And we’re back on Below Deck Sailing Yacht! We’re also in the middle of a global pandemic, so you’ll have to excuse me if I gag at people touching their faces and coughing on each other. Obviously, this was filmed ages ago, so they could all roll around in each other’s filth if they like, but it’s going to affect how we all see it! ANYWAY! Onto the drunken shenanigans of BDSY S1:E07 where *that* charter is still aboard. Sigh.

So we’re on the Parsifal III with our crew, Primary Charter Guest Richie Hosein, his pals and some bar girls from Corfu. They’re all having a great time, second steward Madison Stalker and deckhand Parker McCown much less so. Especially since someone just puked, which seems about right for someone who willingly goes on a sailing yacht with these jackholes.

It’s 2 in the morning, someone’s smoking inside and there’s an alarm going off. Madison wakes up chief engineer Byron Hissel who takes one look around and bails. Parker is running like a madman, and I actually agree with his attitude. These guests paid a lot of money to charter this boat, they can have a good time and do whatever they want. It would have helped if chief steward Jenna MacGillivray was paying any attention and booked another stew on nights, but it’s not like they’ve got extra.

Madison is trying to feed and water everyone, but trust fund baby Austin is not happy that there’s not any food available at 2:45 in the morning.

Are these guys sure they don’t want to book a Booze Cruise next to a Denny’s in some medium sized city right now? There’s one chef. If they get him up now to cook, breakfast is going to be very, very late. Yeah, they’re paying a lot of money but they’re not paying to double the crew.

Ooooh they’re in so much troublllleeee, Captain Glenn Shepard is awake and not happy. He checks on the girl who vomited and starts to round up all her friends, once they’re gone, the party is over. He tells Madison not to worry about food, this is not a 24-hour buffet.

Of course Austin doesn’t complain when Captain Glenn hands him a cheese and cracker platter when he asks for food. Finally, at four am, the group goes to bed.

Deckhand Ciara Duggan gets up at 5 just as our crew is going to bed, they’re very lucky it was Madison and Parker on to deal with that crew. They know from drunken Americans.

Ciara works to clean up all the mess, but first mate Paget Berry is indignance itself surveying the mess: don’t make it perfect if they’re going to treat it like shite! Children.

Jenna and Paget discuss the attitude of the charter guests in the mess, the guys are much more aggressive with the women then they are with the men on board. I mean, we didn’t have to see charter guest Lenny physically.pick.up.Madison to know that, it was just a great reminder that they only see the female people as objects.

Madison wakes up at 10:30, she asks Jenna if she can grab another hour. Jenna feels bad for not being able to help Madison, but she doesn’t SAY that, she says Madison should have woken her up. I could just see Jenna complaining about that too, so.

Third steward Georgia Grobler flirts with Paget in the crew mess while bored chef Adam Glick wanders around waiting to hear when breakfast will be. See? He could have gotten up and made some nachos after all!

There’s not much to do since they can’t get into the guest rooms, so Madison and Georgia clean out the fridge, which Jenna mocks to Adam because she’s an arsehole.

It’s 1:05pm before any guests make it on deck, Tommy even opens a champagne bottle properly because he’s too hungover to “sabre” it. Georgia and Madison work on cabins, Jenna calls Madison down to make drinks, then sends her away again back to cabins.

It’s 2:45 and we’ve got pancakes! Jenna tells them about a nearby beach club, reminds them of the caviar tasting later and offers water sports. Charter guest Marshall, who is not looking for a shrimp cocktail any more, is only interested in getting f***ed up.

Seriously: Booze Cruise / Denny’s. Look into it.

Parker gets along all right with this gang of ruffians, probably because he’s about the right age, American, male (suuuuper important) and extremely laid back. They’ve been calling themselves the NautiBoys after the NautiBuoy water ramps, he’s their pledge.

It’s just…he saw how they treat the women on staff, including his friend Madison, why would he encourage them? This is the getting along phase of the tip?

Jenna and Adam kiss in the kitchen, she’s having a hard time containing her ardour for Adam’s pants.

I’m just going to use that over and over, every time they show physical affection.

Madison is less excited about Jenna, she never gets any feedback and she’d just like one positive thing, please. I don’t think ADAM is the right person to have this discussion with, but at the end of the day, it costs nothing to motivate your staff with constructive feedback and warranted praise. You don’t have to act like everyone wants a gold star.

Of course, Jenna’s not focused on anything that’s not inside Adam’s pants, she probably doesn’t even notice how much work Madison is doing.

Jenna walks in while Madison and Adam are chatting, she takes Madison into the crew mess to discuss it privately. Jenna says she might try…but she’s there for the guests. She calls Madison’s energy exhausting, she just wants attention and attention and more attention.

I bet you ten Canadian Tire dollars that Madison would like direction, feedback and some kind of mentoring.

Parker manages the NautiBoys at the beach club.

