Are you excited for this episode of Below Deck Mediterranean?? I am, I know who's coming back and I am SO.READY. I'm behind, so let's roll right into Below Deck Med S4:E10 Docked and Loaded after the break!
We've got legendary American ball player Johnny Damon aship and a problem (again!!) with the anchor on Sirocco, whats going to happen?
Lead deckhand Travis Michazik is 90 feet down trying to untangle the anchor from an old anchor it grabbed off the ocean floor while Captain Sandy Yawn watches anxiously from above. You can say whatever you want about Travis, but lookit him tie these knots underwater!
My bad, bosun João Franco is down there too, they get it up and outta there within an hour. Orrrr not, we're back to Captain Sandy worrying about leaving her anchor. If she doesn't have an anchor, she can't come into port and did they just splice in the anchor drama from last season? She said literally the same thing last time, which makes sense as the regulations are probably the same but still.
The crew has taken the guests ashore to Monaco in the tender, second stewardess Aesha Scott describes it as a millionaire's playground. Everything is luxury. She and third stewardess June Foster send the guests off to shop while they head for lunch. That's weird, aren't they supposed to carry bags and mop their brows or something?
Back aship, chef Anastasia Surmava works on her menu. Last night didn't go so well so she's looking for redemption. Or something/someone to blame, like the fact that she can't control how hot the food is when it makes it to the table.
Editing is on POINT for Below Deck Med this year!
June and Aesha chitchat while chief stewardess Hannah Ferrier cleans cabins like a third stewwwww. The anchor is up! Captain Sandy sends deckhand Colin Macy O'Toole to Monaco in the tender while June opens up a little more about her life. Her dad died recently, it really knocked her for a loop.
Travis and Hannah have a chinwag on deck, he's tired and overworked and Hannah is all about the complaining. He thinks they're sort of more like friends, but if there was shagging on the menu...
Aesha and June lie down in a park next to a sign that says NO PEOPLE as Captain Sandy checks the weather and freaks out. The wind is coming in fast. Aesha and June gather up the guests, they have to get to Saint-Tropez by 7 pm.
I have to say, Captain Sandy sells it to the guests like the champ she is; they're going to Saint-Tropez wooooo!!
Anastasia is cooking in her comfort zone for supper, she's making Italian food. You know, she's done a great, if unimaginative, job covering the galley so far, but if I have to see that stupid picture of her from 2015 cooking in a bikini again, I might lose it.
June gets a lesson in glassware from Hannah, who heads down to watch deckhand Jack Stirrup making out with Aesha. It's cute! But Hannah thinks it's unprofessional. I wonder if I can find that gif of her falling down in the galley whole schwasted one night. One sec. Okay, I couldn't find it, but anyway: coughwhatevercough.
Aesha don't curr, it's nice to have smooches during the work day!
Woooo there are whales next to the ship! The guests want to slow down but Captain Sandy has a slip to make. She presses on.
Dinner time! The guests dress as Captain Sandy brings it into Saint-Tropez with literally only minutes to spare. This is an extremely tight space. Travis is the only one who's telling Captain Sandy that, though, João is too quiet. The guests are all watching too, this is me trying to park anywhere with my kids yelling helpful things like "you're a terrible parker, Mom, why can't we see the lines on this side??"
The deck crew is literally touching the boats on the each side of them, it's only the fenders that are preventing tens of thousands of dollars worth of damage. João is actually nice and vocal and the extremely difficult docking comes off smoothly. Captain Sandy heads in for some ice cream.
Hannah and her gang deliver the first course to the guests, calling it a deconstructed Caprese salad, which is...already pretty deconstructed. Hannah's worried it's not enough for this American baseball player but his friends are just kvetching that they have to assemble it themselves.
Next up is Eggplant Rollotini, which I call Involtini, and I make! But I serve more that two tiny pieces at a time, so. Johnny Damon is skeptical, but doesn't hate it. He isn't crazy about the small portions, which I totally get. How is that the main course? It's literally two pieces of eggplant with some cheese inside.
Hannah tries in vain to call June on her radio, June NEVER has her earpiece in and apparently cannot make her name out on the radio. The guys and Hannah are not very understanding.
