Welcome back asea to Below Deck Sailing Yacht where people have already made bad choices and we’re only on charter one! At least the chef is AWESOME. Rolling into my Below Deck Sailing Yacht S3:E02 Age Old Problems recap after the break!

We open where we left, at sea on charter with second steward Gabriela Barragan dealing with very drunk (and super gay) primary charter guest McCordia Young hitting on her. He crosses a line asking her what she likes to do with women (she might be super gay too) and she sends him to bed as any good bartender can do: politely but firmly.

I will say that I love how sexually fluid everyone is on these recent Below Deck franchise shows recently. It used to just be young drunk girls making out with other young drunk girls to catch the interest of young drunk men, but now the menz are jumping in there too! Wooooo!

Gabriela finishes clean-up and heads to bed, leaving young deckhand Tom Pearson awake alone, scrubbing marks off the fancy deck.

He’s got a lot to make up for after passing out and vomiting all over Captain Glenn Shephard’s bathroom Night One.

Tom’s relieved in the morning by deckhand Kelsie Goglia who slowly moves around looking for carpet and uncovering things. She thinks she’s locked underneath the laz and radios for help, to be answered by Captain Glenn that she just has to push on the door.

Inside third steward Ashley Marti helps chief steward Daisy Kelliher prep for breakfast, chef Marcos Spaziani is ready today! He served basic rich-people portions at supper the first night and had to cook basically a whole other meal for these hungry guests. I love that, I wouldn’t want to go hungry either while I’m paying 100k USD (one million CAD) for a weekend. I also love that Marcos was all over that, no complaining just put his shoulder to the wheel and he’s got a tonne of food ready to go for breakfast.

So much of good cooking is attitude.

First Mate Gary King and Chief Engineer Colin MacRae chat over coffee in the morning on deck, that’s when I could see the lure of being a yachtie. You get to work outside in spectacular locations and bond with people you may only see once a year. They’re impressed with Tom’s work ethic, he did a great job cleaning in the dark. Will Kelsie perform similarly?

Two guests get up for breakfast and are joined at 9 by the rest, chef Marcos keeps pumping out the food. No hungries on his watch!

I love that upon waking Primary McCordia immediately finds Gabriela to apologize for the night before; she accepts it but tells him he has nothing to worry about; she used to bartend at a strip club in Miami.

The guests are having a beach picnic today; I guess nobody told the people already set up on the closest beach. Captain Glenn sends Gary out to stake a claim on another beach before they run out of gorgeous waterfront at the end of the world.

Gabriela checks Ashley’s cabin cleaning work and calls her down for a tutorial on hospital corners and bed making. Ashley is about five years younger and ranked lower on this particular yacht but thinks she’s at the same experience level as Gabriela so she’s not what you could call ‘receptive’.

Gabriela is running the beach picnic, her boss Daisy asks if she wants any help and she declines but…Gabriela has only done two beach picnics so maybe she doesn’t know she’s going to forget utensils and stuff.

Or battle wind so long that nothing is set up when the guests arrive. Yes, the elements are always an issue but someone with some experience would have known a better angle or area to do the setup. This is not going to look super-yacht-fancy at all.

But the guests don’t care! They’re super sweet to Gabriela, all is well and there is tonnes of food.

Wait.

We’re getting some of Marcos’ backstory; he’s a political refugee from Venezuela. He cooked for the President of Venezuela and he got out just in time. Not all of his friends and family made it out alive.

Why are you making us cry with your crying, Marcos???

Back on the beach, the male guests are all checking out deckhand Tom but not steward Ashley! No thanks, he’s far too young for her, at her exact same age. He is kind of immature, getting shitfaced the very first night out, especially when he shares a cabin with the Captain but still. Ashley has a set age range that she will date within, Gary, whom she kissed the first night, falls into it but Tom does not.

I had a friend who was desperate to seem older and more mature; she was 19 but lied to say she was 22 and dated men in their 30s. She thought it was a match for her maturity level but I think it might be something that rhymes with Smaddy Smissues or Smetension. Or both!

The beach picnic is packed up and the guests head back to the Parsifal III to get ready to sail. They want snacks again already, Marcos is totally carrying this whole tip on his back.

