Hi everyone, welcome back to Wentworth Prison after a long time away! Things are pretty chaotic Chez TTM right now, but maybe an escape into a superb Australian prison drama is just what the doctor ordered. Plus, I hear there is another season starting right skippy, I’d better get this one done tout suite! Rolling Wentworth S4:E10 Smitten after the break

We open in the yard with a high AF Allie (Kate Jenkinson) hitting on everyone in the yard and lifting her shirt; apparently stoned Allie is very much like drunk young TTM. The most oblivious guard in the world watches, Allie’s lucky it’s Jake (Bernard Curry) out there monitoring her shenanigans, literally any other guard ever would have had her in the Slot already, and not the way she’s gunning for, either.

A couple of the girls take her up on her charms on offer just as Bea (Danielle Cormack) enters the yard. Damn. Bea asks Liz (Celia Ireland) and Boomer (Katrina Milosevic) what’s going on; Boomer makes me laugh with her “she’s off her face and looking to get on someone else’s” because that sums it up perfectly.

Allie bumps into Tina Mercado (Charli Tjoe) and things get serious in a hurry; four of the Asian gang jump on Allie as Kaz (Tammy McIntosh) and Bea and everyone else jump into the fray. Jake FINALLY moves in, but the ladies sort it out. Kaz challenges Bea: is she gonna take care of Allie? Allie immediately torpedos that by asking if Bea “wanna pat my pussy Mama?” That’s a no, and she’s shuttled back into the angry arms of Kaz once again.

Kaz has a lot of fcuking nerve, I tell you

Bea takes Tina aside and warns her not to sell any more drugs to Allie, I’m so sure that will dissuade Tina.

Will Jackson (Robbie J Magasiva) is pooping pebbles when Jake finds him in the staff room; Kaz took a video if him tied up and indisposed after one of her girls got the drop on him. Will’s worried it will go viral and he’ll lose his job. Jake doesn’t get a chance to say much, because Governor Vera Bennett (Kate Atkinson) radios just then, calling him to her office.

Since last time we saw them they were going to bang off campus, this ought to be fun! Or not, one little hand touch and we’re away from them. It’s like Amish porn, any minute she’s going to expose an ankle and there will be a riot.

Woo hoo Franky (Nicole da Silva) is working at the Legal Relief office! And guess who she’s trying to convince her boss to help? NO, GUESS??!! A certain young indigenous youth on his fifth set of charges, sound familiar? Ten bucks says she’s talking about Shayne Butler, Jianna’s son who just made an unholy alliance with former Guvnor Joan Ferguson (the swoon-worthy Pamela Rabe).

Maxine (Socratis Otto) is back! Boomer’s very excited, but we all stare a bit at Maxie’s chest, don’t we? I hope Sonia (Sigrid Thornton) comes through with the boob reconstruction plan as she offered.

So! Time to make babies, then! Boomer’s ready, she’s sure she’s ovulating and I am not going to repeat how she knows that AND YOU’RE WELCOME. But yeah; how is that going to be accomplished without surgery? We’ve already established that the guards aren’t keen on prisoners knocking themselves up on purpose (THANKS FOR RUINING THAT FOR EVERYONE, DORY!). Hey, where is Dory?? Usually she’s with the ladies in HBlock….ohhhh that’s right, she’s over on the dark side now. Sorta

It WAS Shayne (Hunter Page-Lochard) that Franky is advocating for, woot! You all owe me ten bucks! Canadian Tire moola is fine. He’s shy and reserved at first, but Franky showing off her tats helps (the naked lady’s boobs keep staring at me), as does her relaxed manner. Does he have anyone who could be a character witness? Maybe “Auntie Joan”! His recently unearthed godmother!

Now, I’m not going to tell you your business, kiddo (I am so going to tell you your business), but I don’t know if a person charged with several serious crimes is necessarily your BEST foot forward, you know what I mean?

Speaking of good old Auntie Joan who looks like Cruella deVil; she’s getting her dressings changed on her burned arm (from when Kaz put it into the deep fryer when Joan was trying to kill Bea and …well, it’s a long story. You should read the recaps) while trying to mix it up with ubiquitous Jake. Isn’t he sad, being stuck in here with her?

Isn’t her face wonderful? Pamela Rabe is a great physical actress as well, everything concise.

Jake wants to learn from the former Governor; it could be fun! Joan’s already smelled Vera on him, though, she taunts him with the knowledge just as Nurse Ratchet (Madeline Jevic) returns and gives him a second to recover.

