she this morning? Paul covers for Sarah, so maybe he IS falling for her after all.

Felix’s date went sort of well, but he thinks Colin maybe doesn’t have a lot of experience.

Made both Felix and I stop breathing for a second then snort explosively. High five Colin! They kiss goodbye while Sarah waits nearby, I forgot he can’t see her because of the whole identifying Beth as Sarah thing.

She fills him in on Vic and then they sit down to listen to the latest recording from Paul’s office. Ahhhh, Olivier calls Paul a “monitor” so he totally is the mole. That has to be disappointing on a certain level.

Paul calls then, he needs Beth to come home now so they can talk. Yeah, well, she’s not going to, but a text message pops up then: pictures of her and Kira. Feck.

If THAT wasn’t enough, here’s Vic! You knew he’d go right to Felix after seeing Alison of course, I don’t know why they hadn’t thought that.

Vic needs 15k or Pouchy’s gonna “lobster” him, but I don’t think that’s a verb, Pouchy. Hey, Sarah has money! From Alison! She gives him the full 20k, but he doesn’t want to go. He loved her, but she didn’t, not for a moment.

Sarah’s got bigger problems anyway, she needs to go find out what Paul knows about Kira.

Alison finally gets into the locked box left open, just more Big Boob Blowies. Everyone owes me $5! Take it out of the $10 I owe you from Wentworth. He’s burning something outside, I’m guessing the original contents of the box.

Cosima has a theory about Paul, she doesn’t think he knows he’s watching a clone, but that Olivier knows for sure. That is to keep Paul from getting in too deep and to keep an extra layer, the Clone Club really needs Olivier, NOT Paul. There won’t be much left of Paul after Sarah gets through with him for threatening Kira, however.

Alison sets up the camera and tells Donnie that he sure does need privacy.

Paul is waiting in the dark with a gun when Sarah gets in the flat, that was far too deliciously cliche not to be awesome. He’s known something was up since she first arrived, that sex on the counter was the first in months. Other things too, of course, but he was there when Beth was told she couldn’t have kids, so who’s this little girl? He’s punctuating every statement with a movement of the gun, just in case she thought she could talk her way out of things.

I almost forgot to breathe during their confrontation, at first he refuses to believe that Beth is dead, but when he does accuses Sarah of killing her. She throws that right back at him; Beth killed herself because Paul, her monitor, allowed people into her home to medically examine her. Beth knew he didn’t love her and couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t leave; when she found out about the experiments, THAT’S when she killed herself.

That strikes true for Paul, his gun hand gets shaky and he finally puts it down when everything that Sarah says lands. “You think I had a choice? They don’t tell us why” brought me up short: he’s not just a hired hand, but somehow indentured as well? WHAT’S GOING ON IN THIS UNIVERSE??

And we’re out.

Hmmmmm, this whole monitor business is an extra wrinkle; I hadn’t considered that the weird scientists would want to keep close tabs on their science experiments but of course that makes sense. I hope it isn’t Siobhan or Felix watching Sarah, I don’t think I could bear that. We shall see! Cheers, you lot, until the next time.