We’re finally back after a week hiatus while they filmed the season 8 finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race, it looks as though they will be doing a combination show: reunion AND crowning Bob this year’s winner right after like last year. Since this is the Big Deal, BeckyMaeCray and I will be doing the recap together Call and Answer style, starting now: ROLLING!!

Annnnd we’re opening with trumpets blaring and RuMonster looking FIERCE, huntys!! Big hair, big dress, fur over the hump, woo hoo!

And the other queens! Bebe Zahara-Benet all diamond encrusted, next to Raja looking dangerous in a the fanciest Hannibal Lecter facemask EVER, then Tyra (gorge:blank), then Sharon Needles looking like a wonk-eyed 60-year-old multi-level-marketer, then JINKXY!!! I lurve her so hard. Next to Tyra is er, Bianca Del Rio? She’s trying out a new look: Gloria Estefan circa ’86 trapped in a windstorm, huh.

I actually thought, oh look: Cher! So Chad Michaels is on stage, and so is She Who Must Not Be Named, seriously, I dislike that skinny b*tch SO MUCH and I can hold a GRUDGE, huntys! You WATCH! So many fabulous queens in the audience, too many to name! Get my Alyssa on the stage at some point and I will be happy!! Woo hoo! Who were you most excited to see, Becks??

BM: My lord, Bianca is serving up some 1970’s Barbra Streisand realness in dat wig, I am not sure that I love it. I just can’t with Chachki, she and Tyra are ties for least deserving winners but winners they are….Raja is sublime, you know I don’t think I’ve seen her or Jinx’s seasons? Maybe I have but I have blanked it oot?? Love me some Chad and Bebe, so regal, both of them, in different ways. Shazza looks amaze, she can do no wrong in my eyes, she has grown up a lot, no more Party City for her!

Ru opens with “why don’t you take a picture? It will last longer” to cheers and stomping aplenty, but wait, there’s someone missing…Raja, hand over your phone, there’s a dear: #WhoIsRuCalling? LOL out walks the clown who replaced Bianca in the Past Queens photoshoot! Hahahaha, Bianca rolls with it: I love your makeup! *drop dead side-eye* – nobody does that better!

BM: I actually thought that clown was Mimi Imfurst, lol 😉

Now we have all the former season 8 contestants coming out: GIMME CHICHI!! We start with Dax Exclamation Point, who looks fancy AF in a floorlength fishtail black sequinned gown and matching Tina Turner circa MadMax headpiece!

BM: Bitch shoulda looked this good in the season and maybe she would not have been booted!

Next up is chunky yet spunky (hey! Like me! Without the semen allusions) Laila McQueen, licking her finger in a sparkly corset and badass midnight blue / purply wig. You know who she reminds me of around the eyes? Stella Maeve from The Magicians. Check it oot!

BM: Love me some Laila, I really hope she’s in an AllStars.

I can’t believe Cynthia Lee Fontaine dressed like a vagina with a Communist in her Funhouse. I mean. The heart shaped sheer panel over her cucu was a nice surprise, though! Wait. What’s the opposite of nice? Aww, I ended up liking her quite a bit once she was off the show, she seems really sweet.

BM: this looks is EVERYTHING! I love it…..Vagina from Whooville realness, show us that cucu!

Naysha Lopez looks really nice, lots of flowing blonde hair and flowing red dress like the pageant princess she is. She really is just beautiful.

BM: beauty/face/beauty/face…..not a lot else, she went to Barbizon, so did a million others….nil pointes.

Acid Betty is next and rocking some spiky Victorian realness in red; whuuuttt?? Why so much red on stage tonight, huntys? It’s like Madonna’s damn red kimono all over again!

BM: wow, wow, wow, WOW! (To paraphrase Kylie Minogue) This reminds me of the pair of John Fluevog shoes I have coveted since the 90’s but yet it’s an entire outfit.

