Welcome back fashionistas and fellow talent fans! It’s getting more personal on Project Runway, I feel like I want them ALL to stay, especially after the orgy of gorgeous human nature last week. Let’s roll!

We lost Alex in our first team challenge, it was a toughie and I have mad respect for how Alex handled his team’s loss. He put himself up and that must have been so hard to do. Dexter rose to the top like the magnificent cream he is: Totally Team Dexter. Let’s find out who’s crying this week as per the title!

I thought I was maybe looking at the wrong episode when I saw Nina, Zac and Heidi being interviewed at a party, but no! It’s a party and the designers get to come too, yay!

I read that when a movie starts with a man, however many women you put in after the beginning, the movie will always be seen from the perspective of the male gaze and now I get it. We usually start with the designtestants Monday-Morning-Quarterbacking in the hotel and now they feel very incidental, strolling in late.

So. How is Mah-Jing still here?

You know it only LOOKS like a party, Heidi is gonna pull some trippy shite on them, you watch. First the designers do a bunch of interviews with the press; bloggers and fashion editors. LOOKIT THEIR DRINKS??!!

Brik is just ecstatic to be in Heidi’s orbit in a personal way

Which made me laugh out loud. He is SUPER young. Dexter just wants to talk to Nina Garcia, he’s obsessed. Oh. The drinks are because they’re at the Absolut Elyx house and I don’t know what that means, I just want a rose-gold pineapple to sip from. If that’s wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Oh. It’s a copper pineapple and we get an infomercial for Absolut’s still, whatever man, I have more vodka than anyone could possibly drink ever. Well, maybe one guy I worked with, but we’re gonna need a metric tonne of orange juice.

The designers are bummed they don’t get to drink and chill, well, drink but not chill, pouts Erin. They’re going to make a cocktail dress! 10 bucks says she makes a sexbomb LBD with a circle skirt.

They get $300 for Mood and one day: the inspiration is the Absolut Elyx house. Okay, I’ve typed that three times now, WHERE’S MAH CHEQUE??

Tasha’s still trying to work streetwear in again, I hope she finds her feet soon. I KNOW she’s amazing, let’s see it, sister!

Oh Mah-Jing’s doing what he calls a drizzle-down effect on his dress, but who wants to look like a sweaty beverage?

Rik’s making a leather apron cocktail dress and you’re probably right, fella: nobody else is gonna be making anything like that.

Dexter and Erin are checking out the flamingo wallpaper in the bathroom, sure! Nathalie’s going with crystals; that’ll be tricky to make look different or new.

Mood Time! Tasha’s going for a floral print and denim….oh girl. Nathalie’s fallen in love with a beaded fabric that is going to take up her whole budget. I am flashing back to poor Linda and her stretchy wool she couldn’t get rid of.

Jenni grabbed some kind of forest-y print (??) but Brik is sticking with what he knows. “Shiny is a colour, right?” Shiny is TOTALLY a colour, Brik, you go on with your bad self!

Erin is doing something with feathers..or fur? Or she skinned a sick Wookie, I honestly can’t tell but it’s all bad. Dexter is doing a “fringe bonanza” in shit-brown fabric and I know they MAKE shit-brown fabric, but why would you DRESS someone innit? Also, temptress, etc etc, high end, role playing party favours. Or something

Nathalia’s dress is looking like a cross between a Marilyn Monroe knockoff and a shower curtain. I am worried for our wee lady from Massachusetts!

Everyone shit-talks each other’s clothing while gushing in person, except for Cornelius, who’s keeping it real for Nathalia. He thinks her dress is a mistake. She throws it right back when he says he loves the texture of his material

TimTique time! Rik was planning to make a wood grain on his leather apron and I need to sit down for a moment. Who wants to look like a basement at a cocktail party????? Tim loves it, though, and suggests he keeps it looking leather, not like paneling in a 70s trailer.

Erin looks like Big Bird took a poop and she bedazzled it. Or something. I thought that until I saw Jenni’s, which looks like a grade 7 sewing project, seriously so basic looking and ALSO brown! Someone use copper, damnit!

Dexter and Erin have noticed that Jenni has created an applique that is very similar to the one Erin used on her old lady coat last week, well: I liked it and I guess Jenni REALLY liked it.

Dexter is ecstatic about his TimTique, Erin thinks they’re slaying it! Their two girls are going to the same party! The Poop Coloured Party: Fringe or Feather, huntys!

Laurence’s leather quilted couch dress is GORGEOUS, totally dig. Mah-Jing’s blood drippy dress looks costumey, he needs to fix! Tim is unsettled.

Tim calls Roberi’s dress “Missoni meets Navajo blanket” with an AWFUL skirt. Cornelius is using green houndstooth again; Tim calls it “picnic.” Tim’s just cutting a swath through the designers today, isn’t he?

Tasha’s floral print with denim skirt looks sooooooooo…not cocktail, but Tim suggests a darker denim and we may be saved yet! Mah-Jing sympathises, but honestly Mah-Jing, you’re both in trouble.