Maxine raises the alarm with Bea; Juice (Sally-Ann Upton) and Stella (Bessie Holland) are working Allie over for theft in the showers. Bea stands Juice down HARD; now she’s spoken for her girl. Maxine and I think that’s just as it should be.

Bea tries to send Allie back to her room, but we all know it’s Maxine who’s the third wheel here. She gets dispatched just as soon as Allie starts crying; I hope her and Bea make up.

They do not make up. Bea’s just too afraid to admit that what her and Allie had was real. Even when Allie is broken down and begging.

Bea can’t relax her hard exterior

Oh there’s Dory (Shareena Clanton); she’s finally meeting Nash’s (Luke McKenzie) ex-girlfriend Miranda (Janine Atwill) who is helping raise Nash and Dory’s baby Josh along with their daughter from their previous relationship. That won’t be awkward. It doesn’t help that Joshie goes from peaceful and content to scream-crying when his Mama picks him up, either. Joshie screams and cries and cries and screams as Dory looks at picture after picture of happy family Nash and Miranda and their adorable two children. She doesn’t want Josh getting too used to this, though, right, it’s just until Josh gets a job, see. Right. Has he thought of being a hair model? Seriously. Nash doesn’t have a type, does he?

Thankfully Josh stops crying as soon as he’s back with Nash and Miranda, it’s every woman’s secret nightmare, for reals. Her baby likes someone else better than her!

Dory goes straight to see Bridget (Libby Tanner – I love Bridget!) to request that Josh be brought back to stay in jail with her; saw that coming a mile away. I have to say that while I understand the motivation…that’s not exactly what’s best for baby Josh, is it? Oh hang on, it’s only for 8 more months? Ride that out, Dory, you know it’s best for Josh. Just have Nash bring him by EVERY WEEKEND. I can kind of relate; I have to share custody of the kids some of the time now and I thought I would embrace the change and enjoy time on my own and instead I mostly mope and stare at their bedrooms hopefully while wondering why it’s so quiet.

Bridget offers to help by supporting Dory’s initial decision that Wentworth is not a place for a baby and suggesting a more regular visitation schedule but Dory’s not having it. She wants Josh here and away from Miranda right NOW and she’s mean enough to throw Bridget’s child-free status at her before parting. Screw you, Dory! That was unnecessary.

Dory runs into Kaz, who promises to help. I’m pretty sure Dory’s going to regret letting her new bestie into the mix; Kaz has all the subtlety of a cement truck.

Some flirty radio-calling later, Vera and Jake are in the plant room closely discussing Joan again; it’s so weird to think that talking about a psychopath is foreplay for these two. He’s definitely gotten under Vera’s skin, just as Ferguson suggested he could. He tells Vera that Joan called her “vanilla”; she doesn’t like that at all. Plus; you know the quiet ones are the freaky deakies.

Boomer’s working out her uterus / sperm delivery problem; Sonia can’t take it any more. Watching Boomer try to work out a problem is “like trying to watch a kitten knit.” Hahahahaha. I don’t even know what that means but it shuts Boomer up; what she needs is a syringe. Off she goes to see Nurse Ratchett

I can’t believe they’re going to KeystoneCops medically frozen sperm for giant woman-child Boomer. I mean

Maxine’s friend Martin (Syd Brisbane) has come with the er, stuff, but he reminds her what she wanted to it for in the first place: to have a husband, a family. But she could die, Martin, and then where would she be?

Boomer does not get the syringe; she gets the Slot because Boomer has the poker face of a half-awake toddler.

Liz is getting frustrated; she tells dishy detective Don (Steve Bastoni) she thinks Sonia is on to her. Not only is Sonia not offering up information about murdering her best friend and / or husband, she’s asking Liz questions back. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sonia worked it out, besides the questions, Bridget inadvertently blew Liz’s cover last week. Nothing really of note happens, except that the dishy detective puts his hand on Liz’s knee.

She does take Don’s advice and use her story to try to open Sonia up a crack; I just don’t know if a bald recitation of running over your mother in law with a tractor on purpose is exactly the key. I love Sonia’s face after; no way she’s buying this

Maxine is dismayed to get back to the unit and find Boomer gone; she’s got her “own sperm up her own snatch” and a limited time window. Hahahahaha. I mean. Sonia has a plan! It involves a lot of money (of course) and Tina.

Franky pushes her boss as much as she can about the Shayne Butler case; only getting so far. She calls the prosecutor, all the furtive looks at her boss tells me this is not a kosher move.

Ohhh Allie can’t score anywhere in the yard, the word from Bea is out. She sinks down in despair by the same flower boxes that held Debbie’s white roses and Jake wanders over. He offers her drugs to find Kaz’s phone. That’s right, he offers an inmate drugs. Drugs.

