Hi guys! I swear, I was all set to do the final Rose and Maloney and realised at the last moment that I didn’t actually have it…so Wentworth it is! Yay! I like this show and I missed it and CG has been freaking me out on Twitter with non-spoilery comments about Season 4, so I’m going to try to plow through as fast I can. Let’s roll into S3:E8 Goldfish!

And we start with the goldfish too! Hey Goldie! Goldie lives with the Governor (Pamela Rabe) in an extremely ordered existence that I covet from here.

She looks so different with her hair down! Alas, poor Goldie has excitedly noted his last sandcastle (hey look! A sandcastle!); he’s floating upside down and the Governor can’t have that. Then it gets weird. WHAT THE HELL, FERGUSON?? Tearing the tail off a dead goldfish while you’re berating it for it’s failings as a companion?? There’s something wrong with you, in a careful and ordered way.

It’s group therapy time and the women are having a blast! Dory (Shareena Clanton) and Jess (Georgia Chara) entertain everyone with their shenanigans and then it’s someone else’s turn. Nobody wants to go, but Kim (Ra Chapman) will! Boomer (Katrina Milosevic) is her arms (which looks like a bear humping a monkey) and I bet she has some very pointed things to say about Bridget (Libby Tanner) and Franky (Nicole da Silva). Oh and yes she does, but she just cuts right to it.

Bridget’s been called into the Governor’s office over those rumours about her and Franky. Ferguson thinks Franky’s far too emotional to be effective anyhow. “Better a surfeit than a deficit” counters Bridget, which snaps the Governor’s head around. What does that mean? Well, if you lacked empathy

*coughtotallyapsychopathcough* Is that all, Governor Ferguson? Bridget ain’t scurred.

Ferguson takes a moment to make sure the noose is nice and snug around Bridget’s throat; is there anything Bridget has learned in her sessions that would preclude Franky from parole? Bridget hedges but ultimately keeps her covenant with Franky. In case you missed last episode, Ferguson recorded Franky’s confession to Bridget that she killed Meg Jackson lo these three seasons ago.

The police are still stalking Will (Robbie Magasiva) about Harry’s murder. At least they’ve sorted that the Red Right Hand was probably involved. Now they just need to leave Will and Bea (Danielle Cormack) alone.

Fletcher (Aaron Jeffrey) is unpacking the Governor’s delivery package from LiveFish (IS IT A PONY??); Vera (Kate Atkinson) happily tells him he’ll be going back guarding the General tomorrow, yay! He does not look as happy as she does at that news.

He is starting to remember more and more, though. The box cutter in his hand looks like the one Bea stole using his card key before Ferguson’s thug tried to kill him. Oh, sorry: SPOILER ALERT.

It is NOT a pony in the LiveFish box, it’s a replacement goldfish and I hope this one got a pep talk about keeping his tail on.

Seriously, though, that was brutal. I am totally looking for a notice at the end that no creatures were harmed during filming.

Also… who orders a $0.25 goldfish for DELIVERY?

Jess has been moved in to Dory’s block, trying to move into Dory’s room and following her to the washroom while Dory tries not to pee herself. I remember that feeling of not being able to get my pants off in time so well!

Jess wants to throw a baby shower, but I think Dory is in labour. She still has to work while she’s that close? Jess asks first CO Miles (Jacqueline Brennan) and then Ferguson, who doesn’t even dignify Jess’s request for a good mattress and chocolate chip ice cream with a response. Jess. Come on.

Bea’s had enough of Sophie (Edwina Samuels) blowing off her mum Liz (Celia Ireland – she’s kind of a favourite, shhh), so she decides some tough love is in order. Go fold some towels with your mum, Sophie! I can’t get over how hard Bea can look:

That goes as well as you would expect, with Sophie refusing to work with her mum. I know Bea meant well (she always means well. Ish) but you can’t regulate feelings, can you? She should have stayed out of that.

One more quick thing; I said last episode that I thought Liz was funny whilst intoxicated, but really: it’s the only time she speaks her mind. I wish she would do that sober and not just roll over all the time; maybe the resentment wouldn’t push at her so much.

Bea doesn’t like how this is going, she wants this handled. She grew up with an alcoholic father and she knows what’s up. If Liz doesn’t settle things with Sophie, Sophie is going to get put firmly in her place. Nobody is allowed to question Bea’s authority.

Bridget has called Franky to her office for a meeting, door open, fanks; there is an outside psych who comes in and she wants him to complete Franky’s parole assessment. Franky notes that is the reason for the open door

And now I have imagery. But weird imagery, since I always thought of bumpers like bums and I don’t know how… anyway, anyway, Gidget reminds her that they’re living in a fishbowl and nobody wants to get their tail torn off pre or postmortem. Seriously.