Paget works on the water line and soon it’s time for everyone to head back for supper. Captain Glenn takes a moment to tell the guests he doesn’t want to be up all night with their drunk arses, they agree…tooooo easily?

Tommy sabres yet another bottle of champagne, that makes 8 and this time the glass ends up in someone’s foot.

Awww, it was Marshall, how’s he going to hop around screaming for shrimp cocktail when he’s got a hurt toe?

There’s a caviar tasting tonight at 8:00, followed by supper at 8:30. Lenny, who lifted Madison off her feet despite her protests just wants to drink alcohol so he can feel normal again.

It’s 9:15 and we’re finally getting down to supper, which means Georgia is in the cabins, completing everything in 70 minutes.

This gets a “awesome” from Jenna and now I’m confused. Is Madison NOT working as hard as we’re all seeing her do? Why is she not getting “awesome”s? Is she just not tooting her own horn directly into Jenna’s face as Georgia just did?

The guests LOVE the food, calling Adam “Ted Bundy in the kitchen” which is apparently a compliment. Then they go to bed, which is totally “awesome.”

More snogging in the kitchen, with Parker watching from the crew mess. I’ve almost got this boat layout figured out!

Jenna complains some more about Adam not slinging the D, then heads to bed the same as everyone else.

Everyone is up bright and early at 7:30 am, the anchor is coming up and Adam is ready to make some pancakes! After squeezing Jenna, that is. The guests have to leave at 12:00pm, they don’t get up until 11:12 am so that’s going to be a tight breakfast. Nobody can wait until these guys are gone, they earned their money this trip fo SHO.

There’s a tight docking between them and getting rid of these guests, Captain Glenn, Paget and Ciara work closely together while the bros goggle at the yacht next to them with a helicopter on deck.

Then they take the rest of the champagne because of course they do. BAI JAGOFFS!

Primary Richie gives a nice goodbye and a decently thick tip envelope, seriously what does this guy do?

He likes like a retired MMA fighter, right?

Ah and the tip is $20,000.00! That’s an excellent tip, but I bet the crew would be 100% crying if they knew they had to host these guys again. That’s $2,200 each, which Jenna thinks redeemed them but that just says she’s okay with being degraded and treated like shit for money. That’s even a line of work, if you can get it!

Parker walks into the galley where Adam is gossiping about him not making his bed. Can you see why you might get tired of being the one everyone shittalks all the time? Like Madison is becoming?

Parker is upset, but Byron isn’t on his side either. Parker didn’t know it was protocol and there are all these rules nobody is telling him, they think he’s slow because he’s not picking them up by osmosis.

Stop trying to make this a Milennial Trophy thing, you guys, he’s green, he’s trying to learn and you guys all laughing at him behind his back and in front of him is shitty.

Paget says he’ll take care of it. That leads to a very angry Parker unloading all over him, and still stewing hours later.

Jenna and Ciara head to town to do decoration shopping, the last charter broke a lot of glasses. Parker says he’s taking the women swimming, so Georgia and Madison gear up, Paget and Byron join them.

Paget and Georgia end up lying next to each other, along come Ciara and Jenna from their shopping trip. Ciara and Paget have been dating for 4 years, so they aren’t very affectionate on board, Jenna prods her to open up more.

Ciara and Jenna see the gang, it does look a little odd with Paget and Georgia being off separate from the others. It would probably bug me, but Ciara just ehhhs.

Jenna asks if Adam wants to check into a hotel, c’mon girl! It’s like there’s a big red DESPERATE flag on your forehead that’s been flashing since that first hottub night, you can’t seriously want all of that so badly?

If Jenna was a guy, she’d be the kind of guy NOBODY wants to hump, because he keeps asking and asking and asking. There’s a courtesy extended to Jenna because she’s female and therefore seen as more discriminating, but please. This is like the 8th time she’s tried to push him into bed. Yuck.

Adam declines to spend more time alone with Jenna, she says “at least I’m trying” and that may well be the problem.

Everyone heads for supper together, Jenna asking Adam AGAIN to join her in the master cabin and this is as hard to watch as it was watching her get polluted and follow him to his cabin. Girl.

Paget and Ciara are all cuddled up at supper, but Paget’s swearing bothers Parker and he says something. He asks if Paget’s mother would appreciate that language, because his would not.

Short version: kiss your mother with that mouth?

Parker thinks it’s a nice dinner, why all the profanity throughout? It’s embarrassing and putting him off his feed.

Ciara asks Adam if he and Jenna have a date planned, nothing yet! She’s visibly irritated, then deflated then cries on the way back to the boat. She’s feeling vulnerable and rejected, but she’s just pushing so hard, so fast. He just wants to take it slow, why is he not allowed, because he’s the dude and should want all the sex? That’s bullshit.

*I still hate them both equally.

She gets mean, suggesting either they hug and never talk about it again or he can go on living alone in his van and hating people the rest of his life. That’s unnecessary. He taps out and we do too.

Until next time! Cheers