Hey hennys, who’s ready to roll Drag Race All Stars with me two days later? Woo hoo, let’s go, no time to waste!! Rolling S2:E7 Drag Family Values after the break!

So. Alaska. She just COULDN’T send Roxxxy home (who should have gone home two weeks ago) because Roxxxy lent Alaskaaaa the shiiirt she’s wearing and wegro, please. Roxxxy’s been on the bottom so much she’s considering kneepad sponsors.

It’s not enough that they sent home the wrong person (I’ve not got it twisted, Tatianna wasn’t gonna win, but she sure AF deserved to be there more than Roxxxy at this point), they wanna make sure EVERYONE’S buying what shite they’re selling, coz you know it ain’t wrong if we all agree, right? Katya, well,

She just saw a fire in Tati, y’all! Roxxxy reiterates: she has FIRE. And has been in the bottom FOUR TIMES. For the love of… are you guys watching the same show?

Detox is frustrated that her runway efforts aren’t getting more play, why come Katya gets all the love? Alaska is feeling very comfortable in the competition

Anyone else think Alaska’s high as FUCK in interviews?

It’s the Family Show! All the moms and sisters are coming! I cried, we all cried, I’m still crying. Yay Detox!

Katya pretended she wasn’t

But that’s coz she’s punk. And joshing. It’s a Family Makeover competition!! Yay Drag Family Values!

Katya is so excited to have her mom there when she’s not so anxiety-riddled, she’s thinking sexy Russian trophy wife and her peasant mother which is fine, but her mom just wants to know which one she’ll be playing?

Alyssa next to her sister Tabby makes me see Alyssa for who she must have been: a glorious and skinny wee gay man with SO much personality and absolutely no chin. I love Alyssa, I just wanna put her in my pocket and carry her around to make faces at people walking by. She looks so vulnerable right now, though, tomorrow is the first anniversary of her and Tabby’s mom’s funeral. Alyssa cries and we all cry and Alyssa feels so bad for not being there for her family and she’s having a hard time keeping her head in the game.

Roxxxy was raised by her Grandma/Mom, she brought her own t-shirt and everything! Since Roxxxy won the makeover challenge in season 5, she figures she got this. Um hmm

Alaska’s so excited to see her mama Pamela; Mom’s just happy she’s clean.

Oh

Ignore my earlier comments. Or don’t, people don’t always tell their moms everything.

After season 5, Alaska was offered a lot of party favours and saw no reason to decline…I wonder if that’s why she and Sharon Needles broke up. I love Sharon, not so much during season 4 but when I saw her live, I have to wonder about las drogas now. Alaska’s mom is hilarious

During RuConsults, he asks Katya if she’s nervous to be the only queen not from season 5; of course she’s worried about Ro-Laska-Tox, she’d be nuts not to. KatyaMama gives MamaRu props for her counseling during the season, she means it, too.

Detox’s sister Heather is a lawyer and his number one fan. Detox thinks she has this because her and her sister look so much alike, we’ll see! She’s tired of being safe!

MamaRu talks to Roxxxy and Sonia about the bus stop story; Sonia is ready to tear this up! Stand up on her head!

I’m just gonna cry every time Alyssa comes on the screen

LOOK AT HER FACE!!?? Her mom was her whole world and her number one cheerleader and we all need that, don’t we?

Before the competition, we get a brow tutorial from Anastasia of Beverly Hills (WHERE’S MAH CHEQUE??); they must have paid boocoo bucks to sponsor this partic episode. I hope there’s a huge prize at the end for the winning fambly member!

*cut to browless Detox*

Makeup time! We all cry with Alyssa again, my goodness. Detox and Heather cry too, last week was the anniversary of their Dad dying.

WHAT IS THIS WEEK??? COME ON!!

Detox was able to at least make amends with his dad before he died, his dad even came and saw his drag show at Pulse. Roxxxy was there and THAT is a bond.

Runway time! I will never not want to watch RuPaul walk

What is that HAIR? I don’t care, I LOVE YOU RU!

Aubrey Plaza is the guest judge and I seriously hate her within 3 seconds of her opening her mouth. Like: hate

Never mind, it’s runway vogueing time, woo hoo!

Alyssa as feathered idol? Are they…birds?

Alaska and her biggest fan! Kinda lazy-looking but cute

Detox and her sister DO look alike!

I’m not sure Katya knows what a Russian peasant mother looks like

Guuuuuurl Roxxxy, you are a makeup MAVEN! Lookit her mom!

Now it’s time for regular runway, Alyssa and Tabatha walk in Purse First, just like Bob intended

I love Alaska and her mom’s look, canea STAND Aubrey Plaza, not even one word

Detox and her sister look like Detox Squished Squared

I LOVE Katya’s act, hahahahahahaha

Roxxxy and her mum look great

and that was it! So awesome, everyone did such a great job!

Critiques!

Alyssa: gets all the lub for her death birds of metal (Aubrey Plaza was speaking again and I maaay have muted), the judges are happy.

Alaska: gets read for phoning it in on her mom’s costume. This is week 5, Michelle and Todrick expected more. She pouts and hides in her hat.

Detox: they loved the lip synch and totally dig all the effort she put in for the evening *cut to Alaska hiding in her hat*

Katya: everyone adored the second part of the runway for her and her mama, apropos of nothing, Katya does this

Roxxxy: get middling critique, she could have pushed it further.

Top Two: Detox and Katya will be dueling it oot

And if you’re not in the top two: you’re up for elimination. What to do, what to do? Katya’s stressed.

So. If you go by critiques, there is only one person who should go home: Alaska. That’s SO out of left field, though, how does that make sense that she would be read so harshly? She’s been winning this whole time. True to what her and her mother said earlier, she starts taking off her drag accoutrements

 

And I bet it does! She’s got the biggest pout ever and although she already told us earlier that she cries when she doesn’t get her way, I don’t think I ever saw it until now.

Detox wants to do one on one talks; how can she send home her best friend Roxxxy? That will never happen. Alaska tells Katya she wants to stay and she thinks she deserves to stay. We’re all confused by this

Alaska screams and pouts and carries on and Detox and I are all: whut? Where did this come from?

Oh and THEN Alaska offers Detox $10,000 to stay in the competition, for the love of god Alaska, gather what’s left of your dignity! Walk away!

Detox and Katya make their choices, time to lipsynch for their legacies!

What

The

HELL

was that???? Detox was performing a stripclub basement strut to the BEST.DRAG.SONG.EVER (Step It Up by RuPaul) with her ass out while Katya does NOTHING and Detox’s sister counts her blessings. That is NOT stepping that p*ssy up, henny. I’m guessing Katya didn’t want to make that tough call, did she? I bet she could have used that 10k cash tip, though.

Detox wins, of course and cries while she sends…ALYSSA home. ALYSSA. On the one year anniversary of her mom’s death, instead of Alaska, who farked up royally and instead of Roxxy who is now in the bottom for the fifth time.

You’ve got to be joking.

ALYSSA?????

Ru gives Alyssa a little tongue click as a farewell, goodbye pretty lady. Her sister cries in confessional and maybe I cry some more too, this whole thing is a box of kleenex! I can’t believe ALYSSA got eliminated, but I’m glad her head is in a good place. Until next time for the final four, huntys!