It’s time for The Magicians! Rolling S2:E3 Divine Elimination after the break! Ready K?

We open in the High Castle in Fillory; Eliot (Hale Appleman) is super bummed he missed out on some crazy partying with the Dean; matching tramp stamps and everything! (Me and Alice:…aren’t those lower back?) but they brought weapons and a plan: watshegot?

Their royal accoutrements! I love Eliot. Penny (Arjun Gupta) thinks this ceremony is a waste of time, but Eliot chides him; almost all of you are royalty *sideeye Penny*, revel innit for a moment.

He takes a sip, but has the Beast enchanted the drinks in the throne room? It’s making him imagine that all of his friends have turned against him. The paranoia sinks in quickly, deeply

Margo (Summer Bishil) has been down this road before with Eliot on ‘shrooms. She’ll go sort it out. Everyone else stares as Quentin (Jason Ralph) passes on Julia’s (Stella Maeve) vague warning about “something” being cursed in the throne room. Alice (Olivia Taylor Dudley) is already onnit, checking the drinks and with a flounce of her ridiculously short skirt, she brings up the drink and sits on of the throne chairs.

Ahh so it’s not the drink but rather the chairs themselves, because she went wonky right skippy. So does Q, and Penny is the only one unaffected. They discuss how, unfortunately, they must sadly kill Eliot.

They’re off to do so. Alice stops at Penny; “don’t tell Quentin, but I’m going to have to kill him too. Right after Margo” and with a little bum-toss, she’s gone.

Penny finds Margo digging for leaves for the antidote; she knows they’ve all been poisoned but her. She has to poison herself so Eliot will drink it. Pfft, doesn’t he know all this? He’s acting like this is his first regicide. Margo is definitely the boss b*tch of Fillory

Long live the High Queen!

Marina (Kacey Rohl) doesn’t seem super impressed by Julia’s “FoxTrap”, does she want to explain how she hooked up with the Beast? I wouldn’t, Julia, it makes you look selfish. Marina’s concerned about controlling the Beast; Julia’s just concentrating on the fact that he knows a spell to freeze a god. Marina wonders if Julia is really stupid enough to believe that someone who can freeze a god can’t figure out a way to break a word-bond and I’ve wondered that same thing!

The man himself comes in, the Beast (Charles Mesure) is singing a different song today “a hunting we will go, to catch a fox and put him in a box and then we let him go.” Marina and me…

Eliot’s trying to get a dagger from his cartographer, but regal-looking stabby things are not really his bailiwick. Penny and Fen (Brittany Curran) brainstorm outside the room. This is the way it’s been going for all the royalty on Fillory, and curses are difficult to reverse. They usually need ANOTHER curse and then there are side effects…it’s like the current culture of over-prescribing medication!

Marina’s not exactly putting a lot of effort in calling to Our Lady Underground, a pep talk from Julia gets her head in the game and then, just as the spell casting is taking place, the Beast pulls Julia away. Leaving Marina alone with Reynard the Fox, who likes to rip out hearts and rape young hedge witches. The Beast warns Julia; if Reynard smells her, he won’t come, so they will just have to wait here, two blocks away. Julia sets off in a huff, HEY! DON’T YOU KNOW MAGIC?? Do something magical to save your “friend”!!

It sure seemed as though the spell was working, but when Marina opens her eyes and sees she’s alone, she stomps out

Ohhh Margo was affected as well, I misunderstood above. She confronts a crossbow-weilding Quentin in the hallway and it’s only Penny’s arrival that saves him.

Those cacodemons are AWESOME! But weren’t they also just a one-shot deal? Meant for the Beast and not for each other?

Then Penny shoots Margo in the ass with Q’s crossbow and takes them all away.

Julia and the Beast get back to the FoxTrap, finding no Marina and no Reynard. The Beast expected this, what he would do if he was a tricky god is perhaps follow his prey back home and toy with her there.

And indeed, there’s Reynard (Sean Astin)

Julia and the Beast arrive at Marina’s apartment, but since she put up all her wards locking her and Reynard in, it’s going to take a while to gain entrance.

Penny’s come up with a plan: let the curse run it’s course by allowing all the high kings and queens of Fillory to die.

To be more specific, he wants to inject them with potassium chloride then adrenaline after the curse has taken it’s toll and they can be revived. It seems like his hands aren’t complying any more, though, is he not allowed to kill his friends? They’re killing each other anyway, my money’s on Margo! She takes Q out first in one shot, yo!

Reynard is bantering with Marina, who’s playing tough and for time, I’d like to be rooting for Julia and the Beast to get in there faster but I kind of hate all of them. Aholes

Marina has a kitty, though, and that’s when we get tense. I AM NOT WATCHING HIM HURT A KITTY!!!!!!! Ack. Oh Cupcake. And then he eats Marina’s finger. WHAT

I told you Margo has this!!!

But then she needs to die, right? And they need to get at that adrenaline in the team, stat. With a “come at me, farmgirl!” Margo plunges the last of the needles into her own chest and the curse is over! Now revive!

That scene with Reynard was messed the hell up.

Everyone is revived, but Alice’s god-juice is almost worn off, so they have to get the plan rolling NOW. Penny’s hands are working and they’re down two cacodemons, so they better move fast. Or, three cacodemons, since Alice releases hers back into the wild.

Alice has another plan, she’s going to use the shield spell they learned in the first year.

You know who could use that spell? Marina, who’s being monologued to death by Reynard, who is about to start eating her bit by bit from the far end. A whooshing noise stops him, it’s time for the battle to be joined.

Alice and Quentin have a weird stare down before separating to set the spell and then we’re back in Marina’s apartment with the Beast holding Reynard in a net and then PENNY is there and takes the Beast and Julia away and it’s just Marina, Reynard and the Leo Blade, which they all jump for.

The Beast is in the centre as Alice prepares to cast but Julia is too and Quentin jumping in to save her throws off the blast and the Beast is only injured, not dead. Shoot him again, Alice!! She didn’t because he’s GONE.

Penny takes Julia back to her bullshit, but of COURSE she ends up knocking off one of the fancy handcuffs keeping his fingers in line. And then the other one, deliberately.

Julia is a selfish twat, have we covered this? I think so.

Margo offers to bang the horses pulling the carriage if it gets them to the high castle before the Beast. We get it, Margo, you’re super-edgy and sexy…and into bestiality.

Eliot and Margo head to Umber’s cave to see if they can get some more of the go-go juice while Quentin and Alice head on and discuss what will happen after they kill the Beast. She’s going to have an ice-cream sundae and he’s going to try to win her back. I can honestly say that the sound of BOTH of those things made me want to throw up. Gummi bears do NOT belong on ice-cream sundaes.

At the end of the day, they make up. He compliments her on her growth as a person and plants one on her, yada yada yada, they’re back together. Ish

Eliot and Margo try to see Umber, but he isn’t home. He’s over taking a dump in the Wellspring, which is where the Beast finds him. It seems the befouled Wellspring cannot be used any more, that can’t be good for Fillory, can it?

The Beast shouts for a bit then brings Quentin and Alice out in front of him. He only has one hand for casting, but he’s still dangerous, sending a slash at Alice that Quentin blocks with his shoulder.

Alice finds her strength, sending shot after shot into the Beast while Eliot and Margo petition Umber, who sends them back to watch Alice work against the Beast.

The god-juice is gone and Alice tries again to cast, but something is wrong

And then she burns up into nothing

But did she?? As the Beast makes his move on Quentin, she reappears and tears him to pieces

She means to kill everyone, though, she doesn’t care about Margo’s apology

And Quentin has to release his cacodemon to stop her.

Julia finds Marina dead; Reynard gone and free in the world as Quentin crawls to Alice.

And we’re out. HOW DID THAT ALL HAPPEN IN ONE EPISODE??????? Holy shite, what a rollercoaster ride! I am choosing to put the blame for all of this on Julia. Jaysus. Until next week