Robbie Turner looks OVER it in a horrific butterscotch monstrosity that she manages to make look glamorous; you know I lurved my Robbie, but looking back I wonder if I really GOT her, you know? Her hair is gorgeous Rita Hayworth realness

BM: Robbie is bitter AS and perhaps rightfully so, but she kept on helpin’ all the others and she got served. Bitch got a better wig budget and it shows, she’s been swapping wig contacts with Bianca, fo sho.

Ah Thorgy Thor, I can’t BELIEVE you aren’t in this top three!!! Even with that stupid neon bikini and dreadlock look you have going on right now! YOU WUZ ROBBED!! Bob got into her head and set up camp and cleared Thorgy out as clearly as with a broom. This could almost be a Fifth Element homage if I squint and drink a lot first…

BM: Oh my Thorgy, I too am so,so sad she’s not in the top three. I kinda love the neon, it’s different and I like that the dreadlocks mirror her own, it’s a bit George Clintonesque. Not a fan of her jumping around on stage like an ADHD kid who’s just eaten all the red jellybeans….calm down!

Derrick Barry is all fishy luminescence in a sheer bedazzled number, she really does look like what a pint-sized Britney Spears / Courtney Act lovechild.

BM: Derrick got some eyebrow lessons, that’s all I got.

And now MY FAVE: ChiChi DeVayne looking sexy and in skin-tight leathuh cut to Heaven and a blonde wig that could have been snatched from MamaRu’s own collection.

BM: YAAAAASSSSS QWEEEEEEN! Amazing, she should win Miss Congeniality if Thorgy doesn’t.

And now the top three: Bob enters #PurseFirst, of course, looking glamorous and in Lady Diana in a white embroidered dress with cape and blue hurr

BM: Oh, Bob got the memo about doing a gown, love this. Did you see how many purses there were in the air in the audience?? LOVE!

Look Queen KimChi is up in a spiky-shouldered toilet roll dress.

BM: I kinda expected moar from KimChi, this look is a bit staid and the colour is a bit meh.

Last but not least is Naomi Smalls, looking very 70s and I thought she was rocking a 90s model vibe usually? I’m sure SOMEONE digs her Princess Leia -playing-dress-up realness. I like the bottle green colour!

BM: That’s been her look the entire season, TTM! I don’t love this, the colour is great but the whole look is cheap. Looks like Helen Keller did her eyes….

RuPaul has changed (you’re changed! Nah, she’s still The Queen) into a sparkly, shimmery silver dress with FRINGE, ooooooh!

BM: looks like it was made out of those hologram stickers I used to collect in the 80’s! That’s not shady, I love it!

All the guest judges are there and did Rumer guest judge this season? No? THEN STOP SHOWING HER. FANKS.

BM: werd….needs more Big Freedia….now THERE’S a guest judge I can get behind!

Ru knows how to make this country fun again, forget the presidential election: THIS is the race to watch! She’s gonna make America gay again! Yay! And you can use any damn bathroom you want. Except hers, Jiggly, step OFF.

BM: they can all come to my place, anyone can use my toot!

Michelle, Carson and Ross are there; Ross in red, Carson in fuchsia and Michelle cloaked in death. Seriously, WHY would you wear that to a party?

I miss Santino Rice, although I’m pretty sure he’s insane.

BM: I frickin’ hate that shunt….

Each of the three finalists will be lip synching to a song specially chosen for them, let’s see what they can do!

PurseFirst Bob the Drag Queen is up first, putting the taint in entertainment with the song “I Don’t Like to Show Off” in Daisy Dukes, coin belt and giving lapdances. HAHAHAHA that song couldn’t be a bettah choice. She does well. As a dancer, she’s funny. The judges love it and it was well done, just. Yeah.

BM: PERFECTION! Anyone who can dance in high-heeled Timberland’s deserves ALL the points. She is such a great dancer and I am not sure we saw enough of that this season. Great song, even though it reminded me a bit of Ariana Grande Latte.

We go over her time on Drag Race, I know Becks loved her right from the start, me…not quite. I do respect her entertainment and I will leave it there because tonight is about LURVE! Bob wanted to do drag ever since she saw To Wong Fu! WOO HOO! That was not actually a good movie, but I could see how it’s inspiring! Bob cracks everyone up against straight (ahem) man Ru: no, she didn’t study the show, she’s just really talented!

