Hi guys and welcome back to Below Deck Mediterranean! I’m late again, so let’s not waste any time getting right to it, rolling Three’s Company (I LOVED THREE’S COMPANY) after the break!
We’re right back where we left off, with Captain “I’m Not a Micro Manager” Sandy Yawn giving green deckhand Malia lessons on how to run the tender while guests Melissa Rountree, Marzia Prince, Fiona-Lise Cersosimo and Sharon Demkowatch watch and the rest of the crew waits on the beach for the food that’s supposed to be IN the tender for them to set up for a picnic.
That’s right, in the middle of a charter the captain has nothing better to do than give boat driving lessons. Because that’s not incredibly stressful or embarrassing or overwhelming for Malia. She’s totally gonna remember everything.
Nope, so the guests are coming over at the same time as the food because Captain Sandy also apparently doesn’t understand rich people’s aversion to seeing plastic wrap near their food. You know one of those betches is gonna bring up BPA.
Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier is stewing on the beach already; but they DO have booze! When the guests arrive, one of the stews runs a downtackle block (I don’t know football) while the rest remove the plastic wrap: BOOM! No harm no foul, Hannah, cool your jets. You’re in Croatia and if Captain Lee or Captain Mark had done that, no WAY would you have been second-guessing them.
Captain Sandy kiiiinda apologizes to Malia back below deck; again: would you see Captain Lee or Captain Mark apologizing for instructing a green crewmember how to do something? No, they’d just tell them to straighten up their anchors and fly right and YOU’RE WELCOME FOR ME TEACHING YOU. In fact, I don’t remember either of those captains coming down to the crew mess unless for tip meetings, so that’s odd too.
To be clear: I think it’s awesome that Captain Sandy is willing to get in there and teach her crew and pick up the slack where needed; it’s just not at all what we’ve seen in the past from the captains and it forces a different opinion. Maybe being in charge doesn’t mean you have to be an aloof arsehole who paces his fiefdom while waiting for crewmembers to fail so you an scare them with threats of firing and old-timey insults!
Third Stew Lauren Cohen tells deckhand Max Hagley that she can’t believe how lucky she feels with her Chief Stew. I just had to write that down now so later we could laugh and laugh and laugh as she cries and cries and throws things. It never works out the whole way through, you’re young people with iffy communication skills stuck in a high pressure situation in a tiny living space with no time apart for months. It’s gonna get ragey.
There’s also that past history with Hannah, when Lauren was dating deckhand Bobby Giancola and had time to pose for cheesy photos altho she clearly isn’t into it
Lauren was worried she came off as some crazy club girl and we should probably roll tapes on that to make sure. Bravo, hit us up with some CCTV!
Time to go back to the boat; here comes Bobby with the tender! I only mention because I wanna see if he does that creepy thing where he carries the guests from the shore into the tender. I couldn’t tell
🙁
Hannah is just now calling for a belly dancer for the guests, for the love of..the afternoon OF she books the talent? Really?
Captain Sandy watches the deck crew clear the swim platform (WHICH IS AMAZING) and load all the toys, including the motorized banana.
Hannah asks for the menu, which is of course not written down, I get that these guys want to decide on what’s super fresh, but would it kill you to throw in some beef cheeks and print up something purty on cardstock?
The interior sets up for supper while the guests paint themselves tribally (??glitter??) and Captain Sandy puts the deck crew to work on a 5-shackle task involving tying to rocks. I have never seen anyone do as many things with the boat as Captain Sandy has already, this is kind of awesome. The deck crew is used to just looking purty and speaking in pithy half-sentences in interview (BOBBY) so they are stressed.
And now all the chain is gone. There’s just a rope where there was chain and they have to get some of the less-camera-friendly crew to come fix it. Honestly.
