Below Deck Mediterranean S3:E05 Can I Get Fries With That? Recap

By TTM

Hi everyone, welcome back to Below Deck Mediterranean and so sorry I’m late! I had a super busy week with noooo sleep, I am finally ready to dig back into our floating gang asea and the most difficult set of guests this season so far! Let’s find out when Primary Honey Sharshar and friends are actually ready to eat supper!

So. Chef Adam Glick was told to have supper ready (7 different meals for 7 different types of eating) for 9pm. When we last saw our intrepid bunch of yachties, it was 11 pm and the guests were still arranging their tiaras in their staterooms, are we gonna place bets on when they get to the table? $5 in Canadian Tire bucks says it’s midnight before they start sending food back: who’s taking that that action?

Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier sends second stew Brooke Laughton to laundry and then *gasp*: the guests arrive! At 11 pm!

Lots of Don Julio 1942 tequila shots and ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!’ shouting while Hannah rolls her eyes and lead deckhand João Franco complains about getting pizza for crew supper. Y’see, there’s just one chef aship and he spent the last two hours waiting to serve 7 different complicated meals and waiting for the guests to come down, so Captain Sandy Yawn made the decision to order pizza for the crew.

João calls that Adam-Not-Doing-His-Job and he doesn’t understand, nor does he want pizza. Suck a rope, deckhand, he’s waaaay too quick to decide he knows how to do everyone’s job.

Hannah sends third stew Kasey Cohen to bed and the guests ask for french fries.

French.fries.

THEN the guest complains that he’s been waiting for these french fries that Adam made from a potato alone in his galley at 1 am.

Bosun Conrad Epsom is wondering if things have changed between him and Hannah, they kissed the night before and now he’s feeling a little bit sheepish, wondering if she’s wondering: just pass her a note through a friend, Conrad.

Birthday cake time! Except it’s too windy, so Hannah’s all: sorry, just pretend to blow them out. The guests aren’t having that, what about firecracker candles? Sure, Hannah has some, so why wouldn’t she be the one to suggest using them without being told then? Maybe because she doesn’t know how to use them, don’t those sound messy? We need some of those safety goggles from OG Below Deck that suck and blow.

You know what else those firecracker candles do besides stay lit in wind? They set off fire alarms at 1 am if you light them inside the boat. Every single crew member except Conrad is woken up, Captain Sandy is MAD.

 

She tells Hannah she put everyone at risk with that decision, it isn’t an “I’m sorry.” But…it was just an alarm, not a fire, what risk did she put people at? I’m confused.

Hannah and Adam melt down in the kitchen while Brooke and deckhand Jamie Jason clean up until 3 am.

The next morning, Kasey is up to serve breakfast by herself at 6:15 am and I am WORRIED. She’s on seasickness meds that make her really slow and these guests are the most demanding we’ve seen in a long time. Their favourite thing to do is ask for something impossible then complain about lack of service while the solo crew member goes to find it.

Also: she doesn’t know how to do anything. Like make a Bloody Mary, how did she get stuck on by herself again? The other three were up all night, I guess that’s part of it, but man, they should have had her up cleaning and not serving.

João comes to her assistance and wakes up Hannah at 8 am, the guests have wandered onto another level and are guessing that’s why their drinks haven’t arrived. Nope, not even made, Primary Honey! Kasey dumps some tomato juice in some vodka and brings it up, nobody’s drinking that. Jaysus. ACT LIKE YOU’RE GETTING PAID, KASEY.

This is going to be the worst tip ever, worse than the time the Primary guests left without saying goodbye.

Hannah can’t believe she’s been woken up after 5 hours sleep to handle two guests. TWO. That’s all that are awake and Kasey couldn’t do it.

Adam is cooking like a mofo, I love cooking breakfast! It’s impossible to mess up breakfast! Plus I’m a morning person, sorry!

Hannah jokes with Conrad about setting off the fire alarm in the middle of the night, the next deck up is Captain Sandy, listening to every word. Remember how mad she was? Steam coming out of her ears. Captain Sandy calls Conrad up to the bridge.