Prior to turning off the engines Gary takes Tom through some basic sailing terms and Captain Glenn surveys the wind. I have all the trust in his abilities but I’ve seen the previews and I understand now what ‘fluky’ wind means. It means shit’s gonna be breaking all over the ship and maybe people because the heel’s going to be LIT.

Sails are up, food is served and we’re going sideways! The heel is severe, Primary McCordia goes over just as the teriyaki duck hits the deck. I hear it’s as bad as 15 degrees. Or as EXCITING!

In the kitchen, steward Daisy is fuming, nothing is stowed. She needs more notice when they’re going to heel this hard. Stuff is flying, Marcos protects his cake: fair.

Daisy gets angrier and angrier as the heel continues at 12 degrees, Captain Glenn and Gary don’t curr. Captain Glenn lets deckhand Kelsie take the wheel, they’re having a blast up on board not chasing Kitchenmaid mixers trying to slide off a galley counter.

I bet it feels like they’re flying.

Suddenly we’re anchored, it’s nighttime and Marcos is ready to smash out this dinner. He’s going all out to keep these guests happy and not hungry, we’ve got how many courses coming?

Primary McCordia literally licks his plate clean at one point. 5 full courses! They eat so long it’s time for the pyjama party, Primary McCordia requests that a naked Tom from the deck crew join them. Ashley says absolutely: he’ll be sent out in his boxers.

Tom is immediately anxious, he’s adorable but he’s not got a six-pack and he’s worried about showing off his body.

See?? It’s not just women who have body image issues! It sucks for everyone that we’re all expected to look like action figures.

Awww the birthday girl cries when Tom brings out her cake in tighy-whities. He ends up with frosting on his nipples, licked off by his boss Gary and…Primary McCordia.

I am so super uncomfortable with all of that. So uncomfortable but Tom seems totally fine. I just remember putting up with a hella amount of shite when I was young and didn’t have a voice to say hey, maybe someone shouldn’t be doing this to me while I’m working.

For some unexplained reason, Captain Glenn is there in drop-crotch sweatpants. He’s approximately four feet tall, I don’t know if that’s a good look.

The guests have a blast, the crew have a blast, we love this charter!

The next morning Marcos is at his battle station at 5:30 as always, he’s going to overfeed this group one last time! 13 dishes! One brunch!

Gary explains that we’re docking bow-to all season and okay! He explains what kinds of lines we need and sure! Something something don’t even hang fenders until we’re there something blah okay? Tom’s a very hard worker but he doesn’t know how to do things and nobody is showing him. Gary spent more time telling us what they were doing than he spent telling Tom.

Tom just wants to do a great job! Help him help you!

The guests give a lovely speech and head off, why wasn’t guest Arnita primary? She’s the one giving the speech and handing over the tip envelope!

What’s the tip!!?? Show us the tip!! I have no idea what to guess at the beginning of the season, but really, the crew could not have done anything any better so I’m going to set the bar high: $25,000 USD (4 million Canadian) is my final offer.

And it is: $17,600. $1955 each. What. That’s awful! But so high individually! Maybe they have less off-camera crew here on the Parsifal III.

I just know if they got a $17.6k tip on Below Deck heads would roll.

Everyone but Captain Glenn gets ready for a night out, Gary and Daisy are all over each other which does not go unnoticed by Ashley.

Tom still thinks he’s got a shot with Ashley, but she’s completely fixated on Gary. Who is checking out Daisy and yeah! All things are as they always were.

Ashley and Gabriela are so different, we’re definitely riding for a confrontation there. All the foreshadowing at dinner!

Daisy hasn’t had sex in three years. I don’t know why you need to know that, but we all do now and I didn’t want you to feel left out.

Daisy is loaded and spouting off about everything, we see Ashley in her bikini so now I understand why Tom said he liked her *gesturing towards sweater area*.

I don’t know if Ashley thinks dating men based on their ages makes her seem more mature but playing word games with Gary and ‘horny’ makes me think Tom is probably too mature for HER.

Tom decides to ask Ashley directly and they get into a fight about how immature he may or may not be and now I’m over BOTH OF THEM. Honestly, whatever, yuk.

And with that, we’re out! Until next time, cheers!