Look at this tacky AF dinner table
The guests LOVE it. They also dig Chef Adam Glick’s lentil soup, I love Moroccan spiced lentil soup but I have no idea why he served these ladies with zero body fat a litre of soup each. Nobody’s gonna call you a fatty if you finish it, ladies, but I’m totally rolling my eyes at all the foobies and plastic surgery scars. There are always those people that think they’re somehow fooling everyone into believing they’re 20 or something instead of embracing who they are actually are. And don’t give me that shit about “if it makes them feel better!” because what would make every one of these ladies feel better is to never open Instagram again. Hey, I guess plastic surgeon’s kids gotta eat too!
Chef Adam’s farked up the local bass he was gonna serve; spiced salmon it is! Hannah takes one look at his calm demeanor, dirty apron and Crocs and TRIES to have faith, but it ain’t coming.
The lamb is out, then the fish and Hannah just can’t put her finger on what’s wrong with Adam, but she compares him to Jack the Ripper anyway. The guests ask for him to come out and explain the “African Spices” he used on the food, so he comes out in his dirty apron and Crocs…I MEAN. You must have a white jacket somewhere??? You’re not working at a french fry truck, COME ON, Adam!! Then he blows Hannah’s surprise about the belly dancer, which she didn’t tell him was a surprise but still expects him to know.
Lauren’s worried that Bobby is icing her, but he figures they’re doing fine, they’ve talked! Talked twice! Good enough. She flirts with Adam instead, I’m sure that’ll be perfect. Hey, she and Malia are bunkies, and Bobby likes Malia! That won’t be awkward!
Belly dancing time! She’s so pretty!! The guests are so into it, I love it! Even with the no actual belly.
Bosun Wes Walton is watching the anchor; Bobby will be taking the babysitting over for him and second stew Bugsy Drake pops in for a quick chat. He has to fix Lauren and Malia’s shower in the morning too, so although he’s young (25), he knows stuff.
Malia and Adam flirt (?) I think (?) on the deck while the guests set up on the swim platform, I love how these ladies are up early! Woot! Max and Malia are the ones setting up water toys because apparently the guests don’t rate trained help. It’s like dinner and a show!
Bobby just likes to look over and see a pretty face, it makes the day better. Yeah and I’m sure fending off your increasingly aggressive advances while she’s working is gonna be AWESOME for her too. People just wanna work! Let them!
Wow, Bugsy and Adam are butting heads super early in the day; she’s asking “too many questions” and those “stupid questions get harsh answers” sung back at her. Wow. He thinks she’s trying to act like a chief stew instead of a second stew but I’m seriously wondering if this guy is a line cook from Bonanza. He does not seem anywhere near the level you’d expect for a yacht chef.
Crocs.
Malia and Max fold towels as he wingman’s for Bobby; does she like him? Is Bobby her type? What is this, middle school?? Malia is 26 and single, she just wants to have fun, so chill, bros. Max has a bird! Woot! I’m happy for him, he seems like a decent guy, so we’ll see.
Bugsy’s gone to Hannah about the communication issue with Adam, who internally rolls her eyes
Bugsy can’t believe Hannah didn’t clap back at Adam on her behalf, that’s what she would have done if she was chief stew! I bet we’re gonna hear a LOT about what Bugsy woulda done this season
Captain Sandy rallies everyone for a crew picture with the guests; Hannah bitches because she gets sent to change her clothes instead of serving the guests. The Captain explains to us that she’s the coach and this is not a democracy. Go.
See, I KNEW Adam had a decent chef’s jacket! Wear that next time! The boat heads to dock and this is when Max mentions he has no idea how to do what he’s been assigned to so Wes has to teach him right then on the spot.
Remember back in the beginning of Below Deck when you knew the crews had new people but they were all seasoned and at least had an idea of what they were doing? Max literally stood around and watched his baby boss explain a figure 8 knot to him. I mean. Also weird is that the guest are packing their own suitcases; that was always a crew job, remember the crotchless panties Kat was making fun of from the Jersey guests?
The boat docks fine, even though Wes and I feel as though we have to watch closely every single time now since nobody knows anything, then the crew heads below deck to clean up. There’s a loud noise then Lauren screaming; Malia is covered in blood and there’s glass everywhere because remember when I said Wes fixed the shower in their cabin? He totally didn’t. The hatch came flying down again and broke the shower door.