Nathalia’s ice-skating dress makes Tim gasp; he doesn’t want her to go home. This has “pack your bag” written all over it. All of a sudden, she gets it.

So many people are having to start from scratch; Erin and Dexter are just rolling along merrily on their poopy way, irritating Nathalia. Jennie lends her some material; she thinks she can save the look but.

Model Fitting time! Is Erin irritating anyone else?

I should work on being more like Dexter: all positive!

I’m positive Roberi doesn’t have a bottom for his look yet, whut?? Um. Jenni wants credit for doing a lot of hand-sewing in this competition with fake nails. That she had put on her own hands. She wants credit for doing something challenging that she made even MORE challenging all on her own. Sorry, Jenni, unless there was some kind of a enforceable contract stating that designers had to wear fake nails to up the difficulty: no snaps. And please.

That positivity didn’t last long, did it?? She loves her look, though, which tells me her big new glasses (that look like Erin’s) are just for show.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY ERIN AND DEXTER CHOSE THOSE COLOURS!

Tasha and Nathalia are SWEATING like Mah-Jing wishes his dress was. Those two are in trouble this week. Dexter is all good, he has immunity. The judges seem to love Erin’s work regardless, so she’ll probably be fine.

Runway day: everyone scrambles to complete their designs, especially the ones mentioned above. The judges specifically asked for a luxurious look and I canea imagine what Tasha was thinking with a floral cotton and denim outfit. Jenni can’t even believe Erin used ostrich feathers on stage: that’s bad luck, she tells us *so serious right now*

Hair and Makeup time! Soooo maannnny product placements, Cornelius: “volumtuous” is not a word.

Tim makes a joke!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Laurence’s look is AWESOME! She’s got this! I’m so shocked that everyone’s dresses look so good! I mean, I shouldn’t be (season 15) but I am impressed. One day they had

Runway time! The guest is Emily Ratajkowski and BOY she’s riding that 15 minutes of Blurred Lines fame hard, isn’t she?

Laurence’s is first and I LOVE it

Rik’s, well, it’s a cocktail dress based on a leather apron, so. It looks REAL, though, I can’t get over that, so many of these dresses look like glue-gunned hot messes, but his and Laurence’s look manufactured

I am not sure Jenni’s dress could be any uglier

But then there’s Erin’s

Oh Tasha, there is NOTHING new about your dress! This is a DESIGN competition, not America’s Next Best Friend Race!

Zzzzzz, sorry I fell asleep during Cornelius’s ill-fitting, boring, too-long and oddly proportioned dress

What is with all the fabric bunched up in the middle of Nathalia’s dress??

Brik’s is very shiny! Ms. Roboto

Nothing to say about Mah-Jing’s, totally forgettable but not offensive

I really like Roberi’s, but I don’t see anything that says “luxurious cocktail dress” on it. It looks like a great dress to wear in a progressive office.

I don’t get Dexter’s look at ALL

At ALL

In the top and bottom are (my guesses as to placement): Laurence (TOP), Nathalia (bottom fo sho), Jenni (BOTTOM), Tasha (sorry girl), Rik (top, really? I guess it was well made, for a leather apron cocktail dress) and Erin (probably top, but I think it’s shite)

The judges take a minute to congratulate Dexter on his forethought for winning last week so he didn’t go home over this piece of rancid shite he sent down the runway today. He’s stunned, but he will take that and work on it.

Erin looks nervous

Critiques!

Nathalia is first: they hated it, Heidi calls is a cheap “teen prom dress from the mall.” It’s called the opposite of luxurious, but Emily and Zac LOVE it! Wow. I can’t believe that, it looks like one of those piped bubble wall hangings that kids like.

Rik: it’s very well made and avant garde and they all love how brave and polished it looks.

Laurence: they LOVE it, she cuts one sharp, mean shoulder and yes she DOES.

Tasha: Zac says it all with this

Erin: ohhhh, she’s a bottom, we’re all confused. Zac called it “Priscilla Queen of the Swamp” and “cheap and feathery.” Nina thought it was a costume from The Lion King

Jenni: ohhhhh I love Heidi, have I mentioned before how I love how straightforward she is. She lets Jenni have it between the eyes: she thought her look was Erin’s because she used the exact same applique as Erin. She stole that, yes? They love it though, *herk*, whatever. I hate that dress.

Judging time! Heidi wants to take away alllll the props for Jenni’s look because it was so influenced by Erin’s. I like how Nathalia sticks up for Jenni in the backroom: anyone can use applique!! Screw you Erin and Dexter!

Winning today is: Jenni. Jenni over Laurence and are you KIDDING me???? She feels rebirthed after being “suppressed” for the last few challenges and

And going home is: I bet Nathalia….and it’s …Tasha, DAMNIT. DAMNIT. I really liked Tasha and Zac and Nina BOTH said they thought Nathalia’s taste level just wasn’t there, come on! I was tearing up until I heard Mah-Jing start to cry, he bawls hilariously but he’s sincere. Thankfully HE stops crying long enough for Tasha to be able to say goodbye since SHE’S the one leaving.

Until next time you guys! Bye Tasha!