João and Jamie make friends on deck, they had a bit of a blowup last time because he’s super pushy and she was on the back foot.

How much longer are these guests here for? Why can’t this be the one day charter? I’m already over them and they just got here!

Looks like Colin Macy-O’Toole is this season’s Baker Manning, anyone who quotes Austin Powers in 2018 is probably in a group chat with her and Drop Dead Fred.

Hannah is running afoul of Adam again, she’s following the super-yacht rule of never saying no to the guests, but he wants her pushing his potato hash instead. Brown rice does take 45 minutes to make, just let them know, Hannah! She does, it’s a non-problem.

Conrad seems a little distracted on board trying to drop anchor, what’s going on there?

Primary Honey tells Hannah they have to get together in LA, so they can “pay back.” Um. Is that because Hannah is technically a bravolebrity?

Captain Sandy apologizes to Hannah for her reaction the night before, maybe it was a little strong. Captain Sandy had a horrible fire aship in 2004 and there were pirates?? It almost ended her career. I love Captain Sandy.

Conrad has his hands full; these guest want every single water toy out there, then not that one, the other one, maybe a paddleboard, no, a trampoline, no maybe a jetski. They do the same thing to the stews, asking for drink order after drink order, but not at the same time! Jamie’s enjoying playing in the water and towing them around in their floating lounge, at least she got out of the cabin cleaning for a bit.

Captain Sandy’s figured out the problem with the water toys: Conrad didn’t take everything out and he doesn’t organize it when he puts it back in. He’s really kind of inexperienced, I get that he’s adorable, Bravo producers, but he’s essentially the Kasey on the deck, he’s only worked on a private boat. Captain Sandy is building her case.

Brooke’s sister is getting married tomorrow, her mind is gone too. She went into yachting to travel the world at someone else’s expense, which is awesome but also means you can miss a lot.

Adam is working like crazy in the kitchen, he’s not plating for lunch, just throwing whatever they might eat on the table in platters. So much food!

João got pushed back by Brooke, so he’s fully concentrating on Kasey, which she enjoys but isn’t married to, you know? She can tell he’s a player and knows she represents a challenge, so mostly she sits back and laughs.

Adam’s plan mostly works! There’s this one guy, I think he’s the “is this kosher? Because I don’t eat kosher” ahole from last time, but this is how he’s being shut down today.

AH: hey, there’s crispy rice! But where’s the burger?

Hannah: right there

AH: but I want a bun! A real bun!

Hannah: *hands over tray of buns*

AH: but I want my bun toasted!

Hannah: they are toasted

Finally, flummoxed, they think and think: CAN WE GET LETTUCE AND MAYO PLS?

Hannah: absolutely!

Adam has to come up and tell everyone what they can and cannot eat, 24 hours until this charter is done!

Captain Sandy compliments João on being a self-starter, he really does have a great work ethic. There’s no way she’s going to set him up against “distracted” Conrad is there?

I call Producer Shenanigans!

Moar guest shenanigans: Hannah asks the guests sitting on deck if they’re okay, they are.

Guest 1: actually, can I get a 7-Up

Guest 2: and I’ll take a club soda

Guest 3: Can I get a still water

Guest 4: and a strawberry milkshake! With a straw and whipped cream

Now look, if I was on a luxury yacht, maybe I would do that too, but I would expect that there would be more than one person getting me stuff. Never mind, I’d want no crew and that full kitchen to mess around with.

Kasey, who called for help when asked to serve two drinks to two guests (did I mention one was water with a slice of lemon?) pouts because Hannah isn’t giving her an opportunity to prove herself.

There’s a big kosher meal planned for the night; challah for all! Hey, I made my first challah this last year for a friend, lookit how pretty!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BcyO3ScnsTF/?taken-by=gingesbecray

Sorry, I couldn’t get just the picture, I am awful at Instagram.

Adam cooks, Hannah is busy flirting with Conrad until she realises that Kasey’s had her way with her personal laundry again. She dried everything! You can’t dry good clothes, Kasey! Of course, Kasey’s never actually done laundry before. Mebbe Hannah shouldn’t throw her expensive clothes and good ginch in with the crew laundry then, yes?