The guests talk about their awesome vacation while Bobby goes into EMT mode; they’ve got Malia in the bathroom trying to shower away all the glass shards on her face and he wants to see her so he can assess her wounds. Malia says nice try, FunBobs.
He blows up at Hannah, who’s staying calm and focused, what’s that about? He’s so emotional. Malia puts on a towel, he checks her out and we’re good. Malia feels safe knowing Bobby is trained and on board, but.
TIP ENVELOPE!!
Whaddaya think?? 15k? Maybe more? Imma go 16k for no reason even if Bobby thinks it’s because he did pushups for them. Pfft.
I’m not digging that we’re getting so much Bobby this season OR that we’re doing the one-tip-per-two-episodes shite, come on!
And I was close, the tip is $15,000 USD, which means $1375 each, woo hoo! Captain Sandy thinks they have a bit of work to do, but she’s taking them all out to dinner first because that is how she rolls. AFTER she has Hannah up to the bridge for a separate meeting, oooohhhhhhh.
But it’s good! It’s good feedback on Hannah’s work, whew! And then a random comment about them having the same colour of eyes…whut?
Cleanup time! Then party time, excellent! Poor Wes has to stay back for boat watch, giving him FOMO.
And Malia’s already got her face in Hannah’s bewbs. This is gonna be a fun night! Malia doesn’t eat fish because they’re her homies. Okay.
Random.
At dinner the table talk turns to Captain Sandy, does she have a boyfriend? No, but she had a girlfriend before, so. Awww, Max thought he might have had a chance at cabana boy, no luck, sweetheart. Hannah might, she also believes it’s about the soul, not the gender. Captain Sandy leaves and Wes gets to come play! Malia is ‘CITED. Adam and Bobby note her excitement with chagrin, I’m sure that won’t be a problem later after some shots.
We’re in the club now and it was Lauren who asked Adam if he was single and he answered “something like that” in the promo, ah! Bobby’s all over Malia, of course, who is all over…Hannah? Which makes Bobby nervous because Hannah gets weird around him and girls. For instance, she told Lauren to stay away from Bobby (really?) and Bobby’s worried she’s gonna poison the well with Malia. I think Hannah and Malia are too busy getting to second base with each other to talk about Bobby.
I also no longer believe that Malia doesn’t eat fish.
Bobby picks up Malia outside…for why…? I dunno but then hands her off to Adam, who’s openly jealous. Malia gets down and resumes flirting with Hannah, who DOES bring up Bobby trying to “help” Malia after all, so I was wrong. She and Malia have a weird moment; Malia would be naked in front of Hannah any time!
Bobby and Wes are watching, Bobby complaining that Hannah keeps warning off women but I don’t think Malia can hear anything anyway, since she’s motorboating Hannah as a break from grabbing her ass.
Hannah goes pee while a drunk Malia wanders around in Adam’s hat to flirt and gets cornered by Bobby. He asks her repeatedly what Hannah said about him and she jokes about hearing lotta Bobby secrets and he’s GONE. He goes flying into Hannah’s bathroom and the fight is ON.
Well, it’s not really a fight if one person is trying to figure out what’s happening and the other one is just hurling invective. Hannah’s face made me sad; she’s trying to figure out what’s going on and I think she just talked about Bobby so she could look that much cooler.
Bobby is completely on the offensive; HE KNOWS WHAT SHE SAID!! Just like she said it to Lauren, yadda yadda yadda, she’s a cock-block and a jealous witch, etc etc. Hannah ends up crying in her bathroom after Bobby screams at her that he’s DEFUSING THE SITUATION, DUH. He might not know what that word means.
And we’re out! I mostly feel bad for Malia, she was just having a good time and all of Bobby’s baggage tripped her up and now they’re starting off the season all awkward. Bobby also had it all wrong; it was HE who was the third wheel in that particular scenario.
Until next time, cheers!