BM: Bob had me at that ‘UNT’ leotard, hunty….end of.

Shangela in the audience is reading viewer questions: Tucker from Florida wants to know if Bob’s humour came from a dark place. Well, kinda, being a homosexual and Ru stops her: what wait here? HAHAHAHA

Ru asks about Snatch Game and Bob’s bang-on impersonations of Uzo Aduba and Carol Channing; did either of them talk to her after? Uzo tweeted at Bob, but Carol Channing, well, she’s 95 and she doesn’t get out much, says Bob…and then MamaRu brings up Carol Channing on the big screen. Me and Bob burst into tears. That was just so NICE!! Bob’s “colourful impersonation” indeed.

BM: ERMAGERD!!!!!!! CAROOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! My lawd, that was emosh and she is lookin’ good!

Bob’s family is in the audience, his brother Justin is in the audience, he’s a shaaade darker than Bob, who’s 11 o’clock, he’s midnight, which cracks RuPaul UP. He doesn’t look related at all, really! A touch of the West Indies, I’d say! He says Bob cried on his birthday because it wasn’t about her, HAHAHAHA. Of course, she does. Bob’s mom is too sick to be there, but another taped video message makes up all cry again. Then #PurseFirst for Ru!

I love how Ru is hosting this like American Bandstand or the Oscars, LOL, off to the side and now she’s serving KimChi! KimChi is lip synching to “Fat, Fem and Asian”. She looks gorgeous, course, but she bettah dance soon, cuz all she’s doing is pointing and moving her neck…hahaha when she’s done Ru says she likes that song! It’s got a good beat and KimChi can’t dance to it!

BM: I lurve that she was taking the piss outta herself but the dress was awful, I kept expecting her to rip it open and reveal another outfit, it was soooooo badly made! Kim Chi is not the best dancer, but she could do a lot better than that. I felt a bit sad for her in the end 🙁

Carson and Michelle give good feedback for that abysmal performance, but Ross takes it a step further and goes into a three-part food analogy that gets a bit lost in the screaming.

BM: that review was just all guff, no one said anything of substance at all.

Hollaback TTM: it was about then that I realised there would be no actual reviewing, just bad bad punning

KimChi review! From shy-seeming and punny to confident and reigning supreme. Mostly I am just waiting to see if we get a talk or a view of her TigerMama that she’s so afraid of. Ru suggests they roadtrip after the show to see Kim’s mama, suuuure! KimChi has a bunch of friends supporting her, including Trixie Mattel from last season (barf). I could not stand Trixie last season and I am so annoyed she’s latched onto Katya so firmly now, you can’t see one without the other! Break free Katya and KimChi, make a hand guesture and I’ll call the authorities! Signal with your EYES!!

BM: I’m telling you, I am the girl version of Kim Chi….I fall over errywhere, all the time, she’s just got waaaaay better outfits. She needs her own reality show, maybe a road trip with Trixie?? They could eat their way around the USA, Alton Brown style.

Audience question! Ah, I forgot KimChi said she was a virgin, cuz that’s not weird to share in this environment, but the viewers didn’t! They want to know which member of the Pit Crew she would lose her virginity to, and for funzies, it’s asked by two members of the Pitt Crew in their tiny, tiny ginch. KimChi comes right back with “I’m not trying to catch anything, so I’m going to say none of them” and Ru falls out with the shaaaaaade of it all!

Margaret Cho has a taped video message for KimChi, awwww! I’m sorry, I find KimChi boring. Up next: Naomi! She’s lip synching to “Legs”, well, she’s trying anyway. She keeps messing up the lip part, although she has the legs part down. Banter from the judges, then flashbacking!

BM: those blue contacts are bloody awful! She’s trying to channel ‘Material Girl’ Madge but she’s not pulling it off. I will say this, it’s the classiest outfit she’s worn all season.