I feel bad for her.
I do not feel bad for Anastasia, who is following up those two skimpy pieces of eggplant with chocolate ice cream again, that she will come up and serve while they praise her. She actually says those words.
All the praise is reserved for Captain Sandy's docking, though, all the claps and cheers as Anastasia glowers. The dessert isn't very well received either.
João talks to June, giving her a pep talk before she gets paranoid and draws an invisible curtain across their conversation. I don't know how many times I can use the words "literally" and "actually" in this recap, but she reaches out her hand and mimes pulling a curtain across her face in front of him.
Remember how close the boats are in dock? The yacht owner right next door wants to come for a visit, Hannah even used to work for him. The guests don't know what to do, and his face is blurred out so we know this encounter will not go well.
We'll call the visitor Drunk Norwegian Guy, he wants to chat about America! He's drunk and breaking stuff and railing at America for "pulling out" (??) so Hannah sends for João. He comes up in his pajama pants, much to the delight of the female guests, then heads back down quickly to change into something more professional/intimidating.
Primary Charter Guest Michelle Damon has HAD it, she lays down the law for Drunk Norweg-y and while sending him packing he flips her the bird and João puts him in the bouncer hold for a perp walk.
Much more yelling later, guest Anders stirs all the shite while Michelle holds firm as HBIC. Respect.
Colin likes June awwww and she's completely oblivious because I kind of think that's her default state. Girl has a lot going on in her melon, that's where she seems to stay.
Anastasia serves breakfast, looks like more weather is rolling in and Captain Sandy has to explain to the guests that they'll be leaving Saint-Tropez already. They're very easy going, but I have to wonder if this will be reflected in their tip.
A difficult de-docking later, they're away to Antibes! It's extremely windy and weather-y, but the guests are out there drinking, anyway. An extremely fast boat ride later, they're docked again and provisions are brought aboard.
Vegan Anastasia is not happy with the lobsters, which she did not expect to arrive alive.
What, is she like 5?
João steps in and murders the lobsters for her...with a knife...why wouldn't they boil them like most lobster-murderers??
Chef Anastasia starts the meal, everyone is hungry so her tiny, tiny portions make zero sense. And the food is bizarre. The main course can only be cooked two and a time, it's nuts that people have to sit and watch other people eating. Primary Charter Guest Johnny Damon has to send his back AGAIN to be more cooked. It still isn't right, but he gives up.
Guess who's not answering her radio??!!
Anastasia retreats to lie on the dock, this was not a successful meal day. Travis takes a moment to commend her on using her time effectively, I don't think I've ever heard such an odd compliment.
June is STILL complaining about Hannah being mean to her, honestly. Just answer your damn radio.
Next day! Captain Sandy notices that all the chairs are out in the salon and calls June on her radio. Guess who doesn't have it on?? Can she go move those chairs in? Sure.
This is the conversation I have with my kids several times a day, minimum.
Captain Sandy threatens June with her wrath if she doesn't use her radio, Captain Sandy even switches radios with her so no more excuses.
Aehsa and Jack snog all OVER the ship.They haven't even banged yet!
Because of the wind, the guests dine inside and even serve themselves while Hannah prepares Bloody Marys. There is definitely a problem with the food this charter, the guests didn't even know they could order a la carte, they've just been eating whatever Anastasia gives them. Captain Sandy does not like Anastasia's "they've been told." We can all feel the tip shrinking.
I was shocked when the guests asked Anastasia what was for lunch and she said "a big old kick in the ass" but I'm not there and maybe they're putting out a vibe I'm missing.
Travis and Jack discuss and coordinate their wanking schedules, like all grown men do and June makes up the beds for one last time for this gang. They're leaving today!
Now this is unusual, Captain Sandy asks the guests straight out in the salon: how did they like the trip? It was great, except the food. The food is bad. Just not up to par, not five star, not big enough, not good enough. Boom.
And we're out!
Where's Ben Robinson?? I called that he was coming two episodes in, why are you making me wait, Bravo??? Gimme my Benny!! Okay, until next week, cheers!