Boomer gets the syringe in a hotdog! She looks so happy after, eating the hot dog, even though that’s all kindsa gross

Kaz’s taking on Dory’s case; she’s arranging for Nash to be reminded of his obligations to the mother of his child on her cell phone (how does she charge it?? Does it have a data plan?? So many questions) when Allie comes in. She swears she’s off the junk as she eyes up the cell phone, trading it immediately for drugs right in front of Joan’s window.

Jake checks Will’s video out, but doesn’t delete it, that’s not good. It may have even given him an idea, because he calls Vera back down to the boiler room, blindfolds her and gives her the five finger fiddle. I wonder if he was recording that; it would make for two blackmail-worthy videos of the two top employees of the prison.

Vera. Honestly. He’s cute, but you’re at work and you barely know him. You can’t assume he’s not a slimeball; you should be protecting yourself better.

Franky’s working her magic on young Shayne; he needs a job and a place to live. He says what we all know

He’s probably half in love with her, but at least she’s a better influence than Joan and her scheme to have him murder Nils Jesper (also too long of a story, read the recaps!).

Shayne’s in to see Joan again; she can’t help him with the job, but she might be able to help with a place to live. And so the tug of war over Jianna’s baby continues. I held my breath when he talked about the “chick at the legal centre”, did you?

Dory’s only now realised what Kaz meant when she said she’d “take care” of the Nash situation; she flips out; telling Kaz to stop it NOW! If only she still had her cell phone to do that. Dory manages to get Nash on the phone before he’s hurt, Dory should have told him to get everyone out of the house, yes?

Jake gives the phone to a relieved Will; there will be many beers consumed on Will’s tab that night. Will and Vera had a nice moment earlier when she apologized for being hard on him; reminding him that he’s one of her most valuable team members. I’m glad they made up, they’re a good team. Plus Jake is a divisive little shit.

Allie snorts Jake’s drugs, bumping into the hallway to be ignored by Bea and Maxine again; that’s right, run away! Bea didn’t know that Allie saved her life, though, that shakes her to the core. She never gave up on Bea. Bea runs to confirm it with Will, Allie DID save your life, Bea, go getcher girl!

Shower time and honestly: I hate the showers in Wentworth so much. All the bad stuff happens in the shower room. I see one hair of Juice’s chinny chin chin and I’m hitting the panic button myself. It’s just Sonia bracing Liz about lying about killing her mother-in-law on purpose; Liz trying to sound like a hardened murderer was almost as funny as watching her try to squirm out of explaining WHY she lied to Sonia about it. Sonia decides that Liz was trying to show her empathy…sure!

BEA GOES AND GETS ALLIE AND MOVES HER INTO HER BLOCK!!!!!

Squee!!!!

Yay!!

A visibly angry Nash is in to visit Dory; everyone is unhurt but Miranda kicked him out of the house. He’s taking Josh to Perth, where his family is and where he can find a job and have a place to stay. The only problem is that Dory won’t be allowed to travel when she gets out. Like, ever? Or for parole? Either way, she fucked that one up, right in the ear. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Franky almost mucked things up when she called the prosecutor’s office without her boss’s permission or knowledge, but there is still good news for Shayne: he’s getting a non-custodial sentence. That’s all Franky wanted; but she’s got to take her lumps for the subterfuge too.

Ah shite, Shayne’s staying at Joan’s house, I knew it as soon as he said there was vodka in the freezer! Franky visiting him there seems unwise.

Ah and our closing montage is Vera making a fool of herself over Jake (I’m so sad that she can never, ever pull it together around men). He partying with Will, and Allie detoxing while Bea literally holds her hair.

Sonia, Liz, Maxine, Boomer and DORY!! Dory’s back!! All sit and listen to Allie shaking out the DTs all night, too little too late, Dor. Liz wakes to find Sonia staring at her through her door, the real money shot is Bea finding Allie asleep in bed and climbing in next to her.

So. Bea finally acknowledges what Allie and their relationship meant to her; it must have been the constant scrutiny from Juice and the crew that made her shy away over and over again. She clearly cared a great deal for Allie and now they’re finally, finally together. For how long is anyone’s guess.

What’s with Jake being a big drug dealer all of a sudden, getting drugs to Allie and feeding more to Will later at the bar, what’s up with that? I guess trying to manipulate the situation using the most common currency possible in prison; that just sets him directly against our heroine Bea, who is allllll anti-drug. So.

Cheers you lot, I hope you are all well. Until next time!