Hollaback TTM: she was attempting Madonna ripping off Marilyn Monroe and it did NOT WORK.

Naomi is young, comes from a big family, loves her mama and has a lot of legs. Done! Her video taped message is from CERSEI LANNISTER!! Woo hoo! Why am I so much more excited than Naomi???? CERSEI THAT WALK! I am so mad right now that Naomi sloughed that off, yo.

BM: unfollowing Lena Headey RIGHT NOW! Seems like Bob was the only one to get more that a one line critique from each of the judges? Her best looks were the Scarecrow and the Book Challenge, everything else was ratchet as shit.

Naomi’s mom is in the audience, and all of her family too, Ru calls out the VonTrapp Family singers onto the stage and then we’re oot for commercial!

Now we’re working our way through the rest of the contestants, starting with the first three gone and shouldn’t Naysha kiiiinda be in there? Dax Exclamation Point and Laila are discussed; neither survived their joint lip sych to I Will Survive and guuurl please. You don’t dead-dog it to The ANTHEM. And then we’re onto Cynthia, who I pray does not talk. Dax says I Will Survive has been haunting her, Ru suggests a new song “I Didn’t Survive” and I love that they can all joke about this stuff. Like KimChi’s lisp, it STILL catches me off guard that they make fun of it so much. Good on them, I guess!

Laila met RuPaul (on Ron Paul as her grandmother says) in New Hampshire when Ru was NOT running for president, awwww, look how young and cute Laila was!

BM: nawwwww, that is so cute! I really love Laila, but she was so outta her depth. I think that people are seeing her for the lovely person she is. Dax, meh, she comes across as a bit aloof and doesn’t really understand stuff, I mean, yeah….fucking up the ULTIMATE lip-synch? For shame. 

There really are no losers on Drag Race, every queen who makes it onto the show goes on to vast amounts of fame and fortune; Laila and Dax are no exception. They get to perform on stages like this, they have online followings in the tens of thousands, it’s a life-changer.

Speaking of life-changing, Cynthia is now a stage 1 liver cancer survivor, brutal! Acid Betty reached out to her and her AB impersonation is kinda cute.

Now we get Naysha’s story! And then Acid Betty. Ru puts Naysha on the spot; dat ass: for realsies? And no, it’s her bum, but there have been…enhancements. What would Naysha have worn to the Madonna challenge? Another kimono. And on to Acid! She has so many fans! Awww and Nancy Grace taped a cameo for her because of her shitty Snatch Game impersonation and everything! That’s very sweet. She did a terrible Nancy Grace.

BM: so many of the Hispanic queens get da implants, some of them concrete! Betty’s make-up is UNTOLD! She is such an artist, respect. Plus, she gets a Nancy Grace cameo?? Frankly, I would take that over Cersei anyday.

Hollaback TTM: Are you…joking about taking Nancy Grace over Cersei?? I can’t tell, hit me back!

And now we’re getting into it: the next three I am VERY interested in hearing from: Robbie, Thorgy and Derrick! I loved Robbie! And Thorgy! I can’t figure out what the hell happened with Robbie, but Thorgy could NOT get out of her own head. She is so TALENTED! Robbie’s so funny! And gorgeous. And now we’re on to Thorgy, who says she never hated Bob, she just likes to argue and fight and people think it’s hate! Ah. No. We get a little Thorgestra preview, yay!

BM: agreed, Thorgy really dropped the ball in that last challenge, she thought she knew it all and had it in the bag and then the bag done broke! Robbie looks ah-mazing! Love her so. 

We’re on to Derrick now; she will ALWAYS do Britney and of course she has to; she’s spot on. She’s asked about alllllls the shade she threw and she mmmmaaaaaaybe regrets it a tiny bit. She just wasn’t used to being criticized like that! She does a great Britney! And Naomi taught her how to block her brows, atta girl! She looks truly stunning.

BM: Derrick’s best work was with Bob eating that baby, that was great. Apart from that, meh. Nice brow blocking though!

A group of queens called the KinseySix takes us out to commercial, they look great! And now we get ChiChi and Katya!!