It’s time for the Shabbat Shalom prayer! Primary Honey sings it and the crew watches while our vegan guest is concerned. His food is definitely not vegan, Adam basically braised everything in butter and you can see the guest is trying to be polite, but I’m with him. Have whatever opinions you want about people with food restrictions, but while they are paying you: give them what they asked for. JUST MAYBE SHOW UP FOR DINNER.

Primary Honey is upset that Hannah isn’t giving them food descriptions, maybe because the first course was a Caesar Salad, hahahaha. Honestly.

It’s nearing midnight and we’re not even halfway done this meal! They don’t like the main course, they say the steak is cold, before they even touch it, as it’s put on the table. Y’see, it’s 1 am or something stupid like that and it’s dark and cold outside where they are eating, everyone is wrapped in blankets.

Adam warms it up while calling the Primary “full of shit”, I mean. I can’t figure out who’s the worst here! He’s trying his best, but they just are determined to hate everything at least once.

Primary Honey is mad now and not eating anything, she didn’t like it. At least that’s what I think she said?

Brooke has another meltdown, she’s so sad that she’s missing her sister’s wedding for this shite.

Final Day of Charter, yay!!!

Kasey’s veeery slowwwly doing breakfast again, she serves French Toast on an un-set table, le sigh.

Captain Sandy thinks the problem with Conrad is his focus and she clearly thinks Hannah is his distraction. He does a great docking, her faith is renewed!

Time to say goodbye to the guests FINALLY, Primary Honey Sharshar complains about the (warm) cold steak, the poor service (did you train everyone to say “absolutely! Let me check on that!” and then never come back?) and pretends to forget the tip.

These guys are such NHJIDBEVYUSFVHUBJKDFSLN JKXVBGN

That is the tiniest tip envelope I have ever seen on Below Deck.

And then those jerks are finally gone. I have to assume that tip is under 10k.

The crew changes into their reds and relax a bit before turning the boat over; Hannah starts investigating Kasey via Google. What’s she’s finding and what’s on Kasey’s resume are not “marrying up.” I couldn’t say it any better than Kate Chastain.

Hannah’s discovered that Kasey was working on a Booze Cruise, not a yacht, she and Brooke decide that Kasey’s just “not a yachtie.” She’s sure pretty and she knows how to make a Jack ‘N Coke and a faked up resume, so…

Tip Meeting! It wasn’t a great tip, only $12,000 USD instead of Euros or whatever else is rolling these days, but we knew it wasn’t going to be good. Captain Sandy praises the team for their professionalism, she commends them for doing an amazing job, now go out and drink!

First, the crew records a video for Brooke’s sister Kate and they do a toast and cry. It’s very sweet.

Crew party in town! Brooke an Adam are getting closer…as are Conrad and Hannah. He asks her out on a date, awww! They’re so going to prom together to lose their flowers to each other.

Speaking of flowers, João digs Kasey’s flower crown/bikini shot that he spies on her phone, him keeping her phone after taking a picture of her and Colin is kind of a dick move, but one I suspects he does a lot.

Do you remember when you were young and mistook pushiness for confidence and went with it, even though they didn’t know what to do when they got what they asked for? It doesn’t matter, because João isn’t getting anything from Kasey, no matter how many weird bird noises he makes (to her FACE) while talking about how hawt she is.

The gang goes dancing and Brooke attempts a move on Adam. I do like how he says that sex isn’t about looking like a pron star, quite the opposite! So true. It’s also way better if you’re actually attracted to the person you’re bouncing on.

She’s struggling because she likes him and it’s rendered her mute, but I don’t think he’s interested. He’s certainly not responding.

Hannah’s been drinking heavily so she’s trying to get Conrad to kiss her in the bar AND she’s got her bewbs out. The entire crew seems to be watching as he caves.

They cheer and we’re oot! Hmmm, I think Brooke is just sad and looking for something to make her feel better, I don’t think Adam will take advantage, right? Right?? I’m already all the way over João and Kasey can go any time. This is our, what? 8th season of Below Deck and Below Deck Med, so we know the third stew is just there to entertain us with their incompetence. Until next time!