This is ostensibly for Franky’s benefit, if the parole board hears of the rumours, they’ll disregard anything Bridget says. Franky thinks it’s about her revelation about killing Meg Jackson at the end of last session, though, not to do with appearance of impropriety.

Fletcher bursts in then, Franky’s gone with a “we’re done!!”; does Bridget do hypnosis?

Ferguson’s fencing again and she doesn’t look happy… she’s bumping up against the down side of fencing. While dueling, people actually KNOW they’re being attacked! They can defend themselves, there are protocols, it’s all very civilized. It’s not beating up and torturing a tiny prisoner in the basement in the middle of the night, izzit?

Ferguson’s been thinking about what Bridget said; does her fencing teacher think she’s got a deficit? Is something wrong with her? She’s always tried to get to know her enemies by getting inside their skin. He disagrees, her opponents messy emotions will be their downfall. Emotions lead to mistakes.

She goes back to her office to pore through the file of Jianna Riley, who hanged herself many years ago when social worker Will (at the time) took away her baby. The way she caresses the picture of Jianna’s face makes me wonder if she was in love with the prisoner from long ago.

Dory’s singing to her baby in her room late at night when Ferguson has her brought down to the kitchen; did she get her chocolate chip ice cream? She did!! Wait

Good question! Is Ferguson practicing empathy, or does Dory remind her of Jianna all those years ago? Oh and since she calls Dory Jianna, I’m going to say YES

Dory tells Bea about the Ferguson calling her Jianna and giving her ice cream in a creepy, creepy way in the middle of the night (when does Ferguson sleep??); nobody knows what it means. Lucy (Sally-Ann Upton) and her cohorts bring Dory an awesome new mattress too, Lucy hasn’t even got a mattress! This devolves into a scream-fest between Lucy and Dory, broken up by Will. Bea presses Dory to find out about this Jianna, she senses a weakness.

Kaz Proctor (Tammy McIntosh) is in to see Bea again, she was surprised to get her call. Bea’s changed her tune, she commends Kaz for her work: it IS making a difference. Kaz chokes up, she promised herself she wouldn’t cry! But that means a lot for her to hear that from Bea. Ohhhh, Bea’s sending her after the man she sketched in the mirror, be careful, Bea. Kaz is extremely dangerous.

Liz is trying again with Sophie; she owns up to what Sophie said about her being true and she wants to talk. She had been really hoping she and Sophie could get a second chance when Sophie showed up at Wentworth but it will not be that easy. Sophie tells her what it was like living with her when she was little; she never knew if she would come home from school to find Liz sober or drinking. She loved sober Liz, but hated drunk Liz and knew one would always follow the other.

Liz cries as she tells Sophie she’ll stand back; she’ll be there if Sophie wants anything, but she won’t interfere. Then we all cry.

Fletcher would really like you to hypnotise him, Bridget. She’s not that type of doctor, she’s there to listen: to the women. Not the staff. He sits, though, he thinks he might have been a bastard before (totally were – read the season 2 recaps) and he’s getting flashes, could they be memories? She agrees to lead him through a relaxation exercise.

Vera has rescued Ferguson’s fish from Reception, where Fletcher was hogging it, but Ferguson wants to talk about why Fletcher’s been rostered out to General. She picks up on Vera’s slight subordination, her antennae for danger must be as finely tuned as a rabbit’s.

A quick breakdown:

F:What’s going on, Vera? What’s up with the team?

V:Team? Is that what we are?

F:Dinner! My place. 7 pm, bring a nice shiraz, I have vodka. That is all

Oh ho ho ho, Fletcher remembers more than I expected! He remembers someone with shiny buckled shoes getting out of the van that hit him and picking up his cell phone. I wonder if Thuggy was wearing those same shiny buckled shoes the other day when Ferguson helped him in the parking lot. Hmm. I’m surprised how much he can remember about that. He DOES remember Thuggy who was there to drug Bea before Jodie’s hearing. SPOILER ALERT.

Fletcher freaks out and runs out of Bridget’s office, almost knocking over Franky, who’s insisting on seeing her Gidget and not the other bloke. Bridget has cancelled those appointments, Franky. You actually ARE done. Gidget is miserable after and Franky goes to find Kim for a bitch-slap.

Vera’s brought Pinot Noir; she doesn’t like shiraz. I don’t either, but it’s not as bad as Malbec or somefing. They have an extremely quiet dinner; Vera knows that Ferguson has always wanted to be more than just a mentor to her, right? She rambles on (Ferguson! Rambling!) about them sharing a philosophy about prison and that’s it, Vera’s had enough.