Oh man, Imma need a moment, when my country gurl ChiChi hits it I well up like a baby in a basket. I mean. When she took us to church while telling us she was not going…I mean, she’s my second fave next to Latrice Royale and I do not give that title lightly. And it’s not just me! A tiny Hispanic last stopped her in Times Square and started bawling all over her too! It’s the ChiChiEffect. Oh my goodness, Jennifer Holliday has a taped video for her and I start crying AGAIN. I mean. This show. She thanks RuPaul for making her dreams came true and it’s just so lovely.

BM: loved, loved Chi Chi from the get go when she turnt up in that garbage bag dress but then she had the best journey. Plus, she MESSAGED ME ON THE FACEBOOK! Truly, she is magnificent and Jennifer Holliday anointing a DreamGirl might even be better than being the next Drag Superstar, amirite?? Seriously, she could have easily left much earlier in the season but her tenacity saw her through, she’s a deadset legend.

Now we get Katya! She’s presenting the Miss Congeniality prize and in she rolls under the malfunctioning screen on stage, HAHAHA. I love her deep deep laugh, it’s with her whole body. And the winner is: Cynthia Lee Fontaine. She cries and I SAW MY LATRICE IN THE AUDIENCE!!!!! Ah. I saw Alyssa Edwards earlier, I feel like I can relax now.

BM: really? Cynthia? Ugh…..yup, the highlight of that was seeing Latrice’s mug in the audience. Thorgy AND Chi Chi were robbed!!

Before the winner is announced, we have all the former winners do another runway and give us their words of wisdom:

Bebe Zahara-Benet: Camaroon: always give ’em face, face, face and more face!

BM: CAMEROOOOOOOOON!

Tyra Sanchez: Be the biggest baddest bitch of them all, be a royal bitch. Love; America’s Sweetheart

BM: but please, never, ever wear that poo-green pantsuit monstrosity again. You are so far from ‘regal’ it’s not even laughable. Tyra Banks called, she wants her ten-head back!

Raja : in the prophetic words of a wise mystic: express yourself

BM: KILLING it! Love me some Raja.

Sharon Needles: my advice is to just be yourself. Unless nobody likes you, in that case then just be Alaska *cut to Alaska in the audience* (oooooh, was that a burn??)

BM: they always burn each other, don’t think it’s that shady. Their break-up was pretty amicable from all reports. It’s a fun character construct though.

Chad Michaels: Snap out of it ladies! Just do you! Or when in doubt, just do Cher. Bitch.

BM: just wow, what an ah-mazing outfit.

Jinkx Monsoon: When the bitches come for you, murder them with kindness and don’t forget, the best thing about monsoon season is that it happens annually.

BM: true dat.

Bianca Del Rio: I have some advice for this year’s winner: enjoy the ride! And pay your damn taxes, right Sharon? Jinkxx? Raja?

BM: see you on the weekend my qween!

And the reigning Drag Queen Superstar, She Who Must Not Be Named: no advice, just yet another tiny waist gown. It’s been a great year for Baby Boy George. Whatever.

BM: much as I loathe her, this was a pretty amazing gown, much better than anyhting she ever wore of Drag Race. Bianca got more applause though, oh and Jinkxx…and Bebe….and….

The final three look fantastic!

And the winner is: Bob the Drag Queen, of course, cheers, go Bob! Purse First! She just has one thing to say, pulling a pocketbook out of her dress (? I hope?) “find something you love about yourself and walk into this world purse first” awww. She looks gorgeous, though, that yellow suits her so well! Becks, what say you??

BM: YASSSSSSS! Look, she was the whole package. This was a MUCH better season overall than last and it was fab to see some real contenders in the end but really, it was going to PURSE FIRT all along right? I picked it, huntys!

Great season this year, it’s been a blast recapping with Becks, thanks to everyone who read along: next up is Drag Race All Stars, woo hoo! PEACE!

BM: thanks for being the BEST recapping partner EVER, TTM! Bring on AllStars!!!