She gives Ferguson both barrels right between the eyes: they are NOTHING alike. She would never do what Ferguson did to her during the riot. Ferguson tries; she DOES care for Vera, patting her hand. Until Vera explains that she has hepatitis C from being jabbed with a needle during the riot, you can practically see the smoke-trail from how quickly Ferguson withdraws her hand. Germaphobe Ferguson will be up all night scrubbing her whole flat. It must be an actual phobia. Vera leaves without another word.

The next morning, Vera’s lost her nerve, she waits for the Governor and asks like a child: will last night affect her career? The Governor giver her a wintry smile: last night never happened.

Dory and Jess are showering when Lucy and her gang walk in. They send Jess packing and have a plan to infect Dory and her baby with Hep-C???? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Take the farking mattress, you like it so much! In the struggle, Dory falls on her baby and IF THEY SHOW HER FALLING ON THAT BABY ONE MORE TIME

Cuppa break

In Medical, Dory asks about being jabbed with an infected needle, which brings Vera’s ears up and right around to the front, but Ferguson’s entrance stops that line of inquiry. The baby is good, (STOP DOING THAT, RIGHT?) which Ferguson and I are very glad to hear

Ferguson is moving Dory in to Protective Custody, which is making Jess crazy, why can’t she go too?? Boomer teases her and I am expecting pea soup at any time

She’s more dangerous that she looks, and she has that baby thing on her record too, so. Watch her, Booms. Jess sees the Governor walking by and runs after her, asking to be put in with Dory and hurling epithets when denied. Ferguson has her Slotted immediately.

Lucy’s come for a shower on her own; Bea and Maxine are waiting for her. Lucy’s blonde henchwoman Stella (Bessie Holland) comes in and walks right back out. It’s about time somebody did something about Lucy, mind the bodily fluids, Maxxy. Bea gets a stomp in on Lucy’s ankle at the end, which disturbs Maxine. She really is the most compassionate henchwoman ever.

Fletcher saw Bea’s sketches of Thuggy, he’s staring at them in Bea’s room and they’re tripping him the eff oot. Fletcher, as always, is the key to taking down the Governor, even if he doesn’t seem to ever know it. He asks Bea who he is? Bea reluctantly shares the information that NOBODY believes. Thuggy is Ferguson’s henchman, and he drugged her so she couldn’t go to Jodie’s hearing. Fletcher believes.

Bridget’s come to see Franky in the kitchen and ohhhhhhhh I thought for a moment it was about to be on and I forgot to breathe. Bridget’s worried about transference; that’s why she really cancelled their sessions. Franky asks if what, Bridget’s in love with her? Well, not exactly, not yet, but that’s okay, Franky can live with that. She moves so they’re almost touching and I about swallowed my tongue. Bridget can’t live with that, though, she leaves and Franky looks completely lost, like a puppy who fell into a whole bunch of charcoal eyeshadow.

Dory’s singing to her baby in her new room in Protection, Ferguson’s popped ’round for a chat. Dory asks about Jianna and Ferguson sits and tells the story. You know, not the revenge-murdery bits, just about the baby. She asks to feel the baby kick and all of a sudden she’s moving to kiss Dory. I think I jumped just then and hey! Dory’s water breaks and saves the day!

The baby won’t wait for the ambulance, that’s it, she’s dilated and the baby is coming NOW! Rosa (Maggie Naouri)  delivers the baby and Ferguson holds Dory’s hand. She croons things like “it’s just pain”:sooooo not helpful. Vera comes in to advise about the ambulance delay and Ferguson pops a gasket ordering her out. I didn’t get it at first, but the Hepatitis-C, awww Vera, she looks so sad and alone.

Dory gives birth to a healthy (4 month old) baby boy, yay! He’s gorgeous and I will look at this for the next hour straight.

Fletcher’s made a copy of Bea’s great sketch of Thuggy; she has a lot of artistic talent. Will asks him why he’s acting so weird, it’s Ferguson of course.

Dory wants to tell Bea about Jianna right now, unfortunately, Ferguson is within earshot and I feel just the smallest amount of sympathy for her when she hears Dory mocking her and calling her a freak.

She goes home and destroys her apartment, smashing the fishbowl and losing it entirely

All of a sudden, her dad is there and I think.. he’s not really there, is he? He’s a manifest, isn’t he? Like on River. She went and had feelings and it made her weaker. There is something deeply rooted there and we are oot.

Well. So much symbolism in this episode, from Ferguson ripping the tail off a dead goldfish that disturbed her hermetically sealed environment, to her destroying everything in a fit of rage. She said she’s never had friends while dining with Vera, and who can’t see the lonely outsider a young Joan Ferguson would have been? Made fun of by the cool mean girls, how many times would she have overheard those taunts in her past? Poor Joan for that, poor everyone else for what she’s